KATIE
I rolled over in my bed and propped myself up on an elbow. Thomas was there, not a dream, lying on his back, one arm thrown above his head. His eyes were still closed, and his bare chest rose and fell in a perfect pattern. Even in his sleep, he was gorgeous. Long lashes. Full bottom lip. A masculine jawline, beautifully angled and covered with a three-day scruffy beard.
When he’d returned the night before, he’d been altered. He hadn’t said the words, but the raw pain in his voice and in his eyes had told me what I wanted to know. He used physical intimacy to heal his emotional wounds. I could give him that, could help him come back from his darkness with my body. And I had.
But he hadn’t been the only one in pain. My father’s life was in danger, my family on the verge of shattering. And Thomas had left me when he could have stayed, believing the job had to fall on him, though he had men working for him who could do the same.
I’d been angry with him, but it hadn’t lasted long. Because I’d missed him too damn much.
Lena had asked the day before if knowing Thomas hunted another man to kill him scared me. It didn’t. Thomas’s upbringing had created that part of him. I knew his heart, and it was generous and loyal and even tender when he allowed himself to feel connected to me.
My fingertips were drawn to his face like magnets. I reached out but quickly thought twice. He was under the sheet with me for the first time, and I didn’t want to wake him and ruin it. The quilt lay in a heap on the floor. I didn’t need it. His body heat was more than enough to keep me warm.
His body. I lifted the sheet and peeked beneath it. Low-cut pajama pants and—
Thomas’s hand captured mine, surprising me. I sucked in a sharp breath. He pulled my fingers to his mouth, kissing my knuckles.
“Only for you, baby.” He opened his eyes and winked, and we smiled together.
“Do you mean your erection or the pajamas?”
A tangle of hair dropped onto my face. He pushed it away. “Both.”
I smiled again. “We can do this, you know.”
He lurched upright, his feet hit the floor, and he dropped his face into his hands, as if my words had hurt him.
I watched quietly, stunned, waiting for him to say something.
“We have here and now. There can’t be anything more for us. When this is over, when I know you are safe, I’m going back to England.”
No, please, not yet. It was too soon. Tears stung the back of my lids. “But what about Hastings Group? You were just saying how much you needed to get done.”
Neither of us had been able to sleep, each of us wanting more of the other, so after pushing him and losing, we’d talked into the early morning hours. About his company. His family. He revealed there was a second assassin. Asked me why I wasn’t upset with him for investigating my father, for potentially apprehending and delivering him to the British government.
“I can only say that I’m confident my father is innocent of any crime against the prime minister. You won’t find him guilty of espionage, so there’s no reason for me to be upset with you. You’ll do your job, and in the end, you’ll actually clear his name, so he can come home,” I had told him.
My answer hadn’t satisfied Thomas, but he’d promised not to pressure me, as he had when we first met at Jack’s.
“Katie, you know I’ve hired an operations manager. It’s quite easy for me to work remotely. I’ll fly in to see clients when necessary.”
More stinging. A lump in my throat. I longed to confide in him. To share the secrets that weren’t mine to tell. To tell him that I’d accepted Oxford’s offer and I would also be going to England. So much was at stake. We’d made progress in our relationship, gaining ground, only to find ourselves at the beginning once again.
We would fail irrevocably if we built our relationship on secrets and lies. I knew this. But for now, I would keep my plans quiet and pray that he could work through his self-inflicted guilt trip.
“You swore your reluctance wasn’t about my age. That you truly wanted me, wanted to do the right thing for me. Well, here I am, telling you what I want and what’s right for me, that I want you too.”
His hand dropped from the top of his head, and he twisted his body to look at me. “Katie, Christ. I haven’t lied to you about any of this. You need to take time to find your dream and live it. Then, when you’re happy, if you still feel quite the same, I’ll be here.”
The tears fell, and there was no stopping them. I closed my eyes. “A dream isn’t worth much if there’s no one to share the thrill and the joy of it.”
“Don’t cry. Please. The miles must separate me from you so that I can’t hurt you.”
Fury rushed through my blood. More tears. My life. My choices. My pain. I didn’t know how to make him see that he was hurting me now.
“Get. Out. And this time, I do mean it.”
He stared at me. I threw a pillow at his face. He instinctively blocked it, making me even angrier.
I pointed to the door. “Get the fuck out!”
Thomas spent the following hours alone in the library, doors closed, his voice rumbling through the walls as he barked orders by phone to his employees at Hastings Group, security team, and informants.
Before leaving my room, he’d made it a point to show me that he was still the one in control. “This is quite good, Katie,” he’d said, stopping at the door for a moment. “You’re angry with me, as you should be. For what I’ve done already. For what I’ll take from you when the time is right.”
I had thrown another pillow but too late. It had struck the door, and then I’d shouted that he was such an asshole.
“Show me more, Katherine,” John ordered, interrupting my thoughts.
Lucky guy. He’d won the lottery. Thomas had assigned monitor duty to Andrew, but John’s task was much worse. He was to babysit the grumpy little bitch that his brother had offended.
I shook my head and began erasing my whiteboard wall. “I’m sick of looking at this stupid wall. Call me when you’re back at Loughborough. I’ll give you more calculus cheats when you need them.” Without a breath, erasing and obliterating the first column in a week’s worth of work, I continued, “Is Carl back yet? Hey, can we get something to eat? When is Thomas coming out of the damn library? God, now, I know what it’s like to need a drink.”
“Slow down, girl. Christ, breathe. And no drinking. Thom’s orders.”
I stopped erasing and pulled a face while mocking his words. “Thom’s orders.”
John heard me. “Come on now. He means well.”
I spun on him. “That might be true, but I’m not currently following his orders.”
Every fiber of my being wanted to obey Thomas, but I wasn’t ready to let him win. He would always win, and I understood that about him. Even so, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut either. I’d done it all my life with my parents. No more.
To make matters worse, Lena was temporarily out of the picture, and I needed to confide in someone. “Can you keep a secret, John? For me, please, just for a few days. A week, tops. I really need to talk through something.”
“I’m here for my brother, but I’m now your friend as well. So, yeah. You can trust me—as long as it doesn’t hurt my brother.”
I smiled. “Thanks. It won’t. And I think I’ll tell him soon anyway.”
“Go on then. You have my word. Let’s hear it.”
“It’ll be easier for me if my brain has something to process.”
I held up the eraser. He nodded. As I moved to the next column and reviewed what remained of my work, I made mental check marks, dragged the eraser over the black markings, and moved to the next equation. Repeat. Repeat.
“I’ve accepted an offer from Oxford. I’m going to London. Honestly? It’s likely that I won’t come back here to live after completing the fellowship. It would be nice to have a friend there when I arrived.”
Erase. Repeat.
“Quite right. I’ll show you round the city.”
Side-glance. He was smiling. Repeat.
“That’s generous. Thank you. No one else knows at this point, so please, keep it between us for now. John, I’m so sorry for behaving poorly. That’s not like me. I’ve always been accommodating. It’s Thomas, I think. He has changed me.”
“Our brother Will says that’s what happens. You find the one, and you both change a little. Thom needs the challenge.” He chuckled. “Anyway, I’ve given you my word, and you can count on it. But I am concerned that you’ll need help, getting started in London, Katherine. Even just knowing which pubs are safe for you is quite important. For meals, I mean.”
I laughed, touched by his kindness and by his loyalty to Thomas. “Maybe an occasional cocktail with those meals. You know, the wine fridge in the kitchen is fully stocked.”
Just like that, my banished bodyguard appeared, his huge form consuming the entire doorway. It was like he had superhuman skills that detected the moment my plans didn’t meet his approval.
I stopped erasing, dropped down from my tiptoes, turned to meet his eyes. He said nothing aloud, but his hot gaze dived to my toes and prowled up my body. A similar experience to the one I’d had during our first encounter at Jack’s slammed into me. With his icy-blue stare, he influenced my feelings, commanded my behavior, stirred a primal urge inside me.
Savage.
I wanted him to put those savage hands on me, his mouth, the erection pushing against his jeans.
He broke the silence, the sound of his deep voice finishing me off, making my panties wet. “Meet me at the lift at seven. And, Katie, you’ll wear this dress for me.”
Two white boxes with black satin ribbons were tucked under his arm. He set them on the chair just inside the door, and then he walked away.