forty-two

“Pardon?” I said.

Jeremy nodded. “You heard me. I’m not gay.”

I frowned. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” I said, “because—all God’s children and all that—but why in the hell would you announce to the world that you’re gay when you’re not?”

Jeremy closed his eyes and sank back into the chair. “Because I was about to be fired from a play I was in. The director said my drinking was becoming a problem. It would have derailed my career. I would be reduced to working in soap operas. I thought if I could come up with a sympathetic excuse for my behavior, then maybe I could salvage everything. The gay community is always so supportive when someone comes out.”

It was several seconds before I could find my voice. I stared at Jeremy with horrified disgust. “I’m sorry,” I said after a long minute. “Are you saying that you actually faked being gay so you could excuse your drinking and save your career? Are you serious?”

Nigel walked in with a tray of coffee just in time to hear this. His eyes widened. “Please tell me that I misheard what I heard,” he said.

“If you heard that Jeremy here faked being gay so he could abuse the goodwill and support of the gay community,” I said, “then unfortunately, you heard correctly.”

Nigel turned around with the tray and went back into the kitchen. “Then like hell am I serving you coffee,” he muttered.

Jeremy shook his head. “I know. It was a horrible thing to do. Julie was furious with me. But I just didn’t know what else to do. I was going to lose everything. I was desperate.”

“Did someone change the definition of desperate to ‘narcissistic asshole’?” I asked. “Because unless they did, I think you have the wrong word.”

Nigel came back into the room, sans coffee, and sat down on the couch next to me. He stared at Jeremy as if he were a cockroach crawling across his food. “So did Dan find out about your deplorable little scheme? Is that why you paid him a visit?” Nigel asked.

Jeremy dug his palms into his eyes. “He found out about it, yes,” he said after a minute. “I don’t know how, but he did. He told me that unless I invested in his play, he’d out me.”

“Yeah, you don’t get to use that term anymore,” Nigel said.

“Dan basically tried to blackmail you into financing his play,” I said. “Did you agree?”

Jeremy didn’t answer right away. “I said I’d pay him,” he said. “I even wrote out a check. But I found the check in my wallet the day after he was killed. I guess I never gave it to him.”

I leaned forward in my seat. “Jeremy, I can’t begin to tell you how important this is. You need to remember your visit to Dan. What happened?”

Jeremy jerked his head back, his eyes were wild. “Don’t you think I’ve been trying to do just that? Jesus! I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember something, but it’s no good. It’s all a dark fog. I remember banging on his door. I remember being angry. After that I remember throwing up. Here. By myself.”

“Julie wasn’t here?” I asked.

Jeremy blinked. “Julie?” he repeated.

“Aka, your wife?” I said.

Jeremy went still as he realized the implication. “No. She was here. I misspoke.”

I cocked my head and smiled at him. “You said you were here by yourself. Alone. I don’t think you can qualify that as misspeaking.”

Jeremy’s mouth went tight. “Call it what you want. She was here. With me. All night.”

“Really?” I asked. “She was here when you were at Dan’s? How can you be sure?”

Jeremy glared at me “I’m just sure. That’s all.”

That made one of us, anyway.