As soon as Karin opened the door, Louie made sure she was through it like a current of air. This was what she had been waiting for. Nudging Karin out of the way, she closed it again quickly, then immediately planted a kiss on Karin’s mouth before Karin had a moment to think. She held it there, pressing firmly against her lips and it turned into something amazing, like biting into a juicy, fleshy fruit. Karin let it go on far longer than she needed to, which told Louie all she needed to know.
Eventually Karin pulled away again, leading Louie by the hand into the kitchen.
‘Is he here yet?’ asked Louie, checking around for signs of someone else’s presence in the apartment. She knew they wouldn’t be alone.
Karin looked down at the floor, unprepared and awkward. Louie felt sorry for her, having to put her through this, but she would thank her for the final outcome.
‘Aaron’s going to be late,’ she replied. ‘Stuck on the motorway and he won’t make it back until about nine-ish. But it gives me a chance to tell you something actually. Because, I’ve been thinking about what you said. A lot. And you were right all along. I don’t love him because – well because I do still love you.’
Karin’s words were like honey poured into her ears. She moved in to kiss her again and Karin didn’t protest. ‘So how about you show me that you really mean that? Mm?’ said Louie, pushing herself against her. She found Karin’s bra strap and released it, delighted to be able to roam under her T-shirt as much as she liked and hear Karin inhale one long ecstatic breath as she closed her eyes.
Aaron would be watching from somewhere in the apartment, so why not put on a good show? See how long he could stand it for. Maybe his jealousy had subsided now, and this wouldn’t bother him so much? But it reminded Louie of the old days, stealing their moment, unguarded and dangerous. Maybe they could get all the way?
‘Wait,’ said Karin, forcing her backwards, ‘I need you to prove it to me first.’
Louie threw her arms out. ‘What more can I possibly do? You know I’ve always been here for you, no matter what happens. Always.’
‘Transfer the money back into my account then, if you really love me. I have to know that you trust me.’
‘Hm.’ Louie considered it carefully, lingering. ‘So how do I know this isn’t some kind of ambush?’ A burst of adrenalin shot through her veins as she wiped the sweat from her top lip. ‘How do I know he’s not here, Karin?’
‘Because he isn’t,’ she replied, knowing that sounded weak. She flushed, and Louie felt sorry for her again. ‘But when he does get here, I’m going to tell him about us, Lou. I really am, I promise.’
The idea of their having dinner together to discuss this particular matter amused Louie. At the same time there was an element of risk, which, although exhilarating, actually scared her. None of this was rehearsed and all three were improvising in some way.
‘You’re going to have to prove to me that he’s not here right now though,’ said Louie, forcing her hands inside Karin’s T-shirt again. ‘Let’s do it in the kitchen, the hall …’ She ran a line of kisses up and down her neck. ‘The lounge. All over his fancy apartment.’
It was a joy to feel Karin moving in time to her rhythm as she pressed against her. Louie was even allowed to kiss her breasts, at which point she really did think Aaron would spring from his hiding place. But he could take all night over this, as far as she was concerned. Once or twice Louie did think she could detect a slight struggle in Karin, as her conscience fought against her desire, but she knew Karin was feeling this just as much as she was whenever their lips came together, tongues intertwined.
Poor Karin. Having sex with that old fart must be like having sex with a worn-out sofa. Static and solid, grappling with a load of old stuffing and springs. No one knew Karin’s body like Louie did. Not when she had painted every bit of it and made love to every part of it.
‘I think we can stop there now.’
Aaron’s voice came from somewhere behind them.
Louie backed off, feigning surprise, and Karin began rearranging her clothes.
‘How could you do this to me, Karin?’ said Louie.
‘How could I do this to you? You’re the one who’s stolen every last penny from my account.’ Karin was trying to make her voice sound strong, but it wasn’t.
‘Not stealing,’ said Louie, determined to make her properly understand this now. ‘Keeping it safe for you.’
Karin still wasn’t believing it.
Not yet.
‘That’s just as well,’ said Aaron, stepping between them, ‘because you’re going to transfer it back again.’ He reached over for the laptop that was on the unit. ‘Right. Now.’
‘Erm, I don’t think it’s possible for her to transfer the whole lot in one go, Aaron,’ said Karin. ‘We’ll have to go into the bank, like we did before.’ Her voice tailed off.
Louie couldn’t help smiling at that but she kept it from Karin.
It was time for the next phase. She had already spotted the array of knives on the magnetic strip, but decided not to risk it. Louie had come prepared in any case and removed the knife from her belt. The long blade caught the light when she began to wave it around and she found herself captivated by its spot-dancing along the walls. She even wondered if she could capture this in a painting, cutting the light into glittery pieces. Realizing her distraction, Louie ran her fingers down the edge of the blade, feeling a slight nick, and then began sucking her finger.
Karin had to see that she meant this.
‘For God’s sake put that down,’ said Karin, anxiously. ‘Let’s talk about this.’
‘He’s only after your money, Karin. Do you really think he’ll stick around once he’s got his hands on it?’
Aaron moved towards her. ‘Put the knife down, you stupid bitch.’
Louie lifted the blade again, keeping him away with short pulsing stabs. Aaron raised his hands in submission and stepped back.
‘You can keep the money,’ said Karin. ‘I don’t want it. Just go.’ She sounded breathless, her eyes glistening with tears.
‘This isn’t about the money,’ said Louie. ‘It’s about us. Did you know he came to see me on Saturday night?’
Karin shot Aaron a glance. It was his turn to look awkward this time.
‘Did he tell you he was proud of you, like I did? I bet he didn’t. Too busy getting rough with me, smashing our place up. Yours and mine.’
‘What do you mean came to see you?’ Karin’s eyes moved in confusion, going from one to the other.
‘How else was I supposed to get the money back, Karin?’ said Aaron.
‘He asked for it to be paid into his own account. Not yours.’
‘That was only when she told me about you two at The Midland,’ he responded. ‘In the bloody toilet. So is that true?’
Karin directed an accusing glare at Louie.
‘I had to tell him,’ said Louie. ‘I thought he was going to kill me, shove me out of the window.’
She looked like she needed time to digest these things. Poor Karin. The truth was in there somewhere, struggling to get out.
‘There’s nothing going on, Aaron. I swear there isn’t,’ she said. ‘It didn’t mean anything that night. I was just in shock at seeing her again. I’m really sorry.’
Karin was looking to both of them when she said these words. The same amount of guilt and the same amount of sorrow for each.
Louie resented that.
‘You lied about the money too,’ said Aaron. ‘Never told me you had it in the first place and then said your mother took it all back. I tried to love you, Karin, but it all makes sense now. Were you two at it at the art show as well? Is that why you freaked out at the painting? Well, let me tell you, I may have been duped by my ex-wife but I’m not going to be duped by you.’
‘Aaron. Please.’
He ignored her, opening up his laptop as he carried it to the table. After tapping a few keys he sprung round, in one rapid movement, and pounced on Louie, dragging her to the table with her arm twisted up her back. The one that was holding the knife.
He swiped it from her and held it to her throat.
‘Aaron, no,’ shouted Karin, darting forwards. She pulled up again, shocked when he turned the knife on her.
Satisfied that Karin had got the message, Aaron returned the blade to Louie’s neck, twisting her body round and forcing her to sit down. ‘Do it,’ he said, giving her head a shove into the laptop.
‘Louie, just do as he says!’ said Karin. ‘It’s absolutely fine, I won’t let him hurt you even after you’ve done it. Please.’
Louie shoved the laptop to one side and stood up. Slowly. She was aware that the blade was following her throat. Shunting the chair behind her with her foot, she waited to hear it clatter to the floor. In the distraction this created she twisted under the knife, like a cat curling under a tripwire.
‘Louie!’
‘It’s okay. He can’t kill me unless he’s got the money, can he?’ As she said these words, Louie side-kicked the knife into the air and as soon as it landed she was onto it. So now it was Louie’s turn to dance and swirl with the knife, keeping her focus on Aaron while addressing Karin. ‘I need to hear you say that you want to be with me, Karin. That you still love me and that you’ve always loved me. Say it like you really mean it.’
‘I can’t. I don’t.’
‘Say it!’
‘Okay. If you put down the knife.’
Louie turned the blade on herself, pointing it at her stomach.
Karin screamed.
Louie could almost feel the pressure in Karin’s lungs, see her breath suspended. ‘If you don’t love me. If you really don’t want to be with me…’
Karin was shaking her head. ‘No, Lou. Please don’t.’
‘Meet me at the edge. Remember that?’
‘No!’
‘If you go to the edge you never come back. You always wanted us to go together, Karin. You were forever saying it. So what are you afraid of now?’
‘It was a stupid thing. I wasn’t well. You know I want us both to live.’
‘Together?’
‘No.’
Louie plunged the knife into her stomach, staggering backwards. She held onto the table, aware of the blood creeping across her shirt. White. Turning red. It was beautiful. Poetic. She wanted to paint that too.
The knife fell, Aaron picked it up and wiped the bloody handle on his shirt. When Louie lurched forwards suddenly, he held the knife with his sleeve, keeping her back, then passed it to Karin. She held it in her trembling fingers not knowing what to do with it.
Louie smiled at Karin as she sank, slowly.
Down.
Please understand, Karin.
‘Louie, no! What’ve you done?’
The knife clanked onto the tiles. Karin must have dropped it. And Louie saw her rushing towards her in those final twists of her body before she thumped to the floor. Louie felt a trickle of blood down the side of her mouth. Then Karin was on her knees, beside her, cradling her head into her chest.
‘Say that you love me,’ Louie whispered.
Something was pressing into her stomach. Aaron, on the other side, was trying to stop the blood flowing out of her.
Louie closed her eyes.
‘Call an ambulance,’ she heard Karin say between desperate sobs. ‘Louie. Stay with us. Louie.’
Aaron: ‘I think we’re losing her.’
Then Karin: ‘Just call a fucking ambulance!’
An eerie silence floated above her as Karin’s words began to fade. It was peaceful: how she imagined it would be. Serene. Like a calm Morecambe sea.
‘We can’t just let her die, Aaron.’
It was unexpected, the pulsing sensation on her chest. And then his lips on hers, blowing air into her mouth. The taste of his aftershave. Revolting. She wanted it to be Karin, the one closest to her now.
Aaron stopped when Louie moved her head. She turned to Karin one final time, and whispered: ‘Say that you love me.’
Admit it, Karin. Just admit.
Only silence.
Aaron was checking for a pulse in her wrist. ‘I think it’s too late,’ he said. His voice was faint and matter-of-fact. ‘I think she’s gone.’
Her head was in Karin’s arms again. Louie heard her wail, felt the tears dripping onto her face like rain, in between her sobs, as Karin rocked her back and forth.
At last.
‘I do love you, Louie. I always have and always will.’ Louie could feel the heaving in Karin’s chest as she was struggling to speak. ‘But it’s a crazy love and it scares me. I was scared of loving you too much. Scared of losing you and-and scared of what we had because I was terrified of loving someone that much. That’s why I got jealous and paranoid. Kept us in our own little world so no one else could get in. I suffocated us both and I know it was me who ruined it all. I felt I didn’t deserve such happiness, I didn’t deserve you. Saw death as a way of keeping you. And then I blamed you for what that was doing to us, but I know it was me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ran away from you, but I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix it and I didn’t want to take you down with me. But I do still love you, Louie. I do.’
Finally.
Knowing this, Louie could happily slip away.