Karin pushed herself back in horror, sliding across the tiles until she slammed into the wall.
The implications now beginning to sink in.
So where was Aaron? How long had she been sitting here in this daze of confusion? Clambering to her feet again she asked herself: why would Aaron stick around anyway? As soon as the police and paramedics arrived, he wouldn’t want to be implicated in any of this, and Karin couldn’t blame him for that.
He shouldn’t have to clean up her mess.
Aaron didn’t deserve this.
A sudden banging from the next room caused her to freeze. It stopped, followed by a swishing sound, like something being pulled across the floor. Karin felt her lungs would burst if she didn’t start breathing again soon and discover what it was. A few moments later, Aaron appeared, dragging in the rug from the bedroom.
‘Aaron!’ She rushed over to help him. ‘What’re you doing?’ Her words were full of joy and relief, but she knew that couldn’t last.
‘What does it look like I’m doing?’ Aaron snapped, barging his way through. Karin was forced to one side as he hauled the rug into the centre of the room, slapping it down next to Louie.
‘So you didn’t-didn’t call anyone then?’ Karin asked. What she really meant was: did he call 999?
He ran his arm across his forehead, saying: ‘This is my apartment, Karin. Your money is sitting in her bank account, and, although it might not seem like it, we are engaged. How do you think that looks, hm? We have to get rid of her.’
‘But how?’ Karin inched closer. ‘Let me help you, Aaron. Please.’
‘Don’t – you come near me!’ he yelled, putting his hand out to stop her.
Karin immediately shushed him, a finger to her lips as a reminder of people in the adjoining apartments.
He was calmer when he next spoke.
‘The thing is, Karin, I would still have given you a chance. Right up to that point, I really thought—’
He pressed his hand against his mouth, as if it was too much to bear. After a few moments, he managed to continue. ‘I thought that maybe we could start again. Somewhere new, just like you said. I wanted to believe you were sincere. But then you said those things.’
‘I only said them because she was dying, Aaron. Because Louie needed to hear them.’
‘And so did I!’ he yelled. Then, calmer: ‘And so did I.’
He bent down for the rug again, changing his mind and throwing it back in disgust. ‘Did you ever love me? Or was I always just the safe bet?’
‘I loved you – I do love you – in a different way. You don’t make me feel out of control.’
He laughed, scoffing. ‘Is that a good thing?’
‘The truth is I loved you both,’ Karin said, her voice quietening.
Instinct told her to throw her arms round Aaron’s neck, but she couldn’t read him any more. Their relationship had never been fully tested.
Not like this.
‘Listen,’ she continued, ‘I know we didn’t get the money back from Louie, but I have about five hundred left in my account. Pounds, I mean. Not thousands.’ She felt herself blush. ‘I’m really sorry, Aaron. Aaron? Are you listening? I’m saying that I still think we can make a fresh start somewhere with what we’ve got. Between us. We really don’t need that much to be happy. You’ve got property to sell, we’ll be okay.’
Her voice faded.
Aaron glanced at his watch, spinning round as if uncertain of his next move.
Karin was surprised when he suddenly landed at her feet, kneeling down. He took hold of her wrists, stretching them out, and began rubbing his thumbs over the milky white part of her skin. ‘I did love you,’ he said, winding the engagement ring round her finger. ‘If I hadn’t stepped in when I did, how far would you have let things go with that – girl?’
‘You said I had to make her think I wanted her.’
‘But you did. Want her, I mean. Didn’t you?’
‘No! I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.’
Aaron slid the engagement ring up her finger. It caught on her knuckle and she winced. He pulled harder, angry that it was resisting him. Once it came loose he held it to the light, admiring it; white gold set with tiny diamonds.
Karin rubbed her finger to ease the soreness, wondering what was coming next.
‘Call me old-fashioned, Karin. But the least you could have done was to have the decency to let me know we were a sham.’
‘What? No, it wasn’t like that. We weren’t a sham at all.’
‘I’m sick of being lied to, cheated on. You know that.’
Karin nodded; her guilt and his pain made something very toxic taste in her mouth.
‘Do you honestly think I’m going to let you do the same to me as my ex-wife? And with another woman? How could I ever trust you now? You might be able to live a lie, but I certainly can’t.’ He looked at his watch again, handing the ring back to Karin as he stood up. ‘Keep it. You might need it.’
‘Why are you looking at your watch, Aaron?’ He rubbed his neck. ‘Have you called the police?’ When he didn’t answer, Karin felt her stomach lurch as he took hold of the end of the rug again. ‘Wait. Please,’ she shouted, but he wasn’t going to be halted this time.
She watched him slide Louie’s legs across it. Until now she had blotted out the fact that Louie was lying dead on the kitchen floor. When Aaron went round to the other side of her body, Karin made sure she was there first, and blocked him. She wanted to hold Louie one last time.
Still warm. Her eyes closed.
Karin ran her finger over the seahorse tattoo on the inside of Louie’s wrist. She kissed it.
‘That’s enough,’ said Aaron, prising her away. ‘We need to get the job done.’
Her eyes. Sea blue. Like shiny glass marbles. To think they would never paint another picture. Never trek across Morecambe Bay on the lookout for driftwood or shells. Never see the sun or rain or fresh falling snow. Never see Karin.
Not ever.
She missed Louie.
She had always missed Louie.
The problem was that everyone else before her had let her down. Including her dad. Karin had learned that the only person she should rely on was herself. Running away from Louie ensured that she couldn’t be let down by her as well.
Then Mel’s take on things had always been that Louie was some kind of crazed, possessive stalker. She did behave that way at times, but maybe Karin drove her to it. For leaving in the way that she had, without saying a word, not even a goodbye. And really her own possessiveness had been far worse, during the relationship. Their dangerous obsession with death, that was all Karin too. It was true that Louie liked to explore it in her artwork, but only so she could work through her own demons. It was Karin who saw death as a way of hanging onto Louie. Not the other way around.
Meet me at the edge.
That was too much to ask of anyone. Karin should never have made them say it, knowing Louie would do absolutely anything for her. The moment she felt herself spinning out of control, she had decided not to take Louie down with her. It gave her another reason to leave.
Yet now, here was Louie lying dead. It had come to that anyway.
Aaron rolled up her body in the rug, leaving a pool of blood on the floor where she had been lying. He was still refusing Karin’s help, but secretly Karin was glad about that, recoiling at the thought of Louie’s body having to be dumped in some dark, lonely place.
‘What will you do with her?’ she asked, feeling her stomach heave, needing to look away. Maybe one day, though, when she could face it, she could go and say goodbye to Louie properly.
Like she should have done before.
Karin realized she had asked the wrong question. What she meant was: where will her final resting place be? And not: how will you dispose of the body?
His answer was cruel. ‘Burn her,’ he said. ‘There’s a disused quarry I know.’ Aaron looked at his watch, wiping his brow with his forearm. ‘Petrol and an oil drum should do the trick. We should have enough time.’
Time for what, Karin didn’t dare ask. Nor any of the other questions she had. Won’t it smell? Won’t people be able to see it burning? Cremating Louie’s body in an oil drum seemed like a terrible send off. Somehow so much worse than burying her deep in the ground where the worms could get at her. And that was bad enough. The sea would be Louie’s preferred resting place. Always the sea.
Karin bit down on her lip, fighting back the tears.
Aaron gave her a scowl. The way he was looking at her, standing over the rolled-up bundle, Karin found reminiscent of her mother. Before calling the police, she had given Karin’s face the fiercest slap but then afterwards was calm as falling snow. While reporting that her husband had just committed suicide, she glowered at Karin, never took her eyes off her for a second. And Karin stood by, waiting for her to add that it was her daughter who had kicked the steps from under him.
But Birgitta had another punishment in mind. It was Birgitta who gave her the life sentence.
Karin was jolted back to the present when her stomach heaved so uncontrollably she had to divert to the bathroom. It seemed her body needed to turn itself inside out, get rid of everything that was rotten inside it. Expel the badness that kept coming in violent thrusting waves, in between all her sobbing and wailing. Until finally. The storm passed. Leaving her stomach washed up on the shore and her head banging against the rocks.
When Karin completely trusted that it was over, she leant back against the wall exhausted.
Two of her best friends dead.
Will.
And now Louie.
Karin wasn’t sure how long she had been gone but, when she returned to the kitchen, she found herself completely alone. If it hadn’t been for the blood streaked across the floor it would have seemed like a perfectly normal kitchen. Utensils and pans hanging from shiny S-shaped hooks; china mugs, white, evenly spaced and all facing the same way; the knives arranged in order of size on the magnetic strip.
Then suddenly, her thoughts turned to Aaron. He must surely need help getting Louie into the lift.
Karin rushed to the door.
It was eerily quiet on the landing, well after ten thirty by now. She pictured Aaron’s route out to the car park. It was always lonely down there, so with any luck, he probably wouldn’t have to encounter anyone. Plus it was dark. Even during the day Karin hated it, and at night she avoided it whenever possible. The area directly outside the apartment block was also inhospitable, old Leeds industrial desolation awaiting development, and the River Aire.
These things were positives right now. But there was still a lot that could go wrong.
She heard the lift doors closing on a floor above or below. It made her think about CCTV, if there was any; she hadn’t noticed before, never had a reason to, but there was bound to be some. What would be captured on it tonight? She fled back inside the apartment and shut the door again quickly, panting heavily. It made her sickness return, despite her hollow stomach.
She was emptied, inside and out.
Come on, Karin. You can do this. Go into the kitchen and get cleaned up. Get things back to normal.
Normal? Would there ever be a normal again? She stared at the bloody streaks across the floor and wept. Except there were no more tears left to come out of her either.
Karin reached for her phone. She needed to talk to someone.