Felix said he was going out to get some food, a few other things. Did she want to come along?
‘I’m still feeling a bit tired,’ Nancy said.
‘We need you to get better.’
As soon as the door closed, she phoned her bank. She pressed a number and she found herself on hold. As she listened to a piece of piano music that she recognised but couldn’t name, she wandered round the flat, wiping surfaces, rearranging objects and occasionally looking out of the window for Felix. If he returned, she would have to hang up and try again the next time he left the flat. Five minutes went by, ten, fifteen and she started checking the street more and more often.
She started swearing at herself and swearing at her bank and then went to the window and saw Felix at the end of the street with two bulging tote bags. She was about to terminate the call when it was answered.
‘I need a replacement bank card,’ said Nancy.
‘No problem,’ said the voice cheerfully. ‘Are you having a good day?’
‘I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry.’
‘No problem. First, I’m going to take you through security.’
She had to provide her address and her post code and her mother’s maiden name and her contact telephone number.
Finally, she explained that she wanted a new debit card. And no, she didn’t want it sent to her address. Could she collect it in person from a branch? A pause. She looked out of the window. Felix was walking up to the front door. Yes, she could collect it from a branch. She would need to bring two forms of identification. Now, for the address of the branch. Nancy heard Felix’s footsteps on the stairs. She fumbled for a pen, dropped it, picked it up and wrote the address on an envelope. The door opened.
‘Thanks,’ she said and broke off the call.
‘Who was that?’ said Felix.
‘Nobody.’
‘Nobody? It sounded like somebody to me.’
‘Of course it was somebody,’ said Nancy. ‘I meant that it was nobody important.’
‘Who?’
Was this really happening? Was she really having to justify herself? She thought desperately of something that would make Felix stop.
‘It was one of those calls where they ring you and say they’ve heard you’ve been in an accident and that it wasn’t your fault. One of those dodgy insurance companies.’
‘Yes,’ said Felix slowly. ‘I know what they are.’
Nancy couldn’t tell from this whether he was mollified or didn’t quite believe her.
It didn’t matter, though. It was Saturday. Monday was the day.
But there was one more task remaining. As Felix was putting the food away, Nancy scrolled through the contacts on her phone. She was looking for the right sort of person, a person who wasn’t also a friend of Felix’s, preferably someone who didn’t know about her recent psychiatric problem. She needed someone who she had lost touch with but not someone she had fallen out with or had lost touch with so long ago that it would be embarrassing. No ex-lovers. And they had to live in London.
She scrolled down, silently saying no, no, no to herself and then she stopped at a name she hadn’t even thought about for a year or more. Megan Hutchens. A few years back she had been part of a group that used to meet occasionally for a drink or for coffee. Nancy had thought they were about to become proper friends and then Megan suddenly left her job and went travelling abroad. But Nancy had heard from someone that she was back. Yes, she’d be worth trying.
Nancy just needed five minutes on her own, but it proved hard to get five minutes on her own. She thought of going into the bathroom and locking the door, but the walls of the flat were so thin that Felix would hear that she was talking to someone. In the afternoon, Nancy, in desperation, said that she wanted to go out for a walk and get some fresh air.
‘I’d love that,’ said Felix.
‘If it’s all right,’ said Nancy, ‘I’d really like to go on my own. Just to clear my head.’
‘It’s not all right,’ said Felix with a smile, as if he thought Nancy had been joking and he was joining in. ‘I’d really like to go with you. There are things we need to talk about.’
Nancy considered trying to insist but she knew that Felix wouldn’t give way.
When they were out on the street, Felix took her hand. It didn’t feel romantic to Nancy. It felt more like she was a dog on a lead.
‘Are you all right?’ he said.
‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t have to be defensive.’
‘In what way was I being defensive?’
‘Well, like that. You’re talking in a defensive tone.’
Nancy felt as if she was a fly caught in a web, getting more and more entangled in the sticky threads.
‘I don’t know what to say. You asked me a question and I answered it.’
‘It wasn’t a real answer. It feels like you’re shutting me out.’
‘I’m not.’
‘I’m not being angry,’ Felix said. ‘It’s because I care about you. I wonder about your state of mind. When you’re cutting yourself off in that way, it makes me wonder if things might be going wrong with you again. I wonder if that’s something we should think about.’
Nancy murmured something unintelligible in response. She wanted to avoid saying anything that would provoke an argument or that would make Felix suspicious.
‘You know that I’d do anything to make you all right and keep us all right as a couple. Anything.’
‘Yes, I do know that,’ said Nancy with absolute sincerity.
It worked out more easily than she had expected. Just before they were going to have supper, Felix said he was going to have a shower and change into something more comfortable. As soon as Nancy heard the water, she retreated into the kitchen, as far from the bathroom as it was possible to get, and she rang Megan Hutchens. Please don’t have moved, she said to herself. Please don’t be on holiday. Please answer the phone.
She did answer the phone and for once everything worked out as Nancy had planned. Megan was delighted to hear from Nancy. She’d been meaning to get in touch. When Nancy gave the briefest of explanations of her situation, she was immediately sympathetic. When Nancy asked if she could stay with her for a few days, she said of course and sounded as if she meant it. Was tomorrow possible? The sooner the better, said Megan. Tonight, if Nancy wanted. If she wanted to come during the day, Megan would leave a key with her neighbour, who worked from home. And she lived in West Hampstead, which wasn’t even that far away.
When the conversation ended, Felix was still in the shower. He couldn’t have heard anything. It was perfect.