CHAPTER 39

At sundown I went to do the evening chores. I got back to the house and Fancy was in the kitchen. “When did you get here?” Pots were sitting on the stove.

She poked her head from behind the icebox door, a smile on her face. “A few minutes ago. Saw you down by the barn, so figured to start a little supper. Where’s Lightning?” She came over to kiss me on the cheek.

I had to get this right. “He’s gone.”

Her smile disappeared. “Where did he go?”

“Said yesterday he was ready to leave, wanted to head west, get as far away from here as possible.”

Her face clouded like a thunderstorm. She turned her back to me, and started chopping turnips, punishing them with the blade. She stopped and twisted around, the knife in her hand. “How did he go?” The muscles in her face twitched.

I forced myself not to look away. “I drove him to the bus station.”

She jabbed the air with the knife. “Did something happen, Junebug? Did y’all have another fight?” Her bottom lip quivered. “He couldn’t wait and say good-bye to me and Momma and Daddy?”

“Nothing happened, Fancy. He waited last night, but when you didn’t come, he decided it was time. I took him early this morning. He said to tell all of you he loved you and would write soon as he could.”

“Did he take his money?” She spit out questions like darts. “Is our part safe? Or did we do all this for nothing?” She slammed the knife on the counter.

I flung my hat against the wall. “Quit acting like it’s my fault. You know how anxious and nervous he’d gotten to be. I tried to convince him not to do it, but he didn’t want to hear what I had to say.” At least that part was true.

Fancy put her hand to her forehead and rubbed. “I knew I should have come yesterday, but my shoulder hurt something awful after all that hugging and carrying on Christmas Day. Momma gave me some medicine before supper last night, and the next thing I knew it was this afternoon.”

“Lightning figured there was a reason.” This was the path I’d chosen and would have to stick to. “Just so you understand, I’m glad he’s gone, because one of us wasn’t going to last much longer living like this.”

She started slamming pots around. “Momma and Daddy will be so hurt.” She was close to crying.

I got up and took her in my arms. “He was sorry not to be able to tell you ’bye.”

Fancy squeezed tight to me. She looked up. “What happened to your cheek?”

I put a finger to the cut. “Caught an old nail at the barn.”

“You need to put some Mercurochrome on it so it doesn’t get infected.” She got the bottle and dabbed it.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m real sorry about Lightning leaving the way he did. I didn’t make him or cause it to happen. I want you to understand that.” I touched my tongue to my finger to see if it was forked.

She leaned on the back of a kitchen chair, lowered her head, and sounded resigned. “It’s not your fault, Junebug. I guess I shouldn’t expect anything different from him.”

That night in the bedroom, I lay awake until the sky began to lighten. How could I keep such a secret? When I was little and had to watch things between Momma and Daddy I didn’t want to see, I’d retreat to the little room in my head, close the door, and never speak or think about what I knew again. Doing that didn’t make anything different, but as long as I kept my mouth shut I could pretend.

* * *

The next morning, Fancy went home to break the news to her folks about Lightning. Roy and Clemmy walked back with her that night, and we sat in the living room. “Did Lightning say where he might head?” Clemmy asked.

“All he said was he was going west.”

“Didn’t you see his ticket?” Roy questioned.

“I don’t know if he had one, at least I never saw it. I did wait and watch as the buses loaded, and saw Lightning get on one. I couldn’t see the sign on the front that tells where it’s headed, but I followed it a ways and it got on Highway 55 going west.”

“Maybe he’s going to California,” said Fancy. “He was always talking about how things were better out there for colored folks.”

I jumped right on that. “You know, Fancy, I bet you’re right. He always was talking about seeing what it was like in California, live by the ocean. Lightning told me one time he’d seen pictures of it and the place looked like a whole other world from here.”