Anna set the timer on the oven for the last batch of scones and gave a sigh of contentment. She hadn’t thought it possible, but Fireside’s kitchen had never looked better. The six-burner range was now replaced with an eight-burner, all shiny and ready to be put to use. The marble counters were so new, she could catch her reflection in them, and each station was fully stocked with stainless steel pots and pans, waiting to be filled with her favorite ingredients.
If only the dining room were ready, they’d be able to open the doors today. The contractors were scheduled to start on that next week, once the last of the cabinet doors were affixed in the kitchen. Anna was impatient for things to get under way, but at least the sense of dread was lifted. She’d land on her feet. In many ways, she already had.
“Anna?”
Startled at the sound of her youngest sister’s voice, Anna set down her oven mitt and came out of the kitchen. Jane stood in the cleared-out dining room, almost hesitant to come farther into the space.
Anna couldn’t resist letting her gaze linger on the singed wall that had once separated Fireside from the stationery shop. Soon, her café would be up and running again and a new tenant would move in next door. Maybe someday she’d have the chance to expand. For now, this would have to be enough.
“The rubble has been cleared out and you’re safe without a hard hat,” Anna joked. She waved her sister into the kitchen. “I’m just finishing with the last of this morning’s batch. Did Grace send you over to pick them up?”
“Not exactly.” Jane frowned and hitched her handbag higher on her shoulder before almost reluctantly following Anna into the kitchen. Her slumped posture lifted along with her expression when she saw the kitchen. “Oh, Anna! It looks beautiful! You’d never even know it had been damaged.”
“I know!” Anna beamed. It was a sunny day, and warm, natural light filtered in through the windows. The back wall had been destroyed in the fire, and when they’d reconstructed it, Sharon had made a point of adding this touch; Anna had plans to grow her own herbs on the sill. “Sharon really did a great job with the renovation. Even though this place holds such bad memories for Mark, his mother really cherishes it.”
“Hmm.” Jane walked over to the sink and then glanced out the window, seeming distracted.
Anna fell silent and transferred the oatmeal cranberry cookies to a box. “So… anything new?”
Jane turned around, giving a shy smile. “I had my date last night.”
“Oh my goodness, that’s right!” No wonder Jane seemed far away. Anna pushed the pastry box to the side. “How was it?”
Jane bit the corner of her lip thoughtfully. “He was… a really nice guy.”
Anna regarded her quizzically. “You don’t seem all that excited about it.”
Jane shrugged. “He seemed like more a friend type. I don’t think I’m ready to date right now, not seriously at least. When Adam moved out right before Christmas, and then moved in with Kristy, I just felt like I needed to get back out there right away, move on to the next phase of my life.”
It was the opposite of what Anna had done when Mark had broken up with her, but she understood. “Sometimes the best way to avoid the hurt is to bury yourself in something new.” Like Fireside.
“I don’t think I’ve really been dealing with the implications of this divorce,” Jane said. “I’ve tried to run from it instead. My husband cheated on me and then he left me. I need to process that, and more than anything, I need to learn who I am again. Without him.”
Anna nodded. “You were only nineteen when you married him. Now you’re coming up on twenty-six. That’s a big age difference.” A lot could happen in that amount of time. “So this guy, Brian? You think you’ll go out with him again?”
“Probably not,” Jane sighed. “He was a nice guy, though, and… it’s nice to be reminded that good guys are out there.”
“It is,” Anna agreed, but her grin fell when she caught the tightness in Jane’s expression.
“I didn’t actually come by here to talk about my date,” Jane said slowly. “I came here to tell you about something I saw last night. I… wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but I know if the situation were reversed, I’d want to know.”
A wash of ice fell over Anna’s stomach. “What is it?”
Jane gave a reluctant sigh. “It’s Mark. He was at the restaurant. With another woman.”
He’d told her he had work to do. “Nicole Johnson?”
Jane shook her head. “Someone else. I’ve never seen her before.”
“What did she look like?” Anna inquired, trying to will herself to stay calm, to not jump to any conclusions. He’d sounded so honest on the phone…
“Dark hair, almost black. Pale skin.”
She gritted her teeth. “Tall, pretty, blue eyes?”
Jane gave an apologetic smile. “I didn’t see her eyes,” she offered weakly.
Cassie. Anna gripped the counter, trying to steady herself from the emotions that tore through her body, leaving her shaky. Her mind whirred with possibilities, replaying the past few days with Mark. She’d told him everything—how much she’d cared about him, how deeply he’d hurt her. The horror of seeing him with Cassie that day. And he’d taken her to bed after promising her that woman had never meant anything, that the little flirtation she’d witnessed at the cocktail party had been nothing but two former classmates making pleasantries. He’d kissed her, long and deep, explored every inch of her body with his mouth, told her everything she needed to hear, and taken away years worth of pain and regret and fear with his touch.
“I just can’t believe it,” she murmured.
“Do you know this woman?” Jane set a hand on Anna’s shoulder, her face lined with concern.
Anna nodded, swallowing hard, trying to process what this meant. There was only one conclusion: “He hasn’t changed.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Jane burst out, but Anna shook her head firmly.
“You’re my sister. You were looking out for me. If you don’t, who will?” Not Mark. Certainly not Mark.
“I’m so sorry, Anna,” Jane said softly.
“That makes two of us,” Anna replied. She wiped away a tear before it could fall, gritting her teeth against the pain. She’d shed enough tears for that man. Those emotions had cost her enough already.
“I can stay if you’d like,” Jane offered. “Why don’t I call to have a friend pick Sophie up from preschool?”
Anna shook her head, hating the concern in Jane’s voice as much as she appreciated it. This wasn’t like her—not anymore. She straightened her back and sniffed. “I’m fine. Really,” she added, sensing the hesitation in Jane’s eyes.
“Well…” Jane picked up her handbag and tipped her head. “I can stop by in half an hour after I get Sophie and take you to lunch. Sophie would like that.”
“Thank you, but… not today.” Anna smoothed her hands and began boxing the last of the scones. “Besides,” she said with false cheer. “I have a lot to do today. Account books to go over, meetings with contractors…”
Just stay busy.
Jane gave her a sad smile and reluctantly turned. Anna waited until she heard the front door close before burying her face into her hands. She allowed herself five minutes—five final minutes—and then rinsed her face in the shiny new sink, patted it dry, and slid the flour canister across the counter.
She had cookies to bake.
It was nearly nightfall by the time Anna closed the door on Fireside and turned the key. It had been a long day, but she could have worked through the night, going over the plans the contractor had emailed, restocking her pantry, and prepping for tomorrow. In some ways, it was almost depressingly easy to fall back into her quiet, lonesome routine. This was her life. This was reality.
The headache that had started shortly after Jane left still raged, and Anna knew it was time to rest. She’d pop an aspirin, maybe watch some television, and wake up tomorrow to start all over again.
She drove home in silence, the radio off, the window rolled partly down. Crickets chirped in the distance, and children played on lawns. She smiled at a little girl struggling to pedal her pink bike on her driveway, the gentle, patient way her father guided her along, purple streamers skimming his strong hands. Sometimes, during those scary, lonely two weeks after they’d parted, she imagined telling Mark about the baby, imagined what their life might have been together, the kind of father he would be. Recently, almost subconsciously, she’d watched him with Scout, seen the warmth in his eyes and the joy in his smile and dared to go back to that time and place and wonder what might have been.
Her mouth thinned and she jerked her eyes away. As much as she wished it, that never could have been them. He might have stuck by her, but it wouldn’t have been for the right reasons. He’d already strayed. Maybe he would have strayed again. Maybe she would have ended up just like Jane. In the end, it always came back to a broken heart. There was no escaping that outcome when it came to Mark.
Her mind was as heavy as her heart, tugging and pulling and taking her in directions that she shouldn’t entertain, but all thinking ceased when she pulled up in front of her apartment and saw Mark sitting on the front steps.
Damn it. They were supposed to go out tonight. The one time he had to stick to something.
“Hey,” he said, giving her a lopsided grin as she slammed her car door shut.
She strode purposefully up the brick path, glaring at him. “I’m surprised you’re here,” she said, hating the emotion that shook her voice.
He frowned in confusion. “I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes. I figured you got busy with something.”
Anna nodded. “Just like you were busy with Cassie last night?”
The flash in his eyes confirmed everything, and Anna cursed under her breath, pushing past him. He grabbed her by the arm, just tightly enough to make her turn and face him. God, she hated looking at him, hated the impact of those eyes, the way they penetrated her, made her question her own judgment, made her want things she shouldn’t, things she could never have. Not with him.
“Jane was at the restaurant last night, Mark.” Her voice was steely. “She saw you. I know you were with Cassie.”
His brow knit. “It’s not what you think, Anna.”
“Oh, no? Enlighten me.”
He released her arm, letting out a long breath. “Cassie and I are friends. Not even friends, really. We never were.”
“No, of course not. Because you don’t sleep with your friends. Well, unless the friend is me, of course.”
A shadow fell over his face. “Don’t be like that.”
“Like what? I’m just stating the facts, Mark. I’m sorry if the truth hurts.” She looked at him hard.
Mark seemed to hesitate. “You asked me the other day what I would do with the money if I won.”
“Yeah. You didn’t have a good answer for me.”
Mark ran a hand over his jaw. “I’ve been wanting to do something different. A little more in line with what I set out to do.”
She blinked. “And what is that?”
“You know the kind of restaurant I’ve always wanted to run.”
Oh, she knew. Her heart panged when she remembered the way they’d talk for hours about their plan, even doodling designs, jotting down recipes, squabbling over stupid things like the color of the walls. “I don’t see what this has to do with Cassie,” she insisted.
“I was meeting with Cassie because she’s opening a new restaurant and she asked me to be her executive chef.”
Anna froze. “What?”
“She’s opening a new place in Cedar Valley. That’s what the meeting was about, Anna. There was nothing personal about it at all.”
“Oh, yes there was, Mark. It’s damn personal.” The magnitude of what he was telling her hit her in waves. Would he really go into business Cassie when he wouldn’t with her? “Are you going to accept her offer?”
Mark waited a beat. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“You haven’t decided yet?” She choked on a laugh, even though there was nothing amusing about any of this.
“Cedar Valley isn’t that far from here. Did you honestly think I was going to run that diner for the rest of my life?”
“Considering it has your name on it, I suppose I did.” She knew deep down that wasn’t true. “I knew you were capable of more, though.”
“And I know it, too,” he insisted.
“You said you’ve been thinking about this for a while.”
“That’s right. I want a restaurant, Anna. A restaurant of my own.”
Her heart began to race as understanding took hold. “Those recipes, all those notes I found in your kitchen. They weren’t plans for the diner, were they?”
“No.”
“What were they for?”
He shrugged. “Plans. Ideas. For what, I don’t know. I just know I needed more than I had here. More than Briar Creek could give me.”
“So why didn’t you do something about it?” Suddenly she knew. She shook her head, feeling the bitter sting of tears.
“I needed to win that contest just as much as you, Anna.”
She laughed again, even as the tears started to fall. “So after this weekend, after I told you how I felt. After we…” She swallowed hard. “You had one foot out the door, just like you always did.”
“Anna—”
She took a step back, holding up a hand. Her mind was spinning, and despite the tears blurring her vision, she’d never seen him more clearly.
“You were willing to go into business with Cassie, but you weren’t willing to open that restaurant with me. Why?” She hated the way her voice broke on the end of her question. Too much hurt had been buried for too long. It didn’t matter that she’d come out strong—better, possibly—what mattered was that he’d let her down. Again.
“It’s different—”
She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “How?”
He pulled in a sigh but when he met her eye, she knew she was about to get a straight answer from him. For a split second, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it.
“Because it could never be just business with you, Anna. It had to be personal, too.”
“And you didn’t want that,” she finished for him.
He closed his eyes briefly, wincing as he shook his head, and something deep within her, the last bit of herself she’d protected from him, broke. “Not then.”
“How long would you have stuck around if you’d known about the baby?” She was trembling, her entire body shaking like a leaf in the wind as she stared at him.
“Don’t do this—”
“Answer me.” She bit down on her teeth, willing herself not to cry.
“I told you I would have been there for that child. I would never, ever turn my back on my own child.”
“And me?” She folded her arms across her chest, hooking her eyes on his.
Mark stared at her, his lids slightly drooping. “I don’t know what would have become of us. All I know is that the restaurant destroyed my family, and I sure as hell didn’t want the same outcome with you and me.”
She stared up at the house, at the dark window at the front, imagining the dread of stepping inside, hearing nothing but the echo of her own shoes against the floorboards. That day she’d read the test and gone to tell him, only to find him with Cassie, she’d come back to her room, knowing with certainty that he would never return. His T-shirt was tossed on the bed where he’d left it that morning, and his spare toothbrush was propped in the holder on her bathroom sink. She’d closed the door behind her and leaned back against it, sinking down onto the ground, wracked with sadness, and loss, and fear. She’d let it consume her. Well, never again.
“You know that little bird you won for me at the carnival,” she said, glancing at him.
He frowned, seeming confused by the sudden change of topic. “You have it in your bedroom. You still kept it.”
“That day you ended our relationship, I came home and cleared out all your stuff. Everything that reminded me of you. I wanted it gone. But that bird… I wanted something to remember the happy times. I really loved you, Mark.”
Mark closed his eyes briefly. “You never told me.”
“Would it have mattered?” She knew the answer to that. “It wouldn’t have changed the inevitable.”
Mark’s brow pinched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means we never stood a chance. You never gave us one.” She shook her head, stepping backward. “I have to go.”
“Anna.” His voice was husky. Insistent. “Stop fixating on the past. I’m here now. I’m trying, Anna. I’m… trying to make this work. Can’t you see that? Don’t walk away.”
Her pulse missed a beat. For a second, he was her friend again. Just Mark. The same old Mark who had teased her in class and then followed her all the way back to her dorm, and who walked her back every day after that. The Mark who had kissed her on the beach under the orange glow of the summer sun, and who had stroked her hair as she fell asleep in his arms. The same old Mark who had stolen her heart… and then stomped all over it.
Mark reached out and grabbed her arm, his dark gaze was hooded, locked with hers. “Cedar Valley isn’t even far from here. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, Anna. I can do both.”
For a moment she wavered, feeling the heat of his breath, the way his shoulders rose and fell with emotion. Maybe he was right. Maybe they could make it work this time. But if they didn’t? How many more times would he let her down, remind her of the way he’d crushed her all those years ago? Their past was too deep. There was no way out of it.
“I have to go,” she said, tearing her arm from his. He stepped forward, calling out her name, and she could feel his tread behind her as she ran up the stairs, her key already in her hand. She pulled open the door and walked into the hall, quickly shutting herself in her dark apartment. She didn’t cry, or dare to look out the window. Instead, she marched to her kitchen, tied on her apron, and plucked the lid off the flour canister.