"Are you ready, Heidi?"
"I'm coming." She walked over to the baby who was still sleeping, wrapped him in an extra blanket and picked him up. He opened his eyes and looked at her and then cried. "It's okay, baby. We can have a ride in the buggy. Isn't that exciting?" He stopped crying and stared into her eyes. It gave her an uncanny feeling as a sudden rush of love overcame her. She told herself not to get attached, but she feared it was too late for that. Eventually, she’d have to leave him when she woke up, or crossed back into her other reality.
She walked downstairs with Michael in her arms and saw Derek waiting for her in his black hat and thick black coat.
"Here, give him to me while you put your coat on."
She liked the way he was so protective and caring. She handed the baby over, and while she was putting on her coat, she said, "What about a bottle for him?"
“You haven’t prepared one?”
“Nee.” She felt like a failure.
“We’ve got time.”
"Denke.” She hurried back into the kitchen remembering they’d also need to take diapers along. When she came back with a bottle, Derek gave her a curious look as she took the baby back into her arms.
“Ready?”
“Jah. Except for the diapers. I left them upstairs.”
“We’ll just use the diapers we keep in the buggy.”
“Good idea.”
He smiled at her and opened the front door. She stepped out on to the porch and he closed the door behind them. The buggy and a large black horse were waiting for them. When she climbed in, she saw it was fitted out with a heater. That was a luxury. Back when she'd left the communities very few buggies had heaters in them. She got comfortable and fed Michael his bottle.
Once they left the driveway, she looked back at the house and she knew why it was so familiar. They were living in old Mrs. Henderson's house, and it'd been extensively renovated since last time she was there. She gazed back at the road over the top of the handsome shiny black horse. His head was held high and his long mane and tail swished majestically in the cold wind as he clip-clopped along at a steady pace.
She leaned back into the leather seat and closed her eyes. It was a slow mode of transport, but she found herself relaxing. She would've allowed herself to relax even more if she hadn't been going to the doctors. This doctor probably knew her, and she would have to pretend she knew him as well and she just hoped she could pull it off.
"You're very quiet," Derek said as he looked over at her.
"I'm just relaxing. It's cozy here in the buggy."
"You're warm enough? There's a blanket in the back."
"I'm nice and warm thanks to the heater."
He chuckled. "That's good."
Many people didn’t like the bitter cold winter, but Heidi loved it. She loved being huddled warm and cozy beside a fire. She didn’t have a fireplace in her apartment as it had central heating. Nothing was as good as an open fire.
When they came into the small town, he pulled into the parking lot of the doctor’s office. She had been there before, but the doctor she’d been to would have long since retired. She was pleased, at least, that she wasn’t going to the hospital to see a doctor. It was much less intimidating to go to a small doctor’s practice.
They walked into the waiting room and as Heidi sat down with Michael, Derek told the receptionist they were there. He turned around, smiled at her, and sat down with them. His warm and easy manner always made her feel safe. "You'll be going in soon, he said. "I’ll take Michael."
Carefully she passed their baby over. She was getting used to the feel of him in her arms, but still, she didn't want to get attached. She sat there staring at the fish tank watching the goldfish making their way through the water. It reminded her about the conversation she’d recently had with Janelle about owning a pet.
That got her to thinking; when she got back to her other life would she remember she'd been in this one? Would it be like a dream that she remembered? Now that she had been in this life, would she be able to cross from one to the other? She didn't know if she could do that. She just wanted to get back to her old life where she felt like she belonged. But right now, whatever was going on, she had to do the best job she could of fitting in.
The doctor stepped out of his office. "Mrs. Miller."
She looked up to see a doctor in his fifties with wiry gray hair and thick black eyebrows. She glanced back at Derek and he gave her a reassuring smile.
“You’ll be okay. I’m just out here.”
She nodded and then headed into the doctor's office.
"How have you been?" he asked when both she and he had sat down.
"I've been a bit tired and my mind's been a bit foggy."
He nodded. "That tends to happen after a baby and even during pregnancy."
"Other than that, I'm fine."
"I'll start with checking your blood pressure." While he was taking her blood pressure, she said, "It was my husband who thought I should come to see you. I feel fine. There's nothing to worry about."
The doctor shushed her and both remained silent until he took the strap off her arm. “There. Now it's okay to talk. Your blood pressure’s fine.”
"That's good. I was sure it would be."
"Did everything go okay with the birth?" he asked.
This must’ve been the first time she’d visited him after the baby was born. "Everything went fine."
"No concerns?"
She shook her head. "None."
"When your husband made the appointment this morning, he mentioned you hit your head and suffered some memory loss."
She swallowed hard. "I was just a bit vague, that's all. I didn't lose my memory." She wondered if she was doing the right thing keeping information from him, but she was too scared to tell him the truth.
"How did you come to hit your head?"
"I fell and hit my head on one of the steps on the front porch. The stairs were wet and slippery and I was rushing to get the girls out of the rain." She shrugged her shoulders. That was all she’d been told. "That's all."
"Let me feel the bump where you hit your head."
"Okay, I guess." The doctor had her remove her kapp, and gently ran his fingers over the back of her head. She flinched "Ouch. That's a little tender."
"I'm not surprised. It feels like quite a bruise, but the bone seems intact. Were you unconscious at any time? Did you black out?”
That was a question she couldn't answer. She gave the safest answer. "No. I slept a lot afterward though, according to my husband."
He stared at her, looking confused.
“I mean, I wasn’t keeping an eye on the time, so I didn’t know how long I slept.”
He nodded, and then wrote something down. "I'm sending you to the hospital for tests. You could have a mild concussion."
"No, I won't go to the hospital."
He stopped writing and looked up at her. "You won’t?"
"Absolutely not."
"Does that have something to do with your faith?"
She nodded.
"I know some Amish people happily go to the hospital, but if you don't want to, I can’t force you."
She nodded, relieved, and she just wouldn't mention to Derek that he had wanted her to go to the hospital.
"If you start vomiting or feeling dizzy, you'll need to call an ambulance. Okay?"
"I will."
He dipped his head and stared at her from underneath his bushy black eyebrows. Heidi almost giggled because he was giving her a "Mamm look."
"I mean it, Doctor, I will,” she said. “I need to be healthy for my family."
"That's right. You need to take it easy over the next few weeks."
"I will, and the memory had nothing to do with the bump on the head. I have been a little vague. It's just that I have so much to think about, and with the new baby I've been very tired. I’ve hardly been getting any sleep."
"That's a common problem with new mothers. The best I can suggest is that you need to sleep when the baby’s sleeping."
She guessed what a new mother would say. "It's hard, because that's the only time I can get anything done."
"Relax your housekeeping standards until you catch up on your sleep."
She nodded. "I will."
"Well, that's all for today. Unless there’s anything else I can help you with?"
She sprang to her feet. "No, thank you. That's everything."
"Please remember what I said."
"I will."
She headed out to Derek feeling relieved, and was happy to tell Derek she was fine. He passed her the baby while he paid for the appointment.
On their way out of the office, he asked, "Are you sure you're fine?"
"Jah. I’m overtired and he said it was normal to be vague. He said I might have a mild concussion and if I feel sick I must call the paramedics. He took my blood pressure and it’s fine."
"Good. Do you mind if we call in on Ben’s store?"
“That’s okay.” She wondered if he was talking about Ben, his older brother, or a different Ben.
“I’ve got a few boxes of toys in the buggy for him. You do remember that I agreed to work with him for a few days leading up to Christmas?"
"That's right." She smiled at him
"Only if you’re feeling better."
"I told you, I'm fine."
"Good." A few blocks down the road he pulled up. "You might as well come in. I might be here for a while." He helped her step down with the baby, and then said, “You go on ahead.”
She looked around not knowing where the store was and then she saw a sign pointing down a side road. Looking closer she saw it read, "Amish Arts and Crafts." Since it was the only sign for an Amish store, she figured that had to be it. She started walking that direction.
Outside the store were small pieces of Amish furniture, and in the window was a rocking horse surrounded by an assortment of wooden toys. They sat on an Amish quilt, and another Amish star quilt was a stunning backdrop for the window display. With one arm, she pushed the door open and was immediately enveloped in warm air.
A woman came out to meet her and Heidi immediately recognized her. It was Faith, an old friend of hers from before she’d left the community.