When they arrived home, she walked into the house realizing that Derek hadn't even locked the door. It was such a different place to live than where she was from. Michael was fast asleep again and Heidi managed to lay him down in the crib in the living room without waking him. Derek had come into the house behind her carrying her coffee.
She took it from him. “Denke.” After she had a sip, she had to pretend she enjoyed it. It was lukewarm and way too sweet, and the caramel drowned out the coffee flavor. “Delicious,” she said.
"Will you be okay if I do some work in the barn?"
"Sure." After Derek walked outside, she sat on the couch with the coffee in one hand and holding her aching head in the other. It wasn't the bump, it was hurting because she was thinking so much about what was happening to her. There was the possibility that she'd gone mad and created that whole other life she had in New York City.
Derek walked back into the house. “I’ll fix this fire first.” It had just about gone out. “And you left this in the buggy.” He handed her the baby's bottle.
She giggled. “I don’t know what I’m doing at the moment. Denke.”
Derek rearranged the logs on the fire, and added another. He stood up and dusted his hands. “That should do it for a while.”
“It looks good.”
“I won’t be far if you need me.”
“I know.”
He leaned over and kissed her on her forehead and then headed out the door.
Heidi gazed into the fire and then looked down at her black lace-up boots. She’d dreamed a life quite opposite to the one she had—a life where she wore stilettos and perfectly-fitted designer clothing. She raised her hand to her kapp. Even the short spiky haircut she had in her other life was the polar opposite of the long hair she had now.
If this was her real life, wouldn’t she’d have some memory of her father’s death? It would be hard going to her old home and not having Dat there. She sat still, pondering her situation until she heard Michael stirring. Once he was fully awake, she changed his diaper and noticed the clean diaper bundle was low. She made a mental note to do washing tomorrow if she was still there. She'd seen a gas-powered washing machine in the mud room. Thankfully, she wouldn't have to scrub and wash the diapers by hand, but disposables would’ve been even better.
After she prepared a bottle to take along for Michael, she spent a little time doing some more poking around and looking in cupboards in the kitchen. Then she heard Derek walk into the house.
He poked his head around the kitchen door. "We should leave now. If you’re not feeling up to it, I can get the girls and we’ll bring you back a cooked meal."
"I'm feeling fine, truly."
"Good. Your mudder’s expecting us to stay for the evening meal."
Heidi nodded, turning to get Michael and her things. "Did you get some more toys made?"
"I just did some finishing touches and loaded some more boxes ready to take in tomorrow."
"I'm ready to go."
"Let's go then," he said.
They got back into the buggy and traveled to her mother's house, which wasn't that far.
When she walked into the house with Michael in her arms, two young girls ran at her calling out, "Mamm!" They were the cutest little girls she had ever seen. They were wearing matching lilac-colored dresses, white aprons and stiff white prayer kapps. They reached up trying to hug her and the smaller girl grabbed her around one leg and held on tight.
With Michael in Heidi’s arms, she could only give them one-armed hugs.
"Where is Mammi?" she asked them.
"She’s in the kitchen. Come on." The girls headed back to the kitchen and Heidi followed.
Her mother was there smiling at her and she walked over to her mother and gave her a hug. Mamm was so in love with Dat, and to lose her husband would've devastated her. Even though she was cranky with her mother she still held her tightly. Mamm had aged, but not too badly. Her face was a little more lined, her complexion a little sallow, and there was considerably more white in her hair.
"Are you better now?” Mamm asked. “Is there anything wrong? You haven’t hugged me like that for years.”
"I've just missed you, that's all."
Derek walked into the kitchen and the girls ran to him. After he said hello to them and took a moment for hugs, he said to his mother-in-law, "Heidi's been to the doctor and he said she’s okay.” He took Michael from Heidi.
“Good.” Her mother looked back at her and eyed her suspiciously, and then spoke to the girls. "Molly and Jessica, both of you, go and set the table."
Derek stood in the doorway of the kitchen while Mamm looked Heidi up and down. “You look tired. Go sit in the living room before you fall down. You don’t look well to me." She looked up at Derek. "Are you sure the doctor said she's all right?"
"I'm fine, Mamm, and you can talk to me. You don’t have to talk to Derek about me when I’m here in front of you."
"The doctor said she might have a slight concussion," Derek said.
"It's not life-threatening or anything like that. Please, don't make a fuss.”
“Off to the living room with you," her mother said.
Remembering it was no use arguing with her mother, she turned and walked out of the room, and Derek, with the baby, followed close behind. They sat together on the couch by the roaring fire.
Heidi stared into the flames remembering how she used to sit there beside her father years ago. It wasn't the same being in the house with him gone. Besides that, it felt like the foundations of her life had been weakened and that filled her with unrest and uneasiness. She didn't even know how he’d died. Did he have a lingering illness, or was his death sudden, or by accident? She couldn't even ask questions. Then she could no longer hold back the tears.
"Heidi, what's wrong?"
"I’m sad about my vadder." She spoke quietly and wiped her eyes, so her mother wouldn’t see her upset.
"We all miss him," Derek whispered
She glanced at him wondering if he'd grow impatient with her. When she saw his kind loving eyes, she knew she didn't deserve him. "Why do you put up with me?"
He smiled. "That's what I'm here for. We help each other. When one’s down we lift the other up. It might be me down next week." She wiped her eyes and then her older daughter saw her and came running over. "Why are you crying, Mamm?"
"Don't say anything. I don't want Mammi to know I'm crying."
"Why?"
“Because I’m sad about your grossdaddi dying and if she sees I’m upset, she’ll get upset.”
The girl pulled out a small handkerchief from her sleeve. "You always tell me to carry a clean handkerchief and the first time I use it is to give to you."
“Denke.” Heidi smiled at the cute girl as she wiped away her tears.
Seeing her sister with her mother, the younger one ran over and the older one pulled her aside and whispered something to her. The younger one then looked at her mother through big round eyes and walked over. "Remember you told us he’s with Gott? He's not sad, he's happy. And he's looking down on us with Jesus and they’re both smiling."
It warmed Heidi’s heart to see how sweet both of the girls were. If that’s how good motherhood was, she’d burst with happiness. "That's true. I must stop crying I don't want Mammi to see me so upset."
"We won't tell her you've been crying."
“Good girl, Molly,” Derek said.
"Denke," Heidi said.
The younger girl, Jessica, Heidi now knew, stepped forward and put her fingers on the sides of her mother's lips and pushed them up into a smile. "We didn't even know him and we miss him too even though we were small when he died."
"I don't even remember him," Molly said.
From the kitchen, Heidi's mother called out, "Have you two finished setting the table?"
"Jah, Mammi," they chorused before they moved back into the kitchen.
Heidi held onto Molly’s handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes.
Throughout the meal, Derek held the sleeping baby and managed to eat the meal one handed.
"I've hardly ever seen him awake," Heidi’s mother said.
Derek looked down at him. "He's due to wake up soon."
"Is he sleeping through the night yet, Heidi?"
Heidi didn't know the answer to that, but she recalled that Derek said he had been. "Sometimes." She was relieved when Derek went on to explain that in the last week he had slept through the night at least four times.
"Are we going to make cookies again this Christmas, Mamm?"
"Molly, what have I told you about talking at the table? Children are to be seen and not heard at the dinner table. You can speak if you are spoken to."
Heidi smiled, remembering Mamm’s strict rules.
"That's something we can talk about another time, Molly," she said to soften her mother's harsh response.
She was glad she was sitting directly beside Mamm because she didn't want her mother to see her eyes and know she'd been crying. The way everyone was acting around her, she was sure they thought she had the baby blues. It was hard to be thrust into motherhood at the deep end. If she stayed in this life, how was she going to be an instant mother to these two older children and the young baby?
After dinner, Heidi tried to help her mother clean up and wash the dishes, but she wouldn’t hear of it. “Young mudders need their sleep. I don’t have anything better to do. The washing up isn't keeping me from anything.”
“Denke, Mamm. Are you sure?”
“Jah, go home and get a good night’s sleep.”
Heidi leaned in and hugged her mother. “Denke for looking after the girls today.”
“You must learn to look after yourself. You have to be well to look after your family.”
Heidi nodded. “I know.”
Once they were back home, it was bedtime for the girls.
“Mamm, we’re not tired and there’s no school tomorrow.”
“Molly, you must stop arguing.”
“Mamm’s right. You still have to go to bed, school or no school.”
“Can we have one horsey ride, Dat?”
Heidi looked over at Derek and smiled.
“Sit on the couch and watch, Mamm,” Jessica said.
It was then that Heidi realized what the game was about. She sat on the couch, and then Derek said, “One ride each and then it’s off to bed for both of you. No coming down for a drink of water and no coming back down to say good night three times, okay?”
When both girls nodded, Derek got down on all fours and whinnied like a horse. The girls were delighted and broke out into shrieks of giggles. Then he pounded his pretend hoof on the floor and snorted.
“You go first, Jessica,” Molly said pushing her sister forward.
“I’m scared of the wild horse,” said Jessica. “What if he bites?”
Derek showed his teeth and continued to pound the ground.
Molly pushed Jessica forward again, and she jumped onto her father’s back. Once she was on properly, he galloped back and forth in front of the fire and then he reared up and she slid off.
Heidi loved the way Derek was playing with the girls and being silly. Then Molly ran and jumped on his back when he was still on all fours. He reared up and Molly managed to hang on.
Molly patted him on his neck. “It’s okay, horsey. I’m not gonna hurt you.”
Derek sidestepped and whinnied again while Jessica shrieked with delight.
“Hang on, Molly,” Jessica said.
Then Derek took her once around the living room and stopped back in front of Heidi.
“More, more,” Molly said giggling.
“That’s it for tonight,” Derek said.
“Nee, more,” Molly said.
“That’s it,” he said firmly.
Molly slid off. “Nice, horse. Here’s a carrot for being so good.”
Jessica stepped up and held out her hand too. “And I’ve got a lump of sugar for you.”
Derek pretended to eat off their hands.
“That’s it. Off to bed with you,” Heidi said. “The horse needs to go to sleep as well.”
Derek stood up and scooped the girls up, one in each arm and carried them up the stairs. Heidi pulled the crocheted blanket off the back of the couch, spread it over herself and hugged it. The bond with her girls was immediate and that was something she hadn’t expected. She hadn’t needed to worry about not fitting in with them. More and more, Derek was proving to be the perfect man and she'd fallen even more in love with him when she saw him with their children.