Once the two girls had settled down and were chattering excitedly to each other about Christmas, Heidi tiptoed out of the room and made herself a hot cup of tea. She came back into the room and was just sitting down on the couch when Jessica ran toward her. "Stop!" Heidi hollered.
Jessica stopped in her tracks and stared at her.
"I've got hot tea here. It could burn you."
Jessica folded her arms and then without warning sat down heavily next to her and Heidi had to lean forward to stop her tea from spilling.
"Just go back and sit with your schweschder for a moment. I need just a moment to sit here quietly in silence. And, don’t ask me why.”
Molly's lips turned down at the corners, and Jessica moved off the couch and sat down next to her sister on the rug. Meanwhile, Michael was making gurgling noises in the crib.
"Someone needs to pick up Michael," Molly said.
"Nee, they don't. Not yet. He doesn't have to be picked up all the time as soon as he wakes. Those are his happy sounds. He can be by himself for a moment. Now can I have two minutes of silence, please?"
Both girls turned around and looked at her and then remained quiet.
Never has silence sounded so good, Heidi thought, as she sipped on her hot tea. If this was motherhood, she was ill prepared for it. At least back in her real life, she could close the door of her office or turn her phone off when someone annoyed her. Here, she was trapped.
When she was washing her cup out in the kitchen with one hand and holding Michael on the other hip, she looked out the window hoping the buggy she'd heard was Derek home to help with the children. It wasn’t Derek it was her mother.
She heard the children screech from the other room, "It's Mammi."
"Open the door for her and tell her I'm in the kitchen." She sat down and fed the baby while thinking up an excuse. The children were sure to tell her mother that she had nearly gotten into a taxi.
A few minutes later, her mother walked in. "What's this about you going somewhere and leaving the children alone?"
Heidi stared at Jessica and Molly, who were standing either side of Mamm. "Go into the other room while I talk to Mammi." The children disappeared into the other room while her mother took a seat at the table. "They were driving me crazy today, and I said something I shouldn't have.” She had to admit her wrong. “I did say something about going and leaving them alone."
“You have to rule them with a firmer hand, Heidi. You let them get away with far too much and it results in you getting stressed. It shouldn’t go that far and they wouldn’t—"
“I know. It’s true.” She was grateful her mother didn’t say she was an awful person. That’s exactly what she thought of herself. How could she even consider leaving them alone?
“Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.”
“Maybe.” Heidi remembered how strict both Mamm and Dat had been with her when she was growing up. "I'll keep it in mind."
"You need to start early before they become uncontrollable." Her mother looked down at the baby. "How is he today?"
"Good, as usual."
"I hope you learn to do better with him. Why are the girls in their nightgowns already?"
Heidi shook her head. She’d really rather not tell her considering what she’d just said about her parenting. "They were out playing in the snow and it took me ages to get them inside and they had no coats on either. They got soaking wet. I only took my eyes off them for one minute. I managed to get them inside and into a warm bath." Heidi pressed her lips together wondering how those families with more than three children managed. "I didn't know you were coming here today."
“I'm worried about you with that bump on the head you had. Are you sure you're all right? Derek mentioned you were speaking in a weird manner and I didn't notice it at first but he was right, you are speaking in a different way ever since you had that fall."
"That's funny; I feel all right and even the doctor wasn’t concerned."
"Well, don't forget I'm not far away if you need help with the kinner. Maybe the girls could stay with me for a few days."
"Nee, that's fine. I can manage."
"Are you sure?"
Heidi nodded. "Perfectly sure." She wondered where her mother was going to be on Christmas day. Perhaps she was going to join them at Derek's parents’. She didn't ask in case she was already supposed to know.
"Okay, I'll just come right out and say it. I saw you upset when you were at my haus. I overheard what the girls said. You didn't even remember Dat had died. You had forgotten."
"It's true. I did suffer little bits of memory loss, and at that time I didn't realize that Dat had died. It was a weird thing, and it all came back to me in a rush."
"That's a sad thing to have to live over twice."
"Jah, it was horrible."
Mamm said, "I miss him a lot. Just because I don't talk about him doesn't mean I don't think about him."
Heidi nodded. "Of course, you were so well matched — well-suited."
"We were. We always knew we'd get married to each other, from when we were very young."
Heidi already knew the story. The community was much smaller back then, and since almost everybody in the community found marriage partners within the group, they grew up with the knowledge they’d most likely marry one another.
"It was all meant to be," Heidi said. “You were the girl next door.”
"I was. And then Gott needed him home."
"He did." Heidi looked down at her baby to see his eyes closing.
Mamm said, "He sleeps so much. He’s either eating or sleeping."
Heidi laughed. "That's what babies do. This one, anyway. Can I make you a hot tea or anything?"
"I had one before I left home. Can I make you one?" Her mother stood up.
"Nee, I’m fine.”
“And what about the girls? Can I get them some milk and cookies?"
"That would be good. I’m glad you stopped by. You saved me from going out of my mind."
While the girls ate with their grandmother in the kitchen, Heidi put the diapers in the washing machine and then went back to talk with her mother.
When the diapers were washed, Heidi’s mother suggested that the best place to dry them was in front of the fire. Her mother helped her get the wooden drying racks from the laundry room and set them up near the fireplace. Then the girls helped them to arrange the diapers on the racks to dry. It might not have looked pretty, but at least they’d dry.
Later, when her mother had gone, she heard Derek come home. Heidi kept the children busy hoping they wouldn’t mention to their father that she’d been about to leave them.
The evening passed without the girls opening their mouths about Heidi.
It was right on bedtime when the girls wrapped their arms around her, and then Molly said, "I'm glad you stayed with us, Mamm."
"Me too," Jessica said.
Heidi quickly whisked the children upstairs and into their bedrooms hoping Derek hadn’t heard what was said.
After she had put the children to bed, tucked them in, and told them to stay put, she headed back down the stairs to Derek, who was sitting quietly reading. She made herself comfortable next to him.
“I’ve got those gifts ready for the girls.”
She sat up straight. “Gifts.”
“Jah, do you remember?”
“Of course I do.”
“Good. I’ve got all their gifts ready and hidden under a blanket on my workbench. Will you have time to wrap them?”
“Jah, I will. Denke.” He was such a good father and a good husband. She let her back sink into the couch, and looked into the fire. What gifts had they talked about? She was at least pleased that he’d arranged to get them. Finding time in her day to wrap them without the children seeing was an entirely different matter.
Waking up with a start, Heidi suddenly remembered what she was doing the night before she woke up in the house with Derek. She had fallen asleep while reading her grandmother’s travel and recipe diary. Could that diary have had something to do with her being there? It was worth a try, she considered. Tomorrow, she would pay her mother a visit and see if she could borrow the diary that had once belonged to her father’s mother, if Mamm still had it.
Heidi was still in the living room and Derek was no longer next to her. She glanced at the clock to see it was ten minutes past twelve. With her new plan giving her hope, she sat upright, folded the crocheted blanket and placed it over the back of the couch, and then crept quietly up the stairs.