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Extract from Alick Lourie’s diary, May 10th, 1895
I detest travelling on omnibuses. They are damp, crowded and filled with the malodorous scent of the middle classes. But it was a rainy day, there were no hansom cabs to be seen anywhere, and I’d once again lost my umbrella (those blessed things keep disappearing on me. This is the fourth one I’ve lost so far this year!). So, I hopped onto the bus and took my seat. And it was lucky that I did, otherwise I would never have met Theodore Goodfellow.
Now, I’m not normally the kind that looks at pretty boys (I’m the pretty boy, and all those old dandies and mandrakes normally look at me). But amongst all the grumpy old men with bushy whiskers, who reeked of tobacco and hid their red, swollen noses inside a newspaper, he was the only other young man in the carriage.
He sat on the bench opposite me, looking down at a book on his lap. It was the book, in fact, which first drew my attention. I saw some familiar illustrations on it, which intrigued me. He lifted the book up to his face, allowing me to read the faded golden letters on the spine, and I was astonished. He was reading The Magus, Barrett’s book of celestial intelligence and ceremonial magic. This young man was sitting on the omnibus, shamelessly devouring the secrets of Zoroaster, Hermes and Apollonius!
My eyes moved from the book to the man’s face. It was a handsome face. Brow furrowed over clear blue eyes. He looked like a studious young man, the kind who barely goes outside, which accounted for the paleness of his demeanour. He was a homosexual; of that I was sure. It was the prim way in which he sat, with his back upright and his knees touching, which confirmed this to me. And the delicate way in which he turned the pages. And the softness in his blue eyes as he took in the words.
I don’t normally care for boys, but something about this young man just had my blood stirring. Perhaps it was those lips, those thick, gorgeous lips. Or the nobility of his face. The chiselled cheekbones, the square jaw. There was aristocratic blood in that slim, tight body of his. There had to be.
He got off on Shaftesbury Avenue. So engrossed was he in his book that he didn’t stop reading as he rose from the bench and stepped out of the carriage. So engrossed, in fact, that he left his hat on the bench beside him.
I took this God-given opportunity and quickly snatched the hat before anyone else did. With the hat in my hands, I jumped off the omnibus and ran after him, waving the hat in the air.
“Your hat, sir! Your hat!”
He stopped and looked around. He smiled. Such a soft and beautiful smile. Dimples appeared on his cheeks.
“Oh, thank you,” he said, taking the hat off me. “I’m such a scatterbrain.”
“You were engrossed by your book, no doubt.”
“Yes.”
“Magic, is it?”
“What?”
I pointed at his book.
“Oh. Yes. Well, I found it at my club. Somebody left it on one of the chairs. I picked it up, paged through it, and before I knew it, I was completely enthralled. I decided to borrow it for a few days. But I’m returning it to the club now. That’s where I’m heading.” He looked at the omnibus behind me, which was setting off again. “I say, did you mean to get off here?”
“No, I’m Chelsea-bound. I just got off to give you your hat.”
“Well, you’ve missed your bus now.”
I shrugged.
A look of horror came over his face. “Oh, I feel just awful! You missed your bus because of me. And in this weather.”
“It’s no matter. I’ll wait for the next one.”
“But that could take hours!” Suddenly he grabbed my arm. “You’re coming with me.”
“Where to?”
“To my club. I’ll buy you a drink. I won’t take no for an answer. Come on.” With his hand still clasped around my forearm, he pulled me down the road towards his club.
***
I WAS DISAPPOINTED when he led me to the Bohemian. It’s a club popular with artists and actors. It caters to the poorer end of London’s gentry. Not the sort of place I’d normally care to set foot in. But Theo’s lovely smile as he led me through the entrance compensated for the ordeal.
We sat on a plush red velvet sofa and were promptly approached by a waiter. He ordered a ginsling. A rather infantile and pedestrian choice, I thought, but I didn’t want to show him up, so I forwent my usually port and joined in.
“What is your interest in magic?” I asked.
He was taken aback by my abrupt question. Well, I have not time for the usual getting-to-know-you chit chat. I wanted to get straight to the point.
“Well, I... I don’t know if I am interested in magic,” he said. “I told you, I just found the book lying around.”
“But it engrossed you.”
“Well, it’s very interesting. However, I’m not sure I believe in it.”
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “Well, let me try to change your mind.”
“How will you do that?”
“By performing a little trick on you which I learned at this esoteric society I go to.” I peered into his eyes. “Now, I don’t know you at all. We’ve only just met. I don’t even know your name.”
“It’s...”
I held up my hand. “No, don’t tell me! I will find it out. I can tell things about you simply by looking into your eyes.”
I concentrated. His eyes were so blue! Like the refreshing pools in the oases of Algeria. I could drown in them. “Your name...” I said, furrowing my brow. “Means God, love and goodness.”
He raised his eyebrows in admiration. “My name is Theodore Goodfellow.”
“And you are from... hats.”
“Hats?”
I frowned. “Oh dear. My mind must still be preoccupied with the hat you left behind on the omnibus.”
“Or perhaps you see hat-making.”
“Hat-making?”
“I am from Luton. The hat-making capital of Britain.”
I smiled. “And the love of your life...well, it’s a dog.”
He laughed. “Bessie! My dear bitch, Bessie! I say, that is very impressive. You have an extraordinary talent.”
“It’s not a talent. Anyone can learn it. It’s the first thing the society taught me. I can put you forward as a new member, if you want. They’ll be accepting new members in a couple of weeks.”
“I should like that.”
“Don’t expect too much of them, though. They’re not very adventurous. They’re afraid of practicing real magic. I haven’t attended a meeting in ages. I’m largely self-taught now.”
“What sorts of things can you do?”
“Well...” I looked around me. I leaned further into him, put my hand on his knee and whispered, “I’m not supposed to speak about it in the open. But I can show you, if you like?”
“Show me?”
“Come back to my place.”
“Now?”
“If you can.”
He took his watch out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Well, I...” He checked the time. “Very well, then.” He closed the watch and replaced it in his pocket. He smiled flirtatiously. “Let’s finish our drinks and go.”
***
THEO LOOKED IMPRESSED as I led him around my apartment. Two bedrooms, a large living room and a private bathroom with indoor plumbing. It came fully furnished, and to a very high standard. It costs much more than I can afford, but I will not live like a pauper.
I enjoyed watching Theo’s reaction as he took in the opulent surroundings. This did mean, however, that he clearly wasn’t as rich as I thought he was, otherwise why would he be impressed. (Although the fact that he travelled on omnibuses and had a membership to the Bohemian Club could’ve taught me that.) But I didn’t mind. It wasn’t his money which appealed to me. It was his aristocratic bearing. That certain je ne sais quoi which elevated him from the common man.
“Let me show you my latest project,” I said, as we entered the living room. I took my portfolio out of the bookcase and laid it on the table.
He opened it up and flicked through my sketches. He didn’t bat an eyelid when he saw the various male nudes which I’d accumulated over the last few weeks.
“You draw,” he said.
“Yes. I want to use those sketches to build a golem.”
“A what?”
“A golem. A human figure made of clay. Like Adam. God created Adam from mud and dust and then breathed life into him. I want to replicate that.”
Theo raised his eyebrows. “You want to replicate God?”
“It’s the pinnacle of Kabbalistic magic. I just haven’t found the right model. These men...” I pointed at my sketches. “They’re just people I picked up off the street. Labourers and soldiers and telegram boys. They don’t have the right countenance. They look so ordinary and lowly. My Adam must be special. Elegant and lofty. Not earthy, but ethereal. Like you.”
“Like me?”
“Would you like to be my new Adam?”
“You’re asking me to model for you.”
“Yes.”
“In the nude?”
“It’s warm enough, isn’t it? I can light the fire if you wish.”
“Is that why you brought me here? To see me naked?” That flirtatious smile again.
“Go on.” I took the sketch pad off my desk, pulled a pencil out of my pencil case and sat down in my armchair. “Take your clothes off and stand by the window. It won’t take long.”
He did as I asked. He maintained that flirtatious smile as he stripped, but that cockiness was gone as soon as he stood by the window. He looked vulnerable then, and a little embarrassed, which really turned me on.
The light shone through the window grilles and cast black squares on his smooth skin. His body was so different to a working man’s body. No tan lines. No over-sized muscles on his arms and chest. It was well proportioned. Slim, pale and exquisite.
He became impatient after three or four sketches. “Will it take much longer?” he asked.
I suppose he must’ve thought that this was all a prelude to something more intimate. That I’d be taking my own clothes off later, and that we’d end up rolling around naked on the carpet. But I had no intention of fucking him.
“Why? Are you getting cold?” I asked. “Do you want me to light the fire?”
“Or you could rub me warm with your hands.” He smiled again.
At that point, the front door opened. I looked at the clock. Quarter past six. Much later than I thought. “Damn it,” I thought. “The fat oaf is back!”
Angel Puck waltzed in. He saw Theo standing naked by the window and stopped by the doorway. His jaw dropped open. “What are you doing?” he asked, nostrils flaring.
Theo looked at me, alarmed. He quickly picked up his clothes and covered himself up.
I frowned. “What are you doing here, Angel?” I clenched my fist around my pencil, barely able to control the fury welling inside me. Angel had been a problem for a while. One which I’d ignored for too long. He had ceased being useful to me a long time ago. He was nothing more than a leech to me. Living off my annuity, constantly upsetting the apple cart.
“It’s past six,” he said. “You told me not to come home before six. Well, it’s past six.”
“You can see I’m busy, so clear off!”
“What are you doing?” He was still staring at Theo.
“None of your business!”
“Can I join in?”
I hurled the pencil against the wall and jumped out of my seat.
“Get out of my house!” I yelled.
“What’ve I done?”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Theo quickly getting dressed. I turned towards him. “What are you doing? We haven’t finished yet.”
“I’m sorry, Alick. I didn’t know there’d be someone else.”
He ran past me and Angel, his shirt still unbuttoned. He pulled on his jacket and hurried out of the door without even saying goodbye.
The moment was lost. My Adam was gone.
“Who was that?” Angel asked.
I looked at that ugly face. “Now look what you’ve done, you leech!” I pushed my hands against his fat chest and shoved him out into the hallway. “I want you out of my life!” I kept pushing him, punching him repeatedly on the chest, shouting a new insult with every punch.“You toad! You reprobate! You ugly cunt!”
“Stop it!” He leaned against the bathroom door and tried pushing me off him. The door opened, and we stumbled into the bathroom. Angel finally fought back.“Stop it, Alick!” He grabbed my wrists. “You should’ve told me you had a guest. If I’d known you had a guest... But I’ll go away if you want. Just tell me what time I can come back.”
“Never! I want you out of my life for good.”
“But Alick, I’ve got nowhere else to go.”
“I don’t care.” I grabbed a razor blade from the shelf above the sink and pointed it at him. “Leave. Now.”
Angel looked at the razor. Then at me. “Come on, Alick. Why are you being like that? I thought we were friends.” There were tears in his eyes.
“Are you going to leave?”
“But where can I go?”
“Not my problem.”
He fell on his knees and began to cry. “Don’t do this to me, Alick, please! I’ll do anything you want.”
“I want nothing from you, Angel. I have no use for you. All this time,I’ve just been tolerating you. But you’ve become intolerable. You’re no good to me as a disciple. You’re too dumb. Too dense. Too common. I have a new disciple in my life, and I don’t want you getting in the way. So get off your fat knees and clear off!”
I’d gone too far. I saw his face redden with anger as he wiped the tears from his eyes.
“I’ll tell them if you make me leave!”
“Tell them what?”
“What we did. In the desert. I’ll write to everyone. You friends, your family, members of your society, the police. I’ll send them all a letter and tell them how you made me fuck you, and how you moaned like a bitch as I slapped your arse!”
The demon of pride took over then. It made me plunge the blade right into his fat gut.
Angel looked at me, shocked. He staggered backwards and fell into the bathtub. I stabbed him a few more times while he lay in there. Then I dropped the blade on the floor, rushed out of the bathroom, took my coat from the coat-hanger and hurried out onto the street to chase after Theo.
I didn’t find him. I looked for him at the bus stop. I even went to the underground station. But he had gone. When I came back home, I found Angel still in the bathtub, dead, his blood flowing conveniently into the drain.