CHAPTER 14

Meaning: What Makes Life Worth Living

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

—George Bernard Shaw

Dave Levin showed up for his first day of college without a clue about what he was going to study. Rather than focus on a set path, Dave used his curiosity as a compass, exploring the wide-ranging opportunities available to him intellectually, athletically, and socially. Although he had an inkling that physics would end up being his major, Dave took courses in economics, philosophy, history, and English. He held down three jobs, and when he wasn’t working or studying, his broad-shouldered six-foot-three-inch frame could be found playing pickup basketball on the nearest court. Dave enjoyed his freshman year. He embraced learning, had great friends, and lived a rich, full life.

But Dave Levin was seeking more. He was looking for something that connected him to a larger world and a greater purpose in life.

Dave Levin was searching for meaning.

In a survey of a hundred thousand first-year students from over two hundred colleges, 75 percent of newly minted undergrads say they are searching for meaning and purpose in their life. In fact, the two times in our life when meaning is most important to us are at the ages of sixty-five and—you guessed it—eighteen. Many of you will search for meaning through courses ranging from philosophy to art, history to economics, and biology to mathematics. The key? You will most likely find meaning in the things that matter to you most.

Of course, not everything that matters is in the classroom. More than three-quarters of you report finding meaning with your friends, be it soaking up the sunshine in the quad or during late-night dorm sessions that delve into relationships, the direction of the world, and even the meaning of life.

Meaning can spring from experiences both joyful and challenging. You might find meaning through others—helping a friend achieve something wonderful, or supporting a roommate through a crisis. It may be found through the traumas or victories of your own, be it pushing beyond your perceived limits in school, losing a family member, falling in love… or out of it. Sometimes the most ordinary moments will present a doorway to a deeper understanding of our place in the world. Other times—often when you’re not looking—meaning just comes knocking: there when you turn the corner to see a person in need, or at a random Friday-night concert in a crowd of dancing strangers.

Whatever gives your life meaning, studies show that finding meaning and purpose will have long-term benefits for you. People who report finding more meaning in life are more likely to enjoy greater well-being, increased resilience, and lower levels of stress and depression. In a 2010 study, undergrads who expressed a strong sense of meaning were considered more desirable friends—and more physically attractive—than those who scored high in happiness, self-esteem, and agreeability.

In this chapter, we will share the benefits of and pathways to meaning—how it can improve both your present and your future, keeping you afloat when the water is rough and carrying you safely past the obstacles in your way. We will explore the science and stories of how others have successfully identified the key stepping-stones to a deeper connection, and show how discovering your own meaning can provide a lifelong beacon to follow.

What Does Meaning Mean, Anyway?

There are few things more personal than what you find meaningful, so instead of attempting to define meaning, Colorado State University researcher Michael Steger has suggested that meaning provides us with three foundational principles:

1. Our lives matter.

2. Our lives make sense.

3. We have a purpose or a basis for our aspirations and pursuits in life.

These principles are easily applied to college. Think of the difference between the classes that give you practical tools for something you love and those that you take only because they are required. Maybe you are someone enthralled by fashion design taking a course on patternmaking, or a budding mathematician studying multivariable calculus, or an athlete practicing hard and improving at your sport. When we believe that our studies are enhancing our capacity to make a difference—or matter—in the world, it’s much more likely that we will find meaning.

Finding meaning makes sense of your life. Meaning gives your choices clarity. It can help you decide which internship to go for, which extracurriculars to juggle, and which friends to spend your time with. When you are committing to something that is not feeling quite right, check your meaning meter and you’ll probably find that it’s dipping low. A student, Karen, was struggling with her decision to work in the film industry. She felt that much of her work didn’t touch the lives of other people. Karen found meaning in helping children and decided to redirect her education to focus on writing stories meant to help bring families together. This made sense to Karen, and she is still pursuing it to this day. Understanding how our lives matter and make sense can serve as a guidepost for almost all of our actions.

Finally, meaning provides the springboard to finding your purpose in life. Purpose is your response to the question “Why are you here?” Identifying your purpose can help you to take the steps you need to achieve your goals. If you find meaning in kids, health, and the underprivileged, your purpose may be to provide medical services at a free clinic in a low-income neighborhood. If your purpose is to communicate with the world through physical expression, you may decide to become a dancer. If your purpose is to honor and serve your country, a life in the military might be what your future holds.

Not everyone identifies a single purpose in life. Our student Danielle felt that her purpose was to connect with the world through music and to pursue social justice. After graduation, she moved to Texas and began working in a sales job that left her empty. She held on for six months but knew that her connection to music was slipping through her fingers. When she switched to a job working to help others reduce energy consumption (which connected with her desire to pursue justice), she had more time—and more energy—to devote to her music. Whatever our purpose might be, it gives us a way to focus our meaning, harness it, and push through seemingly insurmountable obstacles. If meaning helps us know, purpose helps us do—and sometimes can propel us forward to truly remarkable existence.

During Dave Levin’s freshman year in college, with his girlfriend’s encouragement, he began tutoring two underprivileged local kids, a ten-year-old boy named Tyrone and his younger brother, John. As his weekly sessions with the brothers progressed, Dave felt depth in what he was doing—a feeling that what he was doing really mattered. He loved the puzzle of figuring out how to get the kids to learn, but it was the sense of accomplishment that really stood out—not his, but theirs. There was something special about those lightbulb moments when the boys figured out what a fraction really was—when their eyes lit up and the impossible became possible. Dave appreciated the value of tutoring. He’d faced his own learning challenges as a child and required a fair amount of assistance himself. He was aware that this had made a big difference in his life as a student.

Dave was also a passionate outdoorsman and spent the summer before his sophomore year at a National Outdoor Leadership School. He fell in love with the idea of combining his passions: enjoying the outdoors and working with kids to achieve their goals. Yet just a year later, Dave found himself doing what many of us do: rather than following his heart, he took the path that was expected of him. Despite the spark that was clearly present every time he taught or tutored, Dave followed his family’s footsteps into the financial services sector, accepting a summer internship at the Tokyo branch of a major Wall Street firm. Undeterred by the grueling hours of the banking world, Dave found himself volunteering to stay ever later into the night to teach English to custodial workers in his office building.

By the end of the summer, he had fifty-three students.

It was becoming clear that teaching was Dave’s destiny. But no one could possibly have predicted what he would go on to achieve.

Finding the Benefits in Meaning and the Meaning in the Benefits

Just in case you’re thinking that all of this is a bit fluffy and touchy-feely, let us throw out a few reasons why you may want to be searching out meaning right now. In a study of over ten thousand people, University of Pennsylvania psychologists Stephen Schueller and Martin Seligman found that pleasure and meaning were both associated with greater well-being in life, but it was the latter that had the most profound effects. People who find meaning in their work enjoy it more, experience more positive emotions, and are more hopeful about life itself.

Meaning is also a powerful buffer against the toughest times of all, raising your levels of resilience and decreasing your stress and negative emotions. The heightened levels of self-control and personal responsibility that come with greater meaning increase your capacity to power through those tough times. For college students, finding that life is meaningful is connected with participating in a greater range of activities, like joining more clubs, taking classes that they might not have ventured into before, or—like Dave—reaching out to the surrounding community. Finding meaning can help you to challenge yourself and reinforces your willpower to strive for more. As you begin to nurture that sense of “why” you are here in the first place, the pathways to “how” are more likely to unfold before you.

Graduating with Meaning

The wall in Dave Levin’s office holds no evidence of his Yale diploma, the honorary PhD that the university bestowed upon him a decade later, or the one he received from Duke University shortly thereafter. There is no indication of his national Jefferson Award for Greatest Public Service by a Private Citizen, his Thomas Fordham Foundation Prize for Valor, or even the Presidential Citizens Medal—the second-highest honor for a civilian in the United States—he received in 2008. Even without visible signs of the numerous accolades he has garnered in his twenty years since graduating from college, the path that he took to earn them is clear. Dave’s wall is a giant collage made up of hundreds of photographs, each one featuring the beaming, proud face of a recent high school or college graduate, as evidenced by the rainbow of colorful caps and gowns that appear throughout. In every picture, there is Dave, standing right next to them, his smile just as broad and beautiful as theirs.

Upon returning from Tokyo, Dave continued to tutor kids throughout college, shifting his major to the history of education and writing a thesis about the mistreatment of minorities in America’s educational system. Shortly after graduation, he joined Teach for America, working with students he believed had been disenfranchised. Dave continued to develop mentoring relationships and friendships around his work, and met Mike Feinberg, a fellow lover of basketball and education. In 1994, Dave and Mike created the Knowledge Is Power Program (KIPP). Today KIPP has two hundred schools in twenty states, serving nearly eighty thousand students, 90 percent of whom come from low socioeconomic backgrounds. National averages predict that only 34 percent of students in this demographic will go on to higher education; but to date, more than 80 percent of KIPP students have gone to college.

The path for Dave hasn’t always been easy. Besides his learning challenges as a young student and his initial struggle to recognize his true path, KIPP certainly did not achieve its remarkable accomplishments without stiff resistance from local governments and powerful school organizations. But Dave’s resolve and his belief in possibility have remained rock-solid throughout. A strong sense of meaning and purpose has helped him weather the setbacks and savor the victories, helping him build a life lived with great passion and joy.

Finding his meaning in life allowed Dave Levin to make a difference in the lives of those around him.

What will finding meaning in life do for you?

Opportunities for Action

Exercise: Where Is Your Meaning Right Now?

Dave Levin found meaning in the moments when he was tutoring, working with kids in nature, or playing basketball. You may find meaning in particular relationships, during a class with an inspiring teacher, or building a home with Habitat for Humanity. Write down three things that you have experienced or reflected upon that have resonated recently:

Now that you have identified some of the experiences that bring you closer to meaning, let’s think about the people and resources that are essential to those moments. As you revisit the list above, consider whether a certain friend or mentor is consistently present, or if these tend to happen in a place such as a lab, or an art studio, or simply when you are solo with a pencil and paper. Write down your observations:

Finally, let’s take action and list what three next steps will allow you to cultivate more meaning in your life. Whom might you spend more time with? What might you do with greater frequency? When will you do these things? Keep it simple, straightforward, and actionable:

Finding meaning can seem daunting, but so is any journey without a GPS. Even once you know where to look for meaning, achieving it is the product of trial and error and will demand perseverance along the way. Now that you have some landmarks, though, you can figure out how to begin your journey, identify the people and things that will help you, and visualize what form your destination might take.

Exercise: Meaning Trumps Stress

Whether it’s the ubiquitous Post-it note or a reminder set up on your cell phone, researchers from Stanford University can reroute your attention and direct your focus where it’s needed. This exercise will give you access to what you find meaningful when you need it most.

1. Looking at the list of what you find meaningful in life, choose one that resonates most deeply with you. Spend ten minutes writing about how you connect with it in your daily life.

2. Now edit your message into one sentence, using the following format: “I find meaning in.…” (Example: helping others; caring for my family; creating cool art.)

3. Make your message accessible and sticky. Our students have used the background on their cell phones, made bracelets, and put their message on their dorm room mirrors. Some of our students even write a meaningful statement on their hand to get them through a stressful day.

4. Put it in your schedule to look at your meaningful statement twice a day. Get used to keeping this schedule (you might set an alarm reminder). When you practice this so much that it becomes a reflex, you will have an instant source of strength, motivation, or reassurance when the going gets tough.

The Takeaway

The Big Idea

Understanding what we find meaningful is a path to finding our purpose and well-being in college and life.

Be Sure to Remember

Meaning reminds us that our lives matter and make sense.

College is a peak time in life when people report seeking out meaning.

Those who consciously search for meaning find they have more of it in their lives.

Making It Happen

Pursuing meaning requires action and often the support of our friends and mentors. Consider how you plan to pursue meaning in the future and spend time identifying who is helping you develop it.

Writing about what is meaningful and keeping physical reminders around will help you on the days when the pressures of life obscure what really matters.