Life is traveling to the edge of knowledge, then a leap taken.
—D. H. Lawrence
Picture the moment you were accepted to college. What is the image that stands out? A fat envelope bearing the return address and embossed logo of your dream university, waiting for you on the dining room table? How did you feel? What was the very first thing you did? When we ask our students that question during the first class of the semester, some of them tell us they jumped up and down with excitement, others say they sat down and cried. Like all of them, you probably remember feeling somewhere between thankful and relieved.
That “Whew, I did it” relief no doubt turned to anticipation over the summer, whether you spent those few months working to make some extra cash, enjoying a family vacation, or hitting the road with friends to catch your favorite bands on tour. You shopped for clothes and dorm gear. You pored over course descriptions, plotted out your fall schedule, and daydreamed about who you might become, given this big chance to reinvent yourself.
But at some point, it had to hit you. That slightest kernel of anxiety, that briefest flash of doubt: “Do I really have what it takes to thrive in a whole new world?”
Absolutely.
Everything seems to have changed: your surroundings are different (where are the skyscrapers/cows/beach/sun/snow?), your community is different, and so is your crew. But the elements you need to be at your best haven’t changed: from the technical skills and habits you forged in high school, to positive emotions, healthy relationships, engagement, meaning, achievement, and physical vitality, everything you need is at your fingertips.
At some point during your childhood, someone asked what you wanted to be when you grew up. Whether you answered ballerina, doctor, astronaut, firefighter, president, wizard, or rhinoceros, think about what factors led you to your decision.
It’s tempting to say something easy, like you were picturing a job that would make you happy. But while happiness is certainly a piece of the puzzle, it’s not enough to explain why we want the things we want. The ambitions you had as a child—or at any age—are far richer and more complex than a simple smile on your rosy little mug. Your dreams of being a ballerina were not just about pirouetting across a stage, but also about wearing beautiful costumes and sharing it all with an audience. Childhood fantasies of fighting fires revolved around being a hero sounding the siren on your big red truck, but you also saw yourself as brave (and had a cool Dalmatian as your sidekick). And before civics class so rudely introduced the concept of democracy, your childhood self likely envisioned the joy of free amusement parks and drinking fountains filled with lemonade when you got elected president—but also a sense of accomplishment, and people to share it all with.
No matter what you chose, what you were imagining was far more complicated than just “happiness.” Yes, today you picture plenty of positive emotions, and you may see yourself being super-engaged, both in your classes and in your relationships with other people. As you immerse yourself in the subjects and activities you adore, pursuing your goals carries more meaning, and you relish a sense of achievement on the field, in the lab, or in the classroom.
We didn’t just pull these elements out of the blue. This combination of the conditions that promote thriving was developed by Martin Seligman, the University of Pennsylvania professor who is known as the father of positive psychology (and whom you will get to know quite well in the chapters ahead). Seligman has assembled them into the acronym PERMA, which stands for Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement (some suggest that “sex” should be a part of this matrix, but that would make it SPERMA… and that would be awkward).
When you think about it, very few of our ideal visions of “happiness” are all about the smile. No matter what you are doing or how you refer to it—crushing it, killing it, owning it—you are at your best when you are enjoying all of the elements above. And when that happens, you’ve transcended happiness. You are thriving.
We tell our students to go through their college careers thinking of each part of PERMA as a single bucket, and that they should remain vigilant that none of the buckets ever go dry. Being the unique little snowflakes that you are (yeah, yeah, we know, our students groan, too), each one of you will need to fill them to different levels in order to thrive. When things are tough, it’s time to check your buckets to see if any are empty: maybe your workload has you neglecting your relationships, your work is super-meaningful but recently you haven’t found yourself laughing very often, or—one that comes up a lot in class—your need for accomplishment has been so dominant that there is not another drop in any of your other containers.
Happiness, friendship, and doing something you love: three of the simplest things that have been essential to helping you thrive since the day you were born. That won’t change in college or beyond, but while it’s simple to identify those three goals as important to your well-being, they’re not always easy to achieve. That is why in this first section of U Thrive we are going to begin by learning how you can make the most of your positive emotions, have fulfilling relationships, and tap into the flow of doing what you love.
Buckle up. It’s time to thrive.