CHAPTER 59

Of the aversion which God has for impatience. And how agreeable it is to Him that we should return thanks for His benefits.

AS THE Saint prayed for a person for whom she had great compassion, because she knew that in a moment of impatience she had asked why God had permitted her to be tried in a way which she thought she had not deserved, Our Lord said to her: “Ask this person why these trials are not proportioned to her; and tell her, that since the kingdom of Heaven cannot be obtained without suffering, that she shall choose herself whatever suffering she thinks most suitable for her; and when it happens to her, let her bear it with patience.” She understood by these words, that the most dangerous kind of impatience is that in which persons imagine that they would be patient under other trials, but that they cannot be patient under what God sends them; whereas, on the contrary, they ought to be firmly persuaded that all which comes from God is most advantageous to them, and that when they do not receive it with patience, they ought at least to make it an occasion of humiliation.

Our Lord then addressed His faithful spouse thus: “And what do you think of My conduct in your regard? Do you think that I have sent you suffering which is beyond your strength?” “Assuredly not, my God,” she replied; “but I sincerely confess, and will acknowledge to my last breath, that Thy Providence has governed me, both spiritually and temporally, in prosperity and adversity, in so prudent a manner, that all the wisdom of the world from its commencement even until now could not have acted thus, and that Thou only, my sweetest Lord, Who art the Uncreated Wisdom, wert capable of it: ‘Who reachest from end to end mightily, and orderest all things sweetly.’ ” (Cf. Wis. 8:1).

Then the Son of God led her to His Father, and asked her what she would say to Him. “I render Thee thanks, Holy Father,” she exclaimed, “with all my power, through Him who sittest at Thy right hand, for all the magnificent gifts which I have received from Thy bounty, knowing that this could not be effected by any creature, and could only be accomplished by Thy Divine omnipotence, Who causest all things to exist.” Then He led her to the Holy Spirit, that she might offer her thanksgivings to Him for all His benefits; and she said: “I give Thee thanks, O Holy Ghost the Comforter, through the merit of him who, by Thy cooperation, was made Man in the womb of a Virgin, that Thou hast charitably prevented me in all things with the gratuitous benediction of Thy sweetness, though I am so unworthy; and I am convinced that Thine ineffable charity alone could have bestowed such benefits on me, in which resides, from which proceeds, and through which we receive, every good.”

Then the Son of God, addressing her with the greatest possible tenderness, said to her: “I take you under My protection more especially than any other creature; and I shall have a greater care of you than I owe to them by right of creation, redemption, or even of My own free choice.” From this the Saint knew that when anyone renders similar thanksgiving to the Divine Goodness, and abandons himself with confidence and gratitude to His holy Providence, that the Lord takes a particular care of him even as a Superior is obliged to watch specially over one whose vows he has received.