86
EXACTLY 11:28 IN THE MORNING,
TUESDAY, JANUARY 25TH
There are three ladies standing with me in a small room with one window. There is a table in the room with a cushion top. A scale and some machines hanging from the wall. One of the ladies takes my watch. Another one of them puts a white plastic bracelet on my wrist where my watch used to be. I want to fight her but I’m so tired I can’t. Another one says they’ll give my watch back when it’s time for me to leave. It’s a rule that you can’t wear a watch or jewelry when you get admitted to the hospital, she says. And besides, one of the other ladies says, there’s a clock in every room.
Which is true. I know because I remember.
Because the hospital is where you go if they want to see if something’s wrong with you. I went to a hospital four other times. Once to this one when Crystal with a C tried to leave me at school. Then to two different ones before that when I ran away from my Forever Homes. What was wrong with me those other four times is that I was stuck on the wrong side of the equation. The wrong side of Forever. I had to subtract myself because I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.
But this morning I went back to the right side of Forever. I was with Gloria and my Baby Doll but everything was all wrong. I stayed fourteen years old and my Baby Doll was six. So I’m not sure what the problem is. I’m not sure why I’m still (-Ginny).
“Let’s go see your room,” one of the three ladies says.
One of them puts her hand up to touch my shoulder. Then she puts it down. And smiles. We walk out of the room. The lady with her hand on my shoulder points to a long hallway. All of us start walking.
Because my room is the place where my bed is. It’s the place where I keep all my things. Which I’m guessing means I’m going to live at the hospital now.
And that doesn’t make any sense at all. The hospital is not a place for people to live. You’re not supposed to stay. I didn’t get to live here before when I ran away and got kidnapped.
I think and I think and I think. I walk and try to think about how this happened.
How I got to the hospital is the police found me. They pulled me out from behind the Dumpster after the train went by. I tried to fight them but my head hurt too much from when I hit it on the brick wall. When they put me in the backseat of the police car they told me that a waitress from a restaurant called them. They asked me my name. I said I didn’t know. They asked where I was going. I said I didn’t know. Then they asked if I was the girl from the Amber Alert back in October and I said, “No, I’m the girl who went to have a little rendezvous with her Birth Mom but her Baby Doll grew up and has a different head.”
They took me right to the hospital after that.
“Here we are,” says one of the ladies.
I come up out of my brain. We are standing in front of a doorway with the number 117 next to it. I look hard at the number.
So I say, “But I’m only fourteen years old.”
The lady smiles. “Come on in. You’ll love it.”
We go inside. The room has a bed and a chair and a bathroom in it and a giant television. There aren’t any pictures of Michael Jackson. There aren’t any shelves. Two of the ladies help me sit in the chair and the other one looks at my hair. “Let’s get you all cleaned up, and then we’ll put a bandage on your head. You have a little bump.”
I go with them into the bathroom. In the mirror I see my face but it isn’t the face I want to see.
I scowl.
The ladies take my clothes off and stay with me while I take a shower. After that I step out. They give me a towel to dry myself with. They give me a brand-new bathrobe. They help me put it on but I can’t tie it.
Because the ties are in the back.
None of this happened the last four times I was at the hospital. I just went into a small room and a doctor looked at me and that was all. Now they want me to live here and the strings on all the bathrobes are on the wrong side. Which means that nothing works right anymore. And I am definitely still on the wrong side of Forever.
And the giant equal sign at Cumberland Farms must have been the wrong one.
That’s why I’m still (-Ginny) and I didn’t get to be nine years old when I walked across it.
But I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find the right equal sign. I don’t know if I can find a way to get things back to exactly how they were before the police took me out from under the sink. And I remember now that I don’t really want them that way because I know that Krystal with a K will be safe after Gloria gets caught.
When I come up out of my brain I am sitting in my new bed. The mattress is raised so I can sit up. The sheets are white and the pillow is hard. And Brian and Maura are here. Standing next to me on either side.
I blink.
“Hi, Ginny,” says Brian.
I want him to run to the bed. I want him to say Oh my goodness, we missed you so much! and I want Maura to hold my hand. Like she used to.
Instead they tell me that Baby Wendy is with Grammy and Granddad.
I look at Maura. Her mouth is a thin tight line.
“Can you tell us what happened?” says Brian.
So I say, “Gloria tried to take me up to Canada.”
“Did she try to force you into the car?”
“Yes.”
“How did you get away?”
“I said no and yelled.”
“You did?” says Maura.
I nod my head yes.
“Why?” she says. Then her voice gets louder. “Why, Ginny? Because we know you set the whole thing up. We found the cell phone outside your window. You’ve been trying to go with Gloria ever since you found her on Facebook. So why the hell didn’t you go with her when you finally had the chance? Why?”
I don’t say anything. I try to be calm. Brian looks at the door and then back. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he says to Maura.
“It doesn’t matter? Of course it matters! I want to know why she didn’t go! I want to know why, after lying and stealing and setting the whole thing up, she didn’t go through with it!” Then she looks at me. “Gloria still has your Baby Doll, doesn’t she? Gloria still has little Krystal, right? So why are you still here?”
My throat is tight and that was two very different questions but I know I have to tell them. “Because my Baby Doll is six years old,” I say.
“You saw her, then,” says Brian. “Your sister was there when you went to see Gloria.”
I nod my head yes.
“But you didn’t get in the car with them.”
I shake my head no.
“Tell us why again,” says Maura. “Explain it.”
“Because she’s not a baby anymore,” I say. “My Baby Doll doesn’t need me.”
“That’s it?” says Maura. “That’s why you didn’t get in the car?”
I nod my head yes again. “Plus I know Gloria’s going to get caught.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because she’s completely unreliable.”
“Humph,” says Maura. “What did she say when you said you weren’t going?”
“She said I was a real piece of work and a handful. She said I’m too much and she’s just not enough.”
“Really?” says Brian.
Maura steps backward. Her eyes get big like Ms. Carol’s and a space opens between her lips. “Really?” she says.
And that was the same question twice from different people but still I say, “Yes.”
Then Brian says, “It sounds like she was angry.”
“She was very angry,” I say.
“What did she do after that?”
“After what?”
“After she said you were a real handful,” says Brian.
“She told me to have a nice life.”
“I don’t believe it,” Maura says.
And again Brian says, “Really?”
I nod my head yes.
“Then that’s it,” says Brian. “So it’s all over?”
“I wouldn’t count on that,” says Maura. “Not yet. But right now we need to know where Gloria went. Ginny, do you know? Do you know where they were going? We really need to find out.”
I keep my mouth shut tight. Then I shake my head no. Because I don’t want to help the police catch Gloria. I don’t want to be the one who helped find her. The police can do that without me and then my Baby Doll—Krystal with a K—will be safe.
“Well, we’ll let the police figure that out,” says Maura. “You’ll talk with Patrice about it, too, but it sounds to me like we finally might have some closure here. Some real closure.”
“So I’m not going to live here?”
“Of course you aren’t going to live here. You’re coming home with us as soon as the doctor has a look at you.”
I look at the clock behind them. It says 12:42 in the afternoon but I don’t really believe that that’s what time it is. Nothing adds up anymore.