74

EXACTLY 5:36,
TUESDAY, JANUARY 18TH

Kayla Zadambidge’s phone tells the time when I push a small button at the bottom of it. It also shows the exact date. It is all charged up now. Sometimes I wonder if I love dates and numbers because when I’m deep in my brain they help me remember where I really am. They are like handles I can use to pull myself back up.

The time right now is exactly 5:37 and I am on a path behind the woodpile.

I put the phone back in my coat pocket and keep going. The path is easy to see even though the sky is dark. Because the snow is bright. I walk for exactly nine seconds and then take the phone out and press the button and slide to the main screen. I touch the words Address Book.

I don’t know the names of the people listed there. One of them says “Mom” but I know that that isn’t Maura. One says “Dad” but I know that that isn’t Brian. One says “Grandma” but I know that that isn’t Grammy. I don’t see “Gloria” or “Rick” anywhere.

I put the phone away again. I have to go deep into the woods to call Gloria quickly because I don’t want them to see me. Brian and Maura won’t go in my bedroom right away but I think they might if they call me and I’m not there to answer. So I keep walking. The path turns. When I look behind me I don’t see the Blue House anymore. I don’t see the woodpile or anything.

In my backpack I have my videos. I have my DVD player too but nothing else. It’s all charged up just in case someone finds me. It is part of my secret plan. When I call Gloria I will have my movie playing. That way if someone finds me and says, “What are you doing in the woods, Ginny?” I can say, “I am watching a movie.”

That way I will be telling the truth. That way I will still be a good girl.

The snow comes up past my ankles. The air is so cold that the inside of my nose hurts and my eyes are watery. I walk over old tree trunks. I walk between rocks. I walk for nine seconds.

I put my backpack down in the snow and take my DVD player out. I put it on top of the backpack and take out The Sound of Music which is about a lady with short hair named Frogline Maria. I put the DVD in the DVD player and press the power button. The screen lights up. I see words on the screen but I’m so distracted and anxious that I can’t read them.

The moon is high up in the sky above me. It is as bright as the screen. I take out the cell phone. The time is exactly 5:39 now. I look inside my eyes and see Gloria’s number: 555-730-9952. I press the numbers and then I press the green button but I don’t hear a ringing sound. I press the red button and try again but I still don’t hear anything. Then I see that the phone says No Signal.

So I say, “Well dang!”

And slam the DVD player shut. I grab it and throw everything in my backpack. I pick my backpack up and put it on and start walking. Back the way I came.

But not to the Blue House.

Because I know that sometimes people walk on the road past the Blue House talking on their cell phones. I saw them do it when the weather was warmer. In the spring and summer and fall. I’m guessing they had a signal.

The time is 5:42.

I follow the path until I see the woodpile and the lights from the Blue House behind it. I walk around the house and up the driveway. When I get to the road I go left.

There are no streetlights because we live out in the woods. I see the sky and the moon above the road. I walk fast for another nine seconds and turn around.

The Blue House is still too close.

I walk fast for nine seconds more. The road turns. I go around the corner and look back. I don’t see anything. I take out the cell phone and call.

This time the phone is ringing. It rings four times and then Gloria picks up. “Hello?” she says.

“Hello, this is Ginny. I’m your daughter. Remember?”

“Ginny?” Gloria says. Her voice sounds just like it did five years ago when the police came to take me away and she said, “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, Ginny!” but she is not screaming and I am not screaming either. I want to yell or grab my socks because I’m so excited but I can’t because I am walking on the icy road and I can’t see the edges. Plus I am worried that a car will come the other way. I am so excited and anxious that my name sounds like it’s not mine when Gloria says it.

“Ginny? Ginny?” says Gloria.

“Yes, I am here,” I say.

“Holy shit, Ginny, this is great! But how the hell did you get my number? This is a track phone. I only use it for business.”

I don’t know what a track phone is but I know that her business is selling Maine coons. “It was in Return of the Jedi,” I say.

“Return of the Jedi? You mean the movie?”

I nod my head yes.

“Ginny?”

“What?” I say.

“Who gave you my number? Holy shit!”

“Rick.”

“Rick? But that doesn’t make any sense. Oh, wait, yes, it does! He got my address from the police and came to talk with me a few weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers.”

That was not a question so I don’t say anything. I am still remembering the way Gloria’s voice sounds when her face is squashed.

She takes a deep breath. “All right, let’s focus. It’s great that Rick gave you my phone number, but I need to ask some questions. I need to figure out what’s going on. First, does anyone know where you are?”

“No.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m walking down the road.”

“You mean Cedar Lane?”

“Yes.”

“So you’re out by yourself and no one knows it. Whose cell phone are you using?”

“Kayla Zadambidge’s,” I say.

“She’s someone from school?”

“Yes.”

“All right,” says Gloria. “Wait. Does that mean you ran away?”

“No,” I say.

“You just took your friend’s phone home and then sneaked outside to call me?”

“Right,” I say.

Gloria laughs. “Leave it to my kid to know how to get the job done,” she says. “Okay. So you probably don’t have a lot of time to talk before someone finds out you’re missing. We have to figure out what to do. But first, I want to tell you what I didn’t get to tell you online before those assholes shut me down.”

She takes another breath.

“I want you to know that I’ve been looking for you nonstop ever since you left. For four whole years. No one would tell me where you were. Not even the social worker or the therapist. You know what therapist spells if you divide the word up, right? Anyway, I’ve been looking and looking for you, and then you found me on Facebook. It was the best day I had since Donald got arrested. And—”

“Wait,” I say. “Donald got arrested?”

“Yep,” says Gloria. “And then Crystal got involved without me even knowing it. If she’d just told me what she was up to, I could have helped. Man, I have a lot to say to her. She’ll be allowed to send emails when the trial is over, but I haven’t been in touch with her yet. But you belong with us, Gin. With me and your sister, I mean. You know that, right? And did you get the Christmas present I sent? What about the pizza?”

But that is three questions at once and my brain is thinking Donald got arrested, Donald got arrested so I don’t say anything even though the answers are yes, yes and yes.

“Ginny?”

“What?”

“Remember, I said we need to focus. Now, tell me what you want. Because I know what my plan is, and I want to make sure yours and mine are the same thing. I need to hear you say the words.”

“I want to go up to Canada to live with you,” I say. “We can disappear in Quebec and I can take care of my Baby Doll again. But you can’t come kidnap me or you’ll get arrested. So I’ll need a ride.”

I want to also say I need to make sure you’re feeding my Baby Doll and that you don’t hit it but I don’t.

Gloria waits a few seconds before talking and when she talks again her voice is shaky. “That’s great to hear, Ginny. Shit, that’s great. That’s exactly what I want, too. And you’re right that if I try to come get you at home or school I’ll get arrested.”

“Who will come pick me up?” I say.

“That’s the tricky part. I’m not supposed to see you. The people you live with got really pissy when I came to your house and school. Venomous, you might say.”

“Why might I say that?”

“What, venomous? It’s just an expression. You really haven’t changed at all, have you?”

“I still have the same head,” I say. “Plus my eyes are still green.”

Then Gloria says, “All right. Let’s think this through. Just because it sounds impossible for me to come pick you up doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. I mean, where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?”

She is talking really fast now. So fast I almost don’t understand her. It is like we have the same head. Only I’m not so good at sharing.

“But I really don’t want to end up in jail. That wouldn’t be good at all. So we’re going to have to make some adjustments, Gin. Some big adjustments.”

I’m guessing that adjustments are like modifications at school which means someone makes my homework a lot easier. I keep listening and walking down the cold sandy road. The back of my pant legs are getting wet and stiff and I am shivering but I don’t care. Because I am talking with Gloria and Donald is in jail. My secret plan is going to work.

“Let’s see, let’s see,” says Gloria. “Who can I get to pick you up? I obviously can’t do it. Not at the house. The cops would be onto us in two seconds flat.”

So I say, “My Old Dad Rick can give me a ride.”

“Rick? No. We can’t trust him. I know he gave you my phone number, but he also got my sister thrown in jail. Besides, I don’t think he’d do it.”

I am shocked. Rick was going to bring me to Canada. He is my Birth Dad and I know he loves me so that means Gloria is wrong. But I don’t want to contradict her because if I do I’ll make her angry. And I can’t, can’t, can’t make Gloria angry.

So I say, “Who else can bring me? I’m not allowed to drive. Plus I don’t have a car.”

“I know you can’t drive, honey. Just give me a minute to think.”

I wait for her to finish thinking but Gloria thinks out loud which is not how I think at all and it hurts my head. She keeps talking and talking.

“If you didn’t live so far away from town, you could just run away again, and I could pick you up at a meeting place,” she says. “You know, a little rendezvous. That’s what my old Frenchy mom used to say. You’re going to love her! Now, what would be a good meeting place?”

“People sometimes meet at the mall,” I say.

“Right, but you’d have to get someone to bring you there, and it would be hard for us to find each other with so many people around. Where else do people meet?”

“We met Rick at the park,” I say. We are thinking our thoughts together with our mouths instead of in our brains. I have never done this before and it is just too fast. It makes me anxious but I don’t tell her that because she’ll get angry and making Gloria angry can be scary. I pick hard at my fingers.

“I’m afraid that won’t work, either,” says Gloria. “Remember, you’d have to get a ride there, too. We have to think of a place that you can get to without anyone driving you. Okay? What about a grocery store? Or a church or something?”

“I could ask Maura to bring me.”

“Who’s Maura?”

“She was my Forever Mom but I don’t call her that anymore.”

Gloria stops talking for a second. Then she says, “Your what?”

“My Forever Mom,” I say.

“You mean the woman you live with? Is that what they make you call her?”

I don’t know what to say. I called Maura my Forever Mom because all the social workers said I was going to stay with her forever. That was what they called her too.

“And I suppose her husband is your Forever Dad,” says Gloria.

I nod my head yes.

“Ginny?”

“What?”

“I asked if they make you call them that.”

I want to say no but I know Gloria wants me to say yes. So I don’t say anything. I don’t want her to get mad and she’s going to get mad either way. I really hope she doesn’t ask about my new name.

“Ginny, I am your Forever Mom. Got that? You know that, don’t you?”

I think. “I thought you were my Birth Mom,” I say.

“I am. But I’m your Birth Mom forever, right? Don’t you see that?”

That was two questions so I don’t say anything.

“All right, let’s just start over. I can’t come get you at the house, and I can’t come get you at school. By the way, it was great to see you when I came there in September. But I can’t believe how fast those bastards called the police.”

I nod. “Yes,” I say. “There was a lot of drama. I saw you standing next to the Green Car. I stood at the window and slapped the glass. Then I had to go see Patrice.”

“Patrice? That’s that therapist lady, right? I’m surprised she’s still in the picture.”

In my brain I see my picture of Michael Jackson. He is dancing on the stage and holding his hat and standing on his tippy-toes. “She’s not,” I say.

“But you just said you went to see her.”

“I did go to see her,” I say.

“All right, listen,” says Gloria. “We need to focus. We need to find a way to get you the hell out of there. And I think we’re thinking way too hard about it. It needs to be smoother. Simpler. So here’s what we’ll do. Go home. Just go back, I mean. Then on Monday when you get off the bus at school, don’t go inside. Just walk down the sidewalk as fast as you can, and when you get to the corner, cross the street. I’ll meet you right there at Cumberland Farms. Then we’ll make a run for it.”

“A run for what?” I say.

“For the border.”

“On Monday, January 24th?”

“Yes. I think so. Today is Tuesday, so that’s just six days from now, right? I know that seems like an awfully long time to wait, but I need some time to get things in order. The hard part will be giving the social workers the slip. They won’t leave me alone.”

“I can’t go on Monday, January 24th,” I say. “That’s when I’m going to Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls Who Aren’t Safe.”

“Saint Genevieve’s Home for—what?” says Gloria. “What do you mean?”

“Brian and Maura are bringing me down to Connecticut on Monday,” I say. “To visit Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls Who Aren’t Safe.”

“Are you going to school at all that day?”

“No.”

“It won’t work, then. We need to do it on a day when you’re at school. What about Tuesday?”

I nod my head yes and now I am even more excited. I feel like my brain isn’t in my head anymore. I feel like it is floating around in the air. “Yes,” I say. “On Tuesday, January 25th, I will go to school. The day after I get back from Saint Genevieve’s. Two days after the Special Olympics basketball tournament. Will you have my Baby Doll in the car?” Then my brain makes me remember that she wants me to go to Cumberland Farms. Which is at the end of the road that goes to school on the other side of the street. “But I’m not allowed to cross the street by myself.”

“Oh, come on,” says Gloria. “You can figure out how to cross the street. You won’t have to do what those people say anymore, so you can just wait for all the cars to stop and then run across. Don’t you want to come home with me and Krystal with a K?”

“I want to pick it up and let it chew on my finger and get it something to eat,” I say.

Gloria starts to laugh. Then she stops. “Wait. You want to—”

“Pick it up and let it chew on my finger,” I say, “and get it something to eat.”

“Okay,” she says. Very slowly. “We’ll talk about that some other time. But right now I think we really need to stop talking so you can go back and get ready. For our little rendezvous. With a little luck, no one will even know you were gone. Sneak back in, if you have to. And then this week make sure no one sees what you’re packing. Get all your money together, if you have any. Put some clothes and all your favorite things in your backpack or whatever you carry to school, and be sure to hide the cell phone. Actually, no—it would be better if you got rid of the phone completely. Turn it off and throw it in the woods. And then if you could get a few new phones, that would be great, too. You can never have enough phones when you’re on the run. The police can trace them sometimes, so it’s good to use each one once and then get rid of it. And remember to bring the money. And it’s extremely important that you not tell anyone what you’re doing. Don’t let anyone know that you called me and that we talked. If anyone finds out, none of this will work, right? Do you think you can remember all that?”

Gloria doesn’t like to hear the word no so I nod my head yes even though it is way too much to remember.

“Have you ever dyed your hair before? We’ll have to move fast as soon as you get in the car, but we should probably dye your hair. I’ll stash my car somewhere to throw the cops off our trail. Point is, I’ll be driving something else. Then we’ll ditch that and get on a bus. It’s going to be tricky while we’re still in the States, but once we get across the border, it will be easier. It’s so much easier to hide up there in Canada. I already know a place where we can stay, and then after the dust settles, we can start to build a new life, just me and my two girls, just like we’re supposed to.”

“And I’ll take excellent care of my Baby Doll.”

Gloria laughs. “Right. Like I said, we gotta talk about that sometime. Shit, you’ve been through a lot. I can’t believe—No. We have to stop talking now, or you’re going to get caught. So let’s say goodbye, and then I want you to start walking back to the house. When we hang up, you should turn the phone off and then throw it as far into the woods as you can, okay? Then go back inside. Like I said, with a little luck, no one will even know that you were gone. And wait—did you say you had a tournament coming up?”

I nod my head yes. “On Sunday, January 23rd. It’s in the gym.”

“Sunday in the gym. Got it. All right, then. Is there anything else you want to say before we hang up?”

I think. “No,” I say.

“Great. So remember, get as much money as you can, and a few phones, and then walk straight to Cumberland Farms on Tuesday when you get off the bus. That’s where we’ll have our little rendezvous. Be sure to walk, nice and steady. Don’t go slinking around all careful. People notice that sort of thing. Walk with purpose, okay?”

“Okay,” I say.

“Good,” she says. “Now let’s say goodbye. I love you, Ginny.”

“Goodbye,” I say. Then I press the red button on the phone and I stop walking.

I look around at where I am. It is darker than ever now and the road is still sandy and so are my pants and there are piles of snow on the side of the road. Everything is black and white and colder than it was before. So cold that I can’t feel my fingers when I pick at them.

The time is 6:03. I shut the phone off and throw it deep into the woods where no one will find it. Then I turn around and keep walking back to the Blue House.