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As the water taxi sped across Kachemak Bay, I stood against the railing watching the misty landscape and chewing my bottom lip, my insides a jumbled mess. Last night, I’d made out with Storm like a hormonal teenager. It had almost gone further, but that couldn’t happen. I wasn’t the type of girl for one-night stands. Storm had called to me as I ran out of his door. But I hadn’t stopped. He hadn’t come after me.
Lusty passion was different than love, and one didn’t necessarily lead to the other. I’d already had four years of lust. I wanted love. And it couldn’t be with Storm, we lived in different states.
He stood beside me, his hand reaching for mine. I pulled away, awkwardly straightening my hair. The cold air whipped my face, Storm leaned forward, his warm lips gracing mine before I had a chance to turn away. The realization that I wanted to pull him into my arms for an encore of last night filled me with shame. I was not that person. I wasn’t.
“The view is better at the ship’s helm. Besides, it’s good luck to watch the coming shore.” Storm rested his forehead against mine. “Are you okay?”
“Me?” I touched my hand to my cheek. “I’ve never been better,” I lied.
“It was that pie.” He grinned. “I’d sure like some more.” With his hand on my shoulder, he started for another kiss.
“I need to check on Traci.” I ducked out of his embrace, my cheeks burning, and hurried toward the front of the water taxi. No, no, no and no. I would not continue to give of myself when love was not involved. I didn’t know if my heart would recover.
Traci glanced at me, and then examined me more closely. “Are you okay?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I heaved a ragged breath determined not to play out an episode of, ‘What’s Wrong in the Life of Marcia’ in front of a ship-full of strangers. I wished I’d never come to Alaska. I should have said goodbye to Traci at the airport and let her fly here on her own.
Storm walked up beside me. “Traci, I was hoping that perhaps you could talk Marcia into moving here.” He smiled like he was being funny, and it riled me.
How dare he make a joke of my life! “I’m going to be a part of a committee to improve the graduation rate for the whole state of California,” I said, hoping it was true. They’d indicated that their other interviews were a mere formality. “I can come back on vacation, though.”
Storm’s countenance fell, which I didn’t understand at all. Surely, he didn’t expect me to drop everything and move here over a night of passionate kissing. Regardless, I amended, “You can come see me during fall break and winter vacation, and then I can come here and spend the entire summer.” It was a lame attempt for a solution that left me feeling hollow, but if I was anything more than a novelty to Storm, he’d consider the offer.
Neither one of them said anything. Clenching my jaw, I pushed the hair away from my face and stared at the horizon. The morning fog was lifting into puffs of white in the trees.
After an awkward pause, Storm said, “You know, Kachemak is an Aleut word that means Smoky. They named the bay because underground coal fires used to smoke up the bay area.”
“I never knew that,” Traci said. “Are you our tour guide or something?” She smiled.
“There are a lot of fishing boats here,” I said, trying to continue in this new line of conversation. “Do they park here and then go out into the open ocean and fight over fish?” I’d seen a similar show on TV.
Storm pushed back a smile. “The ships and boats dock or anchor. Cars and trucks park.”
“Oh, that’s right.” I knew that.
“The bay is really good fishing,” Traci said. “Most of the boats just stay here.”
“So, we could fish from the water taxi if we wanted to?” I didn’t, but it was interesting.
Storm nodded. “Theoretically.”
None too soon, we made it across the bay. I wished I was back home where I could hide under a blanket and pretend I hadn’t met Storm. A light mist fell from the sky, but we’d come prepared with rain ponchos and pulled the hoods over our heads. I reached down to grab our lunch, but Storm had his hand there first. “I’ll get it,” he said. He was close enough that he just turned his head, his lips meeting mine. “I was missing me some berry pie,” he murmured, grinning.
I gasped. My hands left the basket as though I’d touched fire, and I scampered to Traci’s side—my friend, my safety net—and I peered into the ocean. “Do you think I’ll ever see any whales?” I could use some good luck about now.
“I don’t know. You should.” Traci followed my gaze to the water. “It’s the right time to see them, but maybe we’re not far enough out into the open ocean.”
With the basket in hand, Storm caught up to us and we disembarked. We walked the muddy trail, the rain misting over us for only a few minutes before it stopped. We were still near the ocean, and a rainbow beamed partly in the water and turned toward land, glistening in the sky
“Do you think you’ll ever get immune to living in such beautiful surroundings?” I asked Traci. “I’m not sure if I could, or that I’d ever want to.” Turning from the rainbow, I gazed inland. The trees were large and full and deep green, the underbrush, thick and mossy with semi-decayed trees fallen over and nearly invisible beneath a canopy of fern. Calling it beautiful was inadequate. I inhaled the sweet woodsy scent of nature after rain.
“This is why I live here. It’s like living in heaven.” Storm stood beside me, his breath tickling my neck. “Nothing compares to an Alaskan summer.”
I gulped back the lump in my throat. “Yeah,” was all I could say.
With the glacier looming in the distance, we pulled our coats around us like winter in California. Storm took the lead, hiking small patches of the uneven path, then turning back, giving Traci and me a hand. We crossed the river on a hand-pulled tram. Each time Storm touched me, I felt I would never be the same, but I laughed and teased and refused to let Traci think I was having less than a wonderful time. After all, this was a once in a lifetime vacation. Because, after Storm’s silence on visiting me in California, I knew I’d never be back. His was merely a physical attraction toward me.
At last, the greenery opened up to wide, black sandy beaches. “Here we are.” Storm walked to an area near the lake and put our lunch down.
I walked to the shoreline, the reflection of the glacier showing in the lake. “There are icebergs even in the summer.” Amazing.
“They’re bigger than they look, and it never gets hot enough to melt.” Traci picked up a flat stone and tossed it into the lake. It darted across, skipping five times.
Just like in pictures, the icebergs had a cerulean blue cast to them. The ice of the glacier also had large black stains. “Why do you suppose there’s black in it? Is it from smog?”
“Not smog.” Storm put his arm around me. “The ice is constantly moving, and it picks up dirt and rock from the ground underneath.”
I pulled out from his arm, pretending to get a closer look. That was a lot of dirt for as slow as a glacier moved, but I didn’t say anything.
We had lunch at the lake, and I couldn’t imagine a more serene place on earth. It was so interesting to have a mountain of ice surrounded by all the greenery. Neither the sun nor the rain seemed to have any effect on it.
“Let’s take the trail up to the glacier,” Storm said. “We can get some great pictures there.”
Traci picked up the wrappers from her lunch and threw them in a nearby receptacle. “That’s a great idea. We won’t need to meet the taxi for hours yet.”
We cleaned up our mess and started up the trail. Rather than be happy, the weight of my situation pulled me down. Going back to Fresno would be hard, but I had a job there and most likely a new position with the state. Things here were expensive. It got cold and dark in the winter. And, I didn’t have a job here anyway.
I couldn’t just tag along with Traci wherever she moved. My life was in California. But, deep inside, I knew the real reason for my melancholy: Storm. He had caused a raging current in my heart. And yet, he clearly didn’t feel the same. It was just a matter of physical attraction for him. All he could talk about was making out. Which made my decision not to see him again after I left easier. Except, the more I thought about going back home, the more my stomach cramped, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
So, although we’d had a bathroom break when we first arrived, I said, “Ya know, I think I’ll stop over there.” I nodded toward the bathrooms with a tip of my head. “You guys go on ahead. I’ll catch up.”
“Are you sure?” Traci asked.
“Yeah, I’ll just be a minute.” I did not want them hovering over me. Was it my fault I needed a break from all of their cheerfulness? I should be cheerful but leaving Storm made that impossible. The thought of having a fake relationship made my joy even more impossible.
“I think we should stay together,” Storm said. “We can wait here.”
I clenched my jaw. “I’ll just be a minute. Really. I’ll be fine.” Good grief. Was I two or something?
Storm lifted his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. But, we’ll walk slow.”
“Fine.” I clutched my stomach and turned toward the restrooms. I just needed a minute to collect myself and couldn’t have them hovering outside.
I went into the restroom, locked it, and leaned against the door. What was I doing? I should never have listened to Traci. I should never have even looked at a guy while I was here. My stomach contracted into spasms, but I was able to hold down my lunch. Nevertheless, I wiped my mouth with tissue and went to wash my hands.
There was no running water, which was ironic since we were surrounded by water. I pulled a bottle from my day-pack, pouring a little into my hand and patting it over my face. Why hadn’t the state called and told me whether or not I’d gotten the job? Then I had a great idea. I could contact Colleen. She could ask her friend and see if I got hired on with the state. All of this not knowing was getting to me, and it set me on edge.
Determined to cheer up, I stepped outside. While making my way up the trail, I was in no hurry to catch up with Storm and Traci. I stopped to take pictures of interesting plants and cute little mushrooms. A few steps off the trail, I saw a berry bush and started after it. Storm would laugh if I brought him berries, and I loved his laugh. That didn’t mean I was willing to make out with him again.
However, as I approached, I caught a movement to the side of the brambles. It was a black bear! He looked up at the same time I saw him. I froze. What was it Traci had said? Definitely don’t run. But, should I make a lot of noise and try to scare it away or should I drop down and pretend that I was dead?
While keeping my eyes on the bear, I took a slow step backward. The bear stepped forward. I stepped back again, my heart racing. The bear took another step. Clearly that wasn’t going to work. Gazing about wildly, I weighed my options. We’d never gotten around to buying any bear spray. I wasn’t close enough to the bathrooms to even try to run there, and it was as though I was suddenly the only person on the planet.
My legs twitched, and I wanted to run. But, Traci had told me not to. “Bears are fast runners,” she’d said, “and great tree climbers.” As if I’d try climbing a pine tree. And all of the stuff on the ground was either too big for me to pick up, or too flimsy to be of any use. The bear had seemingly lost interest in the berries. It was staring at me and with far too much curiosity. It took a couple more steps forward.
Storm had said they would walk slow. Maybe if I called, they’d hear me. “Help!” I shouted. Oh, that felt good. I shouted again with more gusto. “Help!” I screamed, and then made a snarly face at the bear and stomped my foot on the soft underbrush. The bear startled and stepped back. Encouraged by that response, I said, “Get out of here!” With my shoulders lifted to make myself look bigger, I stomped forward two steps. The bear turned and lumbered quickly away.
My heart pounded. “Ha! Take that.” I dusted my hands together and started to walk away. My knees buckled, and I fell unceremoniously to the ground. I lay there in a heap pondering on what I’d just been through, and then gathered myself together. The bear had run off but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t come back. But, oh, my heck! I had just come out victorious in a bear attack!
With my eyes closed, I heaved several breaths. When I opened my eyes, there was a pretty little yellow flower about an inch from the ground. I picked it and put it to my nose for a sniff. And then I laughed, but my laugh turned into a mangled sob. I wiped my eyes with the hem of my shirt. It was time I caught up to Traci and Storm.
My knees had other ideas, and it was hard going for a while. I hobbled along, grasping at trees for support, my knees refusing to do their job. Anyone who might have seen me would have thought that the bear had actually attacked me.
When I got to the trail, Storm and Traci were headed my way. Storm saw me and ran forward. “Are you alright?”
“I was nearly attacked by a bear,” I said incredulously.
“Oh, you were not.” Traci folded her arms across her chest. “You’re way too calm. What took you so long, for real?”
“It’s the truth. Didn’t you hear me yell?” Bracing myself by holding onto Storm’s arm, I looked up sheepishly. “I saw a berry bush.” I lifted a shoulder knowing he would get it.
Storm pulled me to his chest and held me tight. “Are you alright?” He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. “Oh, my stars! What would I have done if you’d gotten hurt?”
A full explanation was in order, but without paying attention that Traci was standing beside us, I pulled Storm’s lips to mine, releasing all of the excitement and fear of my experience into our kiss.
