APPENDIX ONE

Poems on the Divine Mother

Verses Composed by Vanamali

Down the corridors of Time I fled,

With you in hot pursuit.

Along the sands of Space I ran,

With your breath hot on my back.

The whys and wherefores of Causality,

Held me in endless thrall.

Catch me as I fall

O Mother!

Catch me as I fall!

Give me a thousand tongues to describe thy glory,

Give me a million eyes to drink in thy beauty.

O thou Indescribable!

I have attempted the impossible,

Lakshmi! Enchantress,

Intoxicated am I by thy beauty,

Enchanted by thy glory,

Blinded by the compassion of thy loving glance,

Overwhelmed by the depth of thy infinite grace,

Bemused by thy moods, thy forms of play,

O Lakshmi, enchantress!

What can I offer thee,

Who has given me my all,

This alone I have to call my own,

And this I surrender with untold love,

My prostrations,

O Mother!

From now till infinity

Let me be a bird and build a nest in your heart.

Let me be a flower to be trampled by your feet.

Let me be the dewdrop glistening in your locks.

Let me be the moonbeam caught in your eyes.

Let me! O let me! O mother mine!

Let me be thine!

Let me be thine!

Why play hide and seek with me?

I care not for the game.

Between the rocks of infinity

You have eluded me,

Tossing me like a ball,

Between the rows of insanity.

Beguile me not with your beauty,

Disgust me not with your crudity,

I care not for this game.

Lift thy veil and let me glimpse

Thy sweet face of eternity

Far have I wandered,

Past heaven and hell,

Crossing the threshold of infinite time,

Arriving on planet Earth at last.

But where are you?

Why have you deserted me

In this barren waste of beguiling charms?

Charm me not, O charming one,

I care not for your sweets.

Reveal thyself, reveal thyself!

I want nothing else.

Caught am I in the strands of your hair,

Bewildered by thy ugliness,

Terrified by thy harshness.

Why the slap when all I asked for was a touch?

Wherefore the storm and the wreckage?

Wherefore the war and the carnage?

What lesson do you teach, O terrifier?

Is there no reprieve?

Call you this a game?

More terrifying than reality,

Release me, O Mother,

Release me from this game.

O Maya, Maha Maya,

Thou hast me in thrall,

Bound am I by thy beauty!

Caught by thy charm,

Thou hast me in thrall,

My sweet delight,

Enchantress of the three worlds,

Catch me if I fall.

Vishnu Maya! Maha Maya! Maha! Maha! Maha Shakti!

Greater than the greatest,

Beguiler of the gods,

Do you now seek to beguile me?

I’m already caught in your golden net,

Flapping like a helpless fish.

Show your strength and cut the strands,

Release me from these strangling bonds.

Why have you deserted me, O Mother?

Will a mother abandon her babe in the woods?

Will a mother kill her foolish child?

If not, then why have you forsaken me?

I stumble in a jungle called life,

I drown in a lake called tears.

Alone and helpless, an orphan am I,

Desolate on the sands of time,

Clinging to the creeper called death

Which in turn is upheld by thee!

Take me to the moon, the fair moon of thy face.

Take me to the sun, less brilliant than thy form.

Waft me to the stars, which swing from your hair.

O Sundari! Tripurasundari!

Reveal thyself!

Give the gift of divine sight,

Disclose to me thy exquisite face!

Why call me

If you didn’t want me?

Why woo me

If you didn’t love me?

But having wooed and having won,

Why thrust me to the darkness,

Groping like a blinded worm,

For something it knows not what,

Crying for one speck of light,

For one star, for one ray,

In the blinding darkness of a lonely night?

Have I not longed for you through many lives?

Have I not cried for you through countless births?

Where have I failed?

What have I left undone

That you should ignore me like this?

O Mother! Cut asunder the knots of my ignorance,

Enfold me in your soothing arms.

Let me inhale thy sweet perfume,

Let me nestle in your soft bosom.

Bereft am I—desolate,

Cast on the lonely beach of life,

Prey of every passing wave,

Lashed by the relentless tide.

Will you not grasp my outstretched hand,

Rescue me from this friendless land?

Sing to me of eternity, O Mother!

Sing to me of glory!

Tell me those gentle tales

Of devotees you have helped.

Let me hear the music of the spheres,

Of astral worlds where live those fortunate ones

Who are beloved to thee,

That I may hear and perchance,

Learn to beguile thee!

Forgive this foolish one, O Mother!

Countless are my mistakes,

Courage have I none, yet

Dared have I to disclose the sweetness of thy tales.

Thy grace alone guided me, controlled me.

Can you forgive yourself?

For this poor scribe was but an instrument,

A note in the lute of fair Saraswati!

Divine Mother, I place these poems as a garland of wildflowers at your lotus feet along with this book, which you alone have written. May your blessings fall on all those who read it. May they be released from this forest of samsara and attain thy supreme state.

Aum Aim Hreem Kleem