EMJAY
I thought I was going to throw up when this brother kissed Ma. I poured myself a glass of wine. The only way I was going to get through this night was getting shit-drunk.
“Taj, you sit next to me, and Emjay, you’re next to Shariece. And Emjay get your elbows off the table.” There she goes again, talking to me like I’m a child. Shariece gawked at me like I was a misbehaving child she couldn’t wait to pull aside to spank.
“This is a new recipe, so I want ya’ll to tell me how it tastes.” All of us were seated, ready to eat. I was starving.
“Who would like to say grace?”
“How about our esteemed guest,” Emjay said.
Mama gave me this long, mean-mugging stare, but I was like, whatever.
“Sure. I would love to.”
Fake ass. I thought.
We all bowed our heads as this fool started to say grace.
“God, thank you for this food we are about to eat. Thank you for good health, life and the gift to love. Thank you for bringing Leandra Fox into my life when I had given up on ever finding love again.”
Again? That would imply that he was with someone else before Mama. Probably some hood rat with ten kids.
“Amen.”
Finally, he was done kissing Ma’s ass. I couldn’t stand the sound of this poser’s voice. “So fake,” I mumbled.
“Emjay, you got something you want to add?”
“No, I thought I heard you say something. Speak up if you got something you want to say.”
“I’m good,” I told her.
With the way Ma was looking at me, I was sure she wanted to snatch me across the table. We passed the salad around while Ma cut into the lasagna.
“Taj, baby, hand me your plate.”
Shariece acted like I had cooties, or some shit. I guess I was alone in thinking that Ma looked ridiculous with this dude. I mean, were they actually going out in public together? “So Ma, where did you and Taj meet?”
“We met on Blackpeople.com,” she said, spooning salad onto her plate.
I started laughing. “What’s so funny, Emjay?”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. We talked for a couple of weeks before we decided to meet for coffee.”
“Ma, come on, you don’t think that’s a little dangerous? Look what happened to that girl that met that guy on Craigslist. He turned out to be a serial killer. Not that I’m saying you’re a serial killer, man, but . . .”
“That was one incident. Besides, I insisted on meeting him at a public place.”
“Ma, you don’t know. These guys could be anybody.”
“Emjay, that’s enough,” Shariece said. There she was playing up the role of godmama. Out of everyone, I thought she would get where I was coming from being that her ex-boyfriend tried to kill her.
“Emjay, I understand the concern you have for your mother, but man, I’m not one of these crazies out here. Your mother is a pretty special lady, and I would never do anything to hurt her.”
I know you’re not going to hurt her unless you want to be sucking food through a straw for the rest of your fake-ass life, I thought.
“Man, how old are you, anyway?”
“Emjay!” Ma protested. “I’m just asking.”
“I’m twenty-six.”
“Damn, so you into cougars?”
“Emjay, you better watch how you speak to my guest.”
“Ma, don’t you think you look a little ridiculous walking around town with a guy this young on your arm?” I ran my mouth like Taj wasn’t in the room.
“Let’s get something straight right now. You don’t have any say-so in how I live my life, and who I date ain’t none of your damn business. Taj is a good man. Maybe if you would stop being such a spoiled brat, and took the time to get to know him, you would see what I see. This is my house, and if you can’t respect me in it, you can get the hell out.”
“Sounds good to me. I’m out of here.”
“Emjay, wait,” Shariece said.
“No, let him go. Until he can learn to respect me and respect Taj, he can show his ass to the door.”
I hauled ass out of there, slamming the door behind me. I jumped in my car and sped off, kicking a fat body of white exhaust behind me.
“Fuck this.”