MYRICK
July, 1991
The cops had ruled Mama’s death an accident. Rashawn and I had to go live with our Aunt Inez in Carrabelle. I hated it there. It was ten times smaller than Tallahassee and everyone’s idea of fun was sitting in the parking lot of Walmart, riding in shopping carts. Auntie Inez was nothing like Mama. She was Glinda the Good Witch compared to Mama’s wicked ass. I wondered how in the hell they were even cut from the same cloth. Rashawn was at a loss without Mama constantly reminding him how handsome he is, and how his pretty ass could do no wrong. Rashawn went from being a straight-A geek to putting needles in his arm, and I was loving every tragic minute of it. She didn’t pull any of that special treatment shit with him like Mama did. Auntie Inez fed us and made sure we had a warm bed to sleep in, but I think all she cared about was how much money she would get back on her income tax every year when she claimed two more mouths to feed including our cousin, Kirk.
I remember making trips on Thanksgiving and Christmas to visit Auntie Inez back when we were kids. Kirk was always trying to fuck with me and Rashawn, try to boss us around, tell us where to sleep and what toys we could and couldn’t play with. We found out when we moved in with Auntie Inez that old habits die hard. One day after being tired of being bullied, I decided to put Kirk’ ass in his place. Auntie Inez was out on another one of her dates. Apple doesn’t ever fall too far from the tree, I thought. Kirk was in charge to babysit even though the three of us were grown teenagers who could take care of ourselves. Kirk would get worse when Auntie Inez wasn’t around; telling us we had to follow his rules and do what he wanted. “Where the fuck is that written?” I asked. Kirk didn’t say anything, but walked up on me and punched me as hard as he could in the gut. Putting his hands on me was his first mistake, and his last. Rashawn always went along with Kirk knowing that he would get a dose of what I got if his ass didn’t fall in line. What Auntie Inez didn’t know is that Kirk had a thing for messing with boys. Now I don’t know if he was a fag or not. He was always weird even back when we were kids. He used to make me, him and this retarded boy named Grady take our dicks out, and rub them together. I thought he had outgrown his perverted phase until he started coming in my room. I would catch him trying to touch my dick under the covers while I was trying to sleep. I would push him off me, but he would punch me in the stomach and say, “Lay your ass down.” I used to shut my eyes tight when he would put my dick in his mouth. I was about nine or ten the first time it happened. When we moved in with Auntie Inez, I found out that Kirk was still a nasty perverted fuck. Who knows how many boys he had messed with over the years? It was a little after midnight when he crept into my and Rashawn’s room. I would act like I was asleep, but wasn’t. I remember how the hinges on the door creaked when Kirk walked in. I could sense him standing over me from all the body heat he was giving off.
“Wake up,” he whispered loudly in a demanding tone. I ignored him at first as I gripped a straight-edged razor in my hand under my pillow.
“Nigga, I know you ain’t sleep.” I pried my eyes open to find him standing over me with his dick protruding from the gape of his pajama pants.
“Suck my dick.” I glanced over at Rashawn whose back was turned to us. I knew his pussy-ass was faking, that he heard every word that was said, but as usual, he was too chicken shit to say or do anything. Why Kirk always went after me, I had no clue. Maybe it was because he liked boys tough and hard to fuck with.
“Do it, faggot, suck my dick.”
“Fuck you,” I told him, as I tightened my grip around the handle of the razor.
“Fuck did you say?” When he punched me in the kidneys, that’s when I raised up and slashed off the tip of his dick. That shit was so fast, I don’t even think he knew what had happened, what I had done until he saw all the blood gushing from the cut. I sat in bed and watched as Kurt grabbed his privates, screaming in pain. There was blood everywhere: my bed, the floor. Kurt looked like he had been dipped in blood. His screams were enough to wake up the whole neighborhood. Rashawn didn’t move until he heard Kirk screaming. I had never heard anyone yell and holler as loud as he did. It was like he was dying, and maybe he was, but I knew he would never put his hands on me again. Blood was running down his leg, pooling on the floor.
“Myrick, what the hell did you do?” Rashawn yelled, standing there, watching Kirk bleed to death. I ran over to him armed with the razor and held it at his molesting-ass throat.
“Open your mouth.”
“You cut my dick,” he yelled, as he cupped the area that was gushing blood.
“And I’ll hack off the rest if you don’t open your fucking mouth.”
“Man, what the fuck?” Rashawn yelled.
“Rashawn, shut the fuck up!”
“I’m not going to tell you again, open your fucking mouth.” When Kirk hesitantly did what he was told, I took the severed tip of my cousin’s dick and stuffed it into his mouth. “Now you know what your own dick tastes like, bitch.” Kirk puked and began to shake.
“We need to call nine-one-one,” Rashawn yelled.
“Fuck him. Let his ass bleed to death.”
I sat on the edge of my bed with the razor as Rashawn called for help. Unfortunately, the doctor was able to piece his dick back on, but he would be pissing in a Ziploc bag for the rest of his life. The cops removed me after Rashawn snitched and told them everything about what happened. I was put back into Child Protective Services until I aged out at eighteen. I didn’t give a fuck. I was glad to be out on my own finally. I was my own man and didn’t have to answer to nobody. I went back to Tallahassee the minute I got enough money saved up from working as a dishwasher at the Waffle House. Killing Mama awoke a craving in me to kill. It was like it was in my blood or something, like I had been possessed. To look into the eyes of my victims, and see the last signs of life leave them, made me feel powerful, like there was nothing I couldn’t do. From that point on, if anyone got in my way, kept me from getting what I wanted, I would come down on them like a hammer. Nobody would ever hurt me again. If anyone was going to do any hurting, it was going to be me from now on.