I had lunch in my study, trying my best to ignore the lingering scent of jasmine and musky feminine scent. I had told her that having a child, getting her pregnant, was a terrible idea. I was stupid.
Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn’t mean to voice it like that, but I was annoyed with myself for forgetting to wear protection when I knew the risks. The risk of having a baby and turning into my father. Hurting both Nasrin and our child. I couldn’t bear to think about it.
“You called me, Sultan?” One of the staff entered the study, bowing his head.
“Arrange a different room for me tonight,” I said and added, “Don’t let Sultana worry about it.”
He frowned, wanting to question me, but he knew who I was. So he agreed and left, leaving me to reflect on my choices.
After seeing her hurt and angry with me, I knew spending the night together in one room was the last thing she wanted. I didn’t want to cause her any more trouble than I already had.
* * *
“Why didn’t you have dinner with us?” Zara asked, walking with me and Khalid in the gardens. We used to do that a lot when we were kids, telling her about flowers and playing with her.
Khalid gave me a look and said, “Because he and Nasrin had their first fight.”
I scowled at him and crossed my arms. The wind was cold, and it reminded me of the night where I had walked the same cobblestone path with her. I wished she had joined us, but Khalid told me she left for her room as soon as she had dinner.
“Really?” Zara frowned. “I hope you apologize to her.”
“Why do you think it’s my fault?”
Khalid snickered and my sister raised her brow at me. “Isn’t it? You always skipped having to eat with us whenever you thought you were guilty. You couldn’t bear to be in the same room, let alone eat. So your absence from dinner meant it was your fault and—”
“Yes, Zara, you’re right.” I looked away, embarrassed.
“What happened?” Khalid asked after a few moments.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I was brutally honest with her and my answer hurt her. I want to talk with her, but I am afraid.”
Zara giggled. “Stop being a pussy and just talk to her, geez.”
Khalid and I groaned hearing our little sister curse.
“What?” Zara said.
“Take some time tonight and talk to her first thing in the morning. Be honest, don’t sugarcoat things,” my brother advised, and I took mental notes. Even though he had never been in a relationship, he was wise. He had been infatuated with only one girl since I can remember, but he doesn’t share anything about her because he thinks that he would never find her.
“And don’t go empty-handed. Women love gifts, especially from the people we love,” Zara cooed, giving me ideas of what to gift her. Chocolates, a movie date night, books or even perfume. Azmia was well-known for the rich scent of our exotic perfumes, and before I met Nasrin, I had asked to have a custom-made perfume with a note of jasmine. I could gift it to her.
“I will talk to her,” I announced and forced them into a hug, ignoring Khalid’s whine. “Thank you.”
* * *
“What did you want to talk about, Sultan?” Nasrin asked, her voice monotone as she looked anywhere but at me.
I had missed her. Sleeping in another room without the bedsheets and pillows smelling like her or the press of her warm body against mine had made me sleepless. I had resisted the urge of waking her up at midnight to apologize and sleep with her.
“I wanted to apologize to you. I am sorry, Nasrin. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh when I answered your question,” I said to her, wishing I could step closer to her and embrace her.
She bit her lip and looked away, a lock of dark hair brushing her collarbone. “As much as your answer hurt me, Zain, you shouldn’t apologize to me. I am sorry for even thinking that you would want to have a child. Especially with me. You had made it clear that you didn’t—”
“Nasrin. Do you know why I don’t want children? Because I hate the thought of having our child, loving him or her. It pains me to think that I will turn out worse than my father was and hurt you and our child. I have nightmares about it because following my father’s footsteps is the last thing that I want.”
I closed my eyes because I couldn’t look at her after telling her the truth. She had asked me to always be honest with her before we got married. It felt good to be honest about it, but I was afraid of what she might think of me for having such terrible thoughts.
“Zain.” I shuddered when her fingers cupped my cheeks. I opened my eyes and stared at her, her eyes gleaming as tears slid down her face. “You are not him. You are Zain. You are my Zain, and you don’t need to prove to yourself or anyone that you are not like your father. Everyone knows that you are not. We don’t need to have a child if that’s what you want. I am sorry for being so annoying yesterday and a—”
“Please don’t cry,” I whispered, wiping away her tears and embracing her in a hug. “I will try not to compare myself with him, but it will take time, Nasrin. But I will try because I don’t want you to be angry at me. I want to be better for you.”
“You are better for me, Zain.”
I pulled away and cupped her cheeks, gazing at her glittering brown eyes. “I won’t deny that I am terrified, but I am more thrilled to have a baby with you, Nasrin. I know you would smack me before I do something stupid, so all I want to do is ask a favor from you.”
“What?” Her voice was barely audible.
“Be with me. Stay with me when I make stupid decisions and scold me.”
“Are you sure? That sounds really good to me. I love scolding the most powerful sultan.”
I let out a soft laugh, her grin making my heartbeat increase. “Yes, I am sure, Sultana. You look hot when you are angry.”
Nasrin scrunched her face and let out a loud laugh that made me feel something weird in my stomach. My eyes noticed and captured every little detail of her. The sound of her laugh doing odd things to my body.
Is this what it was? Is this how it feels to be in love?
I held her hand, my thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Nasrin, I lo—”
“Sultan!”
I closed my eyes and sighed at the knock on our door. My guards had terrible timing.
“Can we continue our talk later?” she asked with a small grin.
“Yes, we will. I need to tell the guards not to knock whenever I am with you.”
“That’s stupid. What if it’s an emergency?”
“You make me feel like doing stupid things.”
I laughed when she pinched my arm.
* * *
“And then the Sheikh was upset hearing that Nasrin has already been wed to you. I’d never dream of my daughter marrying that old man anyway, but a father’s main duty is to make sure his daughter weds and is in a suitable home. You know what I mean, Sultan. Pass me some more wine, will you?” Nasrin’s father, Hamid Elbaz, laughed yet again, ignoring the odd looks of everyone, and took the whole tumbler of wine and filled his cup once again.
The guards had announced that Nasrin’s father had come here to visit, and before we had lunch together, I had given them privacy to talk. Looking at the small frown on my wife’s face, I knew something had happened.
“I disagree,” Zara said, staring directly at him. Nasrin clenched her hand around me, and I squeezed it back in reassurance. My sister could handle herself. It was her father that I was afraid for.
“Excuse me, child?”
Khalid clenched his jaw, glaring at him, but held back from retorting.
“It’s Princess Zara. I hope you don’t forget that in the future.” My sister gave him a sweet smile. “And I completely disagree with your opinion. I believe that parents’ primary concern should be to provide for their children, educate them, and make sure their kids can live on their own when they grow up.”
Nasrin’s father looked troubled. His face had turned red while everyone nodded hearing my sister’s words. “But you are a child, Princess. You wouldn’t know what it is like to be a father.”
“I am nineteen and old enough to know that if you had taught your sons some polite manners, they wouldn’t mock other women in their court. Didn’t your eldest son assault a young man even though he is a sultan?” Zara tsked, shaking her head. “I would certainly be ashamed of myself if I were you and teach him a lesson rather than shaming my daughter for not being pregnant so soon after her marriage.”
My head snapped at Nasrin, her head dipping. “Did he shame you for that?” I whispered and glared at her father when she nodded.
Nasrin pretended to drink wine. Khalid looked proud and my grandmother nodded before resuming their lunch. Only Nasrin’s father looked furious, glaring at my sister when she took a sip of wine from her glass.
“Forgive me, son-in-law, but you need to teach some manners to your sister on how to address her elders and give them respect. If I were you, I would make sure that she apologized and ate nothing until she le—”
“I am not sure your tongue is precious to you, Hamid Elbaz,” Khalid said in a silent voice. “Because if it was, you would want it attached to that filthy face of yours before you leave Azmia.”
Everyone held their breath after hearing my brother’s not-so-silent threat. Zara cleared her throat and resumed her lunch. So did Khalid. The tension was heavy and thick in the hall, but we all knew who was in the right and who was in the wrong.
The way her father acted disgusted me. I wondered how Nasrin spent so many years growing up under the same roof as that man.
“You heard the Prince, baba. Do not mock my sister or attempt to threaten her again,” Nasrin spoke up, her voice stern. “Or as the Sultana of Azmia, I will make sure you do not step in my country ever again.”
I squeezed her hand for standing up to her father. If we had been alone, I would have kissed her and I have to remember to do it as soon as we get alone. Maybe we could spend some time alone in the afternoon, because seeing her give out a command as sultana and politely threaten her father was the hottest thing I had seen. It aroused me to see her like that.
“S-sultan?” Her father stammered when he looked at me, utterly in disbelief at the way his own daughter had reacted.
“You heard the order of Sultana.” I lazily took a sip of the bitter red wine. “I am afraid you need to learn some manners if you want to visit Azmia again.”
He gaped at me, at all of us, even my grandma who was busy scolding the staff to bring her another glass of wine, saying things were getting interesting. He pushed the plate and stood up, anger written all over his face as he trembled.
“I didn’t ask you to leave yet. Please be polite and sit down,” I said, ordering him to sit. Even the guards behind him stepped forward.
“This lunch is nothing but a mocking—”
I interrupted him, “Apologize to your daughter for what you said to her this morning.”
His nose flared, glaring at his own daughter. Khalid was tense, holding the fork in his hand tightly. I just prayed that Hamid wouldn’t spew any more stupidity or else Khalid would fulfill his threat to him. With a fork, if it came to be.
“Apologize. Now.”
He looked at her, Nasrin’s face devoid of any emotion, when her father said, “I apologize for my behavior, Nasrin.”
“You are forgiven,” she replied.
“You may leave.” I waved my hand, and the guards moved away. “But remember that I do not take threats to my family lightly. I hope you remember that on your next visit to Azmia. I hope your stay was well.”
Rahim stopped him, his eyes fixing on me as he bowed. “I am afraid, Sultan and Sultana, that Hamid Elbaz can’t leave just yet.”
“What do you mean?” he bellowed, his face red with anger.
“What is it, Rahim? Did something happen?” I asked, not enjoying the tension hovering in the air. Everyone looked uncomfortable.
“There is something you need to hear, Sultan,” he said. “Alone.”
Nasrin’s hand clenched around me, her expression worried.
“It’s okay, you can share it with me and my family,” I announced, all the other guests leaving their seats. I, along with Nasrin and my siblings remained seated. I didn’t want to trouble Grandmother, so I asked her maids to walk her to her room. Nasrin’s father glared at all of us as he was forced to sit down on the chair.
“If that’s what you wish,” Rahim said, and fixed his eyes on Hamid. “Do you want to tell us what happened when their mothers left for London?”
My spine straightened, so did Khalid’s. “What is this about?”
Hamid’s face drained of color and he looked at us, his daughter, before averting his eyes. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Rahim, what is this about?” I repeated once again, my voice hard.
My advisor looked at me, his eyes softening. “I am sorry to be a bearer of this news, Sultan… and Sultana. But Hamid Elbaz planned the death of your mothers. That airplane crash was intentional. He wanted to kill them so he could weaken Salman Al Latif and fight Azmia from him.”
My heart dropped in my stomach, my ears ringing. I shook my head, “That couldn’t be… why would he kill them to fight Azmia?”
“Is this true, baba?” Nasrin’s voice was weak when she looked across the table.
Her father did not meet her eyes.
“Did you kill my mothers?” Khalid asked, standing up from the chair. I could see what was running through his eyes. The anger and the silent threat in his voice.
I stopped him, holding him back before he could kill Hamid Elbaz. “Hear him out, Khalid.”
“He killed our mothers. I don’t want to hear from him. I want to ki—”
“Khalid,” Zara said, her face ashen as she looked at us. They were her mothers, too. “Please, let us hear what he has to say.”
Once we were all settled down, one of the guards stepped forward with a small knife pointed to Hamid’s neck. I didn’t look at Nasrin.
“Speak,” I ordered.
He swallowed the lump in his throat, his withered face scrunching. “It wasn’t supposed to end up like that. I had envied Salman since the day both of us were crowned as sultans. He was my friend, but I envied him. His riches, his charm, his strength. That envy and greed for more made me want to take Azmia from him. The only thing, his country, that he ever cared about. He didn’t even care about his wives or his children. I had seen him laugh about them, mock them, I couldn’t understand how a powerful man like him could be so cruel towards his own family.”
My jaw clenched when he continued, his eyes looking at me. “So, I planned to kill him. To do that, I became his close friend and learned that he would visit London, leaving his wives and children in the palace. I had a bomb planted in his private plane but I didn’t know that he would change his plans last minute. That he stayed back in the palace and let his wives go to London.”
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. He had planted a bomb on the plane that killed my mothers. He was the reason that our father mourned for them and hurt us more.
“Sultan, we have to—”
I stopped Rahim from speaking and stood up. Khalid and Zara didn’t look too well. I glared at the man for the root cause of our pain. “Take him to the dungeons. He isn’t allowed to leave Azmia until he is ready to announce his crimes publicly.”
I left when the guards took him away, ignoring his pleading when he begged his own daughter to help him. I could hear Nasrin following me, calling me to stop and talk to her.
“I can’t talk to you. You are the daughter of the person who killed my mothers,” I said, hating the tone of my voice.
“Don’t tell me you believe that I had something to do with it,” she whispered harshly, holding my wrist and making me face her. “I am sorry for what my father did, but you have to trust me I had nothing to do with it, Zain. I… I like you, I have feelings for you, and if I had known the truth, which I didn’t, I would have told you.”
“Or you married me because you knew I wasn’t like my father. That I would share equal power and responsibilities with you so you could scheme whatever you wanted with your family to take Azmia from me.”
She took a step back, her hand pressing against her mouth. “You don’t mean any of that…”
I gritted my teeth. “I don’t and that’s the problem, because that’s what the council and the people of our countries will think when the news of your father’s deeds come out. There will be a council meeting, and they will give your father the death penalty if he accepts his crimes, Nasrin.”
Her eyes watered and I hated that I couldn’t step towards her and tell her everything would be okay and I would keep her safe. Instead, I continued, thinking like a sultan rather than the Zain she adored. “They will question your entire family. Even you.”
“I don’t care,” she cried out. “I want to hear what you will do, Zain. Please tell me you—”
“You should go back,” I said in a bitter voice. “Go to Maahnoor. Your presence here might affect the judgement of your father and your family’s questioning.”
“Zain, don’t make me go away. I am a sultana, I can help you and we can sort it—”
My heart broke when I said, “I am ordering you as the Sultan to leave Azmia and visit your home. You must miss Maahnoor. Don’t come back until they announce you not guilty, Nasrin.”
I hated myself when I walked away from her, ignoring the instinct to go back and tell her it would be okay. That I wouldn’t let anyone harm her, and I would keep her safe and make sure no harm came to her family.
But I couldn’t do that. Because even as the most powerful sultan in the Middle East, I couldn’t protect her. Those words were nothing but a lie, and I couldn’t lie to the person I loved.