(To Cut or Not to Cut)
AHH, the penis. What would women do without them? I’ve always been fascinated with how they look. They’re either big, small, narrow, stubby, purple, or veiny. And always anxious to please. The first time I ever saw one I was horrified. I think I was sixteen, and I remember wondering how in the hell could men even deal with walking around with all that meat and potatoes between their legs. I was so grateful to have a vagina. As I grew older I became less weirded out by penises, of course, but I still found their man-junk fascinating!
It took me until college to be introduced to my first “uncut” penis. What does every girl do after seeing her first uncircumcised penis??? She calls all of her friends and tells them she just saw one—in those early dating years, at least. I don’t think I’d call anyone now. In fact, people would probably be weirded out if I did. Anyway, the majority of my friends and I knew men usually had circumcised penises. So does my husband. Needless to say, when it was time to make a decision to cut or not to cut, I didn’t hesitate. “Like father, like son,” right?
If you don’t know what an uncircumcised penis looks like, you will once your baby boy is born. When I saw my son’s for the first time, I thought it looked kind of like a wrinkled French fry. I had the hardest time knowing that I would have to be the one to tell the doc, “Go ahead and take that knife and slice some skin off. AHH!” It seemed so cruel. I was in such an emotional state that this choice was KILLING me. I created this beautiful bun of love! How could I do anything to cause him pain?
But I did, and my main reason was stupid, but truthful. I wanted him to have a pretty penis. I always thought the cut ones were prettier, but some disagree. That’s fine. A lot of people make the decision to cut because a circumcised penis is easier to keep clean. The guy won’t have to lean it over the bathroom sink for a pull-back and rinse. But is it morally wrong to have your kid go through circumcision just to have what YOU consider a pretty penis?
Okay, right now my husband is standing over my shoulder reading this, shouting, “Stop calling it a pretty penis! Our son is going to be embarrassed. Call it a battle sword or something!”
So his “battle sword” was now scheduled for its first battle. My doc insisted on waiting a week. I thought that was CRAZY. I didn’t want to wait a week. I wanted it done while the baby and I were still in the hospital. That way, if anything went wrong, we were in the right place. Also the nurses could help him recover properly. My doc said that it was healthier to wait in case of an infection because he’d be stronger to fight it. Ugh! Fine, I waited.
The day we took him into my gyno’s office will be burned into my head forever. I held my son tightly on the elevator ride and told him how sorry I was to put him through this. But hopefully his wife someday would appreciate what I was doing. Feeling still very emotional due to high volumes of hormones running through my body, I walked down the hallway like someone was shouting DEAD PENIS WALKING! I burst into tears and almost bowed out. My husband gave me a pep talk to dig in deep and be strong for my boy.
We headed into a room and the nurse pulled out a molded piece of plastic to fit the baby’s body that included straps for his arms and legs, just like the electric chair. So, what did Mommy do when she saw this? Screamed “AHHH!!!!” And ran out of the room and sobbed down the hallway!!! I left my husband in there with my son. I couldn’t be there to witness it. I sat on a bench, plugged my ears, and started saying the “Our Father.” I figured Jesus was Jewish, so he could relate.
A few minutes later the door opened up, and my husband walked out with our baby in his arms. My son was crying hard, and my husband looked pale after watching the procedure. The doctor told me how to care for the cut, which was to put an enormous amount of Vaseline on the penis with every diaper change. This was so the diaper wouldn’t stick to the booboo and tear it open. A great piece of advice I can give you is to buy the Vaseline in a tube that squirts out. That way you can just squirt it around the penis instead of having to rub it on.
As soon as I got home that day I gave my son a good ounce of Tylenol and placed him in his crib. He was exhausted and rightly so. I stared at my boy and rubbed his back. All I could do was tell him I was sorry and that Mommy was doing her best to take care of his “battle sword.”
But, circumcised or uncircumcised, just know that your son, like most men, is going to love his penis no matter what you decide.