“Can I Take Your Order?” “Yes, God, I’ll Take Another Baby with No Pickles and Extra Mustard This Time”

(Deciding on Baby #2)

You look at your naked ass in the mirror and shout, “Wow, I can almost make out my old ass.” Your body is somewhat back as you celebrate your baby’s first birthday. You think back on all the memories and milestones you’ve gone through with your baby, and you smile. You can’t believe that little old you survived childbirth and your baby’s first year. It’s such a huge accomplishment, and you feel honored to have earned the title Mother.

So then you start to consider turning your ass into a dump truck all over again.

Making the decision to have Baby #2 is different for everybody. Many people are content with one, and I say, good for them. I come from such a huge family that if there isn’t a line for the bathroom, the house feels empty. I had a genetic urge to fill that line with bouncing toddlers. My husband fortunately shares the same desire. He wants more children, but he did admit that he was scared of having to go without sex for another year and a half. I told him that the next pregnancy I would be more understanding of his sexual needs. (Yeah, right, like that will ever happen.) Back in my mom’s day, they banged out babies at yearly intervals. Now I think it’s important to wait until you truly feel like getting pregnant again.

To tell you the truth, I knew I wanted another baby someday, but my pregnancy was so difficult that, for a year and a half, when people would ask when I was going to get pregnant again, I would say, “In, like, ten years.” Then something amazing happened one day that I hope is recognized as scientific fact. A little something I like to call Pregnancy Amnesia set in.

One magical day, your body chemically forces your brain to forget about the hardships of pregnancy and childbirth. I believe with all my heart that this happens because many women wouldn’t conceive if they remembered the pain precisely. I always wondered why my mother claimed that giving birth wasn’t that bad, yet my father would go on and on about her painful cries. Now I know why—pregnancy amnesia!

It took me about a year and a half, and then one day, BAM! All I could think about was how badly I wanted another baby. All my aches and pains of delivery didn’t seem so bad anymore. I was ready to have cottage cheese platters for thighs again. I was willing to blow out my vagina and cry when I went #2. I was ready to give Evan a little brother or sister.

Hell, at least now I knew what I was headed for, even though pregnancy amnesia blurred it a bit. I became the great mom I hoped I would become, and if I can share that with more little spirits, then all the better. I hope you enjoy being a mom as much as I do. I swear to you there’s nothing better in life.

So, wish me luck out there, girls, as I embark on round two, and I’ll be doing the same for you during your first year of MOMMYHOOD!!!! It’s sweet, it’s hard, it’s thankless at times, but it’s the best piece of heaven on earth. You’ll see.