Tips for Dad

(From Your Wife)

Even though my ass is the size of Texas, please tell me I look pretty. I know I look like a hairy piece of steak fat, but it will make me smile.

 

When you are coming home from work or anywhere, please call home to see if I need anything from the store. It saves me a trip.

 

I know you are working so hard to bring home the bacon, but please know that I’m working JUST as hard. Once in a while, please let me know verbally, not through sex, that you appreciate all I’m doing at home with the baby. It will make me feel SOOOO good!

 

Plan a date for us somewhere, even if it’s staying at the nice hotel down the street for the night. My mom will watch the baby, and then we can have our time and one good night’s rest. I’m too busy to make arrangements, so please be the one in charge of handling it.

 

In the first few months, please try to help out with dinners as much as possible. It would mean so much to me if you walked in the front door with takeout.

 

If I’m changing the majority of the poopy diapers, please be the one to keep up with taking out the garbage filled with them. It’s only fair.

 

If I feel like doing something for myself for like an hour or so on the weekend, please be cool and take the baby during this time. I just want to go on a bike ride or window shop.

 

I know you have the worst case of blueballs imaginable, but I still need you to hang in there. Even though my vagina is “healed,” I just don’t feel ready for sex. Please just cuddle with me, and when I finally feel frisky again, I’ll rock your world. I promise.

 

Lastly, know that I love you. You are my man, and I’m so proud that our baby is going to be raised by such a good dad. We will both love you till the end of time.