“T he Minnesota Boat Show was last weekend. There’s a whole line of yachts that are like stepping into a luxury hotel. Not that I’ll be able to afford one in this lifetime, but they are so cool. I have a kayak. I think there are like six of them in my parents’ garage. A couple canoes too, but I suck at canoeing.” Kelly talked the whole drive about the latest in boating. Anything sports made him happy. If he hadn’t admitted he was gay, I’d have never known it since he acted all butch jock. He’d asked me to join his fantasy football league and gave me a funny look when I asked if that was something to do with naked football players. Maybe it was more a sports thing than a sexuality thing. Whatever. Naked football players would have been more interesting. “Next summer I’ll take you rafting. It’s so peaceful just gliding down the river. You don’t even have to paddle much.”
“I’ve never been a big fan of large bodies of water,” I told him.
“We’ll start small. Maybe the Minnesota River instead of the Mississippi. Super-slow current. You just float along and listen to nature around you. Birds singing, leaves rustling, the smell of earth and water. There’s nothing like it.”
Put that way it didn’t sound that bad. “Maybe.”
We stopped at a light and waited for it to change. I stared out at the darkening sky and wondered what else in my life could be different. I had a list to complete, after all. If my parents had been more like Kelly’s, I might have already done things like canoeing or camping or hiking. Both Kelly and Jamie talked about that stuff all the time.
Red turned green, and Kelly pulled his sedan into the intersection.
A truck swerved around all the others, headlights glaring in our direction. “Shit!” Kelly hit the gas and jerking the car to the left. The truck missed us by inches. Everyone honked and shouted out their windows as a mash of cars halted in the middle of the street. Kelly pulled into a nearby parking lot and sucked in several deep breaths. The traffic cleared. Thankfully it appeared that no one had been hurt.
My heart pounded, and the shake began in my hands. I gripped my sweats around my thighs, pulling the fabric tight enough to hurt. No way was I going to lose it here.
“You okay?” I asked Kelly when my voice felt steady again.
“Shaken, but okay. You?”
“Okay. Let’s go to the library.” I was the older of us. I had to take care of him. Kelly looked up to me. I had to be strong for him, even when I was afraid.
“Okay.” He huffed out a heavy breath. “Should we call the cops or something?”
“For what? We didn’t get hit. It was just a really bad driver.” I hadn’t even noticed much about the truck other than it had been big and dark. Winter was pretty notorious for bringing out the worst drivers, and winter had hit early and hard this year, which ensured people were just going to be more stupid on the road. “Let’s go.”
Kelly nodded and carefully pulled out of the lot and back onto the street. When we arrived at the library, it had only a handful of people in it. Since it was dinnertime, I hoped everyone took a long meal break.
“I’m headed to the water collection. Are you going to earth?” Kelly asked.
“Nope. Microfilm.” What I wanted was in classified databases, but a lot of that info was still readily available on old microfilm. It’d be a bitch to find. But I had to start somewhere.
Kelly and I separated to our respective areas. I browsed the timeframe in which my father had died, sometime in the early fall of my birth year. Starting in July and working my way up, it wasn’t until I hit October that I found it. Odd that he would be put to death in October when I was due in November. The microfilm said on October twenty-third a public execution had been held. Four male witches sentenced to burn at the stake for violating Dominion Code. Though the article didn’t specify what they’d done, there was a picture of my dad with three other men. Whatever backstory there was to the execution hadn’t made it into print. Nothing was listed about information on a trial or even a police query. What was the Dominion trying to hide?
Finding out he died at the hands of the Dominion didn’t surprise me. Jamie had pretty much said so when I’d gone in for my levels retest. He blamed my mother for my dad’s death. But she wasn’t mentioned anywhere in print.
I scrolled through to find the date of my birth. Nothing was listed. It figured, as only female children of the Dominion were usually announced. I exited the microfilm and headed to the open computers.
While e-mailing Dr. Tynsen the list I had and my answer to what I wanted to get out of our meetings, I also asked her, “Can you help me have sex with my boyfriend again?”
What would she make of that? We’d spoken little of my relationship, mostly because I didn’t want to talk about it. But neither had she expressed any discomfort with my homosexuality. At least not yet.
I did a few other quick searches on myself and found endless articles bashing me and a few websites apparently dedicated to my death. The Ascendance had their own website, and the most recently posted blog talked about how convenient it had been for Rose to die and Brock to try to kill me. Without both incidents, I would not be Pillar and they would not have their chance to force the Dominion to adopt equality.
They touted Brock as somewhat of a hero. He had been a member. Though in smaller text it said his use of murder was unlawful. Just unlawful? What about immoral? What about rape and kidnapping? Neither was mentioned. I guessed heroes of the cause got a free pass on the pillaging of innocents.
My stomach rumbled, so I logged off to go find the vending machines. Jamie would have a fit later when he found out I had eaten junk food. He was more than a little obsessive about nutrition—especially mine.
I stared at the selections for a few minutes, debating between the KitKat and a Twix, when someone shoved me heavily from behind. I stumbled into the machine, only barely catching myself to keep my face from smashing into the glass.
“What the fuck!” I said, heart pounding in my chest.
I looked back and saw a couple of large guys walking away as if nothing had happened. They were dressed in uniform. I didn’t know enough about sports to tell what they played, but it was off season for football, and they didn’t much look like the library type. Had they followed me or had someone called them to tell them I was here? I’d have to scan the library when I got back to see if anyone was paying more attention than they should be. Had it been too much to hope that all the hateful acts had ended with death of the last earth Pillar, Rose Pewette? It was like being back in first year. My luck, I’d go home and find myself hexed again.
The tremble started in my hands. After typing in the number for the KitKat, I hurried back to the library and found Kelly nose-deep in a book on water magic. He looked so interested I couldn’t bring myself to bother him with my troubles.
Moving to a computer near him, I logged on again. I felt marginally safer with Kelly close. I could probably ask him to sit with me while I searched online. But he had his own reasons for being here, and I didn’t want to be a burden to him any more than I was to anyone else. And it was my job to protect him, so I kept an eye out for the rogue football players.
Ten new messages highlighted my e-mail box. Most were hate mail. But one was a reply from Dr. Tynsen. She wrote:
This is a good start. Keep working on your list. Also, I may have a solution to your issues with sex. Take a look at the links below and give me a call tomorrow morning. If you want, I can set up an appointment for you.
Dr. Tynsen
T he link went to a website about hypnosis. Apparently it was something that people did to get through everything from smoking addictions to multiple personalities. Clicking to see certified practitioners, I was surprised to find Dr. Tynsen on the list. She had her own page that spoke of repressed memories and how simple reworking could make the brain “rewire” itself to overcome issues.
Like the medications, it sounded too good to be true. The testimonials pages went on and on about personal experiences. People who used hypnosis instead of drugs. One man talked about how he’d been mugged and was too afraid to go outside. None of the anxiety pills helped, but after one session going under, he’d found the strength to not only leave his house, but venture into a crowded mall.
Could something so simple cure me?
Gabe told me every day, sometimes several times a day, he loved me. How long would that last if I continued to be this emotionally stunted? Words only went so far. I sighed and sent Dr. Tynsen back an e-mail. Can we do this tomorrow morning? I can be in early.
Her reply came back fairly quickly. Eight o’clock at my office. See you there.
I signed off. Going anywhere that early meant a cab or Jamie—Kelly had class. The crowd in the library was growing. Murmurs and whispers expanded to a dull roar, something that grated at me, like they were all talking about me. I searched the crowd for the jocks who had abused me at the vending machine, fearing they’d followed me. But they didn’t appear. No one else seemed to be paying us any mind, though with all the cell phones and tablets nowadays it was hard to tell.
Kelly sat down beside me, hands free of books now. He looked cautious. “You ready to go?”
Had he seen the tension in my face? “Yes, please.”
We headed back to the car, and I texted Jamie about the morning ride. He answered back almost immediately that he would drive. I hoped he wasn’t on a date. If he was, he certainly wasn’t paying a lot of attention to her.
Kelly dropped me off at the front of the building. I was somewhat happy he didn’t demand to walk me to the door. But then he was probably living in a similar fishbowl. He was lucky he wasn’t Pillar. Then the real fun began, because the whole world wanted to fuck with you when you were Pillar. Or maybe it was just me because I was the first male Pillar in history.
A familiar face waited in the lobby, browsing a magazine. Detective Andrew Roman looked up from his seat, then slammed the magazine closed and got up. His dark hair and pretty blue eyes made him look so normal. If I’d met him before I met Gabe, I probably would have hit on him, maybe even seduced him into my bed. But he was a vampire, a powerful witch, and didn’t like me much.
Gabe told me Roman’s element was air. Very different from my earth. Air was usually less powerful. But since he could use his ability to cloud the sky, he could travel during the day, even when the sun was still up. It was a little odd finding him in Gabe’s apartment building, as he didn’t seem to want to be in the same room as my lover.
“Rou,” he said by way of greeting.
“Do you need something, Roman?” I asked. “Has another witch died that I can be blamed for?”
“I know you’re bitter about that—”
Bitter? That was putting it mildly. “Brock tried to kill me. He was one of your faithful followers, wasn’t he? I saw the crap you guys posted on the Ascendance site.”
“Maybe we can go inside and talk about this,” Roman said.
Like inside Gabe’s condo? “You really think I would ever invite you in? Not a chance. What do you want? Why do you keep bringing us up to the Tri-Mega? I’m not his focus and he doesn’t have a bunch of baby vampires to his beck and call. You need to find someone else to obsess about.”
Roman sighed but didn’t look all that repentant. “You’re just a means to the end, Rou.”
“What end? Are you still trying to hurt Gabe? Wasn’t it your wife who turned him into a vampire?” Gabe had told me the story. Roman had been a general above Gabe, but Roman’s wife had a thing for Gabe. She had become a vampire in her quest for eternal beauty, and when she made Gabe a vampire instead of Roman, he had tried to kill Gabe. Instead Gabe had run away from them both, getting himself transferred to another division, despite his new issues, which was where he’d met and fell in love with Titus. It sounded like one of the many romance novels I’d read in my life, only there had been no happy ending. “She killed Titus, the man he loved.”
“And he slaughtered her for it,” Roman told me.
“Sounds like an eye for an eye to me.”
“Not for me.” He said it quietly, and I got that he felt like a lover seeking revenge for his wife. I just don’t think he got that his wife obviously hadn’t loved him, else she would never have gone for Gabe to begin with.
Either way, I was not letting him near Gabe. “If you hurt him, I will put an end to you and the Ascendance.”
“Stronger witches have tried.”
“You’ve never met a stronger witch than me.” I glared at him.
Sure, as a level-five earth witch and the Pillar of earth, I had power. But I also knew more about the Dominion than most and had a couple of influential people I could whisper to, like my mother, Tanaka Rou, and the woman who was to become the mother of my child, Hanna Browan. I figured a few of my professors would stand beside me as well.
“Jonathon?” I called to our doorman.
He immediately jumped to my side. He wasn’t a large man but well recognized, and the lobby was full of people getting their mail or talking. Gabe’s building looked more like a posh hotel on the inside than a condo, with lots of comfy seating and a huge roaring fireplace. “Yes, Mr. Rou?”
“Please see this gentleman out. He is not a guest of ours.” That little phrase meant he would not be allowed back in unless he was with a tenant.
“Yes, sir.” Jonathon motioned to Roman. “This way, sir, please. I don’t wish to call security.”
I turned to the elevator.
“It’s not over, Rou. You may have killed Brock, but there are others out there who want you dead,” Roman told me.
My pulse sped up. The truth in his words stung. “Great. Sounds like you’ll have to get in line, then. Because you’ll have to kill me to get to Gabe.” The crowd in the room all stared, but I didn’t care. I just watched Jonathon escort Roman out.
I made my way downstairs, paranoia making me wait for three elevators to pass before I got an empty one. Once inside Gabe’s apartment, I went to work, putting together a lemon-strawberry tart that went perfectly with the wine I had in the fridge. When he returned, I’d kiss him hello and serve dessert and maybe we’d make love. I was hopeful, and hope was all I could really cling to.