I yanked at the cuffs and tried to pull free from the radiator. Those things were attached to pipes or something, right? Was there a way to break them?
The door opened, and Andrew Roman walked in. He stared at me for a minute. Since he made no move to pull a gun or a phone or anything, I assumed he was not here to help.
“You took him rather easily,” Roman said to Sam, who stood behind him. “I’m surprised. But the entire city is out looking for him. There were bulletins on the radio and every local TV channel. He’s Pillar so it’s likely to go national soon.” He crossed the room and knelt in front of me, looking at me like I was some sort of exotic bug he was getting ready to pin down. “He’s not as pretty without the hair. Wonder what Gabe sees in him.”
“Wonder what Matthew sees in him,” Sam said.
Andrew stared at Sam for a minute. “We know what he sees in you, don’t we?”
Sam’s lips tightened.
“Where is Santini?”
“Matthew said he wasn’t awake yet.”
Roman’s expression turned into a mask of rage. “I told you to take Santini. The kid was just a way to ensure he’d do what you say.”
Sam backed away, moving away from the only exit to the room.
The door opened again, and Matthew appeared, smiling like the crazy man he was. “Roman,” he greeted.
“You were supposed to bring Santini. I didn’t need the damn kid.”
“The kid belongs to me. I will make him my focus. You can do whatever you want with your old butt buddy,” Matthew snarled back.
Roman crossed the room in two long glides and punched Matthew so hard he flew into the wall with a crunch. Sadly, he still got back up, chuckling the whole time. He didn’t look any less crazy with blood running down his face and half a rib protruding from his chest.
“Sensitive guy, aren’t you? Santini will come. You know he will.” Matthew pulled me up by the shirt, not seeming to care that I was cuffed to the radiator. “In the meantime, I think Seiran and I will use the bed. To get reacquainted, if you know what I mean.”
“I don’t think so. Call Santini. He’ll want to talk to Rou. Once Santini is here, you can rape and torture the kid all you want in front of him. We’ll have him begging for death long before I’m close to being ready to kill him. But I want Santini.” Roman threw his badge on the table. I guess he wasn’t playing good cop anymore.
Matthew looked down at me and scowled. “What the fuck? What happened to his hair?”
Roman smirked at Sam.
Sam held his hands up in front of him. “You were always saying you hated it. So I cut it for you.”
Matthew hit Sam. I didn’t even see Matthew move, just Sam hitting the floor with a finite thud. He didn’t get back up, but it looked like he was still breathing. I knew what it was like to be thrown like a toy and broken by a madman. Oddly enough, the tremble that usually took over my limbs hadn’t started. Was it something to do with being separated from the Earth or was I going into shock?
Sure, I felt light-headed, most likely from blood loss, but the deep-seated fear that usually sat in my belly was gone. What had changed? Was it Matthew’s control over my body?
“Let’s go call Santini before you do something else stupid,” Roman said.
“Fuck you.” Matthew pushed his broken rib back into place. I gagged and closed my eyes, swallowing back bile.
“I keep telling you, even vampires need sleep and time out of the sun. Just because my power shields you from the sun doesn’t mean you should walk around all day in it. You’re so out of it you’ve probably killed your thrall,” Roman said as they left the room.
Alone again with the radiator, and Sam, if he was going to live. I stretched my leg across the room and kicked his foot. It took a couple of tries, but he began to stir. He rolled over slowly and stared at me. I stared back. He was nothing, not to them or to me. And his expression said he realized it.
How many years had it been since people started looking at me like I was some sort of plaything? Matthew had ingrained that awful cycle in me. He’d made me a monster, and before me sat a pale version of that.
“How many does he bring to your bed?” I asked Sam, who still looked pretty groggy from the hit. We could have matching concussions, how grand. “Does he tell you that without them you bore him?”
“You don’t know anything,” Sam replied.
“Did he tell you I was eleven the first time we had sex? How he brought other men to rape me while he watched? What is it you want from him, Sam? He can’t love. He doesn’t know what it is.” I knew that now. Gabe had taught me what real love was. Matthew had tried to tear me apart. That wasn’t love.
Sam peeled himself off the floor. A bruise was forming along the side of his face, and he had blood on his lips. “He told me you crawled into his bed. Seduced him and begged for more men to fuck you.”
I sighed. He’d always blamed me. Had, in fact, convinced me to blame myself. “How does he explain the lovers he brings to your bed? Do you beg him for others?”
“He only wants you.”
“So he hasn’t fucked you? I don’t believe that. You look too much like me.”
Sam kicked me, but I moved fast enough to take most of it in the hip rather than the stomach or the side. “I should cut off your dick. See how he likes you then.”
“It’s not my dick he likes.” I sighed. “You wouldn’t do something like that anyway. You’re not as crazy as he is.”
“He’s not crazy.”
Right, ’cause sane people weren’t at all fazed by having their ribs protrude from their chests, and they kidnapped people, and threatened to rape them without so much as a glimpse of remorse. Matthew was padded room, batshit crazy. We both knew the truth.
I tugged on the cuffs. “Where are the keys, Sam? You can still get out of this with your life. Just let me go.” I remembered Roman saying that even vampires need sleep. “Has he not slept?” Metaphysics 101 was a second-year class, though I remembered paying more attention since Gabe and I had a thing going. Only total body destruction or fire could kill a vampire, but lack of blood or sleep could make them nuts. “Just like normal humans, vampires need sleep. They go crazy without it. It will make him weak and dangerous.”
Sam tried to kick me again but didn’t put much strength into it. The expression on his face was one that I’d seen in the mirror more than a handful of times. Fear, uncertainty, doubt, loss of the sense of self.
“I’d almost convinced him to make me his focus. Then he saw you on the news. Southerton was dead, and you were the new Dominion superstar.”
“Ha. Don’t let the media fool you. I’m a slug in the Dominion. The only reason they stood behind me was because I became earth Pillar. If they could kill me without a resulting worldwide disaster, I’m sure they would.” I leaned against the wall, glad the radiator was warm, though the chill seeping into my fingers was something to worry about. The ache working its way down my back reminded me of the spine injury I’d been very careful with the past few weeks. Sitting for long periods could be painful, and with little more than the wall for support I had no doubt I’d barely be able to move later.
“That’s bullshit. You’re always on the news. Smiling for the cameras. Your little family around you.”
“Except one of them is dead now. Matthew made me to shoot Jamie.” Whatever was keeping the tremble from my hands obviously kept the brunt of the pain away. I should have been a wreck, a sobbing mess, but I barely felt anything emotionally. If this cold detachment was part of being around a Null, then there needed to be warnings written, maybe even new laws made.
“The big guy that’s always following you around? Big deal. He was just a bodyguard.” Sam took the electric razor off the bed and threw it in the drawer.
“He was my brother. We had the same dad.”
Sam sat down on the bed and didn’t say anything. He didn’t look at me, either.
“The Dominion killed my dad before I was born.”
“I know. I sent you pictures,” Sam finally said.
“Were you the one who called?”
“And sent the package.”
“Kelly’s car?”
“Matthew’s idea. The shooter was someone he hired off the street.”
“Why?”
Sam looked at me now. “He loves you. He doesn’t love me.”
“Sam, Matthew doesn’t love anyone but Matthew.”
He shook his head. “You’re just saying that.”
Yes and no. If anything, seeing the bastard again was sort of freeing. Because he was a bastard, and it wasn’t my fault. He probably abused Sam ’cause the kid looked like me. But he was the one who had walked away. Whatever madness was in him was all his own doing. “He left me eight years ago. I wrote letters that were returned. He left me. Why would he want me back? Does any of this sound normal to you? The hate mail and spam, the vandalism, the shooting? Eight years of nothing and now an obsession that’s gotten people killed?”
“You don’t understand.”
And like Gabe had told me before, no, I didn’t. “You helped kidnap me. What are the cops going to do when they find you? Do you want to go to prison?”
“I won’t go to prison. Matthew won’t let that happen.”
I know they said love was blind. But this was beyond reason. I couldn’t keep myself from blurting the truth. “If he were just using you as a replacement for me, what does he need you for now that he has me?”
“Roman’s going to kill you.”
Great. Good to know my death was imminent.
The door opened again, and Matthew stepped inside. He looked from one to the other. “Don’t talk to him,” Matthew told Sam. “Unlock him. Santini’s coming. We need to head out to the barn to make sure he’s not bringing the cops down on our heads.”
Sam undid the cuffs. I stretched, letting some of the pain in my shoulder and back free in a strangled groan. The sound made Sam wince, but Matthew looked at me like he’d rather throw me on the bed than take me to whatever place they had laid a trap for Gabe in. I let Sam take the place between us. They would have to kill me before I let Matthew rape me again.
I prayed Gabe wouldn’t come. Maybe he’d just call the cops and let the bad guys shoot things out. Sure, I’d probably die in the crossfire too, but Gabe would be safe.
Someone needed to put an end to Roman. How much of all of this had he orchestrated? Or was it just a coincidence that he had Matthew working for him and Matthew and I had serious history? I wasn’t a strong believer in coincidence. Somehow Roman had found Matthew and the two had come up with a plan to terrorize me just to get to Gabe. Maybe they’d even planned Brock’s death and my ascension to Pillar. Their mistake was underestimating me. The second I could reach the Earth, they were all dead. Guilty conscience, Dominion pyre, or not. They were all over.
* * *
I t was dark when they dragged me through the house and out the door. They didn’t return my jacket. The bite of cold was immediate and sharp. I shivered as we walked, feeling the Earth try to gather around me again. Only with Matthew on one side and Sam on the other, it was like the power hit a wall and kept climbing but couldn’t reach me. It was so close and so strong I could see it. And I wanted it so badly.
We headed into the trees, which got thicker the farther we walked. There was snow on the ground, but only a light coating. I wondered where we were. It had to be north of the Cities. We’d driven for a few hours. Maybe even close to the border. I didn’t think we’d driven long enough to get to Canada, and they probably wouldn’t, since Gabe would need a special permit to get into Canada. Somehow I didn’t think Matthew or Andrew Roman were going to wait that long.
“Are you really going to make him your focus?” Sam asked Matthew.
“Not your problem.”
“He won’t obey you.”
“He’ll do what I tell him.”
“Right now, yes. He’s your thrall. If you make him your focus, you’ll be equal.” Sam kept me firmly between him and Matthew. From this angle his face looked really swollen. I hoped he wasn’t bleeding internally. My luck, Matthew would tell me to drag Sam’s body with us or bury it if he died, and I’d be forced to do it because of the stupid compulsion of the vampire bite.
If I could reach my power, I’d be the one in control. But the longer they kept the Earth from me, the weaker I got. Whether the numbness in my limbs was caused by blood loss, cold, or not being in contact with my element, I didn’t know. It just hurt, and I was so tired.
Kelly kept telling me about martial arts and how it was a sport I’d enjoy since I liked yoga. Maybe it was time to learn something that could be used for more than exercising my body. But really, other than being a vampire, how did one fight a vampire? I sighed heavily.
My back was really starting to ache. I’d had it pretty easy the past few weeks, even forgotten that when I first left the hospital, I’d had to walk with a cane. Only now did I realize how I’d let other things lapse. I couldn’t run a few miles. Hell, it hurt to keep walking now. Yet, they dragged me onward.
When a barn came into sight, I wondered what the point of all this was. Roman could kill Gabe a hundred times, but it wouldn’t bring his wife back or make her love him.
Matthew could force me to become his focus, but the second that happened, I’d kill him. I knew I could do it now. How? That I didn’t know. But the numbness of my limbs was moving into my brain.
Jamie was probably dead. That didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Gabe dying only slightly bothered me. Yeah, there was something wrong in my head. I was pretty sure it had to do with Matthew.
The set of Sam’s shoulders was tight.
“So I take your blood,” I said to Matthew. “And say from you to me until the sun forever breaks. Then what? You and I ride off into the sunset?”
“You can ride me anytime, baby,” Matthew replied.
Yeah, that was about what I expected. Bug fucking nuts. “Who made you a vampire? Was it Roman?”
“Nope. Just happened to run into him.”
“Did you know you’re supposed to be registered with the Tri-Mega? They sort of frown on rogue vampires.” I’d learned a lot about them in the past few weeks. Gabe’s inquiry had to be good for something. Matthew’s maker would be punished for bringing him over, maybe even killed. I prayed they put Matthew down too if for some reason I wasn’t able to kill him.
Matthew opened the side door to the barn and pushed me in, Sam on my heels. The metallic stink of drying blood hit me when I stepped inside. The place smelled like blood, mold, and shit. I pulled the sleeve on my undamaged arm down over my hand and held it under my nose, trying to funnel out some of the stink.
The dark was lit only by a single gasoline lantern. Roman wasn’t there, but he was probably off leading Gabe into some sort of trap. I hoped that whatever happened here meant that Roman either wound up dead or no longer a cop. Bad cops didn’t make anything right.
“Gabe has probably got the Tri-Mega on the way, and the Dominion. Maybe the cops too.”
“Shut up, Rou.” Matthew growled the command, refraining from calling me baby, for which I was grateful. I’d always hated the endearment, mostly because it had been Matthew’s favorite pet name. Once again I felt like a wire had sewn my lips shut. He never was big on conversation anyway.
“You belong to me, remember? Only me. I let others borrow you, but you were always mine.”
Whatever. I belonged to no one. Loved Gabe, but he didn’t own me. He’d been telling me that for years. I’d never believed him until now. He was willing to let me have my own place. Even gave me space when I needed it. All consuming, yes, when you realized just how thoroughly someone got you or you got them. Gabe was my heart by choice, and nothing could take that from me.
The door opened, and my heart skipped a beat when Gabe stepped inside, followed by Roman. He looked unhurt so far, and his gaze scanned over me, like he was searching for injuries. The short hair would probably make him sad, but it would grow. He tried to cross the room to me. Matthew intercepted him, and Sam pressed the gun to my skull.
Gabe put his hands up in a helpless gesture. “I’m here. Let him go, and you can do whatever you want to me, Roman.”
“He’s mine, Santini. You can watch.” Matthew glared at him, then looked at me. “On your knees, baby.”
I dropped to my knees, dreading what was to come, while Matthew unbuckled his belt.
“Get up, Seiran,” Gabe said.
Gabe’s compulsion hit me harder than Matthew’s ever had and got to my feet—popping up like I was on a trampoline. My body throbbed in one huge ache from my toes all the way to the top of my head.
“He’s mine! Fuck!” Matthew threw me down to the ground and bit into my shoulder again. The pain wrenched me from consciousness. I don’t know how much time I lost, but it couldn’t have been long because Matthew was still on top of me.
Roman was talking to Gabe, but finally Gabe dropped to his knees and let himself be tied to one of the metal beams holding up the old barn. My vision swam in dizzying circles of darkness and red swatches of color. How much more blood could I lose before he killed me?
“Get off him, Matthew,” Roman commanded.
Matthew growled but let me go. I remained where he threw me, too tired and sick to move. The lack of the earth flowing through me taunted like an open void which threatened to devour me. It was like being cut off from life itself. If I had my power back, I could save us both.
“On your knees, Seiran,” Matthew commanded. I struggled to my knees, arms going out on me twice before I finally made it to my knees.
“I love you, Sei,” Gabe told me.
Tears prickled my eyes. Matthew didn’t try to command me to perform for him again. Maybe he was afraid Gabe would overrule him again.
Roman picked up a coiled whip from the hay beside the lantern. The leather flashed out so fast I barely saw it move until it cut into Gabe’s chest, causing a thick line of red to well up and flow. Though Gabe didn’t react, I flinched. A half-dozen more lashes descended, cutting through his expensive clothes and heavy jacket. The smell of blood permeated the air.
“Let Seiran go. Please, Andrew. You want me dead. I killed your wife. I will die for her death. So be it. But let Seiran go.” Gabe gasped, obviously in pain. He made no move to fight back. Sam remained close, gun in his grip but pointed down.
Roman glared at Gabe, then glanced at me. “Matthew, let Rou go.”
“No! He’s mine! You’ve said all along he’s mine!”
“He’s the first male Pillar in history. Anything happens to him and the whole of the Dominion will be after you. The Ascendance needs him to gain equality. He’s more than just a toy. He’s a symbol.”
“I don’t care! He’s mine!” He sounded like a petulant child. He pulled a hunting knife out of his boot and held it to my throat. “If I can’t have him, no one can.”
“Don’t, Matthew,” Sam said, pointing the gun at him now. “You kill him and the Earth will go nuts. We could all be swallowed by a sinkhole or earthquake or something. Let’s just go. You and me. Let Roman have Santini. Let the Dominion have Rou.”
“I don’t want you. I never wanted you.” Matthew yanked my head back and forced his tongue into my mouth.
I bit him hard enough to taste blood. He ripped himself away and backhanded me. I fell back, feeling every bit of pain course through me. Blackness threatened to rise, but I couldn’t let that happen. Not until Gabe was safe again. If it took me again, I knew it would be forever.
“Get up, Rou.”
My body jerked up like a wrongly wound puppet.
“Take the gun from Sam,” Matthew commanded.
Sam was already shaking his head at me, but I couldn’t stop myself from moving. His eyes were wide and teary when I reached him, shocked but resigned. He seemed to be trying to tell me something, yet I couldn’t make out what. I could give him what he wanted from Matthew if he still wanted it. All that mattered to me was Gabe.
We struggled for the gun. I was too weak to really win unless he let me. It wasn’t until he pressed my fingers into the trigger and the gun kicked that I realized he didn’t plan on winning.
Sam tipped backward, dragging me with him. Heat poured over my fingers, and I dropped the gun. Blood ballooned outward from a new hole in the upper left side of his chest. He closed his eyes, throat moving in a painful-looking swallow. Each thump of his heart poured more blood outward.
When his eyes opened again, I knew there was only one answer for him. I pressed my lips to his until he opened to me and I could give him the blood I’d stolen from Matthew. He blinked, as though confused. I spit the rest of the blood out, wiped my mouth on my sleeve, took the gun, and struggled to get up.
“Bring me the gun, baby,” Matthew commanded.
I shuffled across the room, back screaming in pain, hips stiff like they were out of place, and skull throbbing. Matthew took the gun from me and pointed it at Roman.
“Don’t be stupid, Matthew. Put the gun down. You want Rou. Fine. Take him and go.” Roman stood frozen, staring at Sam, who lay unmoving, and Gabe who bled but showed no sign of begging for death yet.
“He won’t stay with me until Santini’s dead,” Matthew said.
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. No. I could die, but not Gabe.
“That wasn’t the deal. Santini’s life is mine.”
“Now it’s mine.” Matthew handed me the knife. “Cut out your boyfriend’s heart, baby. Bring it to me.”
Tears streamed down my face, making it hard to see as I moved toward Gabe. The knife felt cold and solid in my grasp. I tried to fight it, resist it, anything, but it was like watching a movie. I was there but not at all in control.
Gabe smiled sweetly though I saw the pain in his eyes. “I love you, Seiran. It’s okay.” He could have compelled me to turn around and kill Matthew. He could have commanded me to run. Instead he just whispered comforting words. “Everything will be fine. You are my heart, my breath, my life. It will be okay.”
Roman reached out to stop me, but the gun fired twice. Blood soaked me in dripping gore. It blotted out parts of my vision, turning everything into a rain of red. I couldn’t stop moving even as the heat dripped down my back and into my clothes.
Gabe was still whispering comforting things when I kneeled before him and put the knife to his chest. He was covered in blood now, his own and Roman’s. I gulped, cried, and tried to fight the compulsion manipulating my body. My hand shook, but this time it was all from the internal fight.
“It’s okay, Sei. I love you no matter what,” Gabe told me.
“Damn you! Kill him!” Matthew screamed at me.
He dropped the gun, ran up behind me, and slammed my hands forward, plunging the knife into Gabe’s chest. I felt the crack of bones, the pop of his lung as it deflated, and his gasp of pain when blood filled his airway. Gabe’s heart beat faster, pumping the blood from the wound around my hands, feeling hot while the core of me felt like ice.
He struggled for breath, trying to speak again. His lips formed a ghost of “I love you.” He kept his eyes on mine and I couldn’t tear my gaze away.
Matthew twisted my hands, sending the knife in a deep arc that only ended when Gabe’s eyes clouded over as his heart stopped. I let my hands fall away from the knife, his blood thick, and the air thin. The room spun and I tried to reach for Gabe. The least I could do was die in his arms. It was all I wanted now.
The sound of a gunshot echoed through the room and Matthew went limp behind me. His weight toppled me onto Gabe. Sam stood over us, gun pointed at Matthew’s still form. He spit out the blood I’d given him, shoved Matthew off me with a boot on his hip, and leaned over to pull the knife out of Gabe.
The blade slipped out with only a little ooze of blood following it. Blood needed a heartbeat to flow. My soul screamed, begging Gabe’s heart to beat again, praying he could heal this.
Sam brought the knife down over Matthew’s throat, taking off his head like he’d done it a million times. The compulsion unraveled, and I could no longer hold myself up. I collapsed into Gabe’s lap, expecting to die there. He didn’t move. His eyes looked out into the distance with that blank stare I recognized as death. Brock had looked that way in the end too. But he’d never been beautiful, not like Gabe was.
“Get up, Seiran. You have to go.” Sam was suddenly in front of me, shaking me. “Damn you! Go!”
Then I smelled smoke. The lantern no longer stood upright, now it seemed to be flickering along a whole row of hay. So I was going to burn after all. I sighed into Gabe’s chest and touched my fingers to his lips. It would be okay. We’d be together in the end.
Sam yanked me away from Gabe and dragged me toward the door.
“No!” I screamed, feeling myself die with every step I took away from him. “Let me stay with him. Please. I am nothing without him.” It took every last bit of energy I had to shove Sam away. I landed in an exhausted heap back in Gabe’s lap.
“Dammit!” Sam took the bloody knife and began cutting the ropes surrounding Gabe.
I watched him waver a few times. The bullet wound probably hurt a lot more than he tried to let on. When the ropes were finally cut, he grabbed us both by the backs of our shirts and dragged us to the door. Strong for a guy not much bigger than me. My vision swirled, but I gripped Gabe’s limp hand.
“You have to go!” Sam hauled us several yards from the building and dropped me before heading back toward the burning barn. The fire danced on the roof now. The building wouldn’t last much longer.
“Sam!” I cried, reaching out to him while trying to keep wrapped around Gabe’s unmoving form. Sam ignored me. The squishy warmth of my soaked gloves made me gag. They were covered in Gabe’s blood. I’d killed him.
I yanked off the gloves off with my teeth and the copper taste of Gabe’s blood filled my mouth. I swallowed and thought, From you to me until the sun forever breaks, watching him in hopes that he would show some spark of life. His eyes remained clouded. I ran my fingers over them to shut them and sobbed.
When the barn exploded, the Earth slammed into me so hard I lost consciousness.