Somehow, I made it home. Dirty, bruised, my ears ringing from the explosion, with both shoes intact, but no Tarot cards. Granny G’s cards were gone, destroyed in the explosion that also demolished the house and part of the one beside it. My chain-breakers had stepped up, plucked me out of the backyard, where I lay sprawled on the ground, then whisked me away before I was fully aware of what was happening. I’d lived through this disaster, but was it the one the Eight of Thorns had predicted? Or was there another event looming on the horizon even worse than this?
In Alexei’s house now, I wandered around, shell-shocked, not entirely sure where anything was, or where I needed to go. My c-tex bracelet vibrated crazily on my arm. I turned it off, unable to deal with whatever shims were coming through. I coasted on autopilot, my brain unable to stop long enough to dwell on any particular thought as the night’s events played on in an endless loop inside my head.
I’d lost Granny G’s cards. Someone had tried to kill me. I wasn’t sure if Mannette or any of her entourage was okay. What would I tell the family about the cards? I’d be shunned by everyone now. What I’d done was unforgivable. No one would understand. Was Alexei’s life in danger? Had someone been trying to kill me to get to him? Was Novi working on her own, or had the miners used her to strike out at the Consortium? Why hadn’t I seen this coming more clearly? I was better than this. Things didn’t normally catch me so off guard. Not something this significant. Maybe it was too much for my luck gene. Maybe it couldn’t handle how it had lined up events so dramatically. No wonder I couldn’t handle Granny G’s cards anymore.
The thought made me laugh, but the sound that came out of my mouth was downright manic. I slapped both hands over my mouth and ran through the empty house, trying to find a place where I could hide, somewhere I felt less exposed with doors that locked. The house AI turned on lights as I entered each room until I found myself in the master bathroom. I slammed the door behind me, locked it, then slumped to the floor.
The master bathroom had a magnificent shower. With multiple showerheads and nozzles, water could potentially come at you from every direction with varying pressures and speeds. It also had seats, which I’d thought strange at first until I realized it doubled as a stream room and sauna. Also, I’d been shown there were other, more interesting things you could do besides sit.
Even though sonic cleansers were growing in popularity, I’d grown up poor so this was the ultimate sign of luxury. Not the shower itself, but the fact that you had enough gold notes to afford all the different products that went with it like soap, lotions, or fluffy towels on heated towel racks. And if you had enough gold notes for such unnecessary things, it meant you didn’t have to worry about food, clothing, and whatever else came with growing up in a family of con artists who didn’t hold normal jobs like everyone else.
It occurred to me I wanted a shower so I proceeded to strip. Dress, scarves, jewelry, shoes—all of it went to the floor in a heap. I felt better as soon as I stepped inside the shower stall with its glass walls textured to look like waterfalls, cocooning me in safety.
I had no idea how long I just stood there under the hot water when I felt Alexei behind me. Of course I hadn’t heard him come in and so what if I’d locked the door? If he wanted in, a tiny thing like a lock on a bathroom door wasn’t going to stop him in his own house. I couldn’t even say I was startled. Even if things were unsettled between us, I knew if I really needed him, he’d be there. And right then, I needed him more than I needed air.
I didn’t turn to face him—just sank into his chest when his arms went around me. I felt something tightly wound inside me start to loosen as he held me and my head went back against his shoulder. Water rained down on both of us as we stood there, him holding me, me leaning on him. I didn’t want to say anything to break the moment. Neither, it seemed, did he. He reached past me and picked up my shampoo. Then he proceeded to wash my hair, which had to be the most luxurious feeling I’d ever experienced. By the time he was done, I felt so boneless, I was amazed I hadn’t washed down the drain.
Eventually, he pulled me from the shower. He proceeded to dry me, wrapping a towel around my body before seeing to my hair. I let him treat me like a doll, moving me where he wanted me, feeling too fragile to protest.
We ended up sitting on the edge of the bed—me in a towel between his legs, my back to him while he brushed my damp hair. All this was done without speaking, as if he knew I’d talk when I was ready. While I still wasn’t myself, just having him there made me feel better.
He’d worked his way through most of my hair when I finally said, “She was a client who came to see me the night of the Euphoria disaster. She said her husband worked in one of the off-world mines and had issues with the Consortium ownership. I had no idea she had this in mind when she booked her appointment.”
“I have people looking for her.” From his tone, it sounded like it wasn’t going to be pretty when he did.
“I thought all the problems with the mines were resolved.”
“For the most part they are, but some are still not happy with the changes made when the Consortium took over. My guess is this woman and her husband belong to a larger group with enough resources to put behind their agenda. They saw you as the easiest way to strike at me, so they took advantage. I don’t know who they are yet, but I will.”
It surprised me he would admit something like that. I knew how much he hated not being in control. “You can’t be expected to see everything coming at you. If they have spooks in their group and stay off the CN-net, you wouldn’t be able to see them at all.”
“Even still, it should never have touched you.”
“I should have been more on the ball too,” I confessed. “I’ve felt off ever since you went away. I can’t seem to tell up from down. I’m not reading people right. I’m messing up everywhere.”
“This isn’t your fault. It’s mine for bringing this chaos to our door. They think hurting you will cripple me. They don’t realize you’re the only thing preventing me from crushing them out of existence. Now I think it’s the only approach they understand.”
I had no response to that, so I remained silent and let him brush my hair.
“The MPLE asked to be allowed to question you,” he continued. “I told them no, and I would send a statement when you were ready.”
“Can you do that?”
“Do you think I’d let the fools they call a police force anywhere near you given what happened last time?” he asked, sounding disgusted. “Since no one was technically hurt and the charges are primarily property damage and vandalism, they agreed an interview was unnecessary.”
“Mannette and her people are alright?”
“They’re fine. Ms. Bleu is already spinning this into gold notes. Her viewership has quadrupled in the past few hours. She’s no doubt wishing she’d blown something up years ago.”
“You don’t think she blames me for putting her in a bad situation, do you?”
His laugh was short and derisive. “Unlikely. As soon as she comes down from her CN-net media high, I’m sure she’ll be shimming to thank you.”
“Don’t say that. Mannette is my friend.”
“A friend I wish was out of your life given how she’s taken advantage of you.”
I had nothing to say to that because as much as I adored Mannette, in some ways, he was right. He set the brush down on the bedside table and pushed my hair over my right shoulder until it was off my neck. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. Then I felt his lips at the base of my neck. I sighed, shivering at the contact.
“Don’t you know how important you are to me? Why are you going out of your way to make me insane with worry?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut, bringing my hands up to lie over his. His words reminded me of something Vieira had said. I was Alexei’s sanctuary from the rest of the world, to be protected at all costs. It was a pretty sentiment, but I was beginning to wonder if it was stifling as well. “You know I don’t go out of my way to look for trouble.”
“I know. It just seems to happen.” With his lips brushing my skin, he said softly, “I want to propose something to you and I want you to consider it logically before you get angry.”
“You make it sound like I have a temper,” I complained—another thing I’d heard from Vieira. How bizarre it was all coming back to me now.
“I never said you did, though you do have a tendency to restate your points with greater intensity if you don’t think I’m listening.”
“Alexei—”
“I asked you to consider what I have to say first. I haven’t even told you yet and you’re already upset.”
Ouch. That shut me up. “Then say it.”
“I think it might be best if you closed your shop.”
I stiffened. “Alexei, no! You can’t ask me to do that.”
“You almost died tonight. How many times does your life need to be in danger before you take precautions? Being with me makes you a target. With the Consortium’s arrival tomorrow, things will become worse.”
“I agree it was scary, but I don’t see how closing the shop makes a difference.”
“Then think about this: What if Lotus had been hurt? Or Mannette? What if tonight had ended differently and she’d died in the explosion? How would you feel knowing your actions put her in danger when you could have prevented it?”
Damn it, he was right and I was just being stubborn for stubborn’s sake. If something truly awful had happened to Mannette tonight, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. The guilt would have eaten me alive. Still, it hurt that this was even happening. I sighed and sagged in his arms. “I don’t disagree with you. I just don’t like it. This is what I’m good at. If I can’t do this, what am I supposed to do with myself?”
“I know the shop isn’t making you happy. Take this time to think about what you might want to do instead.”
“But I don’t know anything else,” I ground out, frustrated.
“It will come to you. For now, this is the way things need to be. It won’t be forever,” he said, lips still against my neck. “Let me take care of you.”
When he put it like that, what could I say? How could I complain when he was being sweet like this? “Alright, but only until you find the people responsible and turn them over to the MPLE.”
“Of course,” he agreed too easily, which made me think he was just humoring me.
I felt him lift up my left hand, and before I could register what he was doing, he slipped a ring on my finger. I looked down at the diamond, which had to be as big as a robin’s egg, sparkling so brightly, it seemed lit with an inner fire. It was circled with two rings of smaller diamonds in what was probably a white gold, diamond-dipped setting. Though the fit was perfect, it looked ridiculously enormous on the third finger of my left hand.
I stared at it, not really getting it, because I honestly wasn’t sure what he intended. Then because absolutely nothing was going as expected, I blurted out, “What the fuck is this?”
“I wanted to give this to you in Apolli, but that was a disaster. Then I thought after you settled in here. And now tonight has happened and you were nearly killed. Apparently making the perfect moment happen is beyond my ability to control, and I can’t let this go any longer.”
I couldn’t decide if I was thrilled or upset. Trust me to settle on upset because, damn it, I was sick of being blindsided. “And what exactly does this mean? Are you asking me to marry you, or are you telling the Consortium I’m more than your fuck-toy? Or is it a consolation prize since you’re taking everything else away from me?”
He sighed gustily against my neck, exasperated. “If you want to lash out because you’re angry, I accept that. However, I assumed we were doing more than fucking, and being together meant something.”
He sounded so hurt, I winced. How had I ruined what should have been a perfect moment? Worse, how could I let my stupid gut feeling pull me in a direction I didn’t want to go?
“I thought we were happy with the way things are. You said we should enjoy this time together before we rush into something else, and I just moved in with you a few sols ago. Why are we suddenly moving at light-speed?”
“This was always what I intended. I just don’t want to wait any longer. I can’t lose you,” he said, his arms tightening, the words spoken between kisses. “I want the entire tri-system to know how important you are to me.”
“Considering someone just tried to kill me, I think it knows.”
“That isn’t very funny.”
“I know. Sorry. I promise you won’t lose me. There’s honestly nowhere else I want to be other than wherever you are.” I looked at my left hand again. It was time to spill the secrets I’d been keeping, secrets I never should have kept in the first place—not from someone I claimed to love. “I need to tell you what happened yesterday before this goes further.”
He pressed another kiss to the base of my neck, making me shiver. “I already know who you were with and that you met the Under-Secretary. I pay attention because I want to keep you safe. I have no idea what you discussed. I was angry because I told you not to see him, but I also knew you would go regardless. I’d just hoped you would tell me and let me help you in whatever way I could.”
In that moment, I hated myself, the luck gene, and the mess I seemed to be making of my life. Alexei had accused me of not knowing what I wanted from him or our relationship and what had I done in return? Thrown myself at my old boyfriend at the first opportunity. Did he know about the kiss, I wondered again. I knew I should tell him, but what if he reacted as he had when he learned about the incident at Red Dust? What if his reaction was worse? I’d initiated the kiss—stupid, thoughtless me, and while I couldn’t imagine Alexei hurting me, what would he do to Brody? I might feel guilty, but I also couldn’t let anything happen to either of them. This was one secret I’d need to live with it.
“I’m sorry I was so thoughtless and didn’t tell you about Vieira. I should have handled it differently,” I said instead. “I was curious and I think all he wanted was to meet me. He apologized for Monique and everything she’d done to me. He didn’t know about the full-body clones or the experiments. Then he told me about his family, and his wife. I get the feeling that whatever they went through with Monique tore them apart. I think he’d like me to go back to Earth someday and meet my grandmother.”
Alexei was silent for so long, I wondered if he’d slipped off to the CN-net to investigate if what I’d said was true. The idea unnerved me, and made me want to see his face so I could gauge his thoughts. I turned in his arms until I stood between his thighs. Then I touched his cheek with my fingertips, bringing his gaze to mine. My other hand, my left hand, rested over the eight-pointed star tattooed on his shoulder. I tried not to look at the ring, pretending it wasn’t there.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
His hand came up to cover mine, the one resting on his shoulder that wore the ring. “You would go back to Earth with him?”
“Of course not. Honestly, my first thought was he might try to pump me for information about the Consortium, but he didn’t.”
“It’s likely he already knows. After all, we each have our spies, watching one another.”
“What you’re working on—is it something that might worry One Gov enough, Vieira felt compelled to contact me and just used Monique as an excuse?”
“Unlikely. His approach wouldn’t be this obvious or direct. He’d use other methods to discover Consortium secrets.”
“Okay.” I nodded, accepting it. “Besides, it isn’t like I know any Consortium secrets I could leak.”
He met my eyes. “We’ll be launching a neural system to rival the current CN-net. The CN-net is what allows One Gov to both modify and monitor the tri-system population via the t-mod implants. The Consortium’s system will do away with that. We would no longer be hampered with the restrictions or controls One Gov inflicts through the AI queenmind. But first, we need to untether everyone from their control and prepare the linkups for the new system.”
I blinked and it took me a moment to absorb the enormity of what he’d just said. Without One Gov monitoring us, it would change everything from what we ate, to our careers, the number of children we had, how we decided to modify them, to how much time we spent on the CN-net. Everything was measured and portioned out carefully by One Gov, but if we no longer had someone watching our every move, how would the human race behave? How would we survive without that hand guiding us? “How long have you been working on this?”
“Years,” he admitted. “Long before I took over the Consortium.”
“You’ll cripple the entire tri-system if you do that. Some people are so wired in, they’ll lose everything. People will die.”
“Not if it’s handled properly. That’s why more Consortium are arriving tomorrow—to ensure no loss of life and the transition is seamless. I handpicked them myself.”
“Could you have done it without them?”
He nodded. “Yes, but the transfer wouldn’t have been as clean. Before, a slight margin of error was acceptable if the ultimate goal was achieved. However, I knew you would never forgive me if something went wrong. That was the risk I couldn’t take. I would never implement anything if I thought it would jeopardize the two of us.”
Holy shit. I stared at him, overwhelmed. “But you can’t know how the future will play out. It could still jeopardize us anyway.”
His eyes met mine, the gaze steady. “It won’t,” he promised. “We won’t allow it.”
I nodded, letting it go rather than arguing about something I wasn’t sure I believed. “Alright. We won’t.” I ran my fingers through his hair because I couldn’t help myself and I knew he liked it. “Despite what you’re telling me, I don’t think that’s why Vieira is here on Mars. I think he’s lonely and he wants a real relationship with me.”
He frowned. “I know and that makes him all the more dangerous. He wants a piece of your life, and your time. He wants to create the relationship he couldn’t have with his daughter, and right his past mistakes.”
“Is that such a bad thing? People deserve second chances.”
His hand tightened over mine. “And what happens when he decides I’m not appropriate for you? What might he offer you to lure you away? If I were in his position, I wouldn’t want my granddaughter involved with someone like me. I would do whatever I could to end the relationship.”
It was in me to deny it. After all, Vieira had said he wouldn’t interfere with us. Still, maybe Alexei was right. Or at least, right enough that I couldn’t immediately disagree. I considered it, trying to work through the possible implications, and suddenly had a terrible thought. “He told me I had a standing appointment at any fertility clinic in the tri-system to remove the inhibitor whenever I wanted. Could he take that away? Could I be blacklisted again if I don’t do what he wants?”
Alexei swore. His hands went to my waist, pulling me closer to him. “No. No one will hold that over your head again. He does not get to dictate how this works. He has no control over what we do or the decisions we make. We decide what happens in our lives, not him.”
I nodded, riveted by his vehemence. “Only us.”
“Yes, us.”
With a quick tug, he yanked my towel away until it pooled at my feet. Then he leaned closer, his lips hovering over my breast, so close I could feel his breath against my already erect nipple. His right hand slid along my thigh and between my legs until he was almost covering me, teasing with a touch that wasn’t quite there.
“Will you marry me, Felicia?” he said, his lips almost on my breast.
I caught his wrist with my hand, preventing him from touching me. Not that I could truly stop him if that was what he wanted, but the point was he understood what I wanted.
“Do you think we’re ready? You said you wanted us to last. I want that too. But with the way things are now, are we going to make it through to next week, never mind the next hundred years?”
“Nothing will come between us,” he said simply, his hand now resting on my thigh, caressing lightly. “Not One Gov. Not the Consortium. Not the Under-Secretary. Nothing.”
He didn’t mention Brody, but I could plainly hear what he’d left unsaid. “But these past few sols, things haven’t been good. We’ve had a lot of changes hurled at us and it’s been hard. You asking me to marry you won’t magically make the other things go away.”
His hand dropped and he pulled back. “So you’re saying no?” He sounded frustrated.
Gods, talk about a slippery slope awash with bad ideas. Why couldn’t I just say yes and stop poking at every problem with a giant stick?
“I’m saying let’s not rush into anything. I want to be with you for however long we have, but I won’t do this if you think this is the way to make everything better and you’re trying to distract me with something shiny. We need to be open and honest if we’re going to make this work.”
His blue eyes met mine, locking on me with an intensity that made me shiver. “Can you do the same or does it all fall on me?”
I absolutely refused to think about Brody. Rather, I shook my head and brought my hand to his cheek. “We’re in this together. It falls on both of us.”
“Then let’s start with something simple. I have never asked anyone what I’m asking you. I’ve never wanted to. Now all I want is to be with you. Everything I do is measured against whether or not it will make you happy. Sometimes I’m successful. Sometimes not. All I know for certain is I don’t want this life to go on without you in it. Please, Felicia, say it. Say you want to marry me.”
I’d never seen his expression more earnest. Had rarely experienced a moment with him where he seemed so open that the smallest mistake on my part might wound him forever. How could I question our love like this? How could I ever doubt him when I saw how much he wanted to change for me?
I let out a shaky breath and brushed a damp strand of hair from his forehead. “Even if I’m scared this is happening too fast, yes, I want to marry you. The answer was always going to be yes.”
That seemed to decide something for him because his hand drifted back up my thigh to cup me, his fingers running over me in a way that made me squirm. I fell into him, my knees buckling as he manipulated me with his hands and his lips. His mouth went to my breast, sucking so hard I felt the pull all the way to my groin. At the same time, I felt a finger, then two, dip inside me to stroke deeply. I moaned softly, my hands going behind his head and my fingers tangling in his hair as I pulled him closer. I felt heat pooling in me and my breath coming in little pants as I arched into him.
His lips found mine and he moved me with ridiculous ease until I was stretched out on the bed. He angled my hips to his liking and then he urgently pushed his way inside me. As always, I was already wet and dying for him to take me. I cried out because it just felt so good to be so filled and wanted.
My orgasm came fast, rushing out of nowhere and tearing through me, the pleasure barely having time to build before it crested. Still he plunged in and out, and I had to brace both hands against the headboard as the force of his thrusts threatened to shove me up the bed. The ring on my left hand bit into my skin with each drive of his hips into mine, a constant reminder of his need for me.
I felt his thumb press down on my clit, circling in time with his thrusts, making me cry out again, my need for him consuming me. I couldn’t resist him and would take anything he wanted to give, my hunger for him more powerful than any drug. My legs went around his waist, my heels digging into his backside as I tried to bring him closer than we already were.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
His blue eyes locked with mine, making the moment intimate as he pushed me into another orgasm so powerful, I couldn’t even scream. I felt him come with me, my shuddering climax bringing his. He dipped his head and I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder, marking me as he growled into my skin with a sound of pure ownership. Then his weight fell heavy on me as he collapsed into my arms and he stopped shaking.
When the world had calmed and he’d eased off me, I said, “I am never telling anyone the story of how you proposed to me.”
He ducked his head to chuckle breathlessly into my neck. “I’d like to think the two orgasms you had worked in my favor.”
“They were both very nice,” I assured him.
He propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my eyes. “I want it to always be like this. Promise me nothing will come between us.”
I shivered at the intensity in his voice and his expression. “Okay,” I said, pulling him down so he could kiss me again. “I promise.”
I wanted to believe those words. Really I did. But how could I when my gut was utterly silent, as if it didn’t, or couldn’t, agree?