Kimberly tried not to think of Juarez. She told herself that it wasn’t her fault that she was a hija natural and her new relatives weren’t ready to deal with her.
In the States Kim did her best to get back to life as she once knew it. A party would be the best medicine. Kim dressed for the night out and talked to her mother while pushing the conversation around to boys, fashion, and even pushed her luck about using the family car.
“I like the way this skirt fits you. I bet Timmy Pearson will love it,” said Rachel as she held the slinky skirt on a hanger up for inspection.
“I haven’t seen Tim in weeks,” Kim reminded her. “It’s great that the party is at his house, but it’s no big deal.”
Rachel took a white cotton top out of the closet and put it on the bed.
“He seems like a great guy, and his mother says he likes you.”
Kim put a purple velvet vest on the bed next to the top. “I think he’s nice, but I’m not really into him.” She peered into the bedroom mirror and dabbed on her blush.
“Who’s picking you up tonight?”
“Mom, I was thinking….” Kim turned back with her most earnest expression. “Can I have the car tonight?”
Rachel narrowed her eyes. “No drinking. And, no boys.”
“It’s just Julie and Natalie.” Kim glanced back at the mirror, looking for any blemish or flaw in her makeup. “Honest.”
“Ehmagawd,” Kim moaned as she pointed the car at Toluca Lake. “Hermando and his guys? They were totally hot! Not so much like the guys here. Way more men than boys.”
“I’m dying right now,” said Julie, putting on the last touches of lip-gloss as her compact shook with the motion of the Hollywood Freeway. She wore her designer jeans and off the shoulder black peasant top she had been saving since the holidays. She felt skinny, beautiful, and ready to play.
“Don’t even say you have no pictures,” Natalie put in from the back seat, in between posting and texting with her phone. Her dark computer glasses helped frame her narrow face and muted features. She kept track of her social-media post while making sure her friends knew she was heading to a sick party without them.
“Did you get a hookup?” Julie asked.
“Seriously?” Kim scoffed. “I wasn’t there for that. I was there to learn more about my dad’s family. Didn’t learn much. Other than that they’re frickin’ rich.” She shook her head, trying to push away a fuzzy scrap of dream that wouldn’t leave her alone. Something about drool…. “Hey, what about the party tonight? Who’s going be there?”
“Everybody. It’s the last party before college, and it’s at Tim’s crib,” said Julie, putting the final strokes to her bottle-blond hair.
“Tim and I will finally get together,” Kimberly predicted. “It’s happening.”
“I can’t even tell you how awesome it is to be going tonight. I don’t think any of my other friends are,” said Natalie.
“Tim is funny, cool, and everyone knows him from lacrosse. Maybe he’ll finally win a game tomorrow,” Kim said as she exited the freeway.
She found parking on a side street. The girls gave a final check to their makeup and the way their heels fit as they started the short walk to the party.
“Now, you guys stay calm. Don’t embarrass me. I want him to see how good I look,” Kim said.
They walked through the door, saw a three-level maze of teen exhilaration, and paused in the living room to watch an active game of truth or dare. In the dining room, the party was sick with drinking and dancing. In the family room, gamers played Detroit Ratz killing gangsters and cops in the hundreds. The girls drifted over to the lying game, where Perry Randolph used his teeth to take the athletic sock off another guy. He spat it out in disgust and then looked up and saw Kim.
“Kim? Awesome. How was Mexico?”
“It was cool. Have you seen Tim? Just want to say hi.”
“Kim and Tim. What a match. The dude is somewhere chilling,” he said and turned back to the giggling crowd around him.
Kim and the girls walked through the crowd like fish swimming upstream. They navigated the thick throng of hyped dancers gyrating and swaying to pulsating gangster rap. She moved by a table stocked with cold cuts and a cheese plate, snatching up a piece of celery as she looked for Timothy. A chubby black guy with body odor started gyrating mimicked pressing his hips against her behind.
“Hey, shorty. Bring that fine ass over here so I can feel it.”
Kim moved away from him, closer to Julie and Natalie.
The song faded, and another tune erupted from the speaker system. One dance was enough.
“Let’s keep moving,” said Kim, and then glanced through a window and spotted Tim’s sandy-brown hair.
Tim was standing outside, a red plastic cup in hand, loitering by the shimmering blue swimming pool. He and his crew circled a keg of beer cooling in an ice chest on the manicured lawn. Kimberly kept her distance as Tim noticed her and nodded his approval.
“Kim, you look smokin’,” Tim called as he took another drink from his cup. Kim smiled broadly and started moving toward him.
“Thanks. Great party,” Kim said. She inched closer to where Tim held court. With a flick of her auburn hair, she was close enough to see the peach fuzz of his adolescent chin. Without another glance, Tim put his arm around Sheila Edwards from algebra class. Sheila cozied up underneath him as if she belonged there and flashed a small smile in Kim’s direction. Kim took a step back and hugged her scarlet clutch bag hopelessly.
“I don’t get it,” Tim said, returning to the conversation. “There’s more of us than them, so why can’t the spics leave us alone and stay in Mexico? Throw them out.”
Kim’s mouth fell open in surprise. Then something on Tim’s chest caught her eye.
“What’s that you’re wearing?” she asked as she leaned in for a closer look.
He wore a parody t-shirt that had a buxom Latina in a sombrero smiling above the “Tapa Teen Ho” logo printed across his ample chest. Kimberly lost it.
“I can’t believe you are wearing such a lame tee. What’s up with that?”
“What do you mean? It’s just how I roll.” Tim pushed his chest out, displaying his attire, and waited for a howl from his boys.
“It’s their land. And that tee tells me you’re dumber than you look,” Kim said with passionate disdain.
“I get it. You’re the new JEWNIC in town. Your mom screwed a Mexican newsboy while out of her fucking mind on weed, and then she pooted you out. Even your girlfriends laughed at you going there to find your roots,” he said, and swigged another cold one.
The gaggle of boys roared with laughter. Before Kim could find a suitable comeback, tears welled up in her eyes, and her legs lost their tensile strength.
“How rude! A JEWNIC—is that a real word?”
No answer from Tim and his boys. She stalked off.
In the kitchen, she confronted Julie and Natalie.
“Is that what you guys are calling me behind my back?” The tears rolled down her reddened face.
“Not me,” Julie said.
“So, people are calling me a JEWNIC?”
“Don’t let it bother you. We’re your friends and didn’t want to tell you what those idiots were saying,” Julie said, putting an arm around Kim’s shoulders.
“And I thought he and I….” Kim whispered, and buried her face in Julie’s neck with a muffled sob.
Natalie gave Kim a bottle of ice-cold water. Kim took a sip and thought of other boys. The ones she thought would be right for her. The laughter outside faded, but the sting of prejudice lingered.
“I am ready to get out of here. Are you guys coming?” she said.
“Now? The party’s just getting started.” Natalie pleaded.
“I’m leaving, so you guys need to find a way home.”
Kim grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.
“Don’t worry about us; just get home safely,” Julie called.
Before Kim pulled away from the curb in her mom’s Honda, she paused. She knew better than to rush home emotionally wrecked. Kim went to the trunk. Inside was a dark-skinned mannequin with a cheap black Afro wig flowing from underneath a Chicago White Sox baseball cap. He wore a team jacket with the words Safety Man across his chest.
She picked him up by the torso and positioned him on the passenger side. It wasn’t long before she was back on the road and remembered the sadness she felt from the racist who was once going to be her boyfriend.
“A JEWNIC?” she said to herself.
As she caught the on-ramp of the Hollywood Freeway, she thought about the future. She knew the people who were an inseparable part of her high-school life wouldn’t be a part of her next few years. She spoke calmly to Safety Man.
“I don’t care about money or being admired for the job I have. I want to be loved and led to happiness. Is that too much to ask?”
Safety Man stared into space and listened.
“Is that too much to ask? Really? He must love me and lead me.”
Kim began to think of a new possibility. She would be whatever she wanted to be.
Kim tuned her radio to her favorite station and heard the thump of a familiar pop rock song. Juanita’s favorite. The hook fit perfectly with her new attitude.
I’m perfect in a new way,
You get no big breaks
I’m going to find a new turn
I am a star shinning bright
My light gleams at night
I’m in love with myself
Turning over a new way right
I am a star shinning bright
When the second chorus hit, Kimberly was singing at the top of her lungs while Safety Man sat at the ready.
Once home Kimberly went straight to Rachel’s bedroom, where she found her mom reading the latest Patrick Dungy thriller about the lost cities of Neptune and the fiery deserts of Jupiter.
“What’s wrong?” Rachel asked, looking up. “It’s still early.”
“Nothing. I’m fine. Just got bored.”
“Really?”
“I just want someone to love and share happiness with,” Kim said as she flopped down on the bed and stared at Rachel, “I want a real family.”
Mom closed her book and looked at Kimberly’s clear eyes.
“What will you do until Mr. Amazing shows up?”
“Whatever. He will find me. You watch,” she said while fingering the tiny pills on the white bedspread.
“Love won’t pay the rent.”
“You’ll see. I just have to do me and he’ll show up.”
Kim sprang from the bed and headed for her room with a strut in her step. Before the boy of her dreams could show up, she needed to get her life together.
