CHAPTER 1

I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

When people say, ‘Camilla, you are so lucky!’ I have to agree. I am lucky: extremely lucky. Lucky to have a life I love. Lucky to have travelled the world. Lucky to have met such interesting people. And above all, lucky to have achieved my dreams and found success.

Lucky? Yes! But the way I see it is that anyone can attract my kind of luck into their life when they know how. The kind of luck I’m talking about doesn’t come to you like winning the lottery (even though it can feel like that when things go your way unexpectedly). The kind of luck I’m talking about had very little to do with chance. It’s to do with hard, really hard, work; how carefully we listen to our instincts and act on our intuition; and how we find the bravery to step out of our comfort zone.

I would never, ever have landed my ‘lucky’ life if I’d just sat back and waited for fate to bring it to me. Everything I’ve achieved, I’ve worked really hard for, and along the way I’ve had to endure the kind of hardship that makes a lot of people give up on their dreams.

It’s been a long, hard journey along a bumpy road pitted with challenges. I took the first step on that road when I was two and a half. When I finally started to reap the rewards brought by seeds planted many years before, I was 29.

That year, 2003, I really did feel as if Lady Luck was smiling on me. I’d been with Brendan for seven years: that’s Brendan Cole, the dancer from New Zealand. Not only was he my dance partner, he was my soul mate and my lover. We were so close that I used to feel that I didn’t know where I ended and he began. Living and dancing together, we were so much one and the same person, with one bank account, one phone and one email address.

Three years earlier, in 2000, we’d taken the huge step of turning professional after five years of dancing together as amateurs. A new millennium; a new stage in our careers. Other dancers said we were so lucky to have each other, ‘because it can be so lonely at the top’. They were right. It can be lonely at the top and we were lucky.

The top was where we always wanted to be and we were both just as ambitious and focused as each other on getting there. And, of course, we both fervently believed we’d get to the top together.

In 2003, after making the semi-final of the Open British Championships at Blackpool, one of the highlights in the professional dancers’ calendar, we were asked to audition for a new television show to be called Strictly Come Dancing.

We had no idea – how could we have had? – how successful Strictly would become, and little imagined how it would change our lives out of all recognition. But, when we heard three months after the audition, that we’d both been selected, we were dancing on air.

We’d appeared on TV before, but had never done anything like this – a prime-time Saturday night show with professional dancers teamed with celebrities. It was to run from April to June.

‘Now don’t you go flirting with your celeb,’ Brendan joked as we jumped up and down with excitement.

I knew it was a lightly made, passing remark, but when he said it, his words did make me think that along with the fun and excitement of being part of the new show, there may be danger.

‘What’, I asked myself, ‘had made him say it? Why had such a thought even popped into his head?’

I didn’t ask him that, of course, so I’ll never know the answer, but his words were to come back and haunt me a few weeks later when we were in Hong Kong for a competition. Our careers at the time were at a stage when we were dancing between 10 and 15 competitions every year. On top of that we were giving lectures, demonstrations and doing our show. Most weeks found us travelling from one country to another, from time zone to time zone. There were weeks when we’d get on a plane in London, get off in Japan and go straight from the airport to wherever we were dancing, perform, hopefully get some rest before flying on to New Zealand for another competition or maybe a show, and almost as soon as my dress had been packed, we’d be heading to the airport for a flight to China. All that in just 7 days! No wonder I spent half my life jet-lagged! That particular night in Hong Kong, we’d been travelling to one competition after another and I was absolutely shattered. All I wanted to do when we got to our hotel was put on my pyjamas, call room service, flop on our bed, switch on the television and spend the night channel-hopping. Brendan had other ideas. He was itching with excitement. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Put on a nice dress and let’s go and have dinner at the Hong Kong Peak Café.’

Now, during what I call ‘our beans on toast years’, when we’d been struggling to make ends meet as we tried to become worldclass dancers, the mere idea of even walking into the Hong Kong Peak Café, never mind having dinner there, would have been almost unimaginable. The view from the restaurant is one of the most breathtaking in the world. But that was then. Now we’d turned professional, paid off our debts, bought our first home and had money in the bank. Why would I turn down the chance to eat there? So, after a bit more cajoling from Brendan and a bit of moaning and groaning from me, I ran a bath and lay in it for a time, then prettied myself up and started to look forward to having a good night out.

Brendan was being particularly attentive that night, helping me out of the taxi with a little show of gallantry and holding the door open for me when we entered the restaurant (not something he always did). When we were shown to the table he’d requested, in a romantic corner of the terrace, I realized how close I’d come to spoiling what he’d been planning to be a big night. That he’d even made the reservation was impressive as he usually left practicalities like that to me.

The way Brendan was behaving was making me feel slightly edgy and suspicious. He was excitable and kept fidgeting with his jacket and touching his pocket over and over again, the way you do when there’s something in it you don’t want to lose. Before I could ask him what, if anything, he kept reassuring himself was still in his pocket, a waiter arrived with a bottle of champagne. When it was poured, Brendan handed me a card with two linked hands engraved on the front. Inside were four magical words: ‘Will you marry me?’

Love and hope were written across his face, and as I giggled and cried with emotion at the same time, he reached into the pocket he’d been patting all the time … It was the most beautiful ring – a plain white gold band set with an exquisite diamond.

I was totally gobsmacked. I hadn’t seen it coming at all. Brendan and I shared a bank account. How had he managed to buy a ring without me knowing?

Would I marry him? Well, of course I said yes!

Then, ‘But how?’ and ‘When?’ But what I really wanted to ask was, ‘Why?’

‘I took one of your rings to a jeweller to make sure I got the right size,’ explained Brendan. ‘And I withdrew money from our account bit by bit so you wouldn’t notice, and got someone to keep it for me, until I had to pay for the ring.’

But ‘Why?’ I kept on asking myself.

I loved Brendan with all my heart. He was the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. I’d even imagined us having children together. But my joy at being asked to marry him was tinged with the thought that something wasn’t quite right. Hadn’t we always said that we didn’t need to get married, that we were already as committed to each other as we needed to be? What had changed?

As I was slipping the ring onto my finger, exclaiming at its perfect fit and admiring its gorgeous diamond, I kept thinking, ‘Do we really need this?’ And it was then that Brendan’s words – ‘Now don’t you go flirting with your celeb’ – came to my mind. But now they seemed to carry a meaning beyond the obvious one: ‘I feel like I need to hang onto you.’

Did Brendan think I might slip away from him? Was that why he was asking me to marry him now, just as our career was about to take off in a new direction? Was he scared he would lose me?

Whether Brendan had consciously or unconsciously sensed danger ahead when he’d said that, or whether it had just been my own anxiety going into overdrive, I don’t know. What I do know is that I have always had a very strong sense of intuition and I now felt that there could be trouble ahead. I knew something was about to change, that for better or worse, Brendan and I were reaching a turning point.

I am, always have been, an optimistic, glass-half-full sort of girl, someone who always has to believe that any change that comes along will be a positive one. And as I sat there, uncertain and confused about Brendan’s sudden proposal, I knew I wasn’t doubting my own love for him, and had no reason to doubt his commitment to me, so instead of dwelling on what was a groundless worry – at face value at least – I decided to put my anxiety behind me, tell myself that excitement and anxiety can easily be confused for one another, and be happy.

Our dinner over, we went back down from the Peak hand in hand, me gazing at the ring all the time. Looking back, I remember feeling so lucky. Lucky that Brendan and I were seeing our career go from strength to strength; lucky that we could well afford to buy lovely clothes and eat in expensive restaurants; lucky that Brendan loved me enough to secure our future together by going to all that trouble to propose to me in such a romantic way.

Enjoy life’s journey and not just the destination

Little did I know that a lucky turn of events with our career was to prove so unlucky for our relationship, and though I had no way of knowing it at the time, I was about to face the toughest period of my life and go through a time when I would wonder if I’d ever be happy again.

Sink or swim?

So there I was, 29 years old and in the middle of one of the happiest times of my life – and about to face some very big challenges. But, I believe that we are all sent challenges for a reason, and that each one is an opportunity to grow and change. We always have a choice: sink or swim. And I have always chosen to swim!

And here I want to break off from my story for a while, to show you how you can make the choices that alter your luck, turning bad luck into good, and what seem like hopeless struggles into opportunities.

How to swim, not sink

By telling you the story of how I have coped with some very tough experiences, especially romantic heartache, it’s my hope that my book will inspire you to listen to your own intuition and encourage you to work hard to follow your dreams. I promise you that I am 100 per cent sincere when I say that if I inspire you to make your dreams come true, then that’s one of my dreams come true.

One of my mottos is, ‘Enjoy life’s journey and not just the destination.’ I like to look at life as an adventure, as exciting or dull as we choose to make it. I believe that it’s important never to look at our current situation as our final destination or a place we can’t leave. Instead, I suggest that each place we arrive at in our lives and careers is simply somewhere to stop for a while, a spot we have reached that is to be explored, to learn lessons from and to help us grow as people. Then, when we are ready, we can move on to the next exciting stop.

It’s a great way to envisage your life, and if you can do it, you’ll never have to feel stuck or bogged down again. No matter how badly things seem to be going, they can usually get better when we change the way we perceive them. This is something I’ve known deep down since I was very young. Even in my teens, I remember paraphrasing a Chinese proverb to a friend who was sad and down in the dumps. ‘We can’t prevent the birds of sorrow flying over our heads,’ I told her. ‘But we can stop them making nests in our hair.’ That’s how I lived my life and it’s a message I will continue to pass on.

Since 2010, I’ve worked as a professional life coach and hypnotherapist – helping clients to move on from difficult stages in their lives is something I do every day. I like to encourage anyone who feels that they are stuck in a situation to remember my analogy about life being an adventure and a journey. We may not like every place that we explore along the way, but each one gives us the opportunity to learn a little more about ourselves, for the places we dislike can, in their own way, be just as rewarding as the ones we like. Exploring these places, especially if it means going through some difficult times, does take courage. I know that, believe me.

There have been moments in my life when I’ve had to dig very deep to find the courage to get through the toughest of times. As well as looking to my own resources (and we all have our own resources) I’ve been inspired by the writings of many ‘self-help’ experts, whose principles I have put to the test. They include Louise Hay, Gabrielle Bernstein, Tony Robbins, Marianne Williamson, Paul McKenna, Doreen Virtue, Paulo Coehlo, Deepak Chopra. They have all helped me to find my own path to happiness and inner contentment. So when people say to me, ‘Camilla, you are so lucky,’ I agree, for I am so lucky to feel an inner calm that not so long ago I thought was completely unobtainable.

Dream! Believe! Succeed!

My desire to explore life began with dreaming. When I was a child I used to watch famous dancers, actors and singers on stage and television and think, ‘That’s what I’m going to do one day.’ And I never for a moment doubted that my dream would come true.

When I did my first arena tour and performed at London’s 02 Centre and Wembley, I thought of how I used to watch Michael Jackson – who was one of my biggest inspirations as a performer when I was growing up – and think of how amazing it must be to perform in front of so many people … I longed to be on that stage, and now I was!

As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter how unrealistic or far-fetched a dream or ambition may be. I am quite convinced that we all have it in us to achieve nearly everything we set our mind to. When I look at these words, I’m reminded of a friend of mine who had always dreamed of becoming a professional dancer, but she’d never made the leap and became a hugely successful magazine editor. ‘You know,’ she said to me one day, ‘I really regret not sticking to dancing. I miss it so. It was my dream. But it’s too late to change.’

‘Who says so?’ I asked. ‘You, or someone who believes that you can only achieve something like that when you’re young?’

She looked at me questioningly. ‘Even if it is too late for you to become a performer,’ I went on, ‘there’s another lovely way to bring dancing back into your life. You could still be a dance teacher. There are lots of fantastic teachers who started late in life. You could study for your teaching qualifications in the evening after work.’

Not long after that, that’s just what she did, and she has now quit the magazine and runs her fitness/dance business. When she sent me a message to tell me what she was doing, I was so pleased that she hadn’t given up on her dream when she was so close to doing so. She may not have been a dancer, but she was working in her dream world. Hers is just one story of people who have made brave choices and started new careers at a time in their lives that would have seemed impossible to others. There are many more. People like her believed that there was a way to achieve a dream, and by thinking creatively about it, they did it. You see, just like my friend, it may very well be too late to do exactly what you’ve dreamed about, but you can still find fulfilment doing something similar.

This book is subtitled Strictly Inspirational Actions for Achieving Your Dreams because I am convinced that to dream and to act and believe in your dreams are the three elements that lead to success and happiness. Having a dream and being determined to pursue it is what keeps us on the journey to achieving it even when we hit places we don’t like along the way.

If you have lost track of what your dreams are, not just in work but in life itself, think back to when you were a child. A time when you believed that anything was possible. What did you dream of then? What are you most passionate about and happiest doing in your life right now? Write down your answers and look at them carefully. Ask yourself if there’s a job out there somewhere that would involve doing the things that you love. You might even find a way of creating a job for yourself that involves all the things you love.

Even the biggest task becomes easier when we break it down into simple steps. Write down a couple of ideas, baby steps if you like, that would bring you even the tiniest bit closer to fulfilling your dream. Remember the old Chinese proverb: ‘A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.’ Take that first step and you are closer to reaching your goal.

Sometimes if we get too concerned about the ‘how’ we lose faith in the fact that it can happen. Plan and act, but keep seeing and believing that step by step the end goal will be reached.