CHAPTER 9

HARD TIMES

My god, our was life tough back then. Brendan and I were both working so hard yet earning around £6.50 an hour each. Out of that we had to pay for private dance lessons that cost ten times as much. I may have been unhappy a lot of the time but I never gave up hope that our efforts would eventually pay off – though there were times when I came close: our first Christmas for example …

There we were, feeling utterly defeated sitting on the floor of our sparsely furnished living room, both wishing we could be with our families, but there was no way we could afford to travel home, and neither of us fancied ringing our parents to ask for money again. We both had our pride and we felt that we had asked for a lot already – money for food, money for lessons, money for dresses, money for Brendan’s work tools, money for this, money for that – not something to make a couple in their 20s feel good about themselves.

I really didn’t want my parents to have to make more sacrifices just to help us out, even though I knew they would. They’d done so much while I was growing up and it just felt wrong to keep asking. I also didn’t want them to say, ‘Honey why don’t you just move back home?’ Which I think they probably would have if they had known exactly how tough it was at times.

Time to call it a day?

Sitting there on the floor that Christmas, I remember telling Brendan we had a choice. ‘We can either power through, have Christmas here and somehow believe that things will work out for us,’ I said to him. ‘Or we can break up and say goodbye. Get on with our lives separately, me in Denmark, you in New Zealand, and admit that this challenge was too big for us.’

It hurt me to say it, but that’s how bad things were. We were seriously, seriously broke. Brendan hadn’t been paid, as the man he was working for said he was in a bit of money trouble.

I’m not a quitter, never have been, so I knew I wanted to stay. But I just didn’t know how we were going to make it work. We had huge debts and it looked to me that we had so little going for us, that maybe our dream wasn’t meant to be after all. But putting our choices into words not only made them real, it made us realize just how much our dancing meant to us. So when we agreed that we couldn’t give up, not now when we’ve come so far, the relief was palpable. We had to make it work, no matter what it took.

The moment we said it, I felt that Brendan and I became fully committed to each other: we were in this for the long haul – together. No matter what life threw at us, we’d throw it right back and move on, and that is exactly what we did. So, while many of our rivals gave up or changed partners over the next eight years, we weathered every storm and stayed together. And the storms that blew like hurricanes were the ones that brought us closer together as a team. And that’s something that still makes me proud, even after all the terrible times that came later in our relationship.

Thank you, universe!

And then, just after we’d made the decision to stay, the loveliest thing happened and it was as if the universe had said, ‘Everything is going to be OK.’ Suddenly we got calls from Brendan’s grandad and my grandma, both offering to buy us flights home to Denmark as our Christmas gifts from them. They wanted to treat us to Christmas with our families!

At a time when we had come so close to giving up, struggling financially and working really hard, being surrounded by our loved ones and eating delicious home-cooked food was just the tonic we needed. It gave us the strength to carry on. Overnight everything felt better and once again I started believing that anything was possible. I even began to dream of living in Knightsbridge, the exclusive part of London where I worked in the Mulberry store. I’d wander along Beauchamp Place, imagining what it would be like to shop in its expensive boutiques and wear the beautiful designer dresses displayed in their windows. The fact that I usually only had about £5, which had to cover my lunch, in my pocket at the time was irrelevant to me. A girl can dream, can’t she?

Just as my coach Tor had taught me to visualize dancing perfectly until I really did it, I now found I could visualize the type of car I would drive (a Mercedes, which I did while doing Strictly); where I would live (in Chelsea’s pretty little Walton Street, which I did, ten years later); and where I would shop (at Suzanne Neville in Beauchamp Place, where I would one day find my wedding dress). Deep down I always believed I would make it – Mor had always taught me to believe in myself, and I did.

Think yourself happy!

I’ve always known that money can’t buy happiness – that’s something that has to come from inside you. Even so, visualizing having these things was a way of making my dream of success seem more tangible. These dreams were my way of planting the seeds that would create the future I wanted, and they came true.

I love telling this story to people I coach – especially when they say, ‘But the road is so long, I can hardly pay my rent, so dreaming about one day living in one of the most expensive areas of town or running my own business, or having a wedding dress made by a famous designer is surely out of my reach?’

And guess what I’d say, ‘Not if you believe it, take steps toward it and want it enough!’

The next thing I ask them is, ‘How has not believing it worked out for you then?’ to which most of the them reply, ‘It hasn’t!’ So I say, ‘Why not just give it a try then?’

Give and you shall receive

Here’s something else I learned around this time – that the law of attraction can have a huge influence on our lives. And that the law of attraction is simple: what you put out, you attract.

Visualizing what I wanted from life seemed to bring it to me, and that was all very positive. But, as I was to discover, the law of attraction can work two ways – positively and negatively.

Here’s an example of that. When Brendan and I were surrounded by other competitors, even though they were really nice people, I found it hard to make close friends with them as I knew that for us to go on to the next round, we’d have to knock some of them out. Now, some other dancers like to compare notes about their training regimes, but there was a time when I couldn’t see how this would help me. I was scared I’d be giving away something that may have given them an advantage that would stop us from winning. I can see now how that fear was getting in the way of friendship. But what I didn’t think of was the fact that when I didn’t share, neither did they. I had stopped the natural flow, missing out on vital information that could have helped me to grow and succeed even faster. It was only as I learnt more and more about myself and how the law of attraction works that I started to realize I could share without giving all my secrets away.

What you put out, you attract

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION …

When I was learning about the law of attraction, I read that if you want to be successful you should surround yourself with successful people. So Brendan and I started to hang out with champions outside of training – not just because they were champions, but because they were also extremely lovely people who were willing to share their exper tise. We watched and learned from them by just being in their company. It helped the visualization process to see how people who had already made it lived and behaved, and it made the dream feel more accessible.

I really believe that if you’re happy and positive you will attract positive situations with happy and positive people. If you’re grumpy and moaning constantly then you will probably find yourself in a lot of situations you’d rather not be in, and surrounded by other unhappy people. Sounds familiar? For example, take a day when you’re in a rush and forget to pay for your parking and you get a ticket. That would make some people immediately think that it’s going to be ‘one of those days’, and because that’s what they think, that’s what it turns out to be. They get an unexpected phone call that puts them in a bad mood; they drop their wallet; they can’t find their car keys. Could it be that they’ve attracted some of this? Maybe if they’d said when they saw the parking ticket, ‘Silly me! My fault. Mustn’t be in such a rush next time.’ then they’d stay in a good frame of mind so that when the phone rings they’re in a positive mood, less likely to be angered by it, which makes them less flustered when it’s over and less likely to drop their wallet and lose their keys.

Here’s a way to test the law of attraction for yourself. Next time someone is rude to you, stop and take a look at yourself and notice how you are feeling. You may notice that you are in a bad mood, or maybe worried about something. If so, change how you feel by thinking of something that makes you smile and feel good inside right away. Then speak to the person calmly and because you feel good inside, more often than not, you will notice they act more pleasantly, because how you feel has rubbed off on them and made them feel better, too.

Even so, there may be times when you simply have to remove yourself from the person and the situation altogether. Sometimes, someone can be reflecting a way you used to behave rather than how you do now, reminding you how it used to look when you reacted to something in a certain way.

Share and share alike

Now there’s nothing I like more than sharing experiences and information (well, within reason!), because I think we are all here to help each other to grow and learn. I love it when a friend phones or emails me to tell me something exciting they have discovered or read. I hope I have the same effect on others when I share something with them – and this is why I wanted to share my story in this book with you, too. It’s an awesome way to live; life becomes so much more interesting when we are open to this.

But before I had this epiphany, Brendan was virtually the only one I confided in. I think, being each other’s best friend, lover and dance partner perhaps put too much pressure on our relationship. In the end it broke us, but it worked for eight years and I think without this single-minded commitment we may never have got to where we did.

For many of these eight years we were competing in a very tough and frustrating world, often against couples who came from countries that fully funded them, allowing them to focus on dancing all day, every day. With everything paid for they spent their lives taking lessons and going to the gym, so they had loads of energy to put into their sport.

I never felt bitter toward them, but I used to yearn for the day when Brendan and I could devote our days to our passion just like them. But we both had full-time day jobs and could only practise in the evenings. We had to negotiate time off to take lessons and go to competitions, often abroad, on the weekends. And come Monday morning we were always expected back at work with smiles on our faces. Someone once asked me how on earth we kept going and why we didn’t just give up. Friends used to be exhausted just listening to us telling them what our schedules were like. What they didn’t know was that we were tired and short-tempered, and I was always run down, catching every cold or flu doing the rounds.

Shattered, I used to come home from work, throw myself on the bed, and watch a soap. I used to lie there, thinking how nice it would be not to move and just miss our training for once. But then I’d remember Mor saying, ‘Yes you could do that – but how will you feel if you don’t do well in your competition this weekend?’ So, I’d have a quick power nap and pull myself together. I had made a commitment to myself, and although it was a struggle, I still had a dream – and little signs kept telling me I was right to keep going.

Remember I said that when Brendan and I first met we both dreamed of dancing like Donnie Burns and his amazing partner Gaynor Fairweather? They were our inspiration and we really looked up to them. Three years into our career together, we called and asked if they’d coach us – and we were beside ourselves with joy when they agreed.

Whenever they pulled over to give us a lift to class we saw that as a sign that they knew the hard times we were going through, that they knew what it was like to struggle – and that, one day, we’d get there, too. It was as if they were saying, ‘Hang on in there, it will all be worth it.’

Something that really kept me going was this poem that Brendan’s mum found and sent to help him through the hard times. I put it on the wall and used to read it every day – and I still read it now if I ever need cheering up.

Keep Going

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor’s cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

—Edgar A. Guest

I love the last bit where it says it’s when you are hardest hit that you must not quit! That was often how it felt if we had a bad result so I thanked the universe for those words. If I had given up at my first, third or fifteenth hurdle I would never have got to experience all these awesome adventures and meet all these lovely people I encountered throughout my life. And now, when I give my motivational speeches I always say that it took me 20 years to have an overnight success.

I, well Brendan and I, achieved that success through a lot of hard work and strategic thinking to get round the problems that our pitiful lack of money caused us.

Looking the part

When you reach a certain level as a dancer you’re expected to wear new costumes for all the major competitions: it’s not just your dancing that gets you through to the next round, you have to stand out. This means that grooming goes hand in hand with technical ability. But having to look great all the time put yet another strain on our tiny budget. We cut and coloured our own hair (something I’d learned from Mor who had her own salon, remember). I wore fake nails, too, to extend the elegant lines in our arm movements. In the beginning I stuck them on and took them off straight after the competition, but later on, when I could afford it, I had acrylics put on once a month. Then there was all the fake tanning – you would NEVER think of doing a competition without having fake-tanned first! That’s not just because dancers like to look bronzed, it’s because if you’re not tanned your muscle definition disappears under the spotlights. With a tan, all your hard work is shown off better, especially in Latin where the girls’ dresses are quite skimpy and men’s shirts are often slashed to the waist.

I used to hate tanning and wearing fake lashes and nails – it was the one side of the sport I detested, but I’d had to do it from an early age, because, as Mor had always said, it wasn’t worth losing points just because I didn’t do all that stuff!

Brendan wanted the best for us too and, believe it or not, he actually became my couturier so I could wear the lovely dresses I needed but struggled to afford! That started after we’d paid someone else to make me a dance dress and Brendan was unimpressed with what she came up with. He begrudged the money we’d spent on something that wasn’t really what we wanted – and especially so as we’d slogged so hard for that money in the first place.

Now Brendan is someone who can do practically anything he puts his mind to, so when he set out to prove he could make me a better dress, he was determined not to fail. ‘If I can build a house, I can “build” a dress,’ he said. And that’s just what he did, although ‘build’ is not the word I’d have used.

We spent our next pay cheques on a cheap sewing machine, then he cut one of my old dresses apart in order to make a pattern and off we went to Brixton Market to pick up cheap fabric for him to test out his designs.

He soon worked out that if he could make a perfectly fitted body, a bit like a swimsuit, then he could drape and sew anything on top of it – and, I have to admit, he was brilliant at it. He received so many compliments for his designs that it wasn’t long before he was making his own trousers and shirts, too. He was even asked by other dancers if he would make theirs, but he had his hands full with the number of costumes we needed.

HIDDEN TALENTS …

Do you have a hidden talent that could maybe help you in your life to feel inspired or to get ahead in your career? Sometimes, by finding our inner creativity, our passion for life can be refuelled.

• To work out where your passion or creativity lies, write down what you are doing when you are the happiest. In my life the answer would be performing, being able to engage with an audience and being able to make an audience connect with their emotions through my performance, whether that’s coaching, speaking or dancing.

• Look at what you wrote and see if you can narrow it down, maybe to a specific skill. Here I whittled it down to coaching clients, presenting, acting and speaking, and to inspire people to connect with their inner happiness. If you are thinking of making the skill (or skills) your job, start researching online to see what qualifications you need, and what courses are available. I’ve taken lots over the years, not just dance and performance courses but hypnotherapy and NLP ones, too. You can fit them around your life – at weekends and in the evenings and on holidays: that’s when I did many of mine.