CHAPTER 21

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES

There were two ways of looking at my speedy exit from the jungle: (a) I could feel sad and disappointed that my body had let me down and I couldn’t stay the course; or (b) I could remind myself there was nothing to be achieved by sitting around feeling sorry for myself, and – as Mor and Far always used to say, ‘If you fall, get up and brush yourself down.’ So I knew I had to try and do that and get ready for the next opportunity to come my way. And it did. Just days after leaving the show, my manager called about another project and I realized that leaving I’m A Celebrity was all part of a bigger, better plan for me. It was as if the universe was saying, ‘Don’t worry. You did your best. But you had to come out of there to be here for this.’ And ‘this’ was a second fitness DVD, one that would tie in perfectly with another project my manager had already lined up – a daily ‘Dancing Queen Diet’ slot on GMTV – where I’d be live in different locations every day during the January detox season, when everyone tries to get back into shape after the Christmas party season.

I almost burst with excitement when I found out that one of my GMTV locations was the ballroom at Blackpool Tower – the very place where my dream had started when I was 12 years old. I was jumping with joy, thinking about how, if I had never come to the UK, never auditioned for Strictly, and never retired from the show when I did, none of this would ever have happened. I’d had my dreams, I’d acted on them, believed in them, and I had succeeded in making them come true.

Taking that leap and leaving Strictly had its scary moments – if I’d listened to all the negative reaction to my decision and taken it to heart, my confidence could have been knocked sideways and I don’t believe that I would have been open to the opportunities that then came my way.

When I left, I had no idea that all these lovely offers would come through for me. But they had, and I would never have known how my life would change if I hadn’t been so courageous.

But I also learned something else about myself when I left the show. With hindsight, I could now see that for the years that I’d been immersed in it I’d become the friend that nobody wants to be: the one who never had time to talk on the phone or go to important birthday parties, even weddings; the friend about whom others would say, ‘Don’t tell Camilla – she’s too busy!’

Now or never

With Kevin in my life, and my new determination to live in the now, I knew this had to change. I would make more time for the people who mattered – and especially the person who mattered the most: Kevin. Between us we decided one of the best ways we could live in the now was that we’d plan and organize our wedding together, instead of handing it over to wedding planners. You may think that with the wedding over a year away, that sounds like living in the future. But when you live in the now, you cherish each individual act that you take on. Whether it was selecting invitations, writing the guest list, or planning the menu, we immersed ourselves in the tasks in hand, and that kept us rooted in the present, while at the same time making us excited about what we knew would be the best day of our lives.

Where possible, we involved friends and relatives, too, and that was a lovely way to stay connected with the other people we cared about. For example, we both wanted a beach wedding and had decided on Ibiza, as that’s where we’d spent our first holiday together. But instead of just plumping for a hotel from a brochure, we tasked one of my best friends and one of my bridesmaids, Andrea, with tracking down a beautiful beach restaurant from a picture I’d found on the web! People loved having a special part to play, and it meant a lot to me to have friends like Andrea involved in our plans.

My manager told me that Hello! magazine, who’d already taken some photos of our engagement, wanted to cover our big day – what an honour! But we didn’t want that to depersonalize our day so we canvassed our friends and family to make sure they were cool with the idea before going ahead.

The magazine arranged for my sister, Jeanet, and her daughter Michaela – who was then 11 and really excited about being my bridesmaid – to join me for a lovely pre-wedding shoot where they had a chance to be dressed up and styled like celebs. Seeing the joy that brought them gave me huge pleasure, too. That was the moment that made me feel that my success was worthwhile – all those years of hard work meant so much more when I could share my rewards with my family.

The shoot took place in one of the boutiques I used to dream of shopping in during my impoverished ‘beans on toast years’, when I was working in the Mulberry store – and it was also in that, to me, really special boutique that I chose my beautiful Suzanne Neville dress. It was a fantasy gown – simple at the top, just narrow shoulder straps and a fitted bodice, but then it cascaded down to the ground, glowing with pearls. It was the very last style of dress I thought I would choose for myself! You see, although I am known on TV for my sparkles, that’s just part of my showbiz persona – as I said earlier, the glam and glitz are all part of the job. Off-stage my style is far, far simpler.

But this was the first dress I saw when I entered the store and though I reached out and stroked it, I wanted something simpler. Or thought I did. But a dozen or so dresses later and none of them seeming to be quite right, I was beginning to despair, when my Mor and Far said, ‘What was wrong with the lovely one you seemed to like when we came in?’

So out it came, and as soon as I tried it on, we all knew it was the perfect dress for me! And guess what! I even had Swarovski crystals on my veil, and that this was after having been adamant that there would definitely not be any sequins or crystals on my wedding day. What makes me laugh about this is that I’d touched that dress, been drawn to it as soon as I saw it, and yet I’d tried to fight my instinct to go with it. I don’t know why I did that. As you know by now, I am someone who places so much store by my instinct and intuition. If I’d listened to my heart, the task of choosing my dress would have been over in five minutes! Because, when you live in the now, have confidence in yourself, and trust your gut feeling – all the things I have been talking about – everything just falls into place effortlessly. Life is easy, comfortable and full of delights.

Needless to say, having planned our own wedding, and involved our closest friends and family, it was the most magical day we ever could have wished for. I know it sounds cheesy, but it really was like being in a fairytale.

After the wedding, we went off to the Maldives, taking two whole weeks off work – something I had never done before! Kevin said that we should both use the time to recharge our batteries as well as enjoying lazy days together. ‘Switch off your phone, and put it in the hotel safe,’ he said. Oh, what a wise man I had married. I even took yoga and meditation classes every day, so I really wound down. And that was just what I needed because when we got back, I had a new challenge waiting for me.

Calendar girl

Since being inspired by Tom Chambers, I’d been taking acting classes, and when Kevin and I got back from honeymoon I went straight back to them. While I didn’t know how long it would take before I’d be ready to audition for an acting job, I just knew that one day I would be an actor, but only because I was putting in the groundwork and sowing the seeds! I’ve never believed in leaving things to chance.

Little did I know, however, that there was a job just around the corner and it had my name on it. Here’s what happened, how serendipity stepped in yet again …

Kevin had auditioned for a part in Calendar Girls, the stage version of that wonderful film that starred Helen Mirren and a host of other great British actors. The play was touring the UK, and the producer David Pugh said to Kevin, ‘How’s Camilla doing since leaving Strictly?’

‘Oh she’s doing great,’ Kevin said. ‘All sorts of different TV gigs and dreaming about doing theatre one day, too.’

He thought no more about the conversation, but, without consciously planning it, he’d planted a seed for me. A couple of weeks later, I got a call to ask if I’d like to audition for the show – playing quirky Elaine. She’s the frivolous and carefree beautician who lives for the moment but never thinks about the consequences of what she does. (The fact that she was exactly the opposite to me, made me think that, perhaps, I should take myself a little less seriously sometimes!) If I got the part, I’d also be understudying Celia Imrie, the lady behind the buns! I hadn’t even finished the audition before I was offered the job. And when I started, not only was I working alongside Kevin, who was doubling up, playing the photographer and also a marketing guy up from London, but also our lovely friend Lesley Joseph, who’d played Cupid when Kevin and I had met.

I couldn’t have wished for a better start to my acting career. For the four months left of the tour, I was made to feel loved and supported in my new adventure.

BE READY WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY COMES ALONG

When I started thinking about making the transition from dance to drama, I took elocution lessons to improve my accent and pronunciation, and discovered to my embarrassment that I called dresses ‘frogs’ not ‘frocks’– rather awkward when you work in a fashion house such as Mulberry! Even more embarrassing, for years I’d been asking people round for ‘drinks and nipples’.

I also took singing lessons, and found out that I had the kind of voice that was better suited to show tunes than the kind of pop I would have preferred. During Strictly I wanted to know what it felt like to be a complete beginner at something, like my oh-so-brave and gallant partners. So to put myself in their shoes, I agreed to perform a song at a charity gala evening. I decided to sing ‘Making Whoopee’, which I sung, just like Michelle Pfeiffer had done it in The Fabulous Baker Boys, lying across a piano. In the process of getting it together, I learned I’d taken on quite a commitment and that if I really wanted to be good at it, I needed to do two things. First, I needed to spend money on lessons, and, second, I needed to rehearse, otherwise my money would be wasted.

It was something I was willing to do though, even if it meant saving the money for the lessons. When I am talking to clients about changes they want to make, I often hear excuses like, ‘I couldn’t afford to do that.’ But, when you start to think outside the box and learn to be creative, you probably can find a way to afford it. It may mean making sacrifices in other areas of your life, like living in a less pleasant par t of town or taking on extra hours at work. If you really do not have the money, and are already stretched to the limit, you could look for someone who will teach you what you want to learn in return for something that you can teach them, maybe a language you’re fluent in or a skill you’ve acquired. If your dream is worth living, it is also worth this investment. Remember: where there’s a will, there’s a way! If you really, really want something, you’ll find a way to get it; if you only think you want something, the chances are you won’t.

In at the deep end

I learned so much on the job, that touring Calendar Girls was more like going to drama school than being thrown in at the deep end. Kevin and I took our dog Sven – the Jack Russell cross Kevin had done The Underdog Show with and that we’d adopted when it was finished – on tour with us. We travelled through the glorious British countryside, staying in holiday cottages and dog-friendly hotels; and despite performing in eight shows a week, touring with my loved ones there were plenty of times when it felt like an extended holiday. I woke up exhilarated every day, thinking how grateful I was and how glad that I’d shared my dream with my husband, who had then shared it with the producer.

Are you a sharer? I think it pays to be open, because that’s how things come through for us. But I would say, ‘share with care’. I have found that there are some people I instinctively know not to share with because their own negative thinking can be toxic and put a damper on my dreams. When you meet someone, you soon get to know if it’s a person you can trust enough to ask for help. If I was looking for a plumber, or a decorator or a dressmaker, I’d ask everybody I know if they could recommend someone. But I don’t tell everyone what my inner dreams are: I tend to share these with my more optimistic friends, knowing that their optimism will rub off on me. I am a true believer in the sayings, ‘Don’t ask, and you won’t get’ or ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained!’ But just be mindful whom you ask.

In other words, instead of worrying, ‘Will so-and-so think I’m mad if I say that I’d really like to learn a new language, move abroad, get a job in the film industry, whatever,’ just come out and say it. Be open and the world will open up to you.

On Calendar Girls, I met wonderful like-minded actors who helped open my eyes to the world around me. Sue Bovell shared my belief in the law of attraction, while Jane Lambert was writing a book, just as I’d always yearned to do, so really I like to think that leaving Strictly led to me meeting Kevin, which led to me getting Calendar Girls, which led to me meeting Jane, and this finally brought about this book that I’d dreamed of writing since childhood, and that Kevin and my manager Maria had both urged me to do.

That one tour of Calendar Girls became four – and a total of two years of going round the country four months at a time, with my husband and dog – but I know that despite all the seeds being sown, I’d never have managed to go on stage if it hadn’t been for all the hypnosis I did to prepare for it. My voice would have tightened with nerves; I would have got flustered and forgotten my lines. Even so, the first time I stepped out on stage my knees were knocking – I was so nervous.

HYPNOSIS

The first time my therapist mentioned hypnosis to me, I imagined she could have me hopping around and croaking like a frog … but it’s actually more like a series of deep relaxation exercises, like being in the same kind of trance you go into when you’re driving and can’t remember how you got from one place to the next, or when you’re watching TV and don’t take in what’s happening. While you’re in this state, the therapist can work with your subconscious mind to help you change a habit or solve a problem that your conscious mind is struggling with.

On my second ever performance, I managed to get my heel caught in a gap in the floorboards. I couldn’t move and nearly froze with fear.

I thought, ‘Come on, Camilla, think quickly!’ and then I remembered how I’d once lost a shoe in a competition and had to kick off the other one and dance barefoot. So, in character as Elaine, I went shoeless, thinking, ‘Welcome to the world of acting!’

Having to sing in pantomimes was even more nerve-racking. Even though I’d taken lessons I didn’t feel entirely confident, but I just had to get on with it. Already determined to make a career as a life coach, I told myself, ‘If I can pull this off, then I’ll be in a far better place to help others!’ And indeed, I recently worked with a very inspiring businessman who admitted he spends most of his life outside his comfort zone, doing things that don’t immediately come easily to him. I thought to myself, ‘That’s exactly how I feel!’ For me, it is the only way to learn and grow. This is how you make your dreams a reality – by acting on them and believing you can do it. As I always say, ‘Jump … and then learn to swim!’

New directions

All those chats with Sue about the law of attraction, and with Jane about writing a book, convinced me that the next task on my to-do list had to be getting proactive about life coaching. In my spare time I’d now qualified as a master NLP practitioner coach, and hypnotherapist; and then – via Twitter and my management company – I let people know that I was now available to give motivational talks, and opportunities started opening up. Behind the scenes I was working on this book and seeing clients (some of whom were household names) for confidential one-to-one sessions, as well as working with businesses that wanted to motivate their staff. Sometimes I’d work with teams, teaching them how to communicate more effectively, find harmony within a team, and how to feel relaxed outside of their comfort zones. I remembered the lessons I’d been taught by my dance coaches and through my business studies, and wished I’d had the benefit of a life coach earlier in my career.

THIS IS WHAT SUCCESS FEELS LIKE

I’d won awards for dancing, including the coveted Strictly trophy. But this reference that one of my business clients, Alastair Clifford-Jones, put on LinkedIn for everyone to see, meant just as much to me. We both knew that his staff would have been sceptical when he’d said, ‘I’m bringing in a professional dancer from Strictly Come Dancing who’s now a life coach to do some motivational work with you,’ but he had faith in me – believed, as I do, that you should not judge a book by its cover. I treasure the words he wrote for my professional website:

‘As a rapidly growing organization based all over the UK with large customer commitments, we don’t often get the opportunity to meet and bond as a team. Feedback from company surveys had indicated that communication was something people felt needed attention, and we therefore booked Camilla to provide coaching and team-building for our organization at our head office based in Oxfordshire.

‘Camilla provided one-to-one confidential coaching sessions with each team member to understand their thoughts about the company, the management team, their role and their colleagues. From these sessions a full day of team-building was developed in partnership with management, using Camilla’s skills as an NLP practitioner.

‘Camilla was able to quickly build a fantastic rapport with every member of the team and was able to engage and motivate through a series of activities that took everyone out of their comfor t zones. Camilla enabled us to work together and understand the impor tance of each member’s role to be successful.

‘Despite initial scepticism, feedback from the entire company has been incredibly positive and everybody involved felt that the individual sessions and the team-building day was a worthwhile experience. The day was filled with fun and laughter and people engaged in all the activities and sessions wholeheartedly.

‘Camilla is unique in her approach, sharing personal experience and injecting her own infectious personality and humour into the journey. I would highly recommend Camilla to any company or individual looking to step outside of the norm and take a different view in order to achieve success.’

My career was taking a new and exciting direction, and so was my personal life – literally! Kevin and I started to talk about moving to Los Angeles, when one day a dancing friend of mine, Julian, called. I’d known him since he was 12, when Brendan and I were his dance coaches. When he was older, he became one of my life-coaching clients and moving to LA was his dream, too. In fact, he’d already set himself a timetable, which really impressed me, for I believe that when you have a dream or a plan it helps to make it happen if you say, ‘I’ll do this in X months’ time.’ There’s no point making a ten-point plan if you don’t do anything to see it through. So we said to Julian, ‘You go ahead and when you are settled we’ll join you.’ It was like making a promise, and that helped to galvanize us to make that move. A year later, Julian phoned and said, ‘I’m in LA and I’ve now reached all the goals you’ve ever helped me set, including being part of Dancing with the Stars [the US version of Strictly]. Now it’s your turn. When are you coming out like you said you would?’

What he said cemented our plan, and that night Kevin and I sat down and worked out what steps we had to take to make it a reality. Something as big as that doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe you’ve made a big move in your life, or maybe you dream of doing so – either way you probably know that, to make it work, you need to put various things in place. First we needed money. We worked out it would take us a year to save up for the move and looked into the sacrifices we’d have to make to get it together. Then we found out about applying for visas and all the other practicalities. Some people thought that when we turned up in LA, we’d jumped on a plane, spur of the moment. Of course we hadn’t.

If you really, really want something, you’ll find a way to get it

We’d made a plan and stuck to it. We’d put all our belongings into storage, rented our house out, and lived out of a suitcase while we got the money together. We also had to find a way of taking Sven with us, and where to live when we got there. There was so much to do, but we did it. We’re living in a complex of apartments with its own gym and pool, and surrounded by a lot of like-minded, creative and spiritually aware people, which was the very thing that had attracted me to LA in the first place.

Being there fired my ambition to finish this book, and doing so in the sun became my real vision. Making that vision a reality, achieving that major goal was something I felt I had to achieve if I was to speak with complete conviction to my clients when talking about them achieving their goals.

I so clearly remember talking to a friend who said, ‘I’d love to spend a year travelling.’

I replied, ‘Well, why don’t you?’

‘Well, we couldn’t just go away,’ she said.

‘Couldn’t, or wouldn’t?’ I replied.

If we really do want to do something – if we’re not just being wistful – then we have to work out how to do it, or time will pass and we’ll never have achieved our dreams. To quote Mahatma Gandhi once again: ‘Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.’