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Kelly struggled out of bed at eight the next morning. With a groan, she stepped into the shower and turned the hot water up to stir her body into awareness. She had an hour to eat breakfast and get back down to the celebration site. It was all hands on deck to clean up the field and finish striking the booths and tents. The out-of-towners had left the night before, but locals had stayed to the bitter end, deferring duty for pleasure.
As the water slid over her face, Kelly touched her lips where Ryan had kissed her not once but twice, stealing a few moments when he walked her to her car. Her lips felt the same to her fingers, but life had irrevocably changed. She’d been loyal to John their entire marriage. He’d been gone almost a year. It was okay to kiss another man, wasn’t it?
Life went on. At least that’s what she’d always been told.
She still didn’t feel guilty, but it was hard to describe exactly what she did feel.
When she toweled off, she rubbed extra hard, wanting her skin to share the same vitality yesterday had given her. It wasn’t only the dancing and the kiss. Seeing the looks on the faces of the community when they’d realized how much money this year’s celebration had brought in had made her feel on top of the moon. Even though she’d brought in more funds for the auctions she’d chaired for California events, this success was more personal and enjoyable.
Quickly dressing in an old T-shirt and jeans, she headed to the kitchen. With her cup of coffee in hand, she went out to the front porch and greeted the day.
The sun had dried the dew and warmed the air. Peace surrounded her, and there was no more important thing to do than take in the scenery around her. While she couldn’t see the lake from where she was, the greenery, flowers, and aged wood of the cabins were a feast for her soul. What had it been like with retreat attendees?
She could almost imagine women emerging from their artistic cocoons, coffee in hand, maybe still in their pajamas, walking barefoot through the grass to turn their faces to the morning sun. Would there have been a morning gathering at the easternmost part of the property, a variety of female figures performing the sun salutation to greet the dawn?
No rushing to be any particular place at a set time but a slow emergence as the artist integrated with the soul of the human in a fresh pattern, and the whole became visible.
Kelly breathed deeply, invigorating her lungs with the mountain air, and smiled. This was what it was like to be totally present in one’s body. She stretched her fingers, almost feeling the ivory keys beneath them. There was just enough time to practice before she left for the field. Her friends would understand.
# # #
MAGGIE AND ALEX, AND Teagan were already at the field, along with a group of volunteer firemen who were assisting with booth takedown and loading pickup trucks. A group of teenage boys and girls, shepherded by Teagan, were scooping up piles of horse droppings and loading them into a wheelbarrow.
“Want to join them?” Susan said as she handed Kelly a plastic bag and gloves.
“I’ll pass, thanks. What are they going to do with all that?”
Susan pointed to an old Willy’s truck at the far side of the field. “Once that’s full, David will run it back to his farm. He grows organic produce—supplies many of the fancy restaurants in Whitefish.”
“That’s cool,” Kelly said.
“Why don’t you start over there,” Susan said, once again pointing. “That’s the next area that needs picking up.”
“Sure.”
“Hey,” Susan called as Kelly started to walk away. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For convincing me to get involved. It’s been hard for me to feel part of the community.” She hesitated and glanced toward where Gabriella was working. “I’m a bit different, and you know, well ... not everyone is tolerant. Plus there’s Gabriella’s past. But ... anyway ... thanks. It feels good to be part of all this.” Susan waved at the part of the field she’d designated for Kelly. “Have fun,” she said and walked away.
How could sweet Gabriella have any kind of past that needed to be hidden?
None of her business.
But as she began her chores of digging out random wrappers, paper plates and cups that had gotten away from their owners as the night had worn on, and various other debris, she thought about the other part of Susan’s statement.
She’d felt accepted by the community. And Kelly had helped make that happen.
It was a good feeling, even if Kelly herself really wasn’t part of the town.
But could she be?
Her life was in California.
Was it? What was to keep her there? She’d barely heard from Peter since he’d been gone. His grandparents let her know he was doing well, and when she texted her son, he responded within a few days. Lisa had been more forthcoming. Since their weekend together, her daughter had made more of an effort to check in and see how her mother was doing.
Reading between the lines, Kelly sensed things weren’t as good as they could be with Lisa’s boyfriend and parents. But Lisa would need to handle that problem on her own. Kelly’s own mother had interfered too much. She hoped she wasn’t interfering too little, but it was something she’d realized the more she taught. Guiding a person was one thing. Demanding they adhere to the advice given crossed a line that didn’t allow a child or adult to grow.
She loved her teaching job, but she’d been doing it for a while. She had enough time in for a small sum from the teacher’s retirement fund, and with John’s life insurance, she had no need for worries, particularly if she sold the house. Maybe restarting the retreat center made sense.
Who was she kidding? It was the kiss that was tempting her to stay, but that was ridiculous. It was merely a gesture. True, they had had some moments that reminded her of being young again, but that time had passed. She was an adult, and adults—real adults—didn’t build their lives on romantic flings or what might have been.
Placing her hands on her hips, she leaned back, stretching out the kinks in her back. All around her, people worked at a steady pace. Some had taken a water break or were chatting with each other. There wasn’t a sense of obligation but more a pulling together to do something that benefited all of them. Yet the people she’d come to know were as individualistic as any she’d met in her life, maybe more so. They just knew when to tone it down to achieve something they all needed.
She was an outsider looking in, and she wanted to be more.
“So did you have fun with Ryan last night?” Maggie’s saucy voice whispered in her ear.
“Of course. I see you finally broke down and gave poor Tom Gerard a dance,” she teased back.
“There’s nothing there,” Maggie protested. “He needs to find someone more suited to be a sheriff’s wife than a woman tied up by a teenage daughter, an artsy mother, and trying to keep a general store afloat.”
“Right.”
“But what about you and Ryan? There’s a rumor you were kissing behind the tent like two teenagers trying to escape the parents.”
Darn small towns.
“It was nothing of the sort,” Kelly said, plucking a Coke can from the grass and stuffing it in the bag.
“Hey! Recycle that,” Maggie said. “Didn’t Susan give you a recycle bag?”
“She must have forgotten.”
“Give it to me.”
Kelly dug the can out and handed it over.
“We’ve both got children,” Maggie said. “Let’s try to give them the planet in better shape than it looks like we’re going to do.”
“Okay,” Kelly said, feeling a bit like a chastened schoolgirl.
“Sorry,” Maggie said. “It’s a bit of a hot button for me. Fire season brings it all home. I just heard there’s new one over by St. Regis. They start earlier and earlier every year. There are times it feels like we are using teaspoons of water to keep it all under control—and we’re running out of water as well.”
“It’s bad in California, too.” Kelly touched Maggie’s arm. “All we can do is our best and pray that we can all work together to find a solution soon.”
“Yeah.” There was still doubt in Maggie’s voice. “On another note, you did a great job on the auction. Everyone’s raving about it. We all want you to stay, to open the retreat center again. Everyone’s willing to pitch in and help.”
Kelly took a deep breath. “Selling still feels like the right decision for me.”
Maggie put her hands on her hips and studied her. “There sounds like there might be a ‘but’ in there.”
“I’ve enjoyed being part of this. My life is in California, but the kids are growing up—grown up, really. It’s just going to be me rattling around that house with John’s ghost.”
“Sounds like a change is due,” Maggie said softly.
“But I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“I’m sure we could help with that. My mom and Betsy were close friends with your grandmother. I’m sure they know things they even don’t know they know. And you said Henrietta left you manuals and a computer drive full of stuff. Alex would be a great help. She worked in an events company before ... well, before.”
There were too many secrets in this town, but she’d never find them out if she left.
“Okay,” she said with a nod. “Let’s get together and look things over.”
Maggie started to babble, and Kelly held up her finger. “No promises.”
“You got it.”
Kelly hoped she knew what she was getting into, but deep inside her she knew she’d always regret the decision to sell if she didn’t look at the whole picture herself. It was time to let go of other people’s opinions of what she should do. John, her mother, even Henrietta didn’t matter. Nor did possibilities with Ryan, although he certainly weighted staying.
No, it was time to figure out her own life.
