Closing the motel room door behind them had a kind of finality, as if an emotional threshold had been crossed to match the physical one. Sam took in the scent of Sarah’s perfume lingering in the air and the makeup scattered on the vanity in the bathroom, so alien to his world and serving to remind him he was about to step off into uncharted territory.
Sarah placed her handbag down and slipped off her shoes. ‘Drink?’ she asked.
‘Love one,’ Sam said, faking a calm he didn’t feel. ‘Do you want to get those ideas of mine down before or after?’
Sarah unscrewed the whisky bottle and sloshed two fingers into a couple of water glasses.
‘Before or after what?’ She shot him a cheeky sideways glance. It had been a long time since he flirted with anyone and he’d never been very good at it. What was it Goethe said? Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.
Might as well take the gamble.
He came and stood beside her. ‘Before or after I take you to bed, of course. Unless I’ve read this situation wrong and you have other ideas.’ He picked up his whisky and took a sip, his gaze never wavering from hers.
Sarah took a gulp of her drink; a soft pink flush infused her face. No worries about his intentions being misunderstood.
‘What would you suggest?’ Her voice sounded husky thanks to the whisky and to the fact she was possibly as nervous as him.
Sam put his glass down and took one of her hands in his.
Here goes …
‘Can I say, I’ve never met anyone like you before in my life. This thing between us …’ he gestured back and forth between them, ‘… is unique. At least in my experience.’ He traced a slow circle on the palm of her hand as he spoke. They both watched his thumb make a lazy arc. He longed to touch the fine skin of her inner wrist and trace a path with his fingers to hidden places. ‘And I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to take things slow. I don’t want to be cautious. I don’t think you want to, either.’ His awareness of her heightened to an almost unendurable tension. Every breath she took, the beat of her heart in the hollow of her throat, every inch of her called to him.
Their eyes met and he knew without a doubt that he was right. Life was too short to wait and see if this was a safe relationship, or things had a chance of working out. He’d done safe and still ended up alone. He’d been unhappy and lost. Now he’d found Sarah. Maybe she wasn’t safe and things might go up in flames—Lord knows there’d be many people who’d tell him that, most of them currently belly up to the bar at the pub—but tonight he intended to give in to the passion building deep within his soul and to hell with tomorrow.
The space between them became charged with an unbearable longing.
Sam couldn’t take a moment more. He reached for her at the same time she hooked her fingers through his belt loops. He offered no resistance as she pulled him towards her until they were hip to hip. His hands slid along the contours of her waist as he kissed her, long and deep, causing her to tremble with what he hoped was need.
‘I guess that’s an after then?’ he whispered against her throat as he kissed his way to her collarbone.
‘Kiss me again,’ she said and he pressed his mouth against hers. She had to feel the slam of his heart against the palms of her hands where they lay on his chest. He longed for the feel of her skin on his, wanted to peel the layers of her clothes away to reveal the sensuous warmth beneath.
He became lost in their kiss as his hands explored the outline of her body. His own hummed with spiralling desire. Soon, he would be unable to contain it.
Somewhere in the room, her phone started to ring. The jangly sound jarred Sam out of the moment. Sarah broke their kiss with a groan, echoing his own frustration at the intrusion.
Who could possibly be calling her this late at night? Something must have happened. Something bad. Or another man. The thought made him queasy.
‘Do you want to get that?’
She scrunched up her face as she said, ‘Do you mind?’
‘Nah, it’s late and it might be important.’ He stepped back, keeping his hands lightly on her waist. He didn’t want to break contact with her, to let her leave the circle of his arms now that she’d found her way into them.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said as she began to hunt for her phone. It had fallen out of her handbag when she’d dumped it on the floor. Sarah got down on her hands and knees and retrieved it from under the table where it had slid. Sam took advantage of the moment to take in the curves of Sarah’s very sexy butt.
‘Hello,’ she said, sweeping back the curtain of hair that had fallen across her face. She shot Sam a quick smile as he poured another glass of whisky while he waited.
The voice on the other end of the phone made Sarah frown and he paused to see what might follow. ‘Maddie? Are you alright? Has something happened?’ Sarah scrambled to her feet, fully alert.
Maddie McRae. Sam took a moment to process the fact, a dart of worry deflating his lust completely.
‘Of course.’ Sarah, all business now, waved Sam over. ‘I’ve got Sam here with me and I’m going to put you on speaker, okay?’ She didn’t wait for a response.
Sam put his arm around her and moved close, a million awful scenarios running through his head.
‘I’m not far from Mark’s house, and I have no shoes and I don’t know where my clutch is, and I want to go home.’ The words tumbled down the phone in one long stream, Maddie not pausing for breath.
‘It’s okay,’ said Sarah in her most soothing voice. ‘We’ve got you. Can you give us Mark’s address and we’ll come find you?’
‘I know where he lives,’ said Sam, trying not to growl. ‘Did Wayne lay a hand on you? Are you hurt?’
‘I’m not hurt and I don’t want to talk about it,’ whispered Maddie. ‘Can Sarah come get me, by herself?’
Sarah looked at Sam with raised eyebrows, silently asking his opinion. He hesitated, fighting his parental instincts to wade in and make sure Maddie was safe. While he didn’t have a girl of his own, it wasn’t a big stretch to guess why Maddie was embarrassed.
‘How about Sarah comes and gets you while I go and get your things off that—get your things back?’ That little bastard.
‘Okay,’ sniffed Maddie.
‘Hold tight,’ said Sarah, already grabbing her car keys. ‘We’ll be with you in a moment.’ She hung up, and turned to Sam. ‘Wow. Wasn’t expecting that tonight.’
Sam shook his head. ‘Never liked those kids. They get around here like they’re the town’s greatest hope, all because they play a little footy.’ He grabbed the keys to his ute. ‘Sorry about this,’ he said, taking both her hands in his.
Sarah shook her head. ‘Please don’t. I’m only glad we’re in the right place at the right time for Maddie.’
‘You’re right,’ he sighed. ‘I’ll go get her things and head over to the McRaes’ place. Joe is going to be livid.’
‘And rightly so,’ said Sarah. ‘I hope those boys haven’t done any lasting damage.’
‘So do I. Thank God I don’t have a daughter or I’d be in jail by now.’
Sarah gave a shaky laugh at his attempt to lighten the mood. ‘Imagine if you had a son like Wayne.’
‘Over my dead body,’ Sam muttered darkly.
She picked up her handbag. ‘Okay, let’s do this. I’ll find Maddie and bring her home.’
‘Meet you there.’ Sam leaned in and gave her the kind of kiss that he hoped would curl her toes. ‘More where that came from,’ he said as he headed out the door.
‘I hope so,’ he heard Sarah mutter as she followed him out.
Sarah had no trouble spotting Maddie sitting forlornly in the gutter, her pretty dress torn and her makeup streaked down her face by tears. She pulled over and Maddie climbed in.
‘Thank you.’ Seeing Maddie subdued, with her light dimmed, riled Sarah.
‘Are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor … or the police?’
Maddie shook her head as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. She stared straight ahead, her fingers digging into the seat.
‘Okay, if you’re sure then I’ll take you home.’ Sarah put the car in gear and pulled away from the kerb.
‘Wait,’ said Maddie, the urgency in her voice causing Sarah to brake instinctively. ‘I don’t want to go home straight away. My mum and dad are going to go spare.’ She turned her tear-stained face to Sarah. ‘Can we just sit here for a little while?’
Sarah contemplated her request. ‘I really think it’s important we get you home.’
‘I need a moment to pull myself together. Dad is going to go nuts and Mum is going to make a fuss. I cannot even deal with that right now.’ She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
Sarah sighed. The situation tore her in two. She should get Maddie home as quickly as possible. Once Sam let them know what had happened, they’d want their girl safe in their arms immediately. Having said that, if Maddie’s mum had even a quarter of her own mother’s fuss-ability then Maddie really did need to get herself together first.
‘Sitting here for a minute or two probably won’t hurt.’ Sarah pulled back over to the kerb and cut the engine.
‘Thank you.’ Maddie offered a tremulous smile. ‘I must look a mess.’
‘I’m more concerned about how you feel.’ Sarah killed the lights and lowered the windows a little to let in some fresh air.
Beside her Maddie shrugged. ‘Wayne didn’t hurt me if that’s what you mean.’
‘What did he do?’ She glanced at Maddie. The silence inside the car seemed impossibly loud.
‘He made me smoke a joint and I got all dizzy. Then he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. He said I was frigid and the other boys laughed. I think I was more scared of them than I was of him.’ Maddie twisted the fabric of her dress in her fingers. ‘I ran for it. Mum’s going to kill me for leaving her shoes behind.’ She looked at Sarah with tear-filled eyes.
‘I don’t think your mum is going to care about those shoes as long as you’re safe.’
She rifled through her handbag for the wet wipes she always travelled with. ‘You might want to use these,’ said Sarah. ‘That river of mascara is only going to make your mum and dad freak out more.’
Maddie accepted the proffered wipes with a grateful smile and scrubbed at her face. Sarah took the break in conversation to message Sam to let him know she had Maddie safe. She didn’t want anyone to worry more than they should.
‘That’s better,’ said Sarah as she held out her hand for the used wipe.
Maddie looked fresher, although dark rings shadowed her eyes. ‘I don’t suppose you have any face cream in your bag?’
‘Sadly no,’ said Sarah. ‘Pop your seatbelt on and we’ll get going.’
She waited until Maddie had made herself comfortable before turning the engine back on.
‘Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling?’
‘Not really.’ Maddie kept her head turned, looking out the window into the night.
‘Okay, if you change your mind you know I’m here for you.’ Sarah negotiated the unfamiliar streets of Longreach, made less complicated by the small number of them.
After a few moments, Maddie spoke.
‘I made such a mistake going out with that loser.’
‘You weren’t to know what he was capable of,’ said Sarah, as the lights of the town began to recede behind them.
‘I shouldn’t have gone to Mark’s house with Wayne.’
‘Yes, well that might have been a strategical error. But you know that doesn’t mean you were to blame for Wayne’s behaviour, right?’ She flicked the headlights up to high beam as the road seemed to blend with the inky darkness.
‘I wanted to be cool for one night, you know?’ Maddie shook her head as if she couldn’t believe she’d had the idea in the first place.
‘Cool? And Wayne is considered cool?’
‘Of course he is.’ Maddie frowned, clearly telegraphing that Sarah was clueless. ‘Everyone knows that. Me going to the formal with him was supposed to help me slay on my socials, instead the whole night was a total disaster.’ She sniffed and wiped a stray tear away.
‘Let me get this straight. You only went to the dance with Wayne to score some social points?’
‘He’s the hottest guy in school and he asked me. I mean, who wouldn’t go? I had no idea he expected me to … you know.’ She blushed and looked away.
‘And being popular is important to you?’ She couldn’t help it, her inner journalist sat up and started taking notes.
‘Isn’t it to you?’ Maddie fixed her with over-bright eyes.
‘Not in the same way, I think.’
‘If I’m not popular, then what am I? I disappear altogether.’
‘That’s not true,’ said Sarah gently. ‘If you show up as who you truly are, focus on what matters to you and let people see the real Maddie, then people will like you just fine.’
‘Yeah, right.’ Maddie was having none of it. ‘I’d become one of those lame kids no one remembers.’
‘What about Levi? I thought you two were tight. How does he fit into this story?’
‘Levi is, like, my best friend and everything, but he’s not cool.’ She gave a hiccup-y little laugh. ‘He’s too smart to be cool. If I dated him I could kiss goodbye to being popular.’
‘Would that be so bad?’ Sarah reached over and squeezed her hand. The fact Wayne had acted so badly towards her was awful enough. The reason why Maddie felt she had to go out with such a boy in the first place broke Sarah’s heart. She felt for Charlene McRae. Parenting a teenage daughter seemed like an impossible task.
‘But I’d be nothing.’ Maddie blinked at her as she contemplated the full horror of being ordinary.
‘You wouldn’t be nothing, you’d be you and I reckon that’s pretty great all by itself.’ Sarah smiled.
‘You don’t get it.’ Maddie smiled back, pity in her eyes.
‘Oh, I think I do. I was your age once. Girls haven’t changed all that much. I imagine it’s as cut throat now as it was then. Look,’ she glanced over at Maddie, ‘all I want you to do is consider who you would be if you didn’t have to spend so much time pretending to be someone you’re not. Imagine how happy you’d be if you were hanging out with girls who genuinely like you for who you are, not because of some made up social status.’
Maddie blinked, her face softly illuminated by the glow of the dashboard. Sarah couldn’t tell if she was taking anything in or not.
‘Imagine how happy you’d be if you could date someone you actually liked rather than a first-class wanker like Wayne,’ she pressed on.
Maddie snorted with laughter. ‘Wayne the Wanker. I like it. You know, I only went to the formal because I wanted to get to know Alexis Newson.’
Sarah frowned. ‘And who’s that?’
‘She’s Liam Newson’s sister. I thought if I could get her to talk to me then we might become friends and then she could introduce me to Liam.’
‘Sorry, but who’s Liam Newson?’ She’d lost Sarah entirely.
‘He’s only the hottest actor on the planet and my future husband. He comes from Longreach, you know.’ Maddie gave her that look again, the one that told her she was bordering on nutty-old-woman status.
‘Why do you think Liam is the one for you?’
Maddie slid her hands beneath her legs. ‘Because being with Liam would make me somebody, not just a girl from the sticks.’
‘Let me get this straight, you want to be with a guy from the sticks so no one thinks you’re a girl from the sticks. I don’t get it.’
‘When you put it like that it does sound pretty dumb.’ Maddie looked forlorn and Sarah realised she was witnessing the death of a dream. Bit of a crazy dream, but its death hurt anyway.
‘I do like Levi, a lot,’ Maddie said at last. ‘But going out with him would be social suicide.’
‘Going out with someone like Wayne leads to much worse.’
Maddie sighed. ‘You’re right I guess,’ she conceded. ‘I don’t know if I can handle everyone gossiping behind my back.’
‘They won’t do it forever and it will show you who your true friends are. Right now, you’re in a cage of your own creation. You think you have to impress people to get them to like you. Be yourself. Be authentic. You are good enough as you are, no improvement needed.’ Sarah heard the words as they left her lips. Solitary in Sydney could have done with the same pep talk. Hadn’t she tried to change herself to fit in?
‘But what about everything I’ve worked for? I’d be chucking out my future with Liam. And I’d be … oh, God … I’ve made a mess of everything.’ She buried her face in her hands and began to cry again.
‘Oh, honey.’ Sarah wished she could put her arms around the girl. ‘Everything is going to work out okay. Sometimes being yourself can be a hard path to walk but the destination will be better than you could ever imagine.’ She hoped that was true for herself.
‘Better than Liam Newson?’ Maddie looked over and sniffed.
‘Much better than Mr Newson. I know that might be hard to imagine right now but it’s totally true. And I want you to know that nobody ever has the right to touch you without your permission. You did nothing wrong here, and you need to remember that.’
They drove in silence for a few minutes while Maddie cried. This had been a hard night with many home truths.
‘We’re nearly home.’
‘Okay,’ Maddie nodded and straightened up. ‘Thank you for … this.’
‘That’s okay, sweetie.’ Sarah rubbed Maddie’s arm. ‘Anytime you need to talk, you call me, okay?’
Maddie nodded. ‘Turn here,’ she said, indicating the entrance to a long dirt road leading to the McRae farmhouse.
They bumped along, letting the quiet of the vast outback night carry them in its silence.
‘Sarah,’ Maddie said at last, ‘I’m going to think about what you said. You know, all that stuff about being authentic.’
Sarah smiled in the dark. ‘Authentic people make a mark on the world and you, Miss Maddie, have a lot to give.’
Sarah brought the car to a stop in front of the farmhouse. All the lights were blazing and she could see the outline of people moving about inside.
‘You’re going to be okay,’ she said, placing her hand on Maddie’s arm.
Maddie nodded and took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, eventually.’
Charlene McRae came out onto the veranda and hurried down the steps towards the car.
‘Here goes,’ said Maddie with a wobbly smile as she opened the door and climbed out, straight into her mother’s embrace.
Charlene hugged her daughter tight, talking to her in a low voice as she stroked her hair. She looked over Maddie’s shoulder and mouthed thank you to Sarah.
Sarah gave her a wave as the men appeared in the doorway. She could park up and join Sam but it felt wrong to encroach on the family’s private moment. She didn’t know them like he did.
Sam jumped down the steps and jogged over to her car. She wound the window down as he reached the vehicle.
‘Thanks for this,’ he said.
‘No thanks needed.’
‘I’m going to leave them to it. Follow me back to my house?’ It was a question that didn’t need an answer as far as she was concerned.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Lead the way.’
Levi couldn’t sleep. Not because the house creaked and groaned as its old bones settled for the night, nor because he was all alone in the middle of a field of solar panels and everybody knew that’s when evil clowns bent on revenge were most likely to strike. Tonight both those fear-inducing scenarios ran second best to Maddie being at the school formal with Wonder Wayne. Then there was Dad and Sarah, who had probably worked out by now that something weird was going on.
Both those things impacted Levi in ways he didn’t care to contemplate. Instead, he lost himself in a video game, letting it absorb him, leaving no room for worries of any kind.
How long he’d been at it, he didn’t know. The mindlessness of it all had taken him a million miles from Longreach until the sound of his dad’s ute crunching up the driveway to the house penetrated the noise of the game.
Unsure whether to go and greet him or stay hunkered down in his room, Levi switched off his game and listened. If he’d been sprung, Dad would probably come in roaring for blood. If he hadn’t, Dad would most likely make himself a drink and go to bed.
Dad didn’t come in at all.
Curious, Levi swung his legs over the side of his bed and tiptoed to the door. Silence. Maybe Dad had a good head of steam going and was trying to calm down before he grounded Levi for life. An uncomfortable tightness gripped his chest as he contemplated the shit storm about to break over his head.
The whole situation was Maddie’s fault. Her with her crazy ideas about moving to Sydney to have some imaginary future with a lame actor who didn’t even know she existed. How had he allowed himself to get mixed up in this crap? His role had been assigned to him. He’d gotten the part of Trusted Flatmate. What was he supposed to do? Sit by and watch while Maddie went off with some other guy? It would be like tonight all over again, and again, and again.
Nope. Levi was done. He’d ride this mess out as best he could but Maddie could find a new sidekick. It hurt too much.
Another set of wheels bumped up the drive. The engine turned off and he heard a car door slam, then voices. Dad and Sarah. Jesus, he was in real trouble if both of them had come to ream him out.
Dad’s key in the lock. They entered the house. What should he do? Where could he hide? Pointless, of course. There was nowhere he could hide his father wouldn’t find him, and fast. Nothing for it but to face his fate head on.
He threw on a t-shirt, something half decent he could be buried in if necessary. Despite his brave front, Levi’s hands were shaking. He shoved them in his pockets, trying for a careless kind of cool he knew he had no hope of pulling off.
Dad and Sarah weren’t in the kitchen where he’d expected them to be. They’d moved out to the front veranda, where they talked quietly. They didn’t sound angry to him, they sounded worried. Confusion set in. If he hadn’t been busted, then what was going on?
‘Hey,’ he said as he stepped out to join them, yawning a little to give the impression he’d been soundly sleeping like a boy without a care in the world.
‘Hey there, kiddo. Sorry to wake you,’ said Dad. So, he wasn’t in trouble. Relief.
‘Hey, Levi.’ Sarah sat next to Dad, holding his hand. Clearly, things were going well in that department. Not that it would last.
He pushed aside the feeling of impending doom, a constant companion these days, and took a seat.
‘What’s going on? Have a good night?’
A look passed between Dad and Sarah, one he didn’t like.
‘What’s wrong?’ He sat up straighter. ‘What’s happened?’ In his limited fifteen years of experience that look usually meant someone had died horribly, was sick, or something had burned to the ground. The outback could be tough.
‘No one’s dead,’ said Dad, reading his mind.
‘Someone is certainly in trouble,’ said Sarah.
‘Not Maddie?’ His heart started pounding heavily in his chest, like a bass beat from a serious sub-woofer.
The look passed between them again.
‘Will someone please tell me what’s going on?’ he pleaded, his sense of dread multiplying exponentially with every passing second.
‘Maddie got into strife with Wayne,’ said Dad. ‘She’s not hurt, but she did get a bit of a fright.’
‘What?’ Levi fought a wave of nausea, then one of total rage, a very unpleasant combination. ‘What did that bastard do to her?’
‘Language, son,’ warned Dad.
‘How about you go get us a cold drink while I fill Levi in,’ said Sarah, laying a hand on Dad’s arm. He looked into her eyes for a moment and Levi got the sense a whole conversation had taken place between them. One he was not privy to.
‘Sure,’ said Dad, conceding in a way Levi had never seen him do before. ‘I’ll be back soon.’
The screen door banged behind him.
‘You know Maddie went to the formal with Wayne the Wanker tonight, right?’
Levi nearly choked on his own spit.
‘Um … yeah.’
‘Wayne didn’t respect some of Maddie’s boundaries. She’ll be okay, she’s just a little rattled. Her parents will help her decide if she wants to take anything further.’
Levi slumped in his chair, shocked. He had so many questions and didn’t want the answers to any of them.
‘I should call her and see if she’s okay,’ he said, gripped by the need to hear Maddie’s voice.
‘I think she needs to rest right now. Give her a call in the morning. I think she’d appreciate that.’
‘I knew going with Wayne to the dance was a bad idea.’ He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.
Sarah sighed. ‘I reckon Maddie agrees with you. I understand things have been a little strained between the two of you lately. She needs you now. She needs a good friend who won’t judge her for her mistakes.’
‘She picked Wayne over me.’ He hadn’t meant to say that. Seems the truth had a way of getting out.
‘I think Maddie was too scared to pick you.’
‘Wayne is way more scary than I am.’ How could Maddie ever be afraid of him? They’d been best friends forever. He’d never hurt her. Not in a million years.
‘Not scared of you. She’s got herself trapped between her feelings for you and wanting to be popular. I don’t have to tell you how tough high school is, you’re there,’ said Sarah.
Maddie’s chase for popularity had started at the end of primary school. Levi had always tagged along in her wake, not thinking much about the complicated world of girls. He frequently found himself confused in conversations with Maddie and her friends. He’d always thought it was because he was a guy. Now he wondered if he didn’t get it because he wasn’t cool enough. Disturbing thought.
‘Did she tell you that?’ Sarah mentioned Maddie had feelings. For him. He already knew she liked him as a friend. Could she like him as something more? A spark of hope lit up deep inside him, so tiny he almost missed it.
‘My advice to you, if you want it, is to spend some time with her and talk things through. Go gentle, she’s trying to be herself but after so many years of being what she thought she ought to be, the process might take some time.’
Levi nodded. All that sounded okay to him. He could wait. He’d been waiting forever anyway, even if he’d only recently understood that himself.
Dad pushed open the screen door, carrying a tray filled with drinks. Beer for the adults and a cola for Levi. He took it gratefully and slugged it down. Sarah had given him a lot to think about and he wanted to be alone.
‘If it’s okay with you guys, I think I’ll head back to bed.’
‘Sure thing, kiddo. Sleep tight.’
‘Goodnight, Levi,’ said Sarah.
He paused before he entered the house. ‘Sarah, thank you for … everything.’
‘My pleasure,’ she said as she raised her beer to him, as if wishing him luck.
Notes for ‘Finding Love in the Outback’
Interview #7
Tony (45) and Bev (44) from Mundubbera. Found love online.
Bev: I’d tried online dating before. I hadn’t had any success. Mostly full of nutters and lunatics. Total waste of time.
Tony: Then you found me.
Bev: Totally by accident. I thought I’d taken my profiles down. I’d been on a few sites and I guess I’d lost track of which ones.
Tony: Her forgetfulness is one of the things I love about her best.
Bev: Next thing I know I get this message from him, and he’s living near a town only three hours away.
Tony: Something about her photo said this is the one. I’d dated plenty when I was young yet somehow managed to end up single in my late thirties. Not sure how that happened. Too busy with the farm I guess. Not ready to commit. All that stuff.
Bev: Just hadn’t met the right one yet.
Tony: Yeah, that too.
Bev: We’ve been married three years now.
Tony: Feels like five minutes and forever all at the same time.
Bev: I don’t think I would have found you without online dating. You were so close yet so far away.
Tony: Fate, I reckon. Can’t mess with that stuff.