Josie

Josie took a few long moments and another sip of her drink before answering Rebecca’s question.

‘Yes, I’m okay.’

She could see the relief on the other woman’s face. ‘Good. I’m glad.’ Rebecca did this weird sniff-smile thing. ‘Is there anything else you want to ask me?’

‘I’d love you to tell me more about Rob.’ She hadn’t wanted to ask Clara too many questions because although Clara had been fantastic about all this, she knew she carried a lot of pain where her ex-husband was concerned and wasn’t sure she’d be unbiased anyway. And although Brenda had given her wonderful insights, she got all melancholic whenever she talked about her son, so Josie didn’t want to raise the topic of Rob unless she did. As One Track Mind was together long before the internet, in this instance, Google hadn’t been much help either.

Perhaps this woman could even have something that might give Josie a clue as to where Rob might be.

Rebecca blinked. ‘Sure. What do you want to know?’

‘I dunno.’ Josie shrugged. ‘What did he eat for lunch? Aside from music, what was his favourite subject at school? Did he have any favourite movies? I’ve seen his collection of LPs, but which singer or band inspired him?’

Rebecca laughed at the rush of questions and then sucked in a quick breath before replying. ‘Vegemite and cheese sandwiches with egg.’ She made a face. ‘It’s what he brought to school every single day and I thought it was disgusting. I refused to kiss him unless he brushed his teeth afterwards, so he ended up bringing a toothbrush to school.’

Josie couldn’t help smiling.

‘Sorry,’ Rebecca said, ‘perhaps a little too much information. Now what did you ask next? Oh, school. Well, he wasn’t bad at maths and science but he was really, really good at woodwork. The teacher tried to convince him he should become a carpenter, but he was so gung-ho about being a rock star that he wouldn’t consider anything else.’

‘Paige mentioned you were a singer and played the piano—if Robbie was a couple of years older than you, he would have been in a higher grade at school; did you meet through your music?’

Rebecca nodded. ‘Yep, although the country school we went to wasn’t that big and he only lived down the road, so I knew him before then. But when Robbie and his mates decided that the way to success was to have a female singer in their group, they called auditions. I already had a crush on him—pretty much every girl in the school did—and so I saw this as my chance to a) become a star and b) get the guy. And let’s face it, at fifteen, the latter was way more important to me.’

‘And they chose you?’

‘Yes. The rest of the guys were a bit immature—always cracked obscene jokes around me—but Robbie was serious about his music and gave them what-for whenever they became a bit inappropriate with me. He started to walk me home after band practice and we became friends first, but we became much more than that pretty fast.’

Josie didn’t know if Rebecca realised it but her eyes lit up whenever she spoke about Robbie—it was clear to see how much she’d loved him and she couldn’t help feeling a little sorry for her husband. ‘Was the band One Track Mind?’

‘No.’ Rebecca shook her head. ‘Aside from Robbie and me, no one else was really serious about a music career. I’m not sure what happened, but a few years later he appeared on the scene with a new bunch of guys. No token female this time. Guess they realised boy bands were a better bet.’

‘So you kept track of him?’

‘I wouldn’t say I kept track of him, but every radio station was playing that song. It was hard not to follow his progress. I really thought they were going places after “Lost Without You, Baby” hit the charts, but then they just seemed to fade away. That was Robbie’s worst nightmare—being a one-hit wonder.’

And he wouldn’t have been if it wasn’t for you.

‘He and Clara suffered a number of miscarriages.’ Josie decided not to mention the stillbirth. ‘And Robbie fell into a deep depression; she thinks it all stemmed from when I was adopted.’

‘I know,’ Rebecca whispered. ‘It breaks my heart to think of him like that. He was always the life of the party, but he was never one of the ones sneaking alcohol into said parties; he was too driven. What happened to him is a tragedy and I’ll never forgive my parents for what they did.’

‘Me neither,’ Josie said, but she didn’t add that she wasn’t sure if she could forgive Rebecca either. Not only for turning Robbie away when he came to her in desperation, but also for allowing her parents to have their way in the first place. She tried to put herself in Rebecca’s position—being fifteen and pregnant—but she couldn’t imagine ever giving up a child, not when she so desperately wanted one. No matter how many times Rebecca told her she was young, heartbroken and coerced into the adoption, it didn’t change the facts.

She had allowed others to take away her baby.

And that was something Josie would never have done. Having felt another human growing inside her, having experienced the agony of losing that life, she knew she would have fought until her last breath to keep her baby. Even if she was only a child herself.

Perhaps, Rebecca had actually been relieved to be rid of her.

‘Paige told me about the campaign you’ve launched to search for Robbie,’ Rebecca said. ‘I think it’s a great idea. I shared the page and I can’t help thinking about what else we might do. Perhaps we could hire a private investigator?’

We? That sounded expensive and Josie wondered if Rebecca was planning on funding it; if so, how would her husband feel about that? Even if she liked the idea, there was no way she and Nik could afford one and she didn’t think Brenda had a wad of cash stuffed up the chimney.

‘And …’ Rebecca paused a moment as if unsure of what she was about to say. ‘I could ask my father if he knows anyone in the police force in the missing persons unit. I think he kind of owes us a favour, don’t you?’

Rage and resentment erupted like a volcano within her and almost burst right from her mouth. That was the understatement of the century!

Somehow she swallowed the urge to tell Rebecca she could shove her despicable father where the sun don’t shine—that this was too little, too late—but maybe that would be cutting off her nose to spite her face. She didn’t want anything to do with her biological grandfather and she couldn’t understand why Rebecca would want that either, but if he did have any kind of police power or could at least find out what they were doing on the case, how could she turn that down?

‘You’d do that?’

Rebecca nodded rapidly. ‘Of course. I haven’t spoken to him since I confronted them about your gender, but I’m willing to do anything I can to help find Robbie. I’ll go see Dad this afternoon.’

‘Thank you,’ Josie said. ‘And thanks to Paige and your husband, I got a call from a producer at This Is Sydney. She was super enthusiastic about doing a piece on missing persons and Brenda and I are being filmed next week for it. If someone has seen him or knows where he is, hopefully this will spur them to get in contact with us or the police.’

Rebecca blinked. ‘Hugh helped you?’

‘Yes, Paige asked him if he could put the word out at his work and someone got in contact with me almost immediately.’

‘That’s great news,’ Rebecca said, although her voice wavered a little. ‘And it’s lovely you’ve connected with Brenda. And Paige. She speaks very highly of you.’

‘Yes. They’re both great,’ Josie said, feeling uncomfortable with where this conversation was going. Although Rebecca had said she didn’t expect anything from Josie, she could tell from her biological mother’s tone that she hoped they too might be able to play happy families. And while this conversation had been enlightening in many ways, she simply didn’t feel any desire to repeat it on a regular basis.

‘Would you like some lunch?’ Rebecca said. ‘My shout.’

Josie had almost forgotten they were sitting in the middle of a busy café and the last thing on her mind was her stomach. ‘Actually,’ she said, glancing at her watch, ‘I’ve got to go.’

She made no excuse about where as she picked her bag up off the floor and stood.

‘Oh.’ Rebecca stumbled to her feet. ‘Okay. Well, thanks for meeting me. It was lovely to talk to you. I’ll let you know what my father says.’

‘Thank you,’ Josie said and then turned and fled before Rebecca could ask if they could see each other again.

‘How was it?’ Nik asked the moment she walked in the door. He was lounging on the couch, watching football.

‘Exhausting,’ she said as she kicked off her shoes and then flopped down beside him.

He picked up the TV remote and muted the footy, which considering the Dockers were playing was a massive sacrifice. God, she loved him. ‘Good exhausting or bad exhausting?’ he asked.

‘Both.’ She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed deeply as he pulled her close against him.

‘You wanna talk about it?’

‘It was weird,’ she said. ‘When Rebecca first arrived it felt a bit like a job interview—hers not mine. She was nervous and I found myself trying to put her at ease, even while being a little irritated by her. Then, when she was talking, when she was telling me about getting pregnant and being forced to give me up, I kept forgetting that the baby she was talking about was me. Like logically I know she’s my mother but I just don’t feel anything for her.’

‘That’s understandable.’ Nik squeezed her hand. ‘You might share DNA but you only just met; real relationships take time.’

‘She asked me if I was okay. That’s what she wanted to know—and I said yes, when we both know I’ve been anything but okay lately. I think she needed me to tell her that to alleviate some of the guilt she’s carried all these years. But that’s not why I said yes, the real reason was because I didn’t want to tell her the truth. I didn’t want to tell her about our miscarriages and how I’ve come close to losing the plot this year.’ Josie swallowed to try and shift the emotion that was clogging her throat. ‘It would be like telling a stranger.’

‘Oh, Jose.’ Nik held her tighter. ‘That’s okay. You don’t have to tell her anything.’

‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘And although she says she won’t pressure me into getting to know each other better, I think deep down that’s what she wants, but I’m not sure I can give it to her. I know I could have looked for her myself, but she was the adult, she was the parent, and she didn’t come looking for me. At least Robbie wanted to.’

‘So you’re not going to see her again?’

‘I’ll have to, I’m going to be Paige’s chief bridesmaid remember? And that’s fine. It’s not like I hate her or anything.’ Even if she did, Josie would be civil for Paige’s sake. ‘Who knows, maybe in time, I’ll get to know her better, but right now, there’s other things I want to focus on.’

‘Like finding Robbie?’

‘Yes, that,’ she said, then pulled back a little so she could look at him properly. ‘But also you and me and our family.’

His eyes widened in question.

‘If this whole thing has taught me anything, it’s that family is not about DNA—like you said—it’s about what’s in here.’ She grabbed his hand and pressed it against her heart. ‘I don’t feel any connection to my biological mother, but I’m glad I’ve found her, because maybe I didn’t think I needed to know about my beginnings, but maybe I actually did. For closure and reinforcement.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Whatever happens with Robbie and between me and Rebecca, Mum and Dad will always be my real parents—it’s love that matters. They were the ones who gave me that. And you and me? We have a lot of love to give, so I think we should look into adoption after all.’

His mouth fell open. ‘What? Rather than IVF or any of the other possibilities?’ he asked in a disbelieving tone.

She nodded. ‘I know it will be by no means an easy fix either, but I want to give someone love and a place to call home; someone who, without us, might not have the best chance in life. What do you say?’

Nik’s look of shock turned into a grin. ‘I think you’re amazing, Josephine Mitreski. Let’s do it.’