‘To what do I owe this unexpected visit?’ Siobhan exclaimed with her usual warm smile when she opened the door to Clara not long after she left Rebecca’s.
Until that moment Clara had held it together—she hadn’t cried when the policeman had delivered the news, she hadn’t cried while speaking to the funeral director, she hadn’t even cried when she’d shared that weird moment with Rebecca—but she took one look at her little sister and burst into tears.
Siobhan looked momentarily flummoxed—she wasn’t used to her stoic sister falling apart—and then she yanked Clara into her arms and held her close. ‘Oh darling,’ she whispered. ‘There, there, it’ll be alright, whatever’s happened, I’m here.’
‘What’s wrong with Aunty Clara?’ came a voice from down near their hips and Clara drew back to see Zoey and Blake looking up at her with wide eyes.
‘I’m fine.’ Clara quickly wiped her eyes and tried to smile, feeling embarrassed about being caught in such a mess by her great-niece and great-nephew. She looked back to Siobhan. ‘Sorry, I didn’t know you were babysitting, I’ll leave.’
Siobhan grabbed onto her arm. ‘Oh, no you don’t. I’ll give these two their iPads and they’ll be occupied for hours. Just give me one sec.’
‘But Mummy said we can’t have screen time until after afternoon tea,’ Zoey said, her tone disapproving.
Siobhan clapped her hands together. ‘Guess it’s time for afternoon tea, then.’
‘But we just had lunch.’ Zoey pouted.
Blake elbowed her in the side. ‘Can I have a chocolate brownie?’
‘You can have whatever you want, darling,’ Siobhan said, ushering them back down the hallway. ‘Come on.’
This last order was directed at Clara, so she followed her sister and the kids and tried to compose herself while Siobhan set them up with brownies, poppers and iPads in the theatre room.
‘Now, can I get you a cup of tea?’ Siobhan asked on her return.
Clara thought of what Brenda had said about the tea. ‘Do you have anything stronger?’
‘Come into the lounge room and let’s see what we can find,’ Siobhan said, taking her hand and leading her there.
As Clara all but collapsed onto the sofa, Siobhan went straight for the liquor cabinet—they weren’t drunks but she and Neil did have an impressive collection of alcoholic drinks. Thirty seconds later when Siobhan put a glass tumbler of whiskey into her hand, Clara was very grateful of this fact.
She took a sip, screwed up her nose as the liquid burned her throat and then took another. It was exactly what she needed. She wouldn’t drink too much because she’d have to drive back to Brenda’s place soon, but a few more sips wouldn’t hurt.
‘Have you and Gregg had a fight?’ Siobhan asked as she lowered herself onto the sofa beside Clara.
She realised she hadn’t yet told her sisters about her split from Gregg—she’d been busy helping Josie and Brenda with the find Rob campaign but also hadn’t wanted the lecture she knew they’d give her for the decision she’d made. They wouldn’t understand.
‘We kind of broke up,’ she said slowly, cradling the glass between her hands. ‘But that’s not what this is about,’ she rushed to add before Siobhan could say anything. ‘Rob’s body has been found.’
It should have been getting easier to deliver this news. But it wasn’t. She felt a fresh wave of guilt and sorrow wash over her.
Siobhan gripped Clara’s arm. ‘Oh my God. When?’
‘We’re not sure exactly.’ But she told her sister as much as they knew.
A tear snuck down Siobhan’s cheek. ‘Robert might not have been my favourite person in recent years, but …’
‘I know,’ Clara whispered, not needing her sister to finish her sentence. She felt exactly the same. She might have thought she wished him dead but the reality was something else entirely. She’d never wanted Rob to become just another devastating suicide statistic. Yet—
‘So you were with Josie and Brenda when this happened?’ Siobhan asked, interrupting this thought.
Clara nodded.
‘Will Brenda have to identify the body?’ was Siobhan’s next question.
Clara shook her head. ‘No, and this is going to sound awful—he’ll be well and truly on the way to being decomposed, the stench will be terrible—but even knowing how gruesome it would be, I would have offered to do it for her. I kind of want to see for myself that he is well and truly dead.’
This was something she could never admit to anyone else.
‘It doesn’t sound awful, it sounds understandable,’ Siobhan said. ‘After all he’s put you through while you were married, not to mention the last couple of years, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t at least feel some relief that you finally have closure.’
‘Yes, I guess, but this wasn’t the kind of closure I wanted,’ Clara confessed and she wasn’t sure relief was exactly what she felt. Whatever it was, it was wrapped up together in a conflicting package with guilt and sadness. ‘I know he made my life a living hell much of the time and for the last couple of years all I wanted was for him to leave me the hell alone, but now that he has, all I feel is empty and sad and I hate myself. I hate myself for wanting him gone and for failing him. Not just when we were married and I didn’t insist he get proper help but—’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ Siobhan interrupted, ‘you tried numerous ways and times. I know you’re in shock but I can’t let you blame yourself for this.’
‘I should have done more to help him try and find his child. And recently, when he got so upset after seeing me with Gregg, I should have gone after him, but all I cared about was my own happiness. He’s been dead about a month! Seeing me with Gregg triggered his suicide.’
‘You don’t know that for sure.’
‘Yes I do.’ Nothing her sister could say would convince her otherwise. It was the final straw. She might as well have bought him the rope. ‘And how can I look at Brenda and Josie knowing this? I couldn’t bear being in the same room any longer. It was too horribly sad seeing Josie with Brenda and knowing that had she turned up just a couple of months earlier, there might have been a different ending to this story. When they didn’t need someone to identify the body, I offered to go tell Rebecca. I had to get out of there.’
It was also part of the reason she’d taken charge of calling the funeral director, but that break hadn’t been long enough.
‘Rebecca is Josie’s biological mother?’ Clara confirmed.
‘Wow.’ Siobhan let out a long slow breath. ‘And how’d she take it?’
‘She was a mess. More so even than Josie or Brenda but everyone reacts differently. They’re probably still in shock and I think Rebecca’s harbouring a lot of guilt. It was weird, actually. Until now, I’ve hated her almost as much as I hated Rob for ruining my life, but she hugged me and I let her. Suddenly I couldn’t help feeling devastated for her as well. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I found out our parents had done something to me like hers did to her and Rob. I don’t condone or agree with how she handled the secret, but I can finally see she’s not a bad person.’
‘That’s because you, my dear, are a very good person.’
Clara shrugged; she wasn’t sure about that at all right now. No matter she didn’t hate Rebecca, she still found herself coveting her daughter. She couldn’t help feeling good that Josie had connected with her more than she had her biological mother. What kind of person did that make her?
A squeal sounded from the direction of the theatre room. Siobhan let out an exasperated sigh and stood. ‘I’ll be right back,’ she said and rushed from the room.
‘Sorry about that,’ she said when she returned a few moments later. ‘Disaster struck. The wi-fi died for a moment but it’s all fixed again now.’
‘That’s okay.’ Clara put her glass down on the coffee table—no longer in such dire need of alcohol. ‘I should probably be getting back to Josie and Brenda anyway.’
‘Oh.’ Siobhan blinked. ‘I know this is very uncaring of me when you’re so upset about Robert, but you’re not going to leave me hanging about you and Gregg, are you? I thought he was perfect for you.’
Clara couldn’t help the laugh that burst from her mouth. God, she loved her sister. The Gregg break-up now felt like only a tiny bump in the road, but telling Siobhan would give her a few minutes reprieve from her other emotions—maybe that was her sister’s cunning plan—and it would also delay her return to Josie and Brenda just a little longer. She leaned back into the couch and began with the cruise ship fiasco.
‘The poor man!’ Siobhan exclaimed when Clara told her how she’d ended up missing his comic debut because she was chasing a Rob look-alike.
She agreed, that was a terribly unfortunate situation, but it was his ultimatum that had truly ended it all. There’d been a lot of drama over the past week, so perhaps she simply hadn’t had time to miss him but the sad truth was she missed Shadow more than she did Gregg. They had jumped into a full-on relationship pretty fast and Clara now had to wonder if the biggest appeal about Gregg was that because he was so different to Rob he came across as better for her than he actually was.
Siobhan shook her head. ‘An ultimatum never ends well, and however much I might agree with Gregg that you need to put yourself first, an ultimatum is never fair either. And a man that gives you one isn’t right for you. I think you made the right decision. There’ll be other blokes.’
‘Maybe.’ But right now her love-life was the last thing on her mind.
‘So what happens now?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, a lot of things have changed in your life lately—the house is sold, Rob is gone, you’ve stopped volunteering, things may not have worked out between you and Gregg but you’ve made a lot of progress in reclaiming your life. So what’s the next step?’
‘I’m not sure. I might need to sleep on your couch for a few weeks while I work that out.’
Siobhan smiled. ‘Don’t be silly. You can have the guest room for as long as you need.’
‘Thanks. And after that, maybe I’ll go overseas after all. Or maybe I’ll buy a caravan and travel around Australia. Or maybe I’ll just buy a cat and a smaller place to live and take each day one step at a time. Right now, the most important thing is helping Brenda organise Robert’s funeral and supporting her and Josie through this nightmare.’
Siobhan rolled her eyes. ‘You can’t help yourself, can you?’
Clara shook her head. ‘No, but whatever Rob was, he was also my husband and Brenda was my mother-in-law. I couldn’t save him, but I can sure as hell make sure I don’t abandon his mother and daughter in their hour of need.’