Chapter 11
"They are finally at peace, and it is all thanks to you." Sandra smoothed the flat of her hand over the rolling hill of bare skin that was Lex's massive shoulder as he lay sleeping on his side with his back to her. It was a mixture of soft and hard, just like everything else about him. After agreeing to make the great sacrifice of herself to help Derrdra and Iain, she had prepared mentally for the cold consummation of vows with Lex. No love from either side. No tenderness or caring for her needs or his, just a simple act of joining, as dry and diplomatic as signing a charter parchment with a dull quill feather. She had imagined many things about her first night with a man, supposedly Mangus, but none of her hundreds of daydreams had been as magical as what had happened last night. She put her nose up against the skin on his arm and inhaled his masculine scent from their night of passion. One whiff brought back the memory of every touch, every taste, every pleasure he had given her. The night had been long and sleepless, but Sandra's desires were not for sleep. "Thank you...for everything," she whispered over his shoulder.
"Are you sure our guests have departed?" Lex asked without turning over from his side to face her.
There was a rough edge to his voice but Sandra put it off to morning dryness. She herself was still so exhilarated from his passionate loving that her voice, too, sounded huskier than normal when she answered him. "They are gone and will never bother us again. From now on all our nights are ours alone."
"At least something good came of last night then."
Sandra was first startled out of her dreamy daze by his angry tone and then by his abrupt departure from the bed. She stared after his lithe form as he gathered his discarded items of clothing from around the room. Her own complete nakedness was not even a consideration until he turned his cold glare back to her in the bed and his eyes quickly reminded her. Pulling the closest bunch of sheet up to cover herself only managed to draw his eyes to something even more embarrassing. A large dark bloodstain stood out on the creamy sheet like an official seal on a royal missive.
Her eyes darted from him to the spot more than once before she again found her voice inside her tightened throat. "I would say many good things happened last night."
"Aye, you would see it that way, MacEwen." He said her name with a twist of his mouth accompanying it. He shoved his arms through the sleeves of his shirt and he looked at her accusingly again. "You got everything you wanted last night." His eyes once again found the bloodstain on the sheet. "Your tricks all worked like magic. I have gone over and over it in my mind, and there is no logical explanation for the events of last night. What did you do to me to control my mind and body so completely?" He was more than slightly angry now, with more than a slight rough edge to his tone.
"I did nothing to control you. Whatever you did last night it was one hundred percent under your given consent. And how dare you say it was me that forced this on you. That is an utter lie!" she half cried, half shouted after him as he disappeared behind the dressing curtain.
When he reemerged, it was with fresh black leggings already on and his icy cold facade covering up the rest of him. "I never lie to a lady in the morning. Believe me, what happened between us last night was NEVER my plan." With two quick violent tugs his boots were in place on his feet. His long strides carried him just as swiftly to the door. "Now that our guests are gone you can retire to the women's quarters...and make sure it is done before you join me in the hall for the morning meal."
With a slam of the door that matched his every other move, he was gone and she was left alone, barely able to breathe or think. Her tears finally fell from her eyes to mingle with the spot of blood on the sheet, the only reality that the tender magic of last night ever happened at all between them.
"It must have been Iain all along," she mumbled to herself as she searched for answers to Lex's complete change toward her after his tender caresses of last night. "What a fool! What a fool!" she cried as she pounded her fists into the stuffing of the bed. "I should have known better, Lex MacLachlan. You are not capable of those feelings we shared. You are not capable of sharing anything but anger and hate."
She let herself slump down into a heap of pity in the middle of the bed. She cried and ached. She pounded and vented. But when her emotions finally deserted her as well, she was left with a very hollow feeling she had never before experienced. Whenever she had given of herself to anyone, they had always given back even more. It was her understanding that people only grew closer together once they shared intimate feelings, even as friends.
As she slowly got out of the bed to retrieve her tartan, the tender aches of her body reminded her again just how intimate she had gotten with Lex MacLachlan last night, at least with his body. The shared feelings of caring and concern must have come from Iain's heart, not Lex's. She knew now Lex did not have a heart.
With her torn blouse of last night scrunched in a ball against her chest and her faithful plaid wrapped around her like a camp blanket, Sandra made her way to the women's quarters. Her inner thighs ached with each step as if she had been galloping across the moorlands on a long journey, and even though she tried to scold it away, her heart ached too. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. He never wanted you and he still does not. Nothing has changed."
"I beg your pardon?"
Sandra's head snapped up as she closed the door behind her in the women's quarters. "Derrdra? Iain?" She did not have to ask. It was definitely them lying on the bed together hugging and kissing. "What are you doing here?"
"We are trapped here, sweetie, remember? Iain might be able to venture out of this manor for short periods of time, but that damn curse always sweeps us right back when the night reaches its darkest point," Derrdra answered with a smile that was too cheery for Sandra's sagging emotions.
"But last night...I thought if we helped you..." Sandra was no longer sure of what to believe or if she could even trust herself. Everything she thought seemed so clear last night was making no sense at all to her this morning.
"Last night was wonderful," Iain purred through one of his wolfish grins. "But unfortunately we were called away to our regular nightly appointment before we could finish our vows...body and soul."
"But we did finish. I saw the blood. I know it happened."
"Aye, it happened all right, but not with us present. You and Lex consummated your union to one another alone."
"You were not there?" she asked in hopeful disbelief.
"We were for a while. That is why we are at least able to do this now." Iain bent over and gave Derrdra's laughing mouth a ravishing kiss. "It is more than we had before where our lips could never quite touch, so we do not blame ya for not being able to stop yourselves. If our places were reversed I am sure the outcome would be the same." Derrdra gave her a sympathetic nod and snuggled deeper into Iain's arms.
"If you were not there when it happened...then Lex was really himself and did and said all those things himself." Sandra sank to the floor with her tartan pooled up around her. It was hard enough to stop the questions of her mind and the ache of her heart when she thought it was Iain who had done those things to her. But it was Lex. How could it have been the same man who slammed the door on her this morning?
"There, there, lassie. Do not be looking so sad. We do not blame ya in the least for lovin' your husband. We can wait until the next couple comes along and try again." Iain came over and gently lifted her off the cold floor and sat her down in a more comfortable cushioned chair by the bed.
"I do not think it is us she is worried about," Derrdra added when Sandra did not respond. "I have seen that dejected look in a woman's eyes before. It is that MacLachlan who concerns her heart. The wretch must be worse than we thought."
"I will see to this for ya, wee Sandra," Iain shouted and drew his ever-handy claymore from his side. "MacLachlan or not, no man will mistreat a woman in my manor."
Iain was already halfway through the wall when his words registered in Sandra's scattered thoughts. "No, Iain, you cannot."
"Aye, but I can, lassie, and will for your honor. If he has mistreated you, he must pay."
She ran to the wall and pulled back on his one arm that had not yet disappeared. "He did not mistreat me, Iain. He made love to me."
Iain's face reemerged from the wall and his one dark brow was raised in question. "And just what were you expecting him to do when you gave your consent to help us?"
"I thought it was you last night, making love to Derrdra. I thought I felt different after the wind, but I could not tell what he was feeling. But he was so concerned for me when it hurt. Then he so tenderly showed me the pleasure that is supposed to follow."
"I do not think I need to be hearing all the mushy parts. Jus' get to what is worrying ya." Iain rejoined Derrdra on the bed and received a scolding tap on his arm for his gruff remarks.
"The girl is hurting in her heart, Iain. Do you have to always be such a beastie?" Derrdra came over and encircled Sandra in her arms, just like Bess would have done. "Men do not always follow their hearts like we women do, sweetie. But do not you be worrying about it none. Iain will see to it that he respects you proper."
"No," Sandra said, pulling away from Derrdra's comfort to face them both. "It does not matter who it was, I am still going to marry Mangus once I leave here. It is already bad enough that I risked prolonging this farce by..." She could not repeat aloud what made a blush come to her cheeks when she remembered last night.
"But I thought ya wanted this man," Derrdra said with a confused look furrowing her fine golden brows.
"Nay, I do not!" Sandra snapped out, trying to make herself believe it as much as Derrdra. "It is Mangus I have always wanted. I only did this for the two of you and to make our hand-fast honorable."
"Women," Iain snorted as he fell back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm. "Ya cannot even understand each other yet ya expect us men to know your every want. Pure loony, all of ya." Sandra and Derrdra were both glaring at Iain when he lowered his arm to see what had caused the sudden silence in the room. "Oh dear. I think I will be curlin' up in the fire pit tonight for sure."
"Best you start your curlin' over there right now, because you will not be doin' any near me today." Derrdra huffed over to another cushioned chair on the far side of the room, and with crossed arms sat and glared at Iain from afar.
Sandra looked at the feuding couple and thought how like their clans they really were. They loved each other deep in their hearts. She knew it, for she had felt their love last night and every time Derrdra was in her. Yet still they fought on over little misunderstandings. Maybe Iain was right. Maybe it was a matter of trying to see the same situation through the other's eyes.
Lex had been gentle and tender to her more than once, but he had also made it quite clear that he wanted no part of a lasting marriage. He was probably thinking she was trying to trap him into staying. Somehow she had to make it clear to him that Mangus was the only MacLachlan she intended to spend her life with. She knew her time with him had a definite ending. He had never promised more than that, and he had made it perfectly clear from the beginning. He had given her everything she had asked for and more. It was time she gave him what he wanted. With things more settled in her own mind and heart, she could set about making everything else right again.
"Both of you get back on that bed the way I found you," she ordered them. "I mean it," she added more vehemently when Derrdra turned her head the other way and remained in the chair. "You love each other and have a wonderful new way to show it. Do not waste it...some of us might never even get as much in life as you two have together in death."
She saw them give each other a forgiving look, then Derrdra ran to Iain's outstretched arms as if ropes that had been holding her back were suddenly cut.
Sandra smiled as she quietly went to Derrdra's garment chest and borrowed a new under-blouse. By the way they were rolling and kissing on the bed, she judged Derrdra would probably never need clothing again.
She finished straightening the last pleats of her plaid in the hallway and headed down to join her husband for the first meal.
Lex and Rory seemed to have already patched up any differences that they might have had upon first meeting. They sat next to each other at the corner of the table, their manly laughter reaching her ears all the way at the top of the stairs. All the others were at the table as well, already eating what looked like steaming hot oats and fresh baked honey buns. Everything appeared to be so normal and regular, as if they had always lived together like this as a happy clan. And why should it not? The only difference was a change in chieftains. Well, that and the clan name of his new wife.
"And what are you two jawing about?" she asked as she seated herself on the other side of Lex's large chair at the head of the table.
"That twerp of an Englishman who soiled our manor with his stench the other day," Rory answered her with a jolly smile and welcomed her into the conversation. Lex was not as welcoming, though, and he made no effort to hide his change in mood.
Sandra smiled on sweetly, determined to break through whatever barrier he was fighting to hold up. She had broken through every MacLachlan wall ever erected. Just because they were not planning on staying hand-fasted did not mean they could not be friends. "Then I suppose I should thank my husband for not giving me enough time to dress and greet our guest," she continued her conversation with Rory as if Lex had not changed his demeanor at all. The others at the table were not so willing to join in with her, though. Their smiles faded, and one by one they casually excused themselves from the table and headed back for the corners of the hall like before, as if no progress had ever been made.
"It seems to me you have done your share of greeting houseguests...whether they are invited or not." Lex pushed his half-eaten bowl away as if she had spoiled his appetite. "You are just as good at bidding them a farewell. The grand finale you planned was so unique even I fell into your pot of tricks."
"They are not gone," she said softly, almost under her breath, afraid of what ugly side of him might growl out next.
Lex sat expressionless for a moment, then broke out into a thundering roar of laughter, hard, hurting laughter that was aimed right at her. "Of course they are not," he said, still laughing. "You still need them to get back into my bed for the next fortnight to ensure your trap worked. They will probably never be able to leave until you are with child and I change my clan's name to MacEwen." His laughing smile was fading as his voice became louder and angrier, but his final words to her were no more than a hissed whisper. "It is never going to happen, MacEwen, so you can stop the game right now. I've been with women far more experienced than you at these tricks, so do not think you will be able to pull your ruse twice with me."
Sandra tried desperately to keep a semblance of a smile on her face. She reminded herself to see things through his eyes. See them as a man would see them. Yes, she could see how he might be feeling trapped, and how her story of the ghosts might seem like a trick to get into his bed. The best way to stop his misconceptions and doubts was to clarify their relationship right now. Bess had taught her that a good relationship of any value was based on pure truth. No lies. No tricks. Because when the tricks were learned and the lies uncovered you are left with even less than when you started.
"What do you want of me as a wife then?" she asked as if his anger had not affected her.
"Having no wife at all is what I want most."
"But I am your wife. Most certainly after last night." His eyes bored into her at the mention of their sharing, but still he said nothing. "Your clan will not have to take the MacEwen name until I marry Mangus, nor will I be taking yours, but if there is a child from our union the matter will need to be discussed. I am asking you now what you expect of me while I am here so that I do not upset you further or cause you to treat me with such disdain again." She remained as calm and collected as before, never letting even a hint of her fears show. He was a frightfully large man and darker in temperament than any in his own rough clan.
"You can stay in the women's quarters the remainder of your visit here, and you can cease in calling me your husband. Those two simple things will make it much more pleasant for both of us for the next two fortnights."
"I will call you Lex then, but I cannot stay in the women's quarters. Derrdra and--"
"And no more ghost stories!"
"They are not stories, but since you have not the ability to understand it completely I will refrain from speaking to you about them."
"There is nothing wrong with my abilities at anything. I am sure you realize that for yourself after last night." Sandra could not control the heated blush that was giving away her distress over the subject being discussed in the open. When she darted a look across the hall she noticed that she was not the only one who had understood his meaning. She knew it should not matter. She was his wife, after all, and they had spent the night behind closed doors together. Of course they would all assume...oh, but it did matter to her what they thought, especially since she had worked so hard to convince them things would continue as planned once this hand-fast was over. "Your friends can do all the haunting of this manor that they want, but it is not going to get you with child as long as I am the one hand-fasted to you."
"I will sleep on a pallet by your hearth then."
"No."
"Yes," she insisted with raised brows as if she were explaining to a child. "If I am willing to meet your requests of a wife, then you must be willing to meet my requests of a husband. You, after all, are the one who got us into all this."
"Me? And exactly how did you twist that out of your little mind?"
"You came to my wedding and took me home with promises to make me happy no matter what it took. You agreed with my father to hand-fast with me for one month's time, and that vow includes making an heir for my clan…or at least trying. If you are an honorless man I will understand why you will not even give your wife the respect of sleeping in your room on the floor. You already performed your minimum obligation. I am sure Mangus will be able to rectify the problem of my heir as soon as this is over."
She could tell by his silence and his look of confusion that he had no answer to refute the truth or hide his male pride.
"On a pallet then."
Sandra smiled inwardly over her small victory just as Corkie came singing down the stairs in a mood just as cheery.
"I will be scrubbing out these soiled sheets and have them dried for you two love buns by nightfall."
She was happy to see that Lex was going through the same feelings of embarrassment that she was. All eyes were on the large blood stain on the fine sheets and Corkie made no effort to hide it. Actually, she had purposely draped that part over the front of her arm for all to see.
"Burn it. Burn all of it, for all I care." Lex's curt reply did not stop Corkie's jubilance in the least.
"While I am busy burnin' away the sins of your black heart you might be givin' some thought to the feedin' of these nice folks. My stores are drying up like spring rain steamin' off two lovers in--"
"I will see to it," Lex cut her off before she could finish her vivid example.
"I know you will, Lexxie. You always take care of your responsibilities. Just like them lady friends of yours in London. Always seein' quite well to their every desire--"
"Corkie, I will see to it!" This time his tone allowed no room for further discussion. Corkie made her way back to the kitchens, picking up in her merry singing right where she had left off. Lex let his head fall against the back of his chair, looking desperately like he wanted to disappear from this place or have all of them disappear from around him.
A small voice broke the tense silence in the air and brought Lex's head snapping forward. "Are you really going to burn it all?" a tiny little girl asked from where she stood next to his leg. Her face was as slim as her body. Huge green eyes dwarfed the dainty little smile that dimpled her thin cheeks. But nothing could hide her inner charm, not even the tattered scrap of tartan she wore that did little to disguise her sunken stomach or warm her bare twigs of legs. Sandra had seen the girl hiding in the skirts of Mira, the widowed wife of their last chieftain.
"Aye, I am really going to burn it," Lex answered harshly, just barely bothering to change his tone for the wee one’s benefit.
The tiny thing remained undaunted, obviously used to the growl of a man, and actually even brightened her little smile even more. "Had I some of it furr hand wraps, I would be diggin’ roots out mooch longer."
Lex turned to Sandra for clarification of the young girl's words. Besides being only about four summers old, her Scottish speech was jumbled with misused words.
"I would guess she is offering to help solve your food problems," Sandra said. "The ground is nearly frozen this time of year, but still roots and tubers live."
The little girl's red curls bounced wildly about her face as she nodded her agreement. "There be many we not dug yet cus’ the fires dun burned our home. There be plenty."
Sandra saw Lex's features suddenly fall from tense to thoughtful, as if staring at the child would give him the answers to all his problems. He searched her face a moment longer, then said, "You will stay here, little one, where it is warm, and I will hunt you down enough meat to have you looking like Corkie."
"I have the best ears in London," Corkie's voice rang out from the kitchens, "and the sharpest knives. You be rememberin' that, ya whelp."
The little girl crinkled her nose with a giggle that miraculously made her even cuter. "I am Kirstie, but you are my kin so you can call me Kiss." With a sudden spring of her skinny little legs, Kiss leaped up and wrapped her arms around Lex's neck, smashing her lips against his cheek with an exaggerated wet sound. "You smell real nice. I will like ya much gooder as a pa. So does ma," she said with a huge smile of delight, then ran to where her mother was sitting over in the corner and peeked around from behind her shoulder.
Mira, though slim as well, was a young thing with all the beauty Kiss had yet to grow into. Red hair that was lightened with a honey-gold from the sun fluffed around her feminine face in a soft halo that contrasted sharply with her slightly slanting green eyes that spoke of things an angel would never consider.
Sandra spun her whole head around fast enough for the movement to purposely draw Mira's attention away from her mesmerized subject, Lex. Daring as she might be in her open offerings to men about to take the title of chieftain in their clan, the young widow turned her inviting green eyes to the gray stones of the floor after catching one flash of the blue sky meeting the green sea in Sandra's eyes.
"She is a beautiful girl," Lex mused without looking away from the enchanting young widow and her daughter.
"Aye," Sandra snapped, not knowing exactly why she had pierced Mira with such a warning glare or why she still was so uncontrollably furious inside. "A girl is exactly what she is. She cannot be more than ten and six."
"I would say she was closer to just four." He finally turned to her, and her glare was met with a smirk of his handsome lips, lips that had kissed her so tenderly...
"They are both young girls in need of care," Sandra stated before her mind could travel down that torturous path of remembrance again.
"And who better for the job than their chieftain." He was playing with her now. She could tell by his satisfied look, something that only appeared at her expense.
Sandra grabbed the handle of the mug of ale in front of her and took a large swig to hide her anger. She was not about to let him goad her further. She could care less what he did or whom he did it with as long as he left for London as he had planned. The last thing he needed was ties that might make him stay and ruin her dreams of a peaceful future.
The mug hit the wooden table with a clunk of empty metal. She did not even bother with the froth she was sure ringed her upper lip. "She is but a child who was forced to grow up before her time. She deserves to have that chance now that her brute of a husband has met his end. It was a marriage forced upon her, I am sure, amongst other things." Her accusing eyes bore into him relentlessly with each assumption she made, merely because he was of the same gender as the offender.
"Like yourself?" he said with a smugness she could not defend. She had not been forced into anything that she had not brought on herself.
"I am no child, and I full well accept the consequences of this mire of problems I have gotten myself into."
"Mire of problems? And I thought my new title was husband."
"Not according to your own wishes. Laugh all you want at me now, Lex MacLachlan, but the only man who will hear that title from my lips is Mangus." Her words sliced the smile from his face like a knife digging into a bowl of butter and still hot from the fresh bread it had just cut into.
"Is that meant to make me feel something?"
"Are you capable of it?" she countered with just as much sureness.
"I can see why you would be jealous of a beautiful girl like her," he said, motioning toward Mira with his head, letting his eyes linger on her over-long, "but I assure you Mangus does nothing to stir jealousy in me...especially with you."
"Me? Jealous?" She laughed a laugh that sounded so fake and dead to her own ears she wondered if it only made her denial seem even more incredulous. "My only interest where you are concerned is that you do not shame me any further and that you leave as soon as the next moon rises full in the sky."
He turned away from her with no response. His rebuttal to her was putting on a dashing smile as he got up from his chair at the head of the table and started toward Mira with a swaggering step. "If she is to be accepted by this clan again, it is up to me to take the first steps for the others to follow. Would you not agree?" he asked, but he never looked back at her for an answer.