Chapter 19
White snow softly drifted down from the heavens, blanketing the already frozen ground like a fluffy layer of down. Sandra stood at the window mesmerized by the powdery flakes as they swirled on a slight breeze into a flurry, then effortlessly collided into Lex's body and dispersed into their separate parts again. It was as if each one were vying to be his partner in the dance of the wind, only to be burned by the heat of his body that could not mold to theirs.
That was how Sandra had felt for the last several days, wanting desperately to be the one he picked, but not knowing what was truly in his heart. Everything had happened so quickly, things had changed so much since he surrendered to her that one night and then the snows had come to keep him from traveling back to London. They never spoke of his future plans, but somehow Sandra felt they had changed as well. Every night she was swirled into his winter cave where he protected her from the storm, but unlike the melting flakes that gave their lives in vain for a chance to be with the magnificent man, Sandra was the one he chose to dance the nights away with.
They danced with their hands, they danced with their mouths, and when their bodies were satiated late in the night, their hearts continued on until morning. Lex had shown her pleasures she had never even imagined could exist with a man, and she had returned his passion and added to it the loving kindness that surrounded his heart for the first time as only a woman could.
How wonderful the winter season was turning out to be, she thought as she dreamily pulled away from the window and smiled with a small prayer of thanks on her lips for the third time that afternoon. Usually the first signs of snow were the messengers of the long days ahead spent locked inside with little to do but mend and weave. But this snow was different. Her whole life was different, she thought, as she spun around their bedroom chamber with a thousand memories skipping through her head. Each floorboard she placed her foot on brought to life a different recollection of her time spent in Lex's arms, in front of the roaring fire one night, before the cold ashes in the wee hours of the morning sharing a huge plate of food and wine and laughter.
She settled down on the bed and tried to get back to the sewing she kept casting aside to peer out the window at Lex chopping wood below. This time she was determined not to be distracted again until she was finished with at least the trim around the bodice of her new gown.
"That is turning out quite lovely," came Derrdra's happy voice from somewhere in the room. Sandra had made every effort to leave the couple in privacy in the women's quarters, especially now that they were able to do more than just hug. Her visits from them were less frequent as well and she suspected it was for the same reasons.
Sandra stood up and held the partially finished gown in front of her for Derrdra to see. "Corkie says it is what all the proper ladies would wear to a gathering at the King's court. She even gave me these strips of velvet to blend into the bodice." Sandra's hand stroked over the luxurious butter-yellow velvet that striped the fitted bodice of her gown. It blended perfectly with the light saffron-dyed wool that flowed down from the tight laces of the waist to form an elegant skirt that touched the floor and trailed behind her like a royal robe. It was nothing like the loose blouse and short calf-length plaid skirts Sandra was used to wearing. “If he is willing to wear his plaid to please me, I am going to do the same for him as a surprise. A Highlander can be a courtly lady too.”
"Well, it is not got the comfort and ease of our tartans, but it does flatter a woman's bounty," Derrdra said in a flirtatiously daring tone.
"Aye, that it does," Iain added with his warm Scottish burr that always made Sandra blush slightly.
"It might be a bit uncomfortable," Sandra answered as she sat back down on the bed and began to diligently stitch again, "but if it will surprise Lex to see me in a real lady's dress, then it is worth it. I rather like the feel of its weight as I walk."
"You will be liking even more the feel of it being unlaced from you at the end of the evening," Iain said in a deep tone that insinuated more.
Sandra heard a light slap of skin and knew it was Derrdra's playful reminder for him to behave, even though Sandra knew Derrdra thoroughly enjoyed Iain's lustful remarks.
"How does one wear a plaid with that garment?" Derrdra asked with a giggle that sounded like the two were doing something it was better that Sandra could not see.
"I was not going to wear one," Sandra responded without missing a stitch in the deep blue trim she was sewing around the low neckline.
The room was silent for a moment. "No plaid?" Iain and Derrdra remarked together with an almost insulted pitch to their voices.
"No lady in London would wear a plaid over a gown this fine," Sandra defended herself, but the thought had crossed her mind several times already. She had always worn a plaid of some sort from the day she was born. It was simply part of her life in the Highlands. It was worn with pride, always.
"That is because no Scotswoman would be caught dead in that bugger crawling city." Sandra could tell that Iain was extremely upset by her decision.
"It is only one dinner dress, Iain. I do intend to wear my plaid again."
"But that deep blue trim would set it off so nicely," Derrdra pleaded with her. "You could drape just a sash of it around the waist and buckle it in the front with your clan badge."
"I did want to wear this," Sandra said as she fingered the delicate circular silver buckle holding her skirt belted tight. Lex had given it to her without words. She wore it proudly with alternating MacLachlan and MacEwen colors since that first special night. It seemed almost a part of her now, a part she truly did not want to leave off to look like a London lady.
"I would wager he would like to see his buckle displayed proudly in the way it was meant." Iain was once again sounding like his cheerful self.
"All right, all right," she gave in. "I will try it…but I make no promises. If it distracts from the beauty of the dress too much it stays off."
Sandra carefully laid the gown out across the bed and headed to the wardrobe where Lex kept his trunk of clothing. With a brisk tug in both directions she pulled the curtains aside that concealed the small dressing area. "I will take just a small strip from one of his tartans. He barely wears them anyway." There was no lock on Lex's trunk any longer. It was just one more loving sign that he trusted her. The leather hinges creaked under the weight of the wooden lid when she lifted it back. The smell of Lex floated up out of the fabric of his clothes and flavored her mouth with a remembrance of his kisses.
"Does everything have to be happening like a dream?" Iain asked, apparently irritated at her slow, leisurely pace.
"Are you in such a hurry to be somewhere else?" Sandra replied with a sassy grin. There was no comment back, just a huff.
"Do not mind him none, sweeting," Derrdra added. "He is just jealous of what Lex gets to share with you and we cannot."
Kneeling in front of the trunk, Sandra looked over her shoulder to where Derrdra's voice had come from. "I am sorry," she said with true remorse for not having waited for the couple to join with them.
"It is not your fault, dear. There will be others now that you and Lex have brought the clans together."
"Aye, I hope that is the case." Sandra was again reminded of the precarious situation she was in with Lex. “Everything seems to be going that way right now.” Sandra’s hand reached down under a crisp white shirt and thick leggings to the tartan folded up in the trunk. Even though he still did not feel comfortable wearing the skirt style all the time during the cold days, he would don it for her at dinner and strip it off in a magnificent show of Highland pride at the end of the night.
Sandra tugged the one corner of the thick woolen weave her hand had grasped, but when the entire garment was freed from the trunk it brought up more than just the old MacLachlan plaid. Shiny gold coins clattered to the floor with a metallic sound, rolling in all directions as they fell from the tartan.
"Sounds like she hit the devil’s stash," said Iain from near the entrance of the wardrobe.
"Just hush your blabbering lips," Derrdra snapped at him in an angry tone that sounded like a warning.
Sandra reached down and picked up one of the perfect disks in amazement. There was not much call for coin in these parts. All of their needs were met with a trade of goods or services to other clans. These gold coins were rare in the Highlands, but Sandra knew they held great worth in English cities. It was said one could not survive without a coin in their pocket.
"Where do you think he came by so many coins?" she asked as she looked at the floor now covered with the gleaming metal.
"The gold came from that tusspot who rode in here under the King's banners, but them coins should be silver to mark that Judas and what he bought--"
"That is enough!" Derrdra cut off Iain's words that had become quite cold and menacing.
"The lass should know," Iain fought back.
"We decided it would do only harm. Let it be, Iain, before our chances are ruined forever."
The two bickered back and forth, seemingly forgetting that Sandra was the one human who could hear their every word. "What should I know?" she finally asked when there was a moment of silence again.
There was no answer.
"I will simply ask Lex about it then," she said, gathering up the coins and putting them back into the tartan where they had been bundled.
"That is probably best," Derrdra said in a voice that held no emotion.
"I do not think it is best," Iain grumbled under his breath.
"Then tell me, Iain, what is the harm of Lex trading with the English? He has obviously done well for himself. Maybe he is saving these coins to buy livestock and grain to help Clan MacLachlan recover."
There was another tense moment of silence and Sandra thought Derrdra had won the argument again, then Iain blurted out, "He sold your clan to the English for them shiny gold coins. He has struck a bargain that makes him a Highlander no longer."
"Iain!" Derrdra screeched. "He has changed his ways. Who is to say what happened to him while he was gone? We can only judge the man by his actions since he has been back, and to me they have proven his worth as a Highlander once again."
"He sold my clan?" Sandra asked in confusion. She knew Iain had no reason to lie, yet she did not understand how one could sell something they did not own or even control.
"Well you might as well answer her," Derrdra retorted with an “I was right from the start” tone.
"Ya see, lassie," Iain started softly. Sandra felt a warm touch come down on her shoulders as she sat on the bed. "Lex came here with the intentions to bring down Clan MacEwen and he was paid in English coin to do it. Enough coin to buy himself a nice manor in London to replace this old stone fortress."
"Why would he have made the offer to my father to claim our land charter that day if all he wanted was to bring down my clan? And how can you explain his staying around for the hand-fast and even now?" Sandra tried to rationalize away the sharp fear that began to cut into her already battle-torn heart.
"It was I who did the claiming that day, wee Sandra. Lex had no intention of marrying you, and Derrdra and I needed the two of you together. I do not know what trick he has devised now to achieve his plan, but you are obviously still part of it."
The abrupt change in Lex's attitude toward her. His sudden love of anything Scottish after he had denounced them all since his arrival. It all made sense, but she did not want to believe it. She did not want to even hear any more about it. Covering her ears with her hands, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, blocking out all the doubts that were rushing back in to destroy her wonderful dreams, fighting back the tears burning behind her eyelids. "You are lying! He would never hurt me like that."
"Who has hurt you?" Lex demanded, coming into their room to find his usually bright and cheerful MacEwen Charm suddenly distraught. She did not stop her crying, and he doubted she had even heard his words. "Who has hurt you?" he repeated, this time kneeling down in front of her where she sat on the bed and gently removing her hands from over her ears.
Tears spilled from her blue and green eyes equally. She searched his face for something, then threw herself into his arms. "Tell me the truth," she cried in a desperate plea. "Tell me they are lying."
Lex stroked the back of her delicate head with his large hand, trying to calm her shaking body. He knew from experience that it was no use attempting to answer a woman's questions when she knew not what she was asking.
Assuming one of the many positions they had shared on the floor before, he pulled her down into the comfort of his arms and rocked her slowly in his lap. "No one will hurt you while I am still living," he whispered into her hair and lightly kissed the side of her head.
Her sniffling was the first sign that she was nearing a rational state again. She became quite still in his arms and relaxed into his body as if he were the comfort she had been searching for.
"Now tell me what all these tears are for," he said, holding her away from his chest so he could look down into her face, a face that began to scrunch up into a tearful pout again just from looking at him. "Do I cause you this pain?" He was beginning to ache inside for her from the agony that was so clearly etched into her features.
"You would never sell my family to the English, would you?" she asked not as a question but a denial. "That gold is for good, not evil, right?"
Lex pulled her quickly back against his chest so her searching eyes would not be able to read his guilt. He never planned for her to learn of his true mission in the Highlands. For God's sake, he never planned any of this. Falling for the very woman who was the heir-tanist to the clan he had come to bring down. Falling right back into his old way of life in the Highlands like it had been when he was a boy. How was he to explain it to her when he did not even understand it all himself?
"You are safe with me," was all he could say as he wrapped her tightly in his arms in the hopes of sheltering her from the truth. It was the one thing he could promise. Whatever happened, he would make sure of her safety first.
She leaned her head back and a little grin curved up her quivering lips. "I knew they were wrong. You have changed. You are a Highlander again."
"I always have been, I suppose." Being a Highlander had meant everything to him when he left here. For years he thought of nothing else but the day he would return once again and claim the life that was stolen from him. Then even that dream faded with the loss of his family and the many years before he was called back. Upon his arrival, he had thought he no longer held that desire in his heart. Now all that mattered was making the most of the precious time he had in this wild country. Too soon he would be torn from what he wanted...too soon he would be forced to give up the very woman in his arms to save her from his own destruction.