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12:02 AM
SpidersAndFlies wrote: Dear friend, I have found my first soul. She is a kitten—alas!—and I came upon her near the dumpster behind The Rum House. She was small and undernourished, and I gathered her into a shoebox and took her home so I would have more time to speak with her. Communication among species requires, as you can imagine, quite a readjustment of the faculties. The worlds we occupy, after all, are not the same. Add to this the importunate demands of death, and correspondence is predictably spotty.
But, friend Arthur, her soul! It was as pure as sunshine, so gleaming and bright that no human soul could possibly understand it. I do not know how I will tell her story in a podcast—and here is where I could do with your advice. How to translate the soul story of this resplendent being into audible speech…
WELCOME TO
THRALL
THE APP THAT TAKES YOU ON DATES
COME FALL IN LOVE…
username:
password:
location services [ON OFF]
Google Hangouts
8:31 PM
Arthur Quincey
Soooo…about that Thrall date ;) You interested in going on one with me? FOR SCIENCE.
A. Van Helsing
For science, eh?
Arthur Quincey
Well. Among other things. For…what was it…desk stability checks?
A. Van Helsing
Feeling insecure, Arthur? Putting oneself out there is difficult. Yes, I will go on a date with you, though I have never done online dating.
Arthur Quincey
Yeah, and I mean, I said I was interested so I don't want to go on a date with someone else. Even if it would just be for science—seems dishonest. I probably could have just said it that way.
And our date won't be online, you'll just need to dl the app on your phone and fill out the profile so that we make sure we match
A. Van Helsing
Honesty is exposing. Baring yourself to another person and showing them all the ways that they could hurt you.
And, allow me to remind you, I have a flip phone.
Arthur Quincey
I do try and be honest. Even when I'm being…well. How I am, sometimes. Just so you know that.
Oh God, right. Well, I'll fix that for you.
A. Van Helsing
I appreciate the effort, Arthur. I am not… I am aware that I have my own methods of obfuscating the truths that feel vulnerable.
Arthur Quincey
Are you a Mac or an Android guy, that's the question. I'm betting you use a PC and Windows, because Macs strike you as too fancy.
A. Van Helsing
Ahhh…I have a MacBook Air that the university gave me.
Arthur Quincey
If I ever had to take a class and hear you talk like that in person it would be the most uncomfortable class ever
Damn, and here I thought I was being savvy. Okay, so, iPhone it is.
A. Van Helsing
I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable.
Arthur Quincey
It's the good kind of uncomfortable, Van.
A. Van Helsing
I see. Well, in that case…I'm…pleased.
Arthur Quincey
I almost typed about four flirty things but I'm restraining myself
A. Van Helsing
Ah, a sense of restraint in addition to tenacity? You know that "tenacity" means "to hold fast to something." Your choices of vocabulary are painting a picture I'm not sure you would stand behind, Arthur.
Arthur Quincey
I'm a terrible artist
A. Van Helsing
I believe I've made you uncomfortable again?
I apologize.
Arthur Quincey
No, I just—I'm not sure what you meant by that, that's all.
A. Van Helsing
Ah. I suppose that was evidence of my own brand of obfuscation. I merely meant that your word choices…that they had shades of, well, bondage, if I'm being explicit. But perhaps not everyone chooses words with the same eye toward subtle nuance as I do. Also, I must confess that when you first wrote "SM" in your email, I read it as "S&M," so perhaps it is I importing the shades of meaning, and not you at all. Again, I tend to overanalyze.
Arthur Quincey
…somehow that's literally the hottest chat message I think I've ever received.
A. Van Helsing
I suppose I'll take that as a compliment, as I imagine that you must chat with a number of people. I can extend the same compliment, but I have never chatted before.
Arthur Quincey
Not really. Lucy and Mina, and some friends from college maybe once a month. I do most of my business stuff via email because when you're talking about contracts and per hour quotes and stuff, I like to make sure my language is clear and understandable. Chat is for personal friends, not clients, basically. So I interact with a lot of people, yeah, but not like this.
Sorry, that was probably more than you wanted to know
And I don't mind you thinking about tenacious restraint and me one bit, FWIW
A. Van Helsing
"FWIW"?
Arthur Quincey
Oh, For What It's Worth
A. Van Helsing
Ah, of course. Forgive me. So, this date? Do you date often?
Arthur Quincey
Honestly? No. I have…friends with benefits sometimes, if we're both single. But as far as actual dating? Hardly ever. I went out a few times when I first moved here, but setting up my business took most of my attention, so.
A. Van Helsing
I imagine you would be an intimidating person with whom to go out on a date.
Arthur Quincey
I was thinking the same thing about you, actually.
A. Van Helsing
Well, then. I suppose we are at least well matched.
Arthur Quincey
Now we just have to make sure the app says so, and we're golden.
ping me when you get the phone, and I'll walk you through how to download/set up everything k?
We have that going for us. That and the desk ;)
A. Van Helsing
You are quite fixated on my desk, Arthur. I like that. Perhaps when I arrive at my office tomorrow morning, I'll think of you. On it.
Arthur Quincey
Perhaps that's what I'm gonna do the second we're done with this chat
A. Van Helsing
Good night, Arthur. Best of luck with that. :)
Arthur Quincey
…omg you used an emoji. Not sure what's turning me on more. (Lies. I like the emoji, but it's definitely the desk. Night, Van.)
Google Hangouts
2:12 PM
A. Van Helsing
Arthur? It's August. Are you there?
Arthur Quincey
Hey! Yeah, I'm here. What's up?
A. Van Helsing
What's up is that there was a…shiny white box in my campus mailbox that appears to contain a very expensive piece of technology that I did not purchase, and it appears to have issued from you. Please explain.
Arthur Quincey
I'm super impressed you figured out how to do italics in chat
A. Van Helsing
It's the same as doing italics anywhere, Arthur. Raise your standards.
Arthur Quincey
I'm raising _yours_
And it's an iPhone. You can't get Thrall on your flip phone, remember?
A. Van Helsing
Yes, I know it's an iPhone. Why did you buy it for me? I am perfectly capable of purchasing my own phone.
Arthur Quincey
So, do you have time right now? I can tell you how to set it up and we can go over the app stuff
I know, but—and here's some honesty for you—I wanted you to have the app right away so we could go on our date. *is impatient*
A. Van Helsing
Well…I can't argue with that, I suppose.
Yes, I have to teach in an hour, but I have a little time.
Arthur Quincey
Can't you? Raise your standards ;)
Okay, so you should be able to follow the instructions about how to set it up initially—have you done that already?
A. Van Helsing
No, I didn't want to tear the plastic in case I needed to return it.
Arthur Quincey
OMG I love that I can't tell if you're joking or if you mean that
A. Van Helsing
Of course I meant it. No one has ever sent me technology before.
Arthur Quincey
Tear away, and it'll take a bit to go through the instructions. I'm here if you have questions but it's fairly self-explanatory. I'll even be quiet until you're ready so I don't distract you
Your first chat, your first iPhone…
A. Van Helsing
You like watching my "firsts," Arthur?
Arthur Quincey
Stop saying hot things and get to the phone so you can make good on all these innuendos
A. Van Helsing
I can make better on them without a phone, I assure you. But yes, fine.
This process is worse than grant applications.
Arthur Quincey
Yeah it's not the easiest thing in the world. Anything specific giving you trouble?
A. Van Helsing
It's not difficult, it's just irritating. But thank you.
Arthur Quincey
That is true for so many things having to do with technology
A. Van Helsing
Yes, it's why I don't like it. It feels like a waste of time. I'd rather do things myself than have a small computer do them for me.
But I suppose, in this instance, it is a necessary evil.
Arthur Quincey
You know, it's not always evil. Technology can improve a lot of people's lives in ways that *are* really positive. It's not just that technology is convenient and saves time. It makes things more accessible for people, for one thing. And it connects others who might be isolated and removed from certain things—libraries, etc—and gives them access they wouldn't otherwise have. And online friendships and relationships actually *improve* the lives of most people—esp. those who find in-person communicating difficult, or who aren’t able to leave the house—
Sorry, this is a thing of mine. I do the job I do because a world that's connected through positivity and enthusiasm is a better place to live, don't you think, than one where people don't know or appreciate the differences of a unique world?
A. Van Helsing
I do believe that, yes. Access to resources is incredibly important, as is access to people. I…I didn't realize that was the motivation behind your work. I suppose I don't have the same faith as you seem to, that, when confronted with differences, people will appreciate them. But I want it to be true.
I have spent so much of my life studying precisely those things that make one group of people unique from other groups; it's interesting to think of it in these terms.
It is, after all, only through marking our distinctions from others that we know who we are.
Arthur Quincey
I mean, imagine if you're a queer kid in the bible belt and you don't have any other information about being queer than what you hear from the people around you. It's already making you think there's something wrong with you just from social conditioning. Having the ability to reach the broader world, be exposed to people who are just like you—and joyfully so—it's a pretty powerful thing.
A. Van Helsing
Yes, I can see that. For me, reading and stories were what opened up the world to me, showed me that there were other places, other kinds of people, other ways to live.
But times change, and media with them.
Arthur Quincey
Exactly. And reaching out to someone else who reads the same stories…it's a powerful thing, right?
A. Van Helsing
It is. I…met David that way, in fact—my ex-partner. We were in a class together our first semester of graduate school, and we were the only two people who had read The Broken Fountain. After class, he asked me to get a coffee so we could discuss it. It was… I could tell right away that we connected.
Arthur Quincey
I don't know why I didn't expect you to…engage in this discussion with me? Which is me not giving you enough credit, I'm sorry. And yeah, sometimes we disconnect from the world around us when we're caught up with our phones, but honestly, sometimes the world around us isn't always the safest place to be, mentally speaking.
A. Van Helsing
I didn't intend to give you the impression that I was anti-technology, though I realize now that I must have. It's more that I haven't chosen to participate in it myself than that I scorn it. Also I…might possibly have played up my luddite status slightly because it seemed you were getting rather a kick out of it… There's my honesty for you.
Arthur Quincey
I get a kick out of you, luddite or no. And I mean, I'm not trying to say there aren't reasons why sometimes it's good to step back. Complex issue, and all that. But I really appreciate that you understand where I'm coming from and were willing to listen, Gus.
A. Van Helsing
Ah, "Gus," is it, now? Is that because I brought up my ex-partner, or have you come around with regard to Cats?
Arthur Quincey
Ugh, no, never. That Jellicle song makes me want to commit murder. I don't want to call you Van if you don't like it, that's all. I'm not the type to get worked up or jealous over exes, either.
A. Van Helsing
Well, that's good to know, because David and I are still quite close. He's married now. You may call me whatever you wish.
Arthur Quincey
I'm kind of fond of Van. And Professor, but that's a subject for another time. How's the phone, are you ready to go with the app?
A. Van Helsing
Yes, I'm ready.
Arthur Quincey
Okay, download Thrall from the app store and install it
A. Van Helsing
It is rather an alarming shade of pink, isn't it?
All right, downloaded.
Arthur Quincey
Ha, right? Okay, so, when you open the app it wants the usual stuff—name, DOB, you can see that there. Then it's going to ask you a bunch of questions about your "ideal" date. I'm 28, btw, so make sure you select that as an option.
A. Van Helsing
Good lord.
28.
Arthur Quincey
Robbing the cradle, old man ;)
A. Van Helsing
I encourage you to desist from that particular line of teasing if you are attempting to ask me out on a date.
Arthur Quincey
I already asked and you said yes. This is just to get a third-party app to decide we need to go out together to a moderately-priced restaurant and answer questions that probably have nothing to do with us and everything to do with tracking consumer habits and tailored advertising.
A. Van Helsing
An elegant sidestep. All right, I've filled in the information, god help me.
Arthur Quincey
Okay, the next step is a bunch of questions about things you like and dislike. I put "true crime, puzzles, gaming, baking and working out" so maybe do two or three of those
A. Van Helsing
All right, done. Baking, eh?
Arthur Quincey
I'll make you some cookies, you'll see.
A. Van Helsing
Cookies instead of flowers? I approve.
Arthur Quincey
Next it asks about favorite local spots and your relationship goals—I put The Museum of Death, Armstrong Park, and Parkway Bakery, and "open to possibilities" or whatever that choice is.
Based on what I know of these things, I would imagine that's enough to at least get you noticed. Oh, you can upload a pic if you want but you don't have to.
A. Van Helsing
I am absolutely not uploading a picture of myself—my students could be on this application!
Besides, I'm not interested in getting noticed. I'm only here for a date with you.
Arthur Quincey
You'll never be able to find me in all the possible matches if you put up a pic. You're hot, smart and single so you'll get quite a few matches.
Well, lucky for you I just got a notification that "someone matching your criteria has been found!"
A. Van Helsing
Is it Alfred V. Hale? Because that is me.
Arthur Quincey
Yeah, I got that :D
In a few minutes you should get a notification, on the top bar of the main menu
A. Van Helsing
All right, I've accepted your invitation.
Arthur Quincey
I see that :) It's asking me if I want suggestions for date/time/location which is interesting. I wonder how it selects that based on the data we entered? Sorry, professional curiosity. But how about we go out Friday. To Shaya?
A. Van Helsing
Yes, all right, lovely.
Arthur Quincey
So I'm putting that in here, and then it'll make a "thrall date" that when you accept it, it'll show up on your calendar in the app (and mine). Oh, interesting—I wonder if it can sync to Google Calendar? That might be a good way to see if Harker had any dates, if it does
A. Van Helsing
Yes, yes, excellent, sounds fine. I must run, Arthur. My class starts in ten minutes.
Arthur Quincey
Right, well—I'm looking forward to Friday, Van. A lot. :)
A. Van Helsing
I as well, Arthur. Have a good day.
Arthur Quincey
You too. I hope the students behave. If not, I hope you tell me all about how you'd make them, Professor ;)
A. Van Helsing
I won't dignify that with a response, but I have registered the sentiment. Until Friday, then.