We got a new computer yesterday. Well, not brand new – one they were throwing out from Dad’s work – but it’s still in fairly good condition. I told Dad it’d be a big help to me for doing my homework, and he kind of snorted and said since when did I become so studious, and I ignored him, naturally.
But it made me think. With a computer you can send e-mails.
And Mam works on a computer all the time now, so she definitely has an e-mail address.
I know we talk on the phone every day, but sometimes it’s easier to write things down than to say them. Especially when you want to ask tricky questions like ‘When am I going to see you again?’ and stuff like that.
It’s been five months since I’ve seen her. I wonder if she looks the same. I know people don’t change all that much in a few months, but still.
Sometimes when I try to see her face in my head I can’t, and I have to look at a photo of her to remind myself what she looks like. And that is very scary.
We don’t have too many photos of anyone in the house – our camera is embarrassingly old, and nobody is that interested in using it – but we have a video with Mam in it. It’s from their tenth wedding anniversary, about five years ago, and some friends of theirs had a surprise party for them in their house, and made a video and gave it to them afterwards.
It says ‘Anniversary’ on the side of the cassette, and it’s probably still sitting on the shelf behind the telly, along with The Wizard of Oz and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Dad’s Laurel and Hardy collection, and a few others.
We watched the anniversary video a lot at the start – or at least I did. It was like eavesdropping on Mam and Dad when they were out at night, and I loved it. Mam wore a blue dress with see-through sleeves, and her hands flew up to her face when they walked in the door and all their friends shouted ‘Surprise!’. She and Dad looked really happy in the video. They kissed when their friends drank a toast to them.
I might be able to watch it again sometime, but I think I’ll stick to the photos for now.
In case you’re wondering, here’s a description of Mam:
| Height: | About 168cm | ||
| Hair: | Short and straight, brown but dyed red | ||
| Eyes: | Grey | ||
| Lipstick: | Rust-coloured, matching her hair | ||
| Anything else: | Three holes in one ear, two in the other. A small bump on her nose where she broke it after falling off a horse when she was about my age. A few red lines called broken veins on her cheeks. |
She has short, stubby fingers that she hates – she always told me I was lucky I got Dad’s hands. She wore a silver ring like a bit of rope on her left little finger, and she smelt of the almond body lotion she put on every morning.
I wonder if she still smells the same. I wonder if her hair is longer, and if she still puts in the red colour every three weeks.
I wonder if she remembers what I look like.