I got my very first Valentine’s Day card today. I know it’s from Chris, although he keeps saying it isn’t. He says he doesn’t believe in sending cards, that they’re just a rip-off, and when we met yesterday he gave me a cute little furry penguin holding a pink heart, which he said was instead of a card.

But I know he sent the card as well.

I mean, it’s obvious it’s from him. It has a polar bear on the front, saying, ‘I can’t bear …’ and inside it says, ‘… being without you,’ so it has to be from Chris, doesn’t it? A polar bear to go with the penguin.

Of course, if Chris didn’t send it, maybe Henry Morrissey did. You know, the gorgeous pizza delivery guy. He knows my address from delivering the pizzas. I wouldn’t mind if he’d sent it.

Although I’m pretty sure it’s Chris really. But maybe I’ll pretend it isn’t, just for the heck of it.

A padded envelope arrived from San Francisco today. Inside there was a twenty-dollar note, a three-pack of gorgeous frilly knickers, and a pink furry hat that I wouldn’t be seen dead in. Maybe Ruth Wallace would like it. I’ll offer it to her next time I see her.

She’ll probably tell me to get stuffed.

Her cat’s name is Ginger. What a dorky name for a grey cat. I told her I call him Misty, which I think suits him much better, but she said Misty was just the kind of girly name she’d expect me to come up with – which was exactly what I expected her to say.

Which kind of made us quits.

She HATES Eminem. She says he’s rubbish, but she thinks Colin Farrell is magic. I can’t believe we agree on something.

She’s had sixteen operations on her legs so far. They think there’s a small chance that she’ll walk again. When she told me that, she looked a bit fierce, as if she was daring me to laugh.

But I didn’t laugh. I was trying to imagine how it must feel like, going into hospital before every operation, thinking ‘maybe this time I’ll walk out.’ Hoping with all your heart sixteen times that you’ll never have to sit in that awful wheelchair again, and being disappointed sixteen times.

No wonder she needed someone to be horrible to.