It was a Wednesday night when Jessica from Sydney first started at Greengrass, and Nishi appointed her to my side like I was a geisha and she my maiko (apprentice). We’d met last week after Matt found her roaming Roppongi’s streets for a hostess job. He’d called me during our Halloween party and delivered her to the door, so I welcomed her in for an interview while dressed as a mummy and explained all the club rules myself.
She was in Japan on a working holiday with her Australian boyfriend, but after an unqualified English-teaching job had proven hard to find, she wanted to try her hand at hostessing.
Although Jessica was tall, blonde and gorgeous, I immediately recognised the nervous apprehension that had been mine only two months ago, and did my best to put her at ease among the film-distribution executives at our table. Unfortunately Jessica was cordoned off by a yawning man who looked Indian, claimed Japanese heritage and introduced himself as T-Bone, so I did my best to keep conversation light so she wouldn’t get a bad first impression, and before we knew it they had paid and were gone.
In the change room Jessica released her tension and let out a big laugh. ‘You are so natural with them!’ she gushed with a new-girl awe. ‘How do you do it?’
I looked back at her in surprise. ‘Natural?’ I protested. ‘Oh no, that was so forced. Can you unzip me?’ I pulled down my dress and shrugged on a sweater just as a loud knock came at the door.
‘Chelsea-san!’ Soh called out. ‘Your customer is coming! Crazy guy.’
‘But it’s quarter past two!’ I yelled back. ‘And Fujimoto-san is waiting for me!’ Earlier he’d taken me out for a fabulous sushi dinner, come to the club against his will when I couldn’t get the night off and had been waiting at his exclusive membership club Petits Pois for me for over an hour because Nishi had refused to let me go early. It was infuriating, not to mention highly embarrassing for me.
‘Sorry this is your customer,’ Soh shouted back. ‘Come now!’
‘Arrrrrrgh!’ I screamed. ‘I hate it when they do this. Why are they making me stay? Did they clock you out already?’ I asked, and Jessica nodded. ‘Just so you know, they cheat your time here. Even if you work until 2.25, they’ll only pay you until two. Usually we try to drag things out when a customer wants to pay at quarter or twenty past, because it’s not fair.’
‘Oh really?’ Jessica looked worried. ‘I was wondering if this club is very honest.’
‘No, they’re pretty good really. That’s the only problem.’ I smiled apologetically and felt bad for everything I couldn’t explain but that she’d just have to learn for herself. ‘Good news is you’re free to go. Can you zip me back up?’
Mizu-tani came goosestepping out of the men’s room with a glossy magazine tucked under his arm. I attempted to offer a steaming oshibori but he ignored me and sat on his hands. I had to pull them out and wipe each finger myself until finally Mizu-tani could no longer contain his aura of craziness and spoke. ‘Chelsea, why you are so nice? I have been looking everywhere for tasty girls, but you are the first tasty girl. I have never forgotten you.’
‘Where have you been?’ I asked playfully.
‘All over Roppongi.’
‘And how many places have you looked?’
Mizu-tani held up four fingers. ‘This is the fifth. But I never forget Chelsea. I called to Nishi-san, but he said someone requested you and I cannot come. He thought I was someone else requesting you. He called me Tokugawa. Who is Tokugawa? NOT ME!’ he shouted in anger. ‘I don’t know. You are so much in demand here. When can I have time to see you? I have no time. You are such a ... do you mind if I say? Tasty girl. Look at me, such a crazy guy. Look at my naughty face. I know you forget about me, but how can I forget you?’
I motioned to the magazine upside down on the table. ‘What have you got there?’ Mizu-tani grabbed it and opened to the centrefold. ‘Dear God!’ I flushed red and turned to cover my eyes.
‘WHAT! You are not like them?’ Mizu-tani cried. Well no, I wanted to say, I’m not spread-eagled in a Japanese porno mag.
‘I don’t want to see that, Mizu-tani.’
‘Why? You and me, we are the same. The only difference is P and V. Okay, you can ignore me any time.’ I averted my eyes as he flipped casually through the pages, stopping to smooth over various shots before slamming the magazine shut. ‘Okay, serious question. I have only one question.’ Mizu-tani slouched low on the couch. ‘Ready? Why are you so nice? Please? I like you. I love you. But maybe you don’t like me. That’s okay, I don’t mind. Because you are so bad girl.’
‘Bad?’
‘Bad means best. I cannot express you. I have no words to express you. You are unforgettable. Maybe you think of me high, middle or low. I don’t care. It is your matter, but for me you are so tasty girl. Why? My tasty path is so narrow. Why you can enter? But you are so much in demand, you have no time for me. I know. Nishi tells me that Chelsea is so much in demand. She is so popular. I never request some girl to sit with me. Never. If they come, I tell them I do not request you. But I saw you, and I said bring her to me. Remember you were there, with that man? Your favourite customer.’
‘You mean Yoshi?’ I smiled involuntarily.
‘Yes, I know he likes you. I can tell. He is tasty boy. I am thinking, how can I get you transferred to my desk? How can I spend time, only to say a few words to Chelsea, because I cannot forget you?’
‘How do you know he likes me?’
‘Because! He is so tasty boy. The outlook of him is such a nice guy. Me, in contrast, I am so bad guy. So naughty guy. So crazy guy. I have many enemies. But I don’t mind. If people don’t like me, I don’t mind. How come you can be so tasty for me? I have no words to express. You have damaged my heart.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay. Everyone thinks I am a crazy guy.’
‘Are you?’
Mizu-tani leant forward. ‘Crazy for you. But I am such bad guy. I am president of the sleaze association. Honorary chairman. You can kill me. I don’t mind to be killed by you. On the bed.’ Mizu-tani stopped to sip his whisky. ‘Do you know the government of Saskatchewan? He loves you. I talked to him yesterday.’
‘Mizu-tani, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Excuse me, I need to visit the restroom.’ When I came back, Mizu-tani had moved to the corner table. He was slouched like a rag doll, observing Mae and her favourite customer, Akira — a producer with Koizumi hair.
‘They are so relaxed,’ Mizu-tani sighed enviously. ‘Such good atmosphere. Nishi!’ he called wildly. ‘Nishi, come here! Nishi knows my character. Nishi, how can she love me? I want to know, what can I do? If you take her away, I will kill you. With my bazooka. Nishi has a very small weapon.’
‘I don’t want to hear about it,’ I laughed, and Mizu-tani goose-stepped off to the toilet.
From behind the bar Soh, the Burmese waiter, rolled his eyes and announced there was only twelve minutes left to go. ‘When do you leave Japan?’ he asked. ‘The twenty-eighth?’ I nodded, and he started to wipe away a flood of imaginary tears. ‘All your customers will cry!’
‘I know,’ I sighed. ‘I know they will.’