Jacinda let herself in the front door, hoping no one was home, and she could sneak upstairs and have a shower. But the minute she closed the door behind her, she heard Danielle call her name.
She went into the living room. Danielle and Riley were sitting on the floor, each holding a kitten. The two of them looked up when she came in, and their faces said it all. She was busted.
She played innocent anyway. “Oh, hi Riley.”
“Don’t ‘hi’ me,” she replied, grinning. “Where have you been?”
She tried to smooth her hair. “Uh…I was helping Liam with…a project.”
“Would you care to tell us about this impromptu ‘project’?” Riley asked, making air quotes. “Does it involve biology? Human anatomy?”
Jacinda made a face. “You know I’m pleading the fifth, with a child in the house.” Then she looked around. “Where’s Sam?”
“Still at his play date,” Danielle said. “They asked him to stay for dinner. So, back to your project…”
“Was it a big project?” Riley asked, holding her hands apart, and she and Danielle giggled like schoolgirls.
“Very funny, you two.” She dropped her beach bag on the floor and sank into the wingback chair.
“I knew it wasn’t a one-off,” Riley said, her voice rich with smug satisfaction. “I knew it.”
Jacinda looked at Danielle. “I suppose Riley told you what happened with him before.”
“Yes. But even if she hadn’t, your little moment in the ocean was a pretty gigantic clue. I might have been distracted by my job news, but I’m not blind. Why did you let me go on about him before, if you’ve got a thing happening?”
She shrugged. “Because we don’t have a thing happening.” Apart from the thing they did in his kitchen. And the things they did upstairs. And all the other things they did before that…
“Well, you should,” Danielle said. “He’s all kinds of hot.”
She shook her head, but her mind was still reeling after his crisis and confession. Could they make something work between them? It was such a huge leap from the place they were when she arrived—two people divided by blame and remorse and regret, a rift that seemed wider than the ocean between their countries. And his long-held guilt had burrowed down into him, creating a barrier that would take more than one conversation to break down.
She’d had no answer to his question, beyond ‘maybe’. Because so much of it was up to him, and the ghosts of the past. And in truth, she was afraid that if she let herself get closer, he’d pivot again, leaving her adrift. So she’d left him there, not running out in the dark, but with a goodbye, and kisses, and the excuse that she’d promised to make dinner for Danielle and Sam tonight…along with the truth that she just needed some space to think.
“We can’t really,” she said now, in answer to her cousin. “I mean, we shouldn’t, but…”
“Why not?” Danielle asked, reminding Jacinda that she didn’t know anything about what had happened here that long-ago summer.
But before she could say anything, Riley spoke up.
“Seriously, you two should give it a shot. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
“If it’s anything like the way he was looking at her today, I agree,” Danielle said.
Jacinda scooped up the black girl kitten, Suede, and cuddled her close. The little creature immediately nestled into her neck, purring. Despite her small size, the sound was loud in Jacinda’s ear, and comforting.
She looked at the two women in front of her. Now they both knew about her ‘thing’ with Liam, whatever the hell it was. Or wasn’t. Or could be. Meanwhile, Danielle knew about her career as Cin Scott, but not about her history with Ethan. And Riley knew about the history with Ethan, but not about Cin. And neither of them knew about the baby, who had thrown everything into chaos and then disappeared, leaving Jacinda half heartbroken, half relieved, and entirely messed up. Suddenly, she felt exhausted, carrying her secrets around. Did she really need to hide anything from these women?
“I’ll tell you why not,” she said to Danielle. “Because one summer, years ago…I was involved with his brother Ethan.”
Danielle pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Hmm. I guess that would be a bit awkward. But hasn’t the brother met someone else by now?”
“No…”
“Really? Well, ancient history and all that.” Then she looked from Riley to Jacinda, obviously realizing they both knew something she didn’t. “Don’t say he’s still in love with you, or something.”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that. He’s actually…” The word stuck in her throat. It was so blunt. So final. “He’s dead.”
Danielle gasped. “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. Were you seeing each other when it happened?”
“Uh…not really.”
She looked at Riley, who nodded encouragement. But what would she think once she knew the whole story?
“It was after Jacinda left,” Riley told Danielle. “And no one even knows how it happened. He was like the star of our town, everyone loved him. He was one of those guys, you know—talented and smart and super handsome. The whole package.”
The guilt clenched around Jacinda’s heart again. She hadn’t only taken him away from his family—the whole town had lost a shining star.
Danielle shook her head. “How awful.”
“Yeah.” Riley paused for a moment. “Although…not to speak ill of the dead or anything, but he did have a massive ego.” Then she winced. “Sorry, Jacinda.”
Jacinda waved a hand. “That’s okay.” But Riley’s words had taken her by surprise—that was the first time she’d heard anyone say something less than glowing about Ethan. “I know he wasn’t perfect. None of us are,” she added.
“So…you broke up before it happened?” Danielle asked.
‘Broke up’ wasn’t exactly the way to describe it. Or maybe it was. “I had just gone back to the States. I didn’t even know he’d died until I came back this time.”
“No one told you? Not even Nana Mac?”
“No one. I wasn’t in touch with anyone else, so…”
“Bloody hell, that must have been a shock.”
Jacinda looked at Riley, who sent back a sympathetic look. “Yeah.”
Danielle frowned. “But…why does that mean you and Liam can’t be together? I mean, I can see it might feel weird at first, but there’d be nothing wrong with it, really.”
“She’s right, you know,” Riley chimed in.
Jacinda stroked Suede, her mind working overtime. If the Wards had kept the secret all this time, did she have the right to break it? And did she have the stomach to tell her own secret? People already seemed to think she had caused Ethan’s death—maybe Riley and Danielle would hear the full details of what happened, and be convinced of it.
Or maybe not.
Either way, the need to talk about it was too great to resist.
“You know how I said it was a bit more complicated?” she said. “This is why.”
As they listened, she told them the story, starting with the romance between her and Ethan, for Danielle’s sake. Then the pregnancy test. Then the anxious, uncertain moment she told Ethan the news, and his whiplash reaction. Her decision to go home to her mom—even though her mom had problems of her own—and the loss of the baby. And finally, her return to the bay, and Liam’s heartbreaking revelations. Listening to the story of him finding Ethan’s body, bearing his brother home through the water, their faces were pale with shock.
“That must have been horrific.” Riley wiped an eye with the side of her hand. “No wonder he seems kind of…dark.”
“He doesn’t always, though,” Danielle said. “He’s lovely with Sam.”
“He is,” Jacinda agreed. “You know, it’s amazing that he let Sam play Ethan’s guitar. No one’s played that since he died.”
“Really? Oh, God. That’s just…” She shook her head wordlessly.
“I know.” Jacinda blinked, feeling the dampness in her own eyes. “All of it. Can you see why he blames me?”
“But it’s not your fault,” Danielle said. “And that’s pretty mean of him. Especially as you lost the baby. I’m really sorry about that.”
“Me too,” Riley said. “I can’t even imagine.”
“Thanks.” She bit her lip. “But the thing is, even if Ethan didn’t do it intentionally, because of me…it sort of is because of me.”
“No, it’s not,” Riley exclaimed. “And if that’s what Liam’s saying, then I’m going to go over there and set him straight. Don’t you let him convince you that you’re to blame.” At Jacinda’s dubious look, she persevered. “Promise me.”
Jacinda had to smile at the thought of small, sweet-faced Riley charging next door and tearing into gruff, six-foot-something Liam. But then she sighed.
“What makes it even more of a mess, though…he said he didn’t go looking for Ethan earlier, because he was glad I’d left him. Because…” She hesitated, not a hundred per cent sure if she wanted to share this detail. “Because he liked me himself. And he thinks that if he’d gone looking in time…things would have turned out differently. So he blames himself, too.”
“Ohhh.” Riley pursed her lips. “That is complicated.”
Danielle nodded in agreement and sympathy. “It is.”
Then Jacinda remembered something. “Don’t tell anyone about the way Ethan died, okay? I don’t know why the Wards went to so much trouble to keep it quiet, but I don’t want to be the one who reveals their secret.”
“Liam was actually the one who did that,” Riley pointed out. “By telling you.”
“I don’t know if he’d agree. Especially when I already screwed up so badly.”
“I think you did exactly what you could at the time,” Danielle said. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” She came over and gave Jacinda a hug. “And anyway, he wouldn’t be sleeping with you if he really does blame you for what happened.” Her tone implied that was self-evident.
Jacinda made an unconvinced sound. She wouldn’t even try to explain the heated, needy way they’d flung themselves at each other that first night, desperate for comfort, and the ups and downs since. The way he’d desired and despised her at the same time. The way he filled the hole in her heart one minute, and tore it deeper the next.
“I guess,” she said.
Danielle nodded, satisfied. “Okay, then. Now I’m going to get a bottle of wine.”
“Good call,” Riley said. While Danielle went to the kitchen, she added, “And I agree with Danielle. We talked about this before, up on Mount Clarion—it wasn’t your fault. I think you and Ethan were both kids, trying to deal with something huge. And Liam too. I’m sorry things happened the way they did.”
“Thanks.” She forced herself to smile. Maybe they were right. At least they’d been able to see both sides of the whole sad story.
Danielle came back with three glasses tucked between the fingers of one hand, and a bottle in the other. Once the glasses were filled and handed out, Riley leaned forward.
“Changing the subject now…I actually came to tell you how amazing you were last night, playing with Sam. I had no idea you could sing like that! I told Liam that the record company you work for should totally sign you.”
Danielle glanced at Jacinda, obviously waiting to see if she would confess her Cin Scott secret.
Well, it seemed to be a night for truth-telling. “Actually, I have a confession about that too,” she said.
But before she could say anything more, Riley slapped her hands on her knees, sending startled kittens skittering away. “I knew it! Everyone was wondering, after that performance. You sounded way too much like the real thing.” She laughed with glee. “Because you are the real thing! I’m so coming to visit you now, and you can show me your celebrity lifestyle. How did you even think you could keep a secret like that, Cin Scott?”
Danielle was smiling, and Riley’s unbridled enthusiasm made Jacinda laugh. She shrugged. “I didn’t know if I could. I just wanted a break from that version of myself. I’m not some kind of mega-celebrity—not at all—but there’s a constant pressure. Especially that whole thing about selling yourself based on how sexy you are, not on the music.”
They both nodded, understanding. “That sucks,” Riley said.
“Yeah.” Jacinda sighed. “I don’t know if it’s worse now I’m getting older, because they think I’m turning into some old hag, so they’re putting more pressure on. Or maybe I’m just getting less tolerant. The thing that finally made me walk away was an A&R guy hitting on me. He’d tried it before, a ton of times, but this time it was the complete come-on, including the hard-on.” She shuddered.
“Oh, yuck,” Danielle said. “Did you lay a complaint?”
“No…but maybe I will. God knows how many other girls he’s treated like that. Or gone even further.” Now she felt even worse about it—by not saying anything, was she giving him a free pass to do it to others?
“You’ll know what to do when you get back,” Riley said. “Don’t take any shit from some power-crazed old sleaze.”
Jacinda smiled. “I won’t.”
“By the way, no one could accuse you of being an old hag,” Riley added. “I mean, no one.”
“Well…thanks,” she said, smiling. Then something occurred to her. “If everyone was wondering, why did no one mention it?”
Riley laughed. “You’re in New Zealand now. We don’t fling ourselves at famous people. We’re completely backward in coming forward. Especially in the bay.”
“Well, I love you for it.”
“And we love you, Jacinda Prescott, secret celebrity.”
It was a nice sentiment, but there was just one problem. “Even though I killed Sweet Breeze Bay’s favorite son?”
“Okay, stop. You didn’t.” Riley sat forward, shaking her head emphatically. “Don’t even think that anymore. You can’t carry it with you for the rest of your life. And if Liam wants you to, then he doesn’t deserve you.”
She thought back to the words he’d said as he held her close. I want to know if we can make it okay for us, too.
“Well, you know…I think maybe he’s starting to see things differently,” she said. And the thought was suddenly so freeing, so full of hope, that anything seemed possible. Even a love story.