We’ve been terribly betrayed, but we’ve tried and … if this only works one day, it was worthwhile.

—Jim Jones

I’m not sure how long I’m on the ground, but when I finally become aware of more than just my grief, I’m surrounded by people. My mom’s got her arms around me, alternately stroking and shushing me. I push up and away from her and stare at the crowd.

“They killed Indy. The animals, they burned them,” I say. I search face after face for some sign of the same outrage I feel, but they just look at me.

“Calm down, Lyla. Let me explain,” Dad says as he crouches down beside me.

“You murdered them! They knew, they were screaming and scared. You shot them and then you … you … b-b-burned them!” I scream.

Dad looks up at the crowd. “We had to, Lyla. Please try to understand.”

“I don’t want to understand! I hope I never do. How could you?”

Dad sits back on his heels and closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. “We enter the Silo tomorrow. You’ve always known that we can’t take them in there with us. Would you rather we just left them to slowly starve? This was the humane thing to do.”

I cover my ears. “No, no, no! Don’t you try to make it sound kind. They were screaming!”

The men stare at me, each of them trying not to look guilty, but failing. Will’s standing just past my dad, his face pale and sickly. He won’t look at me. I remember how he vomited into the grass. Does he hate what just happened as much as I do? Why didn’t he try to stop them?

“Will, how could you let them? How could you?”

He seems to sink into himself. I can tell he hates what happened. He obviously didn’t make the decision to do this, but it doesn’t matter. He was a still a part of it and right now I hate him, hate all of them.

“Lyla …,” Will says miserably.

“I don’t want to hear it! Just leave me alone, Will Richardson!” I shout at him. “I can’t even look at you anymore.”

“Lyla, that’s enough,” Dad says quietly. “He did what he had to do; we all did. You can’t be a child about this.”

“I don’t understand any of this anymore. What are we doing here? What kind of life is this?” I say.

My mother’s hand flutters in my hair. “You’re upset, sweetie. You have every right to be, but once we’re underground, once you’ve had time to think about all of this, it’ll all make sense, I promise.”

“None of this will ever make sense. I thought we came here to escape all of the ugliness out there, but we can’t, can we? It’s here too. We pretend like it’s all okay—this place, our routines—but it’s built on lies. How many of you knew about the animals? How many of you kept it from the rest of us? From me? How can we trust each other if some of us are hiding things?” I start crying again. “How are we better than the people in town when we treat each other exactly the same way in the end?”

“Sweetie, it’s been an upsetting morning, but if you’ll just come inside the house, we can talk about it while we pack the last of our things,” Mom pleads.

“You’re not listening! Pioneer could be lying about everything. No one outside of this place is preparing for the apocalypse. How can he be the only one who knows about it? Would the Brethren really choose someone who’s been in jail as their messenger?” I can hear a few people gasp. Others glare at me.

I look over at my parents. My mom looks stricken, like I’ve just slapped her. “Any lies he may have told I’m sure were for the good of the Community.” She shakes her head. “This is not the time for this, Lyla Hamilton.”

“This is the perfect time for this. How can you not see what’s happening? We don’t have to go into the Silo today. We can wait and see, talk to the Outsiders and decide for ourselves what’s really true. We don’t have to obey him and never question what he says, don’t you see?”

“Pioneer is a good man!” Mom yells, and because she rarely ever raises her voice, it’s enough to silence me. “He kept us safe for ten years. He took us out of that city after Karen”—she swallows hard—“disappeared. He made our lives good again. It is the end of the world. I’ve known it was coming ever since your sister and those towers. How can so much evil go unpunished? And you know what? I’m glad it’s the end, Lyla. I want it. I’ve wanted it for so long. Once it’s all gone, I’ll never have to worry about losing someone I love again. We’ll be together. We’ll be safe in the Silo, where none of them can ever hurt us again.”

I stare at my mom openmouthed. Her face is flushed, her eyes wild and too large in her pinched face. For the first time I really see just how desperate she is to cut all ties with the outside world for good. If we could’ve moved into the Silo right when we moved here ten years ago, she probably would have. This is what she’s been wanting all along.

“It’s easy to make accusations when the person you’re accusing isn’t there to defend themselves, isn’t it?” Pioneer’s voice booms across the open space and I can’t help cringing. How much has he heard? He’s standing in the doorway of my house and he’s got my backpack in one hand. “You’ve had your say. Now I think it might be time for me to have mine.”

The crowd’s eyes swivel from me to him. They don’t believe me. I can feel it.

“Please, everyone,” I say, “just consider the possibility that he’s got things wrong. Why can’t we wait until we’re sure before going underground? Why are we rushing?”

Pioneer runs into the street. He slaps me hard across the face and I stumble backward. My head throbs in protest and my brain feels tender inside my head. I back away from Pioneer and hold my hand up to my flaming cheek. No one comes to my rescue or even looks at me, not even my parents.

“Unfortunately, our Lyla has been corrupted. Of course, I blame myself. Had I not asked her to give the sheriff’s son a tour of our development the other day, we may have managed to avoid all of this. That boy has turned her head and influenced her against us. The sheriff planned it. He sent his son to spy and to lead her away. I should have recognized it that day. He wants to stop us. He wants to come in and take our shelter … it became clear yesterday morning when I went to the hospital for Lyla. And he won’t stop, not until he’s displaced us and taken all we’ve worked for for himself and his kind. I’m starting to think he even arranged for Lyla’s little accident so that he could get more information out of her.”

“He’s lying! I’m not saying any of this because of Cody or the sheriff. Please believe me,” I say. I look at my parents and they look from me to Pioneer and back again.

Pioneer throws a pitying smile at me and shakes his head. I glare at him. Then he unzips my backpack and drops the contents onto the grass. He stoops over and picks up one of the magazines and the book I got for Marie. “You see what she’s brought back with her, what she’s stolen? She has been breaking our rules, influencing Will and the other kids to sneak out in the middle of the night, arranging secret meetings with the sheriff’s son, probably letting him have his way with her even though she’s intended for someone else.”

My cheeks burn. “He did not have his way with me. And I didn’t steal anything. Someone gave the books to me.”

“This someone?” Pioneer’s holding up my sketchbook, which is flipped open to my portrait of Cody.

Will looks at the paper and then at me. My feelings for Cody are crystal clear in the care I took in drawing him and the expression I captured on his face. Will blinks a few times and his jaw tightens. He looks so hurt, so angry, that I can’t help reaching out to him. “Will, I …”

He brushes away my hand and pushes past the crowd and runs toward the lake.

“Lyla?” Mom is looking at me like she doesn’t know who I am anymore.

“Mom, it’s not exactly like he says. I didn’t steal anything. Please believe me. I would never steal. I …”

“But the boy?” she presses. “I saw you with him in the store … and I knew … but I brushed it away. And then he was at the hospital today, wasn’t he? I’d almost forgotten until now. Oh, Lyla, what have you done?”

She says this like I have any control over who I’m attracted to, as if I can shut my feelings off like a faucet. How can she blame any of this on me? Why can’t she believe me and not him?

I look down at my feet. I don’t know what to say.

Pioneer is now holding up the money Marie gave me and letting it fall through his fingers. I hear several people gasp and I know that I’m finished. I look like the liar now, not Pioneer. It’s all too much for my mom. She turns away from me to bury her head in my dad’s chest.

“Dad …” I will him to look at me, but he’s still staring at the money. Even if he did look at me, what can I really say? Do I tell them it’s Marie’s money? Who would believe it now?

I look up and search the crowd for Marie. She’s standing beside her parents. Her eyes meet mine and I can almost feel her fear. She’s waiting for me to call her out, to tell everyone that she’s the one who wanted the books and magazines. But she won’t volunteer herself. And I realize that I can’t turn her in. I’m in trouble no matter what. The money doesn’t explain away the portrait of Cody. Bringing her into this will only make things worse. So I shake my head slightly at her and turn to face Pioneer.

“I won’t explain the money. I didn’t steal it, though.” I turn toward the crowd. “I know what this looks like, but it isn’t how he says. The sheriff doesn’t want to take the Silo from us. He’s afraid for us. Explain to me how a man who spent years in jail for almost beating a man to death can be the Brethren’s prophet! If the Brethren were really using him, wouldn’t they speak to us as well and tell us that he’s the one? Why have we given up everything to this man? How can you trust anyone who makes it impossible to question them and then has to lie to get you to do what he wants?”

I’m using the same questions on them that the sheriff and Cody used on me. And saying them out loud makes me more certain that they’re questions that we need to ask. I’m not sure why I never thought of them before, why it took an Outsider to get me to see the chinks in Pioneer’s armor. Now if only I can get everyone else to see what I do.

Pioneer’s eyes burn so bright that for a second I think they might actually manage to bore a hole in my chest, but then he swallows hard and forces a smile onto his face. “I don’t have to explain myself to you or anyone else. The Brethren chose me. They speak to me. How dare you question their will! I am not the one who is hiding things here. I know I am an imperfect man. I never said I wasn’t. But I am not the one who is endangering the entire Community over some teenage crush. It is all because of you that that sheriff will show up here again. Where is your concern for what happens then? If he can manage it, he will separate us and force us to leave our home. Do you really think anyone here wants that? Except, of course, for you?”

I don’t know what to say. I can feel everyone staring at me, their faces hard and angry. No matter what I say, it won’t matter. They believe Pioneer. I’m the liar. I’m the one they’re unsure of. Pioneer’s already won and he knows it. He lips curl up slightly, just enough for me to notice his satisfaction.

“I’m sorry, Little Owl. Really I am. I’ve failed you. I should’ve nipped this in the bud as soon as I suspected. I’ve always been too soft where you’re concerned, but I promise you now that I will do right by you and teach you the lessons I should have a long time ago.”

He nods and Mr. Whitcomb and Mr. Brown grab my arms before I have a chance to run.

“Wait, don’t do this. Mom, Dad, please! Help me!” I beg, but Pioneer’s got his arms around both of my parents and is turning them away from me as he whispers something in their ears.

“Don’t let him do this. I’m sorry! We just need to talk about this. Please don’t let them take me!”

Dad!

Mom!

Will!

Please!

I wait for someone to step forward and help me. My dad looks back at me and for just a moment I’m sure he’ll break away from Pioneer and come get me, but the others block the way, form a wall in between us until I can’t see him anymore. They won’t let him help me. I’ve done the unthinkable. I’ve questioned our whole existence. And for that I have to pay.