LESSON NINE

THE PERFECT HOST AND THE WELCOME GUEST

Learning Objective

To be a gracious host by anticipating your guests' needs and planning for opportunities to entertain them. You will also learn how to be the perfect guest in someone's home.

Introduction

The secret to being a good host is to anticipate your guests' needs before they arrive. You can practice this by pretending you are a guest in your own home and applying the Golden Rule.

Being a host can be as much fun as being a guest if you anticipate the needs of your guest(s). One definition for anticipate is “to feel or realize beforehand” (Dictionary.com). Think of it this way: When you see that someone is tossing a ball to you, you hold out your hands in anticipation of catching it. Or perhaps when you were a small child, you put out cookies and milk on Christmas Eve because you were anticipating a visit from Santa Claus.

As a gracious host, you want to foresee all the needs of your guest(s). For instance, your guest will want to know what activities you have planned so that he or she may bring the appropriate clothing. Gracious hosts who prepare for and anticipate their guests' needs are well-remembered hosts.

PLAYING HOST

When your guests arrive, greet them at the door with a smile. Offer to take their coats, hats, luggage, and whatever they are carrying. Introduce your visiting friends to others in your home (if appropriate). Show your guests the location of the restroom as well as the bedroom where they will be staying so they can unpack when the time comes. Offer to supply anything they may have forgotten, such as a toothbrush or toothpaste.

If your friends have traveled some distance and it is not mealtime, offer them a snack and something to drink. (You will know what to offer them to eat and drink because you have already anticipated and inquired about any dietary restrictions. Do not ask the reason they do or do not eat certain foods.) Always serve your guests first, even snacks.

You will want to plan activities around the likes and preferences of your guests. Avoid anything that might make them uncomfortable. For instance, if you learn that a guest is afraid of heights, do not plan a trip to the tallest building in your city. If you discover such a dilemma after the guest arrives, always have a back-up plan.

While there are guests in your house, you should not make any plans that leave your guests out. Nor should you ask another member of your family to take over entertainment duties while you find something else to do. At all times, treat your guests the same way you would like to be treated.

Finally, cheerfully clean up after your guests leave.

MANNERS TRIVIA:

“In the Middle Ages only the nobility had special food knives, which they took with them when traveling: hosts were not usually expected to provide cutlery for guests.”

—Margaret Visser, The Rituals of Dinner

WHEN YOU ARE A GUEST

The key to being a good guest means going along with the plans your hosts have made and being pleasant and agreeable under all circumstances. One of the goals for any guest is to be invited back again. Here are some guidelines to follow that will help you get a second invitation. If you accomplish these goals, you will surely be a welcome guest again and again.

• First, remember you are a guest. Do not take liberties you might feel free to take at home.
• As a first-time visitor, it's nice to bring the hostess a small gift such as food or flowers. Do not give the hostess personal items such as perfume, cologne, or bath powder.
• If you are spending the night, take along your personal toiletry articles so you will not have to borrow any.
• Be neat with your things. Do not scatter your clothing, personal items, or bath towels on the floor. Hang your towels on the rack. (You may be expected to use the same towel more than once.) Bring a plastic bag for your used clothing.
• Make your bed every morning.
• Be courteous, respectful, and quiet when others are quiet.
• Offer to help with everything from cleaning the table to carrying groceries. (Making one offer is sufficient; do not be a pest.)
• If you have allergies or phobias, discreetly mention these to your host in private.
• Keep your feet and shoes off the furniture and the bed.
• Ask before making a phone call. Unless there is an emergency, do not ask to make a long-distance call.

• If you need a snack for energy, it is all right to ask if you know it will be a while until mealtime.
• Be kind to any siblings your friend may have.
• If everyone appears to be busy, entertain yourself for a time or simply stay out of the way. Do not expect to be entertained every minute you are in the home.
• Respect others' privacy. Do not roam the house, open drawers, snoop in closets, or open the fridge unless invited to do so.
• When you pack to leave, use the list you prepared before you left home. Do not leave articles the host will have to mail to you.
• Before you leave, thank your host for inviting you. If possible, tell them you had a great time.
• Write a thank-you note to your host and leave it in a highly visible place or mail it within a few days of your visit.