The better part of four days I’ve been holed up in Joel’s room. School, work, rehearsals, and Joel. If I weren’t missing Christian so much, it’d be bliss.
I pull up to the soccer field, scan the cars, and then wave when I see Christian and Victor standing in front of Victor’s car.
Christian’s smile tells me he wants to dart to me, but Victor restrains him by holding his hand.
I hurry toward him and he pulls free from Victor and runs to meet me halfway.
“Mommy!”
Reaching down to him, I hug him fiercely feeling complete for the first time since I left him. “I missed you.”
Victor approaches, hands in his pockets and looking like he feels like the third wheel.
“Thank you for bringing him,” I say. “Practice is just an hour and I have rehearsal right after. Are you staying or do you want me to meet you somewhere before my rehearsal?”
“About that.”
The coach blows the whistle and Christian and the other kids run onto the field.
I cross my arms, skin already bristling.
“I got a job working nights loading trucks. I start tonight.”
“You couldn’t have given me a heads up?”
“Sorry. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal. What do you usually do with him when you have night classes?”
“It’s not a class, it’s…” I count to three before I respond. “It’s fine. I’ll figure it out.”
“You’re still bringing him this weekend though, right?”
I grind my teeth. “Yeah, it’s your weekend.”
“Maybe we can sit down and talk, come up with a new schedule once I get my work schedule?”
I can only nod. Speaking will result in me saying something I regret later. Or screaming in front of children and their perfect mothers.
“Sorry, Katrina.”
I hear the gravel crunch under his shoes signaling his departure. Pull out my phone and hover over the contacts. We’re less than a month away from opening night of the play and this is the last rehearsal where I can make any big dialogue or script changes.
I could take him with me. Images of Christian tearing through the theater like a tornado make me cringe. That’s not an option.
Me: I know it’s impossibly last minute but can one of you watch Christian tonight while I have play rehearsal.
Blair: Shoot. I’m sorry, I’m working at the tutor center tonight.
Gabby: I start my new job at The Hideout tonight. <nervous smiley>
Vanessa: Class. Sorry!
Blair: The guys just got out of practice, ask Joel <winky smiley face>
Ugh. That sounds worse than letting Christian swing from the rafters. I pocket my phone and walk closer to the field. I’d planned on reading through the script during the practice, but instead, I allow myself to just watch Christian. The big smile on his face, his carefree demeanor, the determination, and energy. In the worst of moments my son always reminds me that it’s all worth it. Juggling school and parenting and anything else life throws our way – we can do it. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I retrieve it quickly hoping one of the girls had a change of plans or heart.
Joel: My dick is hard and confused because you’re not here, but my room smells like sex and Kitty. What time are you done with rehearsal?
If I’d known I wasn’t going to be spending another night at his place, I would have entertained the morning sex he attempted at five. After only a few nights I’m already dreading sleeping without him.
Me: Change of plans. Victor had a conflict and I’ve got Christian tonight and tomorrow.
Joel: What about rehearsal?
Me: I’m going to take him with me.
Once I type the words, I feel better about my decision. Something about declaring it makes me accept it. It’s not the perfect scenario, but it is what it is. Joel doesn’t text back, and I return my focus to the practice and watching Christian race from one side of the field to the next. The hour flies by and when the coach dismisses them, I scoop up a dirty and sweaty little boy.
“I’ve got a surprise for you,” I tell him. “But first you have to come with me to my play rehearsal and sit super still and be super quiet. Can you do that?”
It’s more a plea to God than a real question for my son. But hey, ice cream is a small price to pay.
I park the car in the lot next to the theater and hold on to Christian as he skips toward the front entrance. Inside he pulls free. My backpack slips off my shoulder and I stop and adjust before chasing after him.
My mouth opens to call after him, but when I follow the path my son has taken, my eyes move up to the man he’s standing in front of. Christian bounces on the balls of his feet and Joel offers his fist, which Christian bumps with his own.
“Mom, I found the surprise! Joel is here.”
“This isn’t the surprise I had planned,” I tell him once I’ve closed the distance between us and look up to meet Joel’s smiling dark eyes. “But this is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”
“Thought little man could use some company while you do your thing.”
I mouth thank you and he gives me a devious grin. One that tells me he’s going to take his thanks in sexual favors. Fine by me.
Tabitha and Brody are already on stage, scripts in hand.
“I gotta get up there. Christian, listen to Joel.” I use my sternest voice that falls on deaf ears. Though, I think Christian is so enamored by Joel he’d do just about anything he said. “I’ll be up front if you guys need me.”
“Actually, I was thinking I could take him to the house, play a little ball until you finish up.”
Christian’s eyes light up giving me very little room to say no.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’ll be fun.”
“Please, Mom?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Christian jumps and Joel catches him and tucks his little body under his arm, carrying him like a football.
“Break a leg.” He starts toward the door taking my son and my heart all in one swift swoop.
Joel
Christian talks a mile a minute as I carry him to my car. Chattering on about the basketball game he and his mom attended, asking if Ray Roadrunner will be at my house, and telling me how he hopes he grows up to be as tall as me. I’m opening the door for him when Kitty’s voice calls out, “Hey, wait up.”
I turn to watch her jogging across the parking lot. Tits bouncing and hair swaying from side to side. I’m straight up addicted to this chick. I can’t get enough, which is the only explanation for me showing up here to babysit her kid.
“He needs a car seat,” she says out of breath when she’s in front of us.
“Oh. Right.”
“I can give you the one from my car or…” The mischievous look on her face has my eyebrows shooting up.
“You want to swap cars?”
“It’s easier and faster than unhooking it from mine, dragging it over to yours…” She waves her hands around like moving the car seat is an all-day affair. I see past her thinly veiled logic. She bites her lip in an attempt to keep her hope and excitement from showing.
I let out a breath, watching my sanity float away with it. “Fine. I’ll take your car.”
“Yes!”
She passes over her keys and I already regret this decision.
“Be careful,” I warn.
“Aww, worried about me?”
“Worried about my car,” I mutter as Christian and I head to her car.
When we get to The White House, I pull around back in the parking lot, spotting the guys shooting outside on the old hoop. Wes has a hard-on for the old rusted backboard and rim that was attached to an old telephone pole about a million years ago from the looks of it.
They eye the car and me with amusement. It’s Christian’s excitement that forces me out of the car.
“Nice ride,” Nathan calls.
Z nudges him in the ribs. “You brought a ringer.”
Christian grabs my hand. Such a simple thing that completely catches me off guard. I squeeze his hand gently. “You remember the guys?”
He nods, but still holds back. Strange place, people he’s only seen once – yeah perhaps this wasn’t my most well thought out plan. Kneeling down, I meet his scared but curious expression. “Nervous?”
Another nod.
“I know these guys are kind of big and ugly,” I say loud enough the guys can hear. They scoff in mock outrage and Christian cracks a smile. “But they’re cool.”
He looks them over and takes a tiny step forward.
“What do you say we show these guys your mad ball skills again?” I pick him up and set him on my shoulders.
Wes hands the ball up to Christian. “Go easy on us.”
The guys are all good sports, rebounding the ball over and over for Christian and cheering him on shot after shot. At some point, Z takes Christian from me and shocks the crap out of all of us with how good he is with him. Christian beams, so much happiness radiating from the little guy. He and the big man team up against the rest of us, trash talking all the while, G-rated of course.
This is fun. Feels good and right. Makes me picture a life with them. She handles it all so effortlessly and when I’m with them, I’m not wishing I were anywhere else. What would it be like if Katrina and Christian were a permanent part of my life? Shake my head and push the idea away. I can’t even entertain that. She deserves someone who can give everything and I just… can’t. I won’t. Not again.
My thoughts are cut short when tires squeal and Katrina pulls into the driveway. Driving my car like she stole it.
The guys chuckle.
“Daaaamn. Can’t believe you let her drive your car,” Nathan says. “You’ve got it bad.”