April
Lucy's Age: 5
I've lost so much of my frame of reference when it comes to Lucy that it's hard to tell for sure, but I think that things are worse than they were before. Apparently I'd become accustomed to the frustration of dealing with Lucy. I can't think of any other reason that I wouldn't have made note of the fact in my journals.
Lucy has stopped speaking to me. I don't recall us ever carrying on long, involved conversations before this, but in the past it wasn't uncommon for her to run to the door when I came home. Now she just hides in her room whenever we aren't sitting down to eat.
Despite repeated promptings from Mrs. Agosti, Lucy still refuses to tell me about her day, and when Mrs. Agosti pressed her about the cause of her actions, she said that I was different.
It is incredible to think that a child would pick up on the fact that I've lost information, that my memories of her are a pale shadow of what they once were. Mrs. Agosti certainly hasn't, but that is the only explanation that I've been able to come up with for this change.
I keep meaning to spend some time with Mrs. Agosti and ask her for ideas on how to draw Lucy back out, but have been consistently sidetracked by my efforts with Venice. It's almost as if there is indeed some kind of cosmic balance there. Things with Venice are considerably better, to a degree that it almost seems to offset the problems with Lucy.
I made it to Venice's apartment less than forty-eight hours after Imastious tortured me, and while I did my best to not exhibit any sign of what had happened, Venice is more perceptive than I gave her credit for. She correctly deduced that Imastious was the one who'd tortured me, and while it's not as though I've been forgiven for everything that has passed between us, it does seem to have created a bond there.
I have to admit that our new connection has caught me off guard. It is…nice…to have someone around with whom I can discuss things. I'm not so foolish as to think that I can confide in Venice, but I have an astonishing number of things in common with her. It's more than just the fact that we are both little more than slaves to Imastious, or the fact that we're both vampires and therefore have an almost unlimited potential stretching out for centuries ahead of us.
It has a surprising amount to do with the fact that recent discussions with Venice are causing me to remember some of my own early concerns with what I would become once I accepted the changes that came along with being a vampire.
I will have to guard against becoming too familiar with Venice. She's a vampire. It means that she's no longer one of those weak humans, but it also means that I can't ever really trust her. It's a sad state of affairs, but it is simply the way of the world. In order for someone to become strong enough to be appealing they have to leave behind the weaknesses that would allow me to trust them.