16
Mahalia tried to warn her about Nicoli and now Shar was beginning to wish she’d had the good sense to listen up. After Shar caught him gambling in the alley, Nicoli had turned into somebody she didn’t recognize.
Mahalia left the tour and went back to Chicago. Then the choir left Tennessee and headed to St. Louis. That’s when things went from bad to worse. Nicoli got caught drinking and Mr. Dorsey fired him. That same night, it seemed as if Mr. Dorsey’s mind was someplace else. People said he got like that from time to time, ever since losing his wife and child some years back. The tragedy had taken a toll on his heart and mind. But Sallie assured them that things would be put back to right in no time at all.
Shar understood, but she still felt as if she had been abandoned in a city she knew nothing about. On top of that Shar’s daddy had just sent her a letter about her mama’s worsening condition. She was now in the hospital. He thanked Shar for the money she’d been sending home and told her that without that money, he doubted that he would have been able to convince Marlene to go to the hospital. But with Mr. Dorsey still laid up with an aching heart, they just weren’t bringing in much money from his sheet music. She had no idea how she would be able to keep sending money home.
Shar was an emotional wreck as she sat in the parlor of the boardinghouse they were staying at while singing at the St. Hope Church of Christ’s revival. Every time she saw the name of the church they were singing at, Shar felt as if God was mocking her. As if she was lying to herself and everybody else in that church house when she stood up to sing about things she knew so little about.
“What are you so down in the mouth about now, gal?” Sallie Martin asked as she and Rosetta Tharpe came into the room and sat down on the sofa in front of her.
“Things just don’t feel right with Mr. Dorsey out of commission.” Instead of talking about her own problems, Shar decided to deal with the other thing that had been on her mind all week. “I feel so bad for him. One man shouldn’t have to carry so much sorrow.”
“You sho’ right about that. Thank God I have never been tested like that. Just don’t know if I could pass such a test,” Rosetta said.
“We all have our own cross to bear . . . some, more than others,” Sallie said sorrowfully.
Sallie was right, and Shar was beginning to see Nicoli as her cross more and more each day. He continued to try to shape her singing career the way he wanted it to be. And Shar just didn’t know how she would ever be able to please Nicoli and God at the same time. When Shar was a child, her father filled her head with dreams of doing big things with her singing, but so far all Shar saw was despair and hopelessness all around her. “It just never seems to get better,” were the words that fell out of Shar’s mouth before a lone tear drifted down her face.
“It is a crying shame indeed,” Sallie agreed, thinking Shar was still talking about Dorsey’s predicament. She slapped her knee and then stood up. “But we don’t have time to sit around moping about it. Mr. Dorsey wants us down at that church singing and selling his sheet music. So, let’s go.”
“As they say, the show must go on.” Rosetta stood, joining Sallie.
Shar had returned to the group two nights after she’d caught Nicoli gambling. She’d gone back to the place they had been staying in Tennessee and pulled out the Bible that Landon gave her. She’d turned in the Bible to Jeremiah 29:11 and read, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
Shar wasn’t sure what her end would be like, but somehow the thought that God already knew brought comfort to her. She’d rested her mind and just kept on singing God’s praises. She stood with Sallie and Rosetta and headed down the street to hear the word of God and praise His name in song.
The revival was electrifying that night. Minister Johnson brought the house down with his message of overcoming and becoming a people who could walk down the street with heads held high because we are somebody. After hearing that soul stirring message, when it was time for the choir to sing, Shar got up and sang “Amazing Grace” like she had never sang it before.
Everybody was on a spiritual high as they walked back to the boardinghouse. Shar felt like shouting right on the front steps of the boardinghouse. As a matter of fact, as her choir went inside, Shar stayed behind to just stare up at the stars and wonder at how amazing God was. That he could move her from despair to joy in a matter of days was beyond her comprehension.
As she continued to look at the stars, Shar steepled her hands and prayed to God, “Lord, I don’t know why I’m not strong like Sallie or Mahalia. I don’t know why I can’t just do Your will without questioning You about all the hardships we been facing. But I am trying to change my ways.”
Her surroundings were beautiful. The colorful leaves danced on the trees. Shar wanted to join them in the dance. But there was still something in her way, blocking her blessing. Shar didn’t know how to move it and didn’t know for sure if she truly wanted it moved. “Lord, I sure could use some guidance.”
“Shar, Shar, help me.”
At the sound of her name, Shar jumped and ran for the front door. She had never before heard the audible voice of God in answer to one of her prayers, and Shar doubted very seriously that the Lord would be asking her for help. She put her hand on the doorknob, getting ready to turn it when she heard the whispery voice again.
“Help me, Shar.”
“Nicoli?” Shar turned slightly and saw a figure in the shadows on the side of the house.
Dragging his left leg and holding his arm against his side, Nicoli came into view. “It’s me.”
Shar walked back down the porch steps and went to Nicoli. As she got closer to him, her steps were halted as she caught a glimpse of his face. She gasped and then rushed over to him and lightly touched his swollen and bloody face. “What happened to you? Who did this?”
“They’re going to kill me, baby.”
Looked to her like Nicoli had taken the beating of his life, like if he had taken one more blow there wouldn’t be no life left in him. It was then that she wondered if she could live in a world that did not include her Nicoli. She didn’t know what kind of fool that made her, but she didn’t care either. Nicoli was hurt. He needed her. “Who wants to kill you? What’s going on?” She was torn and panic-stricken as she pulled him closer to her.
“I owe a lot of money to,” he winced, and with a sharp intake of breath, he sat down on the ground as if his legs wouldn’t hold him one second longer, “really nasty guys.”
Stepping back and putting her hands on her hips, she demanded, “What have you been doing, Nicoli? Didn’t we agree that you wouldn’t gamble anymore?”
With remorse in his eyes, he lowered his head. “I know, I know, baby. But I had no choice. I’ve been trying to raise enough money to get back to my hometown so I can introduce you to my family.” Raising his head and looking like a raccoon about the eyes, he told her, “And anyway, a colored man don’t have too many options. It’s not like I’m ever going to be able to go to college and get me one of those fancy jobs.”
“That’s just an excuse, Nicoli. Colored people been going to college for years now, and I’m right proud of the accomplishments that have been coming our way, thanks to colored people out there making a difference.” As she said those words she thought of Landon and the difference he was trying to make in her neighborhood. The difference between the two men couldn’t have been clearer.
“I don’t see none of those so-called fabulous colored folks putting food on our table. I’ve been crawling under every rock I can find to earn enough money to take care of you, but you don’t appreciate nothing I do. Now people want to,” his voice broke off as he said, “kill me.”
Her heart lurched. She took her hands off her hips and sympathy coated her words. “I don’t understand. They already beat you up. If they wanted to kill you, wouldn’t they have done that when they had a chance?”
“They’re giving me two days to come up with the money.”
The door to the boardinghouse opened, and Sallie leaned out and hollered, “Shar, who you out there with, gal? Get on in this house.”
Shar turned toward the house and yelled back, “It’s Nicoli. He’s been hurt bad. Come help me get him in the house.”
Sallie stalked over to them. She took one look at Nicoli sprawled out on the ground and said, “Shar, if you’ve got any sense, you’ll get yourself in that house,” she pointed toward the boardinghouse, “and don’t look back.”
“I can’t just leave him out here like this. He needs our help.”
Scowling like a pit bull, Sallie pointed an accusatory finger in Nicoli’s face. “If you care anything about this girl, you’ll get outta here and leave her alone.”
“Me and Shar is getting married.” Nicoli pulled himself off the ground, and while hunched over, he breathed fire in Sallie’s face. “I’m not leaving her alone just because you don’t like me. You got no say so when it comes to me and Shar.”
“It’s not that I don’t like you . . . I don’t like what you stand for. You a able-bodied man who don’t want to work hard for what you get . . . you just want money to rain down on you from heaven above. I know all about your kind, and you ain’t no good.”
“You don’t know nothing about me.” Nicoli limped toward Sallie, trying to get closer to her.
Shar stepped in between the two and put her hands on Nicoli’s chest, pushing him backward. “Please don’t argue like this.”
“You heard what she said,” Nicoli pointed at Sallie. “She thinks you’re too good for me.”
“You got that right,” Sallie said, not backing down.
Still holding Nicoli back, Shar turned to Sallie. “Go back in the house, Sallie. I get that you don’t want Nicoli inside, so just let me talk to him and then I’ll come back in, okay?”
“I don’t like it, Shar. And I don’t think your mama would want you out here late at night with this rabble-rouser.”
“I won’t be long. Just give me a minute, okay?”
Shaking her head as she turned back toward the house, Sallie said, “If you’re not in this house in five minutes, I’ll be coming back to get you. And I won’t be alone.”
As the door slammed shut, Shar told Nicoli. “You’ve got to go. Sallie will come back out here and beat you with a stick if you don’t do as she says.”
“Girl, ain’t nobody scared of Sallie Martin but you.”
“Please, Nicoli, just go and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I can’t just go, Shar. I need your help, and this time you can’t say no, not if you truly love me.”
“What can I do? I don’t have any money to give you.”
He grabbed hold of her arm and shook her. “Think, Shar. You don’t have money, but you do have that wonderful voice that can make us all the money in the world if we play our cards right.”
As she stepped back, Shar’s eyes grew. “I know you’re not talking about what I think you’re talking about.”
He reached out for Shar, fear in his eyes. “It’s the only way, Shar. You love me, don’t you?”
Did she love him? Shar had thought that she was in love those first few weeks when Nicoli was wooing her and on the day that he announced that they were engaged. But that was a different Nicoli. The beat-up gambler standing before her now was some other Nicoli. And Shar didn’t know if she wanted to love this Nicoli anymore.
When she didn’t answer, Nicoli ran his hand through his hair and twisted his lip as he backed up. “Okay, I know that I have been difficult lately. But you don’t want to see me dead just because I’ve been gambling, do you?”
“Trying to fill me full of guilt ain’t going to work. I didn’t put those dice in your hand. So why should I go against everything I believe just to help you out of this jam?”
“Shar, it’s really no big deal. The man I owe the money to owns a nightclub and he told me that he will forgive my debt, if you will sing in his club this weekend.”
All her life she thought her voice was given to her so that she could praise God. Could she really use her voice for something other than praise to God?
“If you don’t help me, baby, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
The look on Nicoli’s face was a mix of fear and sorrow. He got back down on his knees and crawled to her. She could see the pain reflected on his face with each movement, even before the tears bubbled up in his eyes. “I got no where else to go, Shar. I done burned every bridge I had.” He was now directly in front of her. He leaned his head against her stomach and let out a gutteral cry that sounded like an animal howling at the moon. “Please don’t let me die.”
Closing her eyes, Shar wished she was back home in Chicago with her mama and daddy protecting her and showing her the way. She’d prayed for God’s help and all she’d gotten in return was Nicoli, leaning and depending on her. Lifting his head off her stomach, she stepped back so she could look him in the eye.
“Are you gon’ help me, Shar. I promise, if you do this, I’ll never ask you for another thing as long as we live.”
Shar looked toward the boardhouse, knowing full well that she should do as Sallie said, but before she could stop herself she was saying, “I’ll do this on one condition.”
Light came back into his eyes as he got back onto his feet. “Anything, baby, anything.”
“You’ve got to stop drinking and gambling.”
“After what happened tonight, you don’t have to worry about me no more, Shar. I’m going the straight-and-narrow way from now on.” He crossed his heart with his finger to add emphasis to his pledge.
“You better mean it this time, Nicoli, because I’m not going to live the rest of my life getting you out of jams that you got no business being in.”