The next morning, I woke up and stretched in bed as I rolled over, smiling as the memory of the night before came rushing back to me.
Jenks. The guy that I was pretty sure was now my boyfriend, if a whole bunch of kisses, hand-holding and whispers about seeing each other at the dance were signs that we were official.
“Morning,” Kaylee said. “I’m guessing you had sweet dreams?”
“Huh?” I said, pushing my crazy morning hair back.
“You have the dorkiest smile on your face,” she said. “I have honestly never seen you looking so freaking cute.”
“Shut up.” I threw my stuffed soccer ball pillow at her, hitting her in the shoulder.
She laughed and threw the pillow back with surprising good aim, though I snatched it before it hit me.
“No. I will not shut up. You’re totally into Jenks and I love it. You’ve teased me endlessly about Declan so you deserve it.”
I had nothing to say to that.
“But come on; he’s the nicest guy and you two can talk about sports forever.”
We talked about sports zero the night before.
“So. Is he a good kisser?” she asked and then laughed again. “What am I saying? Of course he’s a good kisser. I mean, look at him.”
“You can’t tell someone’s a good kisser just by looking at him.” Can you?
She made a face. “Maybe not. But I’m glad he is. I guess you and him are an item now?”
“Yeah, seems that way.”
“What about Shane?”
“I’ll have to tell him.”
“Just as well you’re not in the kitchen anymore. That would be awkward.”
Except that I really wanted to be back in the kitchen. Especially after talking to James about it the other day; I’d been reminded how much I enjoyed cooking and now that exams were over, I was really going to miss it. Although Kaylee was right about it being awkward.
“Yeah,” I said, reaching for my phone. I turned it on and, speaking of Shane, he’d sent me a text overnight, his message sandwiched between two from Jenks.
I read Shane’s first, forcing myself to deal with that before allowing myself to read my boyfriend’s (!).
Come see me in the kitchen today?
“He wants me to come down to the kitchen.”
“You should go and let him down easy.”
What I wanted to do was let him down easy by text.
“Celia,” Kaylee said, sitting up and leaning against the wall, facing me. “You have to tell him.”
“I know,” I said, looking down at my phone.
What time are you there? I sent.
On my way over now. Until noon.
See you soon, I typed. I looked up at my roommate and best friend. “So this is going to be weird.”
I was right about it being weird, but not at all how I expected.
~ ♥ ~
After Kaylee and I got ready, we headed down to the dining room to grab some breakfast; I needed something to eat before I met up with Shane. And some coffee, definitely coffee.
Kaylee and I chatted a little about our exams and our friends—nothing really important—as I tried to psych myself up to go into the kitchen and talk to Shane. What was I supposed to say to him? That I was seeing someone else who was a great kisser and a super-sporty guy that was also friends with all of my friends’ boyfriends? Even on paper, Jenks made more sense as a boyfriend, but something was holding me back from wanting to make a break from Shane.
Fear, I realized. I just didn’t want to have the talk with him. It would be easier to just drift away from him. But if I ever did get to go back to my CSA, I needed to be straight with him.
So, after I finally finished my breakfast (croissant, scrambled eggs and fruit) I took a last gulp of my coffee, bid Kaylee adieu and headed for the kitchen.
Before I pushed the swinging ‘in’ door, I could hear voices coming from inside and it made me ache to be back in there, among the kitchen staff, making things. I really did love cooking and everything that went along with it, including the people and the ‘creative outlet’ as James had called it.
Taking a deep breath, I went inside and looked around for Shane. I didn’t see him so I headed toward his office. Sure enough, he was in there at the computer but he looked up right away when he noticed me coming in. “Hey,” he said, pushing to his feet and coming around the desk. He was smiling and that made my chest tighten.
“I’m glad you came,” he said as he eased past me to push his office door closed.
Then he was standing in front of me. So close. I exhaled and looked down, unable to meet his eyes.
“Hey,” he said gently, grabbing my chin with his fingers and tilting my head up to look at him. “What’s wrong?”
“I...” I broke off and shook my head as much as I could with his hand still on me.
He kissed me then, just a light brush of his lips against mine. “Sugar,” he said, almost against my mouth. “Tell me.”
I stepped back. “I can’t be with you,” I blurted out.
He folded his arms across his chest and cocked his head, frowning. “What?”
“I...I’m dating someone else.”
He recoiled and I looked up into his eyes. He was obviously upset—hurt and maybe angry, too. “Who?” he demanded.
“Ev...” I began and then realized I didn’t want to tell him who. “It doesn’t matter who.”
He exhaled loudly through his nose as he looked over my shoulder toward the door and I thought for sure he was going to kick me out of his office. I could hardly blame him after what I’d just said and the fact that I probably wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place. Instead he stepped closer to me, his expression softening—he somehow wasn’t angry. He looked...like he was about to kiss me?
I took a step back until I was stopped by the door at my back. It was a tiny office and even up against the door, I was only a step away from him. “Didn’t you feel something between us before? I did and I thought you did, too. I thought we made a connection.”
We had. At least, it had felt like it, up until last night, when kissing Jenks had made up my mind. Although now that I was standing there, Shane—my kitchen crush—was so close, smelling good and looking down at me like he wanted to replace my memory of kissing Jenks with one of his own.
“Look at you,” he whispered. “You’re so stunning. I don’t know who this other guy is, but does he have this connection we have? I can see your pulse racing in your neck; does he do that to you? Are you sure you want to throw this away?”
Before I could answer, Shane’s lips were on mine, and I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
~ ♥ ~
“Shoot,” I muttered as I emerged from the kitchen to see Kaylee sitting at our table. I’d thought she would have gone back up to the dorm room, but no. Instead, she’d stuck around and to make matters worse, she’d been joined by Emmie, Brooklyn and Chelly.
At least they didn’t start catcalling and yelling about me doing the walk of Shane (which I totally was doing). I would have made a left turn and snuck out of the dining room, but Emmie caught my eye and waved me over. No escaping now.
Needing a minute, I waved to her and then pointed at the coffee station because what I needed before coming clean to my friends was to be even jitterier than kissing Shane had made me.
“You okay?” Brooklyn asked as I finally dropped to the seat beside her with the cup of coffee that I didn’t even want.
“Yeah.”
“Was he upset?” Kaylee asked.
“Er...at first,” I said.
“At first?” Chelly said, screwing up her face. “What does that mean?”
“Wait,” Emmie said. “You didn’t dump him, did you?”
“Uh...”
“Oh snap, look at her mouth!” Chelly exclaimed, pointing at my lips that felt a little puffy after Shane’s attentions. “That’s the mouth of someone who’s been kissing—I should know. And you are totally blushing. You are so busted, Celia Thomas, don’t even try to deny it.”
I sighed. I couldn’t lie to them when the evidence was literally right there on my face. “Guilty,” I admitted.
Kaylee and Brooklyn exchanged glances. “So what are you going to do? I thought you didn’t want to date both of them,” Kaylee said.
I shrugged. “I don’t. I like them both, but...”
“You’re not ready to decide,” Chelly said, nodding. “I get that. They are both really cute boys.”
“I thought it was going to be Jenks,” I said. “Last night was so amazing and I was sure. But now...”
“Not the worst problem to have,” Chelly pointed out with a smirk.
I snorted. “I know. I kind of hate myself for moaning about it. I honestly thought Shane would be mad when I told him I was seeing someone else but it’s like he wants to beat him or something.”
“Like beat him as in beat him up?” Chelly asked.
“No, like compete for me and be the winner.”
“Guys can be so Neanderthal,” Emmie said with an eye-roll and cluck of her tongue.
Brooklyn gave her a withering look, making us all laugh. Emmie liked her guys totally looking like bad boys. Her own boyfriend was tatted up and looked like a criminal, despite actually being one of the sweetest guys out there.
“Is Shane going to the dance?” Kaylee asked. “I heard you tell Jenks you’d see him there.”
I looked at her, horrified at the thought. I hadn’t even considered that Shane might go to the dance. “He doesn’t normally.”
Brooklyn cocked her head. “But if you and him are a thing and you’re still not back in the kitchen, wouldn’t he want that opportunity to be with you. Or to beat out the other guy?”
“Did you tell him the other guy is Jenks?” Kaylee asked.
I thought back to our conversation in the kitchen and then shook my head. “No. I wouldn’t tell him.”
Kaylee took a sip from her coffee and said, “Does Jenks know about Shane?”
I shook my head.
“Probably a good thing they don’t know about each other, since they live on the same campus and there’s no way of stopping them from facing off over there,” Chelly said.
I sighed. “But what’s going to happen at the dance?” I asked of no one in particular.
Emmie patted my hand across the table like an encouraging grandma. "You’ll figure it out. Maybe you need to really think about which one you like better. Or hang out with them in the next couple of days and see which one stands out to you as the better choice.”
Brooklyn frowned at her. “She’s not choosing between melons, knocking them for ripeness.”
Emmie screwed up her face. “I know that. And is knocking on melons even a thing?”
No one answered her but Brooklyn turned to me. “You know what? I’m the last person to talk to you about relationships, since obviously I’m a disaster at all of this, but maybe if neither of these guys is standing out as the one you want to be with, maybe that’s a sign that neither one is the right one.”
I looked at her and could tell by the pain in her eyes that she was speaking from experience. She’d started things with both Abe and Dave and learned that neither was the guy for her, knowing deep down that Brady was. Even though she’d kind of screwed things up with him, she either wanted to be with him or with no one at all. I had to respect that. But I also felt like I hadn’t gotten to know either Shane or Jenks well enough as potential boyfriends to even know if either was the one.
Plus—if I was being honest—I did really like kissing both of them. In fact, kissing was now my new favorite sport, edging out volleyball and even soccer.
I nodded at Brooklyn. “That makes sense. I know you’re right, I just feel like I need to give them a chance. Before last week, I didn’t know either of these guys liked me and with exams and everything...” panic started to rise up in my throat for no reason.
“No one is judging,” Emmie said gently, grabbing my hand again and giving it a squeeze. “We understand. I think if you give them each a few days, it’ll all work out and you’ll know exactly what to do.”
She was so right, it was scary.