I had forced myself to be okay with what had gone down with Jenks—while I was with him, at least—but it wasn’t as easy to fake it with my best friend. It took all of four seconds after leaving the guys before she asked me what was going on. I hadn’t even said anything but she knew something was up; it’s what I both loved and hated about her.
I sighed. “It’s over.”
“What?” she asked, shocked. “I just watched you hug him goodbye.”
“We’re friends,” I said. “There was a miscommunication. He just wants a hookup because of all his training. He said he doesn’t have time for anything serious.”
Kaylee, my fairly mild-mannered best friend proceeded to call Jenks every name in the book. And a few that were even too dirty for the book.
“Whoa,” I said as we started up the stairs to our room. “It’s okay. We just want different things.”
“But you really liked him,” she said, looking at my face, searching. “Didn’t you?”
I shrugged. “I do like him, but maybe more as a friend?”
She twisted up her lips. “Hmm. That makes sense, I guess.”
“What does that mean?”
“You never had googly-eyes for him.”
Her and her googly-eyes. “Whatever,” I said, but I suspected this time, she was right.
“So now what?” she asked.
“Now nothing. Now I focus on passing all my classes and getting back to the kitchen.”
“What about James?”
“James is my tutor,” I said.
“Yeah, but...”
I cut her off. “Kaylee, James is my tutor. Just because you have a boyfriend and are blissfully happy doesn’t mean you need to get me one. You don’t have to feel guilty because my love life sucks right now. I don’t need you to find me a guy to make yourself feel better.”
She stopped on the stairs and put her hands on her hips as I halted and looked at her. Her eyebrows were crunched together in a deep frown. “That’s not what I was...” she looked at me and sighed, her anger quickly dissolving. “Ugh. Yes it was. You’re totally right. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I get it—I know you just want me to be happy. But I’m fine with being single for now if it means waiting for the right guy. I want romance novel love, you know?” I just hoped I didn’t have to wait forever for Prince Charming or Mr. Darcy to come along.
She nodded and we started walking up the stairs again. “Yeah, I do know. I got so lucky, didn’t I?”
“Declan is totally a romance novel hero: duke, British, rich, sweet, hot. You hit the jackpot.”
“I know,” she said, not gloating at all. I think she was just really grateful and a little bit surprised at her own Cinderella story.
“If I didn’t love you, you know I’d hate you.”
She laughed. “I know you would. And I wouldn’t blame you one bit.”
~ ♥ ~
When we got to our dorm room, I logged into our chat program even though I still had a few minutes before I was set to meet James.
I went to turn my phone off but saw a text from Shane that I hadn’t heard come in. Although I’d deleted him from my contacts, I still recognized his number.
I gasped as I read it. And then read it again because I couldn’t quite believe it.
What did you tell the dean? You completely screwed me over!
“What?” Kaylee said.
Fighting the sudden lump in my throat, I showed her my phone and she grabbed it from me. “Kaylee, don’t...”
She held it away, out of my reach, and started typing. “Oh no he didn’t just send you that message. He doesn’t get to be a total douche and then accuse you of screwing him over. Here,” she said, holding the phone out to me so I could see the message before she sent it.
I told the dean the truth. You screwed yourself over. Lose my number.
I took a breath and nodded. “Okay.” Take that, kitchen crush.
She hit send and handed me the phone. Not wanting to risk seeing his response, I turned the sound off and sat down at my desk, shoving the phone into my desk drawer.
Except even though I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, it bothered me that he was blaming me for getting into trouble. I was the one who’d gotten screwed over but obviously he didn’t see it that way. He really was a douche.
A few minutes later, my computer beeped to tell me James had arrived. Right on time.
“Hey, Celia,” he said, his voice hitting me even before the image of him sharpened.
A weird noise came from Kaylee and I glanced over my shoulder to see her behind me, eyes wide. “Just a sec,” I said to him and then turned to her so my back was facing the screen, silently mouthing, “What?”
She waggled her eyes at the screen.
I turned back to James and saw him sitting there, looking pretty much as he always did: light brown hair, thick-rimmed glasses, angular features. He was wearing a black t-shirt that was tighter than what I was used to seeing him in. Maybe she was referring to that, because it was suddenly obvious that he had been hiding a pretty fit guy under all those hoodies. I tried not to stare, but his arms...
So maybe he didn’t spend all of his time gaming. Maybe he threw around his hammer like the god he was named after.
Focus, Celia. I cleared my throat. “Hi,” I said.
“Something wrong?”
“No,” I said. “Sorry. My roommate was just leaving.”
“Actually, I wasn’t,” Kaylee announced loudly. “Turns out I need to...mumble, mumble... You don’t mind, do you?”
Oh, I was so going to pay her back for this one.
“Actually, I do mind,” I said, through gritted teeth. “You’re too distracting.”
“Right, I’m what’s distracting,” she mumbled. “Not his tight shirt, giant biceps and googly-eyes.”
I almost swallowed my tongue, worried James had heard her. I shot her a wide-eyed look and mouthed, “Shut up!”
“Fine.” She laughed, but scooted off her bed and slid her feet into her slippers before she headed to the door. “I’ll leave you to it. Text me when you’re done.”
And then she was gone from the dorm room. Thank God. I turned back toward my computer. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine.” He was smiling and I seriously wondered what he’d heard, but I wasn’t about to ask him.
“Okay,” I said with a sigh, suddenly feeling very tired both physically and emotionally. “Let’s do this...” ...so we can get this over with and I can crawl into bed and be done with this day already.
“All right. Let’s start with the algebra. I was thinking we could go over your exam and the questions you had trouble with.”
As he pulled up the file onscreen, I heard my phone buzz from my drawer. Shoot. I’d turned the ringer off, but I could hear it vibrating on top of the textbook. Shane probably. Not that I could even think about looking at it until James and I were done. I just hoped he hadn’t heard it.
But what could Shane want with me at this point? I hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the one who had lied! Though I did wonder what the dean had done to him—whatever it was, he was blaming me for it. I would find out about it—
“Celia?”
I was facing the screen but realized I’d zoned out in my thoughts. “Sorry, James. I...what?”
“I said we’d start with question four.”
I sighed. “Okay.”
“You all right?” he asked.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ve just had kind of an awful day.”
“Oh,” he said and I could almost see how he was wondering if he should ask about my day. “Do you know where you went wrong?”
“With my day?”
He blinked. “No, with question four.”
“Right, sorry.” Because we weren’t friends, so why would he ask about my day? I looked at the exam in the big window. I had no clue what I’d screwed up. Nor did I really care all that much at the moment. “You know what? Can we do this another time? I’m really not into it today.”
He paused for a minute and then said, “No, sorry. Let’s carry on. So question four is where—”
I interrupted him. “What?”
“Question four...”
“I asked if we could reschedule.”
“And I said no.”
The nerve! “You remember I pay you, right?”
He dropped the exam window down and the window with his face in it popped up, taking up most of the screen. “Yes, I remember you pay me. I also remember that the dean said we need to meet twice a week. I also know that if I let you bail tonight, you will bail again and again for whatever reason. Yes, the work is hard, but you can do it. Let’s just power through, okay?”
I wanted to swear and freak out and slam the computer closed. The thing is, at the same time, I sort of respected that he was willing to call me on my BS and force me to work. Not that I’d ever admit it, but he was able to do what Kaylee couldn’t. He was going to make me succeed.
“Fine,” I bit out and focused on the exam when he brought it back up. We went over the test questions for about an hour until it felt like my brains were leaking out my ears.
“I need a break, James.” I said, even though we weren’t finished. “Bio break and water.”
“Okay, you’ve earned it. Take five?”
I nodded.
“I’ll wait here.”
I stood up and took a few minutes in the bathroom, using it and then rolling my neck around a few times before I went out into the dorm room and grabbed some water out of the fridge. I took a swig, finger-combed my hair and sat back down in front of my computer.
“Okay,” I said. “I’m back. But I think we should change to another subject.”
“Good idea,” he said. “How about you tell me why your day was so awful.”
It was so out of left field that it took me a long moment to even process what he’d said. “I’d really rather not,” I said finally.
“Come on,” he said. “You’ll feel better if you talk it out.”
I almost laughed out loud at the thought of venting to him. The stiff and patient guy who’d probably never had a reason to rant or freak out. “That’s what my girlfriends are for. You and I aren’t friends, James.”
He narrowed his eyes a little but then nodded. “I know that. But until you can let whatever it is that’s bothering you go, you’re not one hundred percent in your studying. I have a vested interest here.”
That song from Frozen went through my head but whether I needed to let it go or not, I didn’t need to unload it on my tutor.
“It’s...it’s complicated.”
“I can probably keep up,” he said, smirking.
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, James, you’re super smart, I know. Maybe it’s complicated is code for I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why? We’re not friends—as you put it—so what does it matter? I’m not the judging type, so what harm is there in just letting it out? You’ll feel better and we can move on.”
“Fine,” I said, because he obviously wasn’t going to give up. “My love life is in a shambles, okay? Actually, my life is in a shambles when you throw in my horrible marks. Today just sucked, like it was the cherry on top of a big poop sundae.”
“What happened?”
I reached for a pen beside my laptop so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “I’m not going to get into the details, but let’s just say, I’m not very happy with most members of your sex right now.”
“Present company excluded, I hope.”
I gave him an exaggerated frown and a reluctant, “I guess.”
He lifted his eyebrows, his eyes wide as he pretended to be mad. I wished the screen was a little bit sharper so I could tell what color his eyes were.
“Fine,” I said with a big sigh. “To be honest, yours is the best relationship I have with a guy. There. How sad is that?”
“I don’t know, I think I’m a pretty good guy. Not so sad.”
Is he flirting with me? I rolled my eyes and he actually laughed. I liked making him laugh—it was like every time I made him laugh, he loosened up a little bit more.
“All I know is that I had potentially two dates to the dance to choose from and now I have zero. And I have no idea why I just told you that.”
“Right. Because we’re not friends.”
This again? “And because it’s embarrassing,” I said to explain my red face.
“Why is it embarrassing?”
“Seriously?” Did this guy live so much in his gaming world that he had no idea about real life dating at all? He had to have had some hookups in Warcraft, didn’t he?
He just stared at me through his webcam, waiting until I went on. “It’s embarrassing because the one guy turned out to be a douche and the other...he just wanted something casual, so I ended it.”
“You’re not looking for casual...” he said. It was kind of a question, but not really.
“I’m not looking to get married or anything,” I said. “But I...” I broke off, really embarrassed now.
“You’re a romantic,” he said softly, drawing my attention to his eyes. He cleared his throat before he continued. “You want to find that right someone. You don’t do casual.”
I knew James was smart, but now it seemed he was telepathic, too. “Yeah,” I said.
He nodded knowingly. “I get that.”
“How? Do you read romance novels, too?”
His face was serious when he said, “I can’t say I have. But you don’t have to read them to be a romantic.”
“Well maybe you should come to the dance with me,” fell from my lips. I almost slapped my palm over my mouth, but quickly realized I’d be better off making a joke out of it. “Ha ha, just kidding!”
Smooth, Celia.
Suddenly, a hot flush washed over my face and the rest of my body as I looked at the screen and saw it: googly-eyes. Mixed with something else, too. Something I couldn’t identify.
As panic bubbled in my gut, I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. But I didn’t want him to think I’d been serious, especially with the way he was looking at me, his eyes intense as he seemed to be wondering if I had been serious despite my assurances otherwise.
“I was just kidding,” I said again. “I wasn’t really asking you...” Unless you actually want to go with me?
He frowned and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand in a move that looked more nervous and less about an itch or stray hair. “Uh, I’m not much of a dancer,” he said, answering my silent question, somehow knowing it was the important one.
“James,” I said, not because I had anything to follow it up with, but because I couldn’t think of anything else to say in that moment.
“It’s okay,” he said, his face going blank and serious, back to tutor mode. He cleared his throat. “So, why don’t we move on to Spanish?”
Something had happened in this conversation. I wasn’t sure what, but I could almost hear the dynamic between us shifting. While he’d basically just rejected me, I realized I now wanted to be friends with him, because...well, for a lot of reasons, if I’m being honest. But what stood out to me in that second was that he got me. He knew the worst parts of me and still seemed to like me anyway. Until I’d made that stupid joke, that is.
“Okay, sure,” I said, taking a drink of my water to fill the gap while he pulled up my Spanish exam, giving us a different disaster to focus on.
~ ♥ ~
After we finished, I didn’t want to face my phone and any angry texts from Shane, so, knowing she was either in the lounge or with one of our friends, I went down the hall to find Kaylee to let her know I was done with James.
I found her in Emmie and Brooklyn’s room, where they were all trying on outfits for the dance. I tried not to let that make me sad, but while I couldn’t exactly blame my lack of a date on myself, I still felt pretty pathetic about going from two guys to none in such a short time. And then that thing with James? Ugh, I couldn’t believe I’d gone there. So pathetic.
“Nah, it’s okay. I just wanted to let you know you can come back whenever,” I said to Kaylee when the girls waved me in and I just shook my head. “I’m done after this day. I’m going to take a hot bath and get into bed.”
“I’ll come with you,” my roommate said, getting up off Brooklyn’s bed. “I’m beat, too.”
We said goodnight to our friends and headed back down the hall toward our room.
“How was your tutoring?”
I was about to say something sarcastic but realized she was asking me nicely and wasn’t just teasing me about James.
“It was fine,” I said, thinking about the actual tutoring part. “Although...there was some awkwardness,” I admitted.
“Because he’s hot and you only just realized it tonight?”
Because I’m realizing more and more how much of a good guy he is. But yeah, the hot thing sure doesn’t hurt. I exhaled and looked over at my friend. “Shut up.”
She grinned at me knowingly. “I love that even with your complexion, I can still totally see you blushing.”
I tried again. “Shut up, please?”
“Celia. Just tell me what happened.”
“Fine. He asked me what was wrong and when I told him, something slipped out.”
“Something slipped out? What does that mean?”
“I may have asked him—sort of—to go to the dance with me.”
She was halfway to a squeal before I held up my palm. “I didn’t really mean it. And he rejected me anyway.”
She stopped dead in her tracks. “Seriously?”
“Yeah,” I said. “So you were wrong about the googly-eyes thing.”
She looked unconvinced. “And I see that look in your eye—the one that you inherited from Chelly—and you can stop right now before you get it in your head that you’re going to do something about this.”
“But—”
“But nothing, Kaylee. I’m serious. He’s my tutor and I can’t afford for it to get any weirder than it already is. I need him to help me pass this year.”
It was the truth and she knew it so she closed her mouth and just nodded.
“And this is all just between us. I don’t want anything getting back to James. Promise me you won’t do anything or tell the girls and won’t say anything to Declan.”
“Yes, fine, I promise.”
I stared into her eyes and her gaze didn’t waver, meaning she was being straight up. “Thank you,” I said as we walked the last few feet to our room.
When we got inside, she nodded toward my desk where my cell phone was still in my drawer. “What did Shane say back?”
“I haven’t looked. I am way too tired to deal with that right now.”
Her eyebrows went up. “May I?”
I waved toward my desk drawer. “Be my guest.”
She took my phone out and frowned at it for a few moments before she tapped at the screen and then put it down on my desk.
“Well?” I asked, letting out the breath I’d been holding when it appeared she wasn’t going to tell me without being prompted.
She shook her head and then looked up at me with a big smile. “You’re good.”
“Did he send more texts?”
“Nothing you need to worry about.”
So, yes. I kind of wanted to know, but Kaylee was smart and if there was something I actually needed to know, she would have told me. She knew I had a lot on my plate and I loved her for filtering that junk for me.
“Thanks.” I stepped toward her and pulled her into a hug.
“You know I always have your back,” she said as she gave me a big squeeze.
“Ditto,” I said unnecessarily.
“You are going to the dance tomorrow, right?”
I thought about James’ rejection and Jenks—even though we’d said we were friends, it was still pretty fresh—and wanted to say no.
“Brooklyn’s going,” she said before I came up with a good excuse not to.
“Oh sure, and all the single ladies have to stick together.”
Kaylee stepped out of the hug. “I hate for it to sound like that, but I think she’s having a harder time than she’s letting on. The whole Brady thing...”
“She’s going to end up with him, you know.”
She frowned. “I hope you’re right, but it doesn’t look good right now. He still won’t talk to her.”
“He just needs to get his head out of his butt.”
“I don’t know. Maybe she should move on. Try to find someone else. I really don’t know if Brady will come around.”
“No,” I said. “I’ve seen how they look at each other. Major googly-eyes.”
“Anyway,” she said with a shrug. “She needs a night out with some fun and maybe even a little flirting.”
I sighed. “Yes, okay, I’ll be her wing-spinster.”
She laughed. “Is that a thing?”
“It is now, I guess.”
“Well, at least Shane won’t be there,” she said.
It hadn’t really even occurred to me that he might be, but my stomach lurched at the possibility. “I hope not, but we can’t know for sure.”
“Yes we can,” she said, her wicked grin slightly terrifying.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but one of his texts? He said he lost his position here and got in trouble with Dean Peterson, too. He said he’s transferring schools.”
“Really? And you weren’t going to tell me this?”
She shrugged. “What does it matter? He was a jerk to you and now he’s gone. That’s a good news story, isn’t it?”
I guess mostly it was. But a tiny part of me felt guilty about him losing his placement. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get tangled up with him in the first place. But I wasn’t the one who had lied and screwed things up. He was the one who tried to keep me out of the kitchen because then he could keep seeing me without complicating things for himself.
So yeah, I guess Kaylee was right. I guess it was a good news story that he was gone.