BUILD a Solid Foundation Based on Honor and Integrity
To honor your staff is to trust that they will deliver their best. Cultivate a sense of security and self-appreciation in them and then give them the space to blossom.
Do you honor yourself, who you are, and what you have accomplished? I believe that we are all epic heroes in the journey of our lives. Each of us have extraordinary stories to tell—lives fraught with heartbreak and courage, pathos and passion. We are quick to dismiss who we are and what we have been through. We worship celebrities and stars because we fail to recognize the star that is within each of us. When we dismiss ourselves, we also tend to dismiss others. Our coworkers often tread lightly around us for fear of angering the fallen star that we embody. Cultivating honor and integrity begins within us. As we start to shine within our own eyes, we give permission to those around us to do the same.
I recently read a LinkedIn post by author Brigette Hyacinth:
My new employee asked me to work from home. Then she started to tell me the reason. I told her, “No need to apologize and I don’t need to know the details.” I do not pay for seat warmers—to come to the office, fine. 9 to 5? Fine. Work from home. Fine. Work from the garage while they fix your car? Fine. I don’t need to know you will be late because of a doctor’s appointment, or you are leaving early to attend a personal matter. Everybody works at a different pace. You choose how to get your work done. It’s sad how we have infantilized the workplace so much, that employees feel the need to apologize for having personal lives. I am not a clock watcher. I trust you to get your job done. Keep clients happy. I am happy. The future lies in flexible work patterns.
I love Brigette’s attitude, and I have been graced to be managed similarly throughout my myriad of careers. Most employment opportunities I had were built on honor and integrity. After graduating from Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario, in 1985, I was offered a job in the marketing division at Big Blue—IBM. While I had worked many part-time jobs, IBM was my first full-time career placement.
What I remember most about the company was its merit system. It was clearly based on quality of work rather than tenure. Time and again, ambitious, talented staff would be promoted before other staff members who had been there longer but did not have as much talent. I felt recognized for my skills and highly supported. In fact, when I left Big Blue after a couple of years to pursue my acting dreams, they were remarkably accommodating. I was cast in a show that would take me to the stunning Four Seasons Minaki Lodge, located up in northwestern Ontario, for a six-month stint. Acting was my dream, and I explained that to my boss and to my boss’s boss. Instead of threatening or discouraging me, they told me that they would provide me with the six months’ leave. They assured me that their door was open and they would welcome me back if I decided to return. Although I never did, I always remember how they treated me and the encouraging terms under which I left.
Honor Profile
You may be surprised to learn how much you avoid honoring who you are and your accomplishments. This profile will give you greater perspective on this question, so that you can behave more honorably toward yourself and those who work with you. For each of the questions below, choose the number that most closely aligns with your current views, mindset, or situation (1 being “not at all” and 10 being “a great deal”).
1. Do you believe that honoring self and others is central to who you are?
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2. How much do those who work with you believe that you honor them?
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3. Do you give up your seat to pregnant women, injured persons, or the elderly when they are in need?
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4. Do you honor those who have served their country?
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5. Do you honor the earth and its keepers?
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6. Would your family members say that you are honorable towards them?
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7. Do you do what is right and honorable rather than what best serves you?
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8. Do you honor animals and insects, large and small?
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9. Did your parents instill honor as an important trait within you?
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10. Do you act honorably when no one is looking?
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If you scored between 76 and 100, you have developed into a very honorable person. You see the inherent value in yourself and in others as well. You strive to recognize others and their value, and you make people feel respected and appreciated. Continue to develop even more honor towards yourself and watch it naturally increase towards others as well.
If you scored between 51 and 75, you have done a great deal to honor yourself and others. While you can still develop even greater honor in all you say and do, know that you have already come a long way in doing so. Pay attention to the times where you are dishonoring yourself or others. Don’t judge yourself when you do so. Simply take note and commit to continuing to develop honor within you.
If you scored between 26 and 50, you have done some work towards honoring yourself and others, but you still have a way to go. Take an inventory of the areas in which you are lacking in honor. Once you are aware of these, you can begin to shift your commitment towards greater honor and respect for yourself and for others.
If you scored between 10 and 25, you still have quite a journey ahead to instill greater honor into your life. The first step is to honor yourself for your honesty in filling out this profile. The fact that you have rated yourself low indicates that you are honest about your challenges and are willing to look your issues square in the face. Know this, and commit to integrating honor into the way you treat yourself and others.
By completing this profile, you have gained a better understanding of where honor lies among the priorities in your life. Alongside honor is respect. Any relationship that lacks honor and respect lacks the building blocks of greater intimacy. Commit to honoring yourself and others more, and see how it is often returned twofold.
Honor Trigger Situation
Simon held a position as a plant manager in the furniture industry. Managing a plant was no easy feat. It required dedication, diplomacy, and people skills. He had all of these, along with the emotional intelligence required to support management, the staff, himself, and ultimately the customer. One day he noted a slowdown in production between the sewing department and packaging. When he asked the sewing manager, Marta, what the glitch was, she told him that two hours earlier one of the sewing machines had broken down.
Had Simon lacked the insights and communication skills necessary to alleviate the problem, there could have been a major blowout at the plant over this issue. As the plant manager, he was responsible for overall productivity, and his job was on the line. From the ego or mind’s perspective, his initial thoughts might have been centered around the concern that Marta made him look bad in the eyes of higher management.
As Simon noted the slowdown, he could have started an accusatory dialogue:
Simon: Marta, Why didn’t you tell me about the broken sewing machine two hours ago, when it happened? How many times do I have to tell you to come to me immediately? Your tardiness is costing this company a great deal of money. (Note the condescending tone. He is attacking and shaming her in front of all of the staff, as opposed to speaking to her privately.)
Marta: I didn’t have time to tell you. We’re working double time here. You and your management team drive us to the point of exhaustion. You can’t get blood from a carrot, you know! What more do you want?
Simon: No excuses. What kind of supervisor are you? You’re going to cost me my job here, and I’m not going to tolerate any backtalk.
Marta: You’re more worried about yourself and your job than you are about the well-being of your staff. Why the hell should we work so hard when you and the owners sit idly in your offices, making loads of money while we work our tails off on the hot warehouse floor all day, barely making ends meet?
Simon: You think I’m sitting idly? You have no idea what stresses I have. I’d trade jobs with you any day. And who do you think you are talking to me this way? This time you have gone too far.
Marta: No, I haven’t gone far enough. Who needs this?
Simon: I don’t need this, nor does this company. You’re fired.
Marta: Good riddance. I’m out of here!
Simon could then have drawn up a scathing report and submitted it to the factory owner. The report might have read:
Marta did not report a broken sewing machine, and her apathy slowed down productivity. When I approached her about it, she was highly argumentative. She was not open to hearing the suggestions I made, and in fact threw a disrespectful temper tantrum for all of the staff to see. I had no recourse but to fire her.
This ego-based reaction could have set in motion a myriad of repercussions. First, staff morale would have been lowered as all watched the toxic exchange between Simon and Marta. Staff would fear a similar explosive interaction should they make an error in judgment. Marta could have lodged a complaint with the union, or she could have hired a lawyer to defend her in an expensive lawsuit. Production would have slowed further while the company sought out a replacement for Marta, and they could have fallen further behind. They would have lost still more time training her replacement. All of this would have cost a great deal of time, effort, and money.
The Heart’s Response
In this case Simon responds to the situation in a more proactive way. He starts all initiatives and interactive engagement with a question that is rooted in his heart: “How may I serve?” He makes a deliberate intention to set aside his ego’s worries and fears and work from a higher place. After establishing that change had to happen with Marta and her staff, he sets in motion a chain of events that becomes a win-win for all:
1. The first thing he does is ask Marta if he could speak to her in private. He is not immediately reactive to the situation and is thoughtful and intentional in his response. He schedules a meeting with Marta the following day. In the meantime, he does some research and sets a plan in motion.
2. The next day Simon approaches Marta not from a place of condemnation, but from a place of encouragement:
Simon: Good morning, Marta. How are you doing? (He first checks in with her emotionally and allows her to be heard. This is very important in any staff communication.)
Marta: I’m doing OK. To be honest, I’m a little worried about the fact that you called me into your office.
Simon: First of all, I want you to know that I appreciate how hard you work for this company. I know that you and your staff put in a lot of hours. (This sets the tone for the discussion that follows. Making positive statements about Marta’s work ethic offset any defensiveness she may have been feeling. It also sets the tone for a positive and constructive conversation to ensue.) Before I go any further, I want to check in with you. Do you have anything you want to share with me? Any concerns or issues you are having? (He shows further concern for Marta and lets her know that he is there to support her.)
Marta: I’m glad you noticed how hard we work. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Issues? Nothing major. Things have pretty well been status quo. It took a while for the three new girls to catch on, but I think they’re almost up to speed. I’m a little concerned about a few of my girls. They are taking a lot of smoking breaks, and I am not only worried about productivity, but I am concerned about their health as well. Anyway, it’s obvious why you called me in. I’m sorry about not telling you about the sewing machines earlier. I just got so busy and I didn’t anticipate that we would get so far behind. (By asking Marta about any concerns, he has given her a chance to raise the issue of the broken machine. This puts her in a place of self-accountability and ownership. She feels more empowered by being the one to broach the subject).
Simon: Thanks for sharing your concern about the smoking. I’ll give it some thought and see what I can come up with. Listen, Marta. I can fully understand being overwhelmed. I get the same way at times. That being said, do you feel safe coming to me? Is there anything that I can do in the future to ensure that this does not happen again? (By taking ownership and being open to feedback, Simon creates a stronger sense of safety for Marta.)
Marta: No. It’s nothing you did or didn’t do. At times we are so busy we just don’t have a time to stop. When we do, we have to race out to the food truck to grab coffee and snacks. I just wish we had more time! I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again!
Simon: Thanks, Marta. While I appreciate that, I see that something has to change. I’m going to do a little brainstorming and see what I can come up with. And please, if you have any ideas or further concerns, please don’t hesitate to discuss them with me.
Marta: Many thanks, Simon. I will!
Simon lists the issues that Marta mentioned, along with the incident, and researches some resolutions. He calls Marta into his office a few days later.
Simon: Hi, Marta. I did a bit of research about the situations we previously discussed, and I have to say that I’m really excited! I think they were all catalysts to some real growth opportunities for the staff and for the company. I’ve been doing a little work on how to boost productivity, along with improving staff morale. Would you like to hear more?
Marta: Absolutely!
Simon then describes the plan, which includes:
1. An additional sewing machine available to immediately replace any machine that might break down in the future.
2. A program to help staff stop smoking. While in the beginning it costs the company money, in the end it leads to a significant decrease in smoking (and smoking breaks) among the staff, which eventually affects the company’s bottom line in an encouraging and profitable way.
3. An improved staff lounge area, with a station for coffee and tea having an upbeat, cheery decor.
4. A basketball hoop and a treadmill to encourage exercise among staff.
5. Stocking the fridge in the office with cold water, juice, and soda for staff.
6. A break time accrual incentive program. Staff are encouraged to take the allowed break time each day. However, every month, department heads submit records of break time taken by their staff. At the end of each month, the department with the least break time (above and beyond what is regulatorily allowable) receives a free pizza lunch.
7. Ongoing department-head brainstorming meetings that encourage nonjudgmental sharing and promote innovative approaches to staff-management relations and other areas of the business. The energy in these meetings is not in any way punitive. Open and honest sharing is supported and encouraged.
Marta responded enthusiastically. This plan gave a message to staff that management cared for their well-being. While some initiatives cost the company initially, in the long run the benefits far outweigh the costs. Supporting staff, as Simon did in this case, increases employee satisfaction and loyalty. This in turn decreases the “us versus them” mentality among workers and creates a more positive work environment.
The Witness-self’s Response
Had Simon’s consciousness been elevated to the level of the witness-self, he may have responded much as the heart-self did. But his state of consciousness might have been so heightened that he had a prior inkling about the broken sewing machine—what I would call a preaction. While this may sound absurd, when you are totally present and tapped into the creative force of source energy, your inner knowing becomes highly acute. You learn to hear the messages that most of us ignore. In this state, Simon may have gotten an inkling that the sewing machine was faulty even before it broke down. In response, he might have had a second machine already on hand to prevent any slowdown in productivity.
In any event, Simon would not have fretted about the loss of production time. While he would certainly address it, he would not have experienced it as a threat in any way. He would have noted it as a part of the ebb and flow of life as it passes through his consciousness. In other words, he would have been completely trusting that all would work out as it should. While he would have to respond and take the necessary actions to address the issue, he would not have been shaken in any way. He would not have lost any energy in response to it.
Innovative Implementation Ideas
• Have employee honoring events that celebrate each staff member and how they contribute to the success of the business.
• Conduct brainstorming sessions with department heads, encouraging creative ideas for supporting staff ease, innovativeness, and staff-management relationships.
• Offer a fun honor board activity luncheon or two. At these luncheons staff are given supplies to build honor boards, which they fill with quotes, photos, magazine pictures, and other decorations. These boards reflect the ways in which staff members respect and honor themselves.
• Train management how to communicate effectively, especially in providing constructive input for staff.
• Teach the Constructive Feedback Sandwich technique to your leadership staff: They should start each feedback session with a positive comment about the staff member’s work. They go on to describe an area of potential improvement, using positive words, then end the conversation with a word of appreciation about another task that the employee does well.
Like disease in an ailing tree, lack of integrity rots us from the roots. Many of us lie to ourselves and have no idea that we are even doing so. We have to set a strong intention for inner integrity, and then we have to be willing to take a peek when it rears its ugly head. Then and only then can we release disease and heal ourselves and our businesses completely.
Coach Nagy Models Integrity
In the fall of 2019, after the Chicago Bears lost their final game of the season, I heard a radio interview with coach Matt Nagy, and I was greatly impressed. He took total responsibility for the loss. He did not make excuses, nor did he undermine his team’s players or opponents. This was a shining example of inner integrity. While the responsibility for the Bears loss was not all his, he claimed it fully and publicly for all to hear. That kind of leadership builds deep respect among the players and encourages them to embody the same kind of integrity.
To display that kind of integrity, one has to have done a great deal of emotional work. To start, you have to commit to seeing all aspects of yourself. You have to be willing to face the untruths that you created to protect yourself from seeing aspects of your personality that you are not comfortable with.
To gain greater insight, fill out this Inner Integrity Profile.
Inner Integrity Profile
Committing to inner integrity will vastly improve your respect for yourself and in turn your respect for others (as well as theirs for you). The more you model integrity, the more those around you (including your employees) will follow suit. For each of the questions below, choose the number that most closely aligns with your current situation (1 being “not at all” and 10 being “a great deal”).
1. Do you try to remain honest and truthful in all that you say and do?
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2. Are your friendships based on honesty and honor rather than on gossip and exaggeration?
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3. Do you run your business without perpetuating mistruths in order to achieve success?
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4. Do you believe your staff possesses integrity and honesty?
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5. Do you do your tax returns accurately and honestly?
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6. If you are overpaid by someone, do you inform them and return the excess?
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7. Do you sometimes catch yourself lying to yourself or others? If so, do you note it and try to change the behavior?
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8. Do you place relationships above financial gain?
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9. Are you willing and able to own your mistakes and openly and readily apologize for them?
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10. Do you respect yourself and those who work for or with you?
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If you scored between 76 and 100, you have already come a long way in developing your inner integrity. The more you commit to integrity, the more you will uncover additional areas where you are out of alignment—ways that might surprise you. When you do, be gentle with yourself and credit yourself for how far you have already come. Know in your heart that committing to inner integrity is one of the most fulfilling things you could do for yourself, your employees, and your business.
If you scored between 51 and 75, you have made vast strides in your commitment to live with integrity from the inside out. Once you set an intention to delve deeper, areas where you are not in integrity will be revealed to you. You will continue to gain insights that will further align you with your best self, and your staff will take note. Observe without judgment when you are not in integrity. Witness the truth when it is revealed to you, and allow it to inform the present and direct the future.
If you scored between 26 and 50, you have taken some steps towards inner integrity. Continue on your journey of self-discovery, knowing that it can be a tough pill to swallow. Seeing ourselves for who we are—the good, the bad, and the ugly—can be daunting, so it is important to treat your errors as you would treat a child who has gone off course. The same goes for your staff. Choose to express compassion and encourage deeper honesty in the future. This will prevent yourself and your staff from experiencing the shame of self-criticism.
If you scored between 10 and 25, you have a great deal to explore in the area of your inner integrity. See this not as condemnation, but as a sign that you are more aware and are moving in the right direction. If you are struggling to see how you are wanting in inner integrity, practice opening your heart and seek deeper revelation. Note times when you find yourself or your staff defensive. Often defensiveness is a sign of discomfort with our apparent failings. Avoid defending your defensiveness. Become still, and look boldly within yourself for the answers.
Now that you have a greater understanding of your own inner integrity, you can work towards developing it in yourself and your business. Doing so will build the morale of your employees and win you esteem in your industry, business partnerships, and customer base.
Integrity Trigger Situation
Thom had been employed at the publishing company for quite some time. Years before, another employee, who had since left, successfully developed and grew the department that Thom now leads.
At this point the company was struggling and was seeking new angles for adding to the business. The company’s president met with Thom and asked him to come up with inventive ways to build their customer base.
During a search through his files, Thom came across a complete catalogue of offerings that his predecessor had created. It was inventive, provocative, and well-written.
Unfortunately, Thom responded to his discovery from a place of ego. He placed his own desires for recognition and success above inner integrity. He researched the database and noted that the catalogue had not previously been used by the company. Once he noted this, he claimed it as his creation. He introduced it to the president, who approved it and gave the directive to publish it. In this case, while the project was considered a great success by all, because of Thom’s lack of inner integrity, his choice reeked of inauthenticity, dishonesty, and unearned adulation.
The Heart’s Response
Had Thom been following a path of inner integrity, he would have responded with honesty and from his heart. He would have told the president that he came across the piece, crediting the previous department head and her part in its creation. While he would not have received recognition for creating the catalogue, he would have gained greater respect towards himself.
The Witness-self’s Response
If Thom had responded from the witness-self, he would have likely followed the heart’s response, or better yet, he might have been stimulated by a new and even better concept that welled up within him. He would have followed the guidance that came from his awakened heart. He would have done what best served the company’s needs from a place of higher knowing and complete surrender.
In the end, although Thom received external accolades, he responded from his egoic mind to his peril. The wisest and highest part of him was aware of his dishonesty, and this awareness (conscious or unconscious) weakened his self-esteem. The law of attraction asserts that what we experience in the outer world around us reflects our inner state. In the end, his lack of esteem would affect not only his sense of self but his relationship to others as well. If he could not trust in himself, he would be unable to fully trust in others. Deceit and dishonor would continue to grow around him and within him until he was willing to face his own dishonesty and self-deception.
Innovative Implementation Ideas
• Write a list of the ways in which you have chosen inner integrity throughout your life. As you continue to commit to living with integrity, continue to list the ways in which you have done so. Give yourself a pat on the back and honor your commitment.
• Encourage inner integrity among your staff. Award them for honesty, and model it yourself.
• Have quarterly inner integrity lunches in which staff are encouraged to share stories of how they or their loved ones have modeled integrity.
• Be willing to apologize when you are wrong, and remind staff that having the courage to admit that you are wrong is not a weakness but a strength that shows depth of character.
As you continue your journey towards greater inner integrity, life will reveal more and more layers of self-deception until you come to the place where you have stripped yourself of your self-imposed masks. You will continue to be surprised as more and more is revealed. You may realize that you are not who you think you are. However, when you commit to transform from a place of deep compassion, your realizations will bring greater love, respect, and appreciation into your life.